Monday, December 29, 2008

Til Next Year...

I am taking a holiday vacay. I will be back next week with plenty of new posts. Til then I will be catching up on some work that has piled up on me in my office and getting reacquainted with some friends in between.

Thanks for following my life, I hope to see you next year.

Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!

--SilentScorpion aka SiSi

Monday, December 22, 2008

Tis The Season: I Need A Cuddle Buddy

And then there was some…

Last week when I ended things with Red I said there was none. Well, that is not completely the truth. I always have guys in my life some way or another. I meet people all the time. I date a lot (so I’ve been told), and move on if I don’t find what I’m looking for. I don’t see the point in wasting other people’s time and I surely don’t like it when mine is wasted.

There are currently two guys that I am dating, seeing, getting to know, whatever you want to call it. I am a single woman, and live my life as such. Currently there is nothing serious or even interesting enough to write about either Chicago or Mr. IE so I won’t, yet. Main reason is because Chicago lives in Chicago and there is no definite date set for me to see him. I do like talking to him and we do talk pretty frequently on the phone but I haven’t seen him since we met. There is a lot that I have learned about him from our conversations that I like, but I believe it doesn't matter much without any in person contact.

Mr. IE on the other hand does live here, but his schedule is so busy most of the time that we have only gone out once. (Actually it turns out its my schedule that is packed not his) It was a nice date but again but I don’t want to jump the gun with him. I just thought you should know they are around. In case there is anything to talk about in the future.

And then there were more…

Dallas (who is not the same as Texas) and Mr. M. House (who I have not introduced for various reasons) are back in town for the holidays and want to see me. I haven’t decided what to do about either. It goes back to now wasting time. I feel that each of them have served their purpose and I don’t see a relationship, friendship or any type of “ship” coming out of our continued contact.

The only issue I foresee from their recent contact is that if I get bored, or if I can’t get into contact with Mr. IE or Chicago, there is a slim chance that I honestly may find myself returning the phone calls of Dallas and/or Mr. M. House. I see this happening more so with Dallas because we don't have any real history.

Remember, this week is the first official week of winter, which for many adults is also know as cuddle season.

And I want a cuddle buddy.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Read the Signs: Proceed With Caution

We can(not)be friends...

Since Red and I are suppose to be friends, I did my usual due diligence and asked him how is day was going. Red informed me that his company had him on a tight leash for the busy holiday , he told me he had to tell me something. Red went on to tell me that he didn’t want me to distance myself from him, and that he doesn’t want us to completely lose touch.

I was a little caught off guard. I didn’t think we would be discussing this situation any further, but I guess Red had a different agenda. I told Red that we didn’t have to lose touch and that we could be friends.

Red let me know that he still wants to talk on the phone and hang out. Something I am too familiar with. Detroit, a story I have yet to complete, tried to do the same thing for the last year a half. (I will finish that story soon so that you have a better perspective as to where I’m coming from) So, I see this last effort to establish some kind of relationship.

I’ve decided not to over think it though. I know Red wants to keep me around as a “friend” in hopes that I will one day (soon) change my mind. But I am steadfast in my decision. There is no changing my mind; I’m too stubborn for that.

Red is a friend, nothing more, nothing more.

Do you think people who have dated can really be just friends?

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Give A Little: The Art of Flirting

I don’t know how it is I meet people. Most of the time I think that I am the worst flirt. I meet guys all the time and I never understood why, besides the fact that I'm cute, I just don't send any signals.

I don’t make eye contact.

I don’t smile, in the direction of someone I’m interested in.

I don’t look available because if I get nervous, I quickly pick up my phone and text, call or try to make contact with someone so I seem busy. (Definitely an inefficient use of an opportunity I know)

I don’t even breathe in the same direction of someone I am attracted to.

I don’t give a little.

Mr. IE, I will give his introduction later, thinks I was flirting with him when we met a couple of weeks ago. But I wasn’t. The way I met him was by chance (thanks to all the thirsty females out there). I did spot him out in the crowd because he had swag, but I wasn’t planning on flirting. After we revisited our meeting and realized it was by chance Mr. IE gave me some advice and I’m passing it on.

Give a little.

Men work hard to get your attention. And if they don’t know you’re interested, how can they approach you. So here is the tip of the day: If you see something you want, go for it. Flirt a little; it will go a long way. Guys really do appreciate it.

Here are some flirting tips I found at http:///www.femaleforum.com. I already do most of the below naturally, but never really thought of myself as a flirt.

Dress classy, not trashy – Your appearance speaks volumes to any man, interested or not. While most men like to ogle the girls who leave little to the imagination, most of them have little interest in and even less respect for them. You can still be sexy, without going overboard. Neat and stylish clothes and carefully applied make-up is all it really takes to draw attention to yourself.

Make eye contact – Eye contact is a perfect way to assert your interest, but don’t stare too long. Save the hours of gazing longingly into a man’s eyes for after the relationship has been established. Instead, catch his eye for a moment, and then look away. With eye contact, a little goes a long way.

Flash a smile – A friendly, warm smile makes you seem approachable. Nobody wants to have a conversation with someone who looks as if they have been sucking on a lemon. Look relaxed, confident, and smile with both your eyes and your lips to make a great impression on anyone.

Start with small talk – No matter if he approaches you or you approach him, small talk is always in order. Bring up a song that is playing, compliment their clothes, or anything else that might break the ice. Once the conversation has started, if there is a possible connection, things will begin to flow.

Show off your sense of humour – Crack jokes, be sarcastic, do whatever comes naturally to you when enjoying the company of another person. Laugh at their jokes as well, and be sincere about it. Joking around a little will help you both to relax and feel at ease with each other and will help to spark their interest in you.

Start an intelligent conversation – Don’t be afraid of initiating an intelligent conversation. Guys like a girl who can talk about topics of substance. This doesn’t mean you should start a political debate or a dissertation about religion, just try to keep the topics interesting and stimulating. Make sure that you are not the one doing all the talking; no one wants to spend their evening with someone who dominates every conversation.

Watch your body language – Body language can say more than words, even if you are not aware of the message you are sending. Uncross your arms to avoid appearing defensive and uninterested. A small amount of physical contact can communicate interest, so lightly touch their arm during conversation or lean toward them while they are speaking to you.

Let him take the lead, if he wants to – Most guys are still traditional enough to ask for your phone number if they are interested. Give them this chance, as the chase can be important to them. If he seems genuinely interested, but has yet to ask for a way to contact you, go ahead and take the bull by the horns and ask him for his number. Some men are just a little shy and lack the confidence to ask for your information, even if you have sent all the right signals.

Pick up on his signals – Unless you are totally blind, it should be easy to tell if someone is just plain not interested. Though it can be disheartening to be rejected by a total stranger that you find attractive, don’t take it personally. Never be pushy about getting a man’s attention, just politely walk away, letting them know how happy you are to have made their acquaintance.

Always be yourself – Be honest about who you are and what you are about. Coming across as too eager to please or being wishy-washy for fear being rejected can be a real turn-off. The real you will have to come out eventually, so what is the point of winning someone over with a false persona? As long as you are confident in who you are, most men will take notice of that and be very receptive to your advances, as well as to you as a person.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Swagger Like Him: Sexy vs Swag

I was talking to a male friend of mine and he asked me if I thought he was sexy. I went on to describe his style, confidence and swag as the reason he was sexy. He told me that they are two different things but I’m not sure I agree.

What characteristics do you think of when you think of sexy?

Confidence

Style

Respect

What charactertics do you think of when you think of swag?

Confidence

Style

Respect

Swagger is how one presents him or her self to the world. It can be seen in the person's walk, the confidence in demeanor. I love a man who carries himself with a touch of arrogance. Arrogance and cockiness are divided by a thin line, but a man with swag never crosses it. To have swagger is to move with innate sophistication and coolness. People with swag just naturally have that cool factor. There sense of style is unique and they exude that confidence at all times. They conduct themselves in a way that automatically commands respect.

At this point in my life I would definitely pick a man with swag over a man who looks like a male model. It’s just that ‘it’ factor that I can’t help but be drawn to. So for me, swag and sexiness are interchangeable.

Now answer these questions:

Who do you think of when you think of swag?

Jay-Z

Who do you think of when you think of sexy?

Surprisingly, Jay-Z

He is definitely not cute by any of my own standards, but man does this man have swag and that's what makes him sexy. Think about it. That's just my opinion. What’s your definition of swag and sexy?

Daydreamin….Jay-Z, Kanye, TI, damn I hope my (future) man has swagger like them.

Cue Music!

You can learn how to dress just by

jocking my fresh

Mr. Follow my steps, it's the road to success

where the niggas know you thorough

and the girls say yes

But I can't teach you my swag

you can pay for school but you can't buy class

School of hard knocks I'm a grad

and that all-blue yankee is my graduation cap,

it's Hovaaaaa!!!


Mr. Swagger himself (Jay-Z)

Monday, December 15, 2008

Read the Signs: "It's Not You, It's Me"

And then there was none.

I was talking to Red this morning, on aim. And he did read the signs I was giving him Saturday. I didn’t have to say much at all.

We started off with our usual morning repartee.

How are you?

How was your weekend?

Then he told me he has something he wanted to ask. Finally, I thought. The time has come. If he didn’t ask, I surely was going to tell him today.

I feel like we are losing touch, we are getting distant.

I told Red he was right, we were losing touch. I told him I was going through a lot right now, which I honestly am, and that I didn’t want to complicate things. I took full responsibility for this not working out. “Instead of continuing to push you away, I think it is best that we are just friends.”

Red said he respected my decision and wishes things would have worked out differently. “Thanks for your honesty,” he added. Red is a nice guy, but just not the guy for me. I feel bad for hurting his feelings but at the same time I am so relieved. It’s like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I wish Red the best and know that there is some lucky lady out there waiting for him. In time he will find her.

And then there was none.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Read the Signs: Green Means GO! Red Means STOP!

It's 7:28 and I'm ready, on time as usual. My hair is curled like a 50s pin up girl and I'm wearing a tight fitting red knee-length cocktail dress. My makeup is flawless and my shoes are a piece of art. I grab my peacoat and I head downstairs to wait for his arrival.

It's cold outside my house and I can feel the wind as it hits my bare face. I'm freezing. Less than 10 minutes pass before I go back upstairs, pissed. Why is he late? He knows I can't stand waiting on people. We haven't been dating long but I always make that pet peeve clear upfront.

I want to call and yell at him but I can't . My phone is dead. I had broken the charger output on Thursday and wouldn't be getting a new phone until Monday. He had no way of calling me to explain why he was late.

Before my phone died today, we scheduled a time for him to pick me up. I gave him the option of going to his house or picking me up. I told him I didn't care either way. "I'll pick you up at 7:30," he said.

As I pace back and forth in the cold air, it dawns on me. Earlier in the day when we scheduled our pick up time, I also told him to email me if he was gonna be running late. I turn towards my front gate and rushed into my apartment to check my email.

I get to my desk and their is no tower. "Why is this happening, why now," I stand there at my empty desk and think to myself. Then it hits me. My sister took the computer to be fixed. Darn. I go back outside to wait. I glance at the clock before I leave. 7:50. Ok, he should be here by now right?

Red knows my phone is broken and he is too much of a gentleman to have me wait in the cold. Five minutes pass. Still no sign of Red. I go upstairs, defeated and upset. Had I been stood up? It would serve me right for my behavior this week.

While Red was trying his best to get to know me I never let my guard down. For some reason everything he attempted to do, annoyed me. I just wasn't interested. I couldn't see him as more than a friend. He would call, I wouldn't answer. He would aim me and I had one word responses. I knew I was no longer interested and so did everyone around me. I just hadn't gotten around to telling him yet. But all the signs were there. So did I still have to say it?

I walk into my neighbors apartment (we don't knock when we visit each other) and say hello. I find him studying this lovely Saturday as usual. Naidi tells me he has his Chemistry finals this week and then he'll be free. I ask Naidi can I use his computer and he looks at me crazy for even asking. "Of course, go ahead." As I am standing there thanking him he looks me up and down and says, " Damn where you going. You looking good in my favorite color." I told him I was going to a holiday party with a friend and head to his computer. I log into my email account and it's there. Red sent me a message at 2:29pm, shortly after we scheduled our time saying he had to go to a baby shower and that he wouldn't be here until 8:30. Oops. I knew there was an explanation. I chill with my neighbor for the next 20 mins and head downstairs. He must be there now, right?

I walk out of my building and find Red coming around to open my door. 8:30 on the dot and he was here, like he said. Red greets me, "you look nice." "You do too," I say. Red did look nice, but I wasn't attracted to him. What was wrong with me? As I approach the car I notice a man is in the front seat. I expected him to get out, introduce himself and then move to the back. That didn't happen. Red opened the door to the back seat and introduced to his co worker, Cane. Cane looked short sitting in my seat, wore designer frames and had a close fade. He was hilarious the entire ride to the party. Cane's humor was a bit vulgar but it was funny. He and Red argued like a married couple so I was entertained. Since I was in the back seat I didn't feel the need to join in the conversation too much. Plus since this was just Red I also didn't feel the need to impress his friend with my vibrant personality. Cane didn't know it but he wouldn't be seeing too much of me in the future. This thing with Red would be coming to an end shortly.

We arrive at the party at 930. His company chose the same place I had my high school prom for their event. The Long Beach Aquarium was a gorgeous venue, but even I knew it was too small for the over 600 people invited to the event. Red, Cane and I looked at each other in disgust of the cramped party. Tables were everywhere, the food was gone (I was highly upset but luckily I had already eaten) and there was a 35 minute wait for a drink.

All the exhibits were amazing and the most unexpected exhibit are the ones where you can touch the various creatures like starfish, pet baby sharks and sting ray. After we took a tour of the different , we ran for the doors. Red was hungry and ready to go, so we did. Cane wanted to go to his friends holiday party right away and I told them I didn't mind after they invited me. Cane said there would be karaoke and food, neither of which really excited me but the night was still young and I didn't have any other plans. We stopped at Chili's before heading to the party.

When we arrived at the house I found myself exhausted. I hadn't done much the entire day but this night wasn't keeping my attention. I tried not to show it on my face, but I knew they could tell I was ready to leave. After an hour of listening to drunk people sing at the top of their voice, completely off key, Red took me home. Cane wasn't done partying so he stayed behind.

Red opened his front door for me this time and we headed to my house. I started think now is the time to say it. "I think we should just be friends," I repeated to myself over and over in between short bouts of mindless banter. No time seemed like the right time. And according to my friends, right now is not the right time. Red has his fraternity party the following day and no one thought I should send him there unhappy. So I obliged. I kept my mouth shut.

Halfway through the ride home, Red pulled out some gum and offered me a piece. I know I needed it since I did nibble on a few things that night, but there was no need to have fresh breath. It's not like we were going to be kissing anytime tonight. "Oh shit," I yelled in my head. Does he think he is getting a kiss from me? NO! NO! NO!

Although I didn't verbalize how I felt; I feel I gave plenty of signs. At no time during the night did I look Red in the eye longer than a short second. I didn't laugh at his jokes if they weren't funny (which was often). I didn't even let him walk me to my door at the end of the night. As we pulled up to my apartment I let him know he didn't have to walk me. This definitely caught him off guard. "There is a parking spot right there," he said as he pointed to a spot in front of my building. "I'm going straight upstairs," I replied. Red still looked confused, "are you sure." "Yeah," I replied. I gave him a quick hug and I could feel him trying to hold me for a second and I hopped out of the car as swiftly as humanly possible. I quickly trotted to my front entrance and disappeared behind the front door as I waived goodbye.

Usually Red sends me a sweet goodnight message, but this time he didn't. I guess he read all the signs.

At least I hope he did.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Is 24 The New 30: Duvae or Stilettos?

Just a couple months ago, my life was moving so fast I could hardly keep up. I had places to go and people to see. If you wanted to be a part of my life you had to make an appointment or be placed on a waiting list. I couldn’t blink with out meeting some new and cute man I was loving life, and life was loving me. I started to feel like my life was a movie and thought about creating a pilot for a reality show. (These days anyone can get a reality show and at least my life was unscripted and naturally entertaining.)

As soon as I hit the big 24, my perspective on life changed. At 23 and 11 months, I was the life of the party and I now find myself choosing my solo bed over going out to the club.

At what age are women suppose to hang up their sexy dresses and stilettos?

These days if I do go out, I’d rather go to a nice lounge so I can talk. Talk. Really. No longer is shaking my ass against complete strangers, sweating out my fresh do, and walking to my car freezing (after doing all of the aforementioned) fun. When I went out a couple of weeks ago I found myself shaking my head at the naked (if you saw what they were wearing you would agree) young [can I call a 21 year old young] girls in the club. You know they type. They wear the most hoeish [video hoe looking] outfits and consider themselves sexy. (I don’t actually think I ever looked that trashy)

Instead I prefer to spend my weekends in snuggled up to my pillow and an novel. Picking up a good book and listening to some neo-soul music is much more appealing than squeezing into a tight fitting dress and putting on shoes that hurt my feet. (damn stilettos!)

Recently, I noticed that I become fatigued faster than normal after a intensive workout at the gym. I know that I am getting older and women don't age as graciously as men. So, I decided long ago that I would win the battle of getting older. I refuse to be one of those women who wonder how they let it get so bad. Plus, working out for me is a joy and not a chore. And seeing the results makes me happy and keeps me going.

I think and talk to my girlfriends about marriage and kids, even though I am no where near emotionally or financially ready. Especially since I have no mate to begin that part of my life. I always thought that the kind of conversations my girlfriends and are currently having should be reserved for a much older woman. A woman in her mid to late 20s. Low and behold I realize that I am an older woman. I embrace it because I am glad to have lived to see this age.

These days, I find stimulating conversation at first meeting with a man more important than a gorgeous body. Who would have thought this would be the case. You couldn't have told the 20 year old me that I would care more about mind stimulation than physical attraction at such a young age. This is not to say that I don't need to be physically attracted to a man to date him. Because if he doesnt have a nice smile, he can keep it pushing. What I am saying is that having a gorgeous outter appearance fades, and I need something more substantial to keep me interested. Today, I will literally call my girlfriends if when I speak to a guy for the first time, I find myself rushing home to look up words he used in a dictionary. So exciting!

The weekend is rolling around again and I can’t wait til I get home from my second job, and get into bed and ick up Obama's Book, 'Audacity of Hope.' I’ve been holding on to if for too long and I want to finish it. Goodness I aged overnight and I love it.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Got Me Thinking...

I can’t focus. I’ve just been hit with some reality and it’s really messing with me. I went to lunch with a coworker and told him how things were going with Red. He wasn’t surprised by the things I were saying. After I told him all the reasons I wasn’t interested and why I was going to break things off he said,”figured.”

Wow, I was a bit stunned. What could this man, who has known me for a total of 5 months, really know? Scary thing is he knew a lot. He knows I am afraid to commit. I walk around with my head on cloud 16 like it’s actually my decision. When the truth is, I wouldn’t know a good thing if it slapped me upside the head and said ‘marry me.’

Worse part about the whole ordeal is that I don’t see myself changing. I don’t know how and I’m scared to be any other way. My coworker said it goes back to my childhood and the way things ended with my mother and father. He noted that I did not have issues with women because I have many close female friends. It’s the male/ female relationship that I have issues with. Somehow I think that a man might leave the same way. And for as long as I have said that my father leaving had no affect of me, I’m starting to think it has.

Where do I go from here? I don’t want to be an old maid.

Worried...well I'm over it now...what does he know...he doesnt know me...

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Not Your Average Chick: It's Complicated

10 Tips to Dating Me. (Not sure if they apply to anyone else but if men knew this about me, they would fare so much better.)

1. Don’t call me more than once a day. I don’t need 2 missed calls a day to know you care. I’m busy with my life, you should be too.

2. Don’t ask me where I’m going. I don’t need you to know where I’m going or where I’ve been. When I want you to know something I’ll tell you.

3. Don’t tell me good morning every morning. Ugghh I know this one is weird but it falls under too much contact. I have to breathe.

4. Don’t take all my shit. If you let me I will run over you, I will and you won’t know what hit you. I can smell a weak man from a mile away. Just because I keep you around doesn’t mean I haven’t noticed.

5. Don’t text, bbm (blackberry message), call or instant message me more than once within a 10 minute span. I saw your messages but I am busy or I just want to be alone. Sending a message that says what’s up at 10:01 and what are you doing at 10:03 is so not cool.

6. Don’t call me everyday without first receiving a returned call. It’s nice to wonder what you are doing sometimes. Really it is. And if I haven't called you back yet, wait until I do.

7. Don’t ask me, ‘Do you miss me?” If I talk to you everyday I probably don’t. If you ask I will think that you are clingy and just need attention. If you miss me just say it, but beware that I might run head first the other way if you say it too early.

8. Don’t let me feel like the man. If I can say the phrase, “be a man,” to you repeatedly and you have no problem, we have a problem.

9. Don’t always be available. If I know your schedule and it only includes your 9-5, the gym and sleep, Houston we have a problem. This is not the same as being reliable, so please do not confuse the two. I like to know a man has things to do and people to see. But if we make plans and you flake with short notice I will make note.

10. Don't move too fast. Give me space when we are out together. I don't know you so we shouldn't hold hands. It is rare that I kiss on the first date so don't linger, you might be dissappointed.

BE A MAN!!! A STRONG MAN!!!

I don’t know why nice guys finish last with me but they do. You can be both strong and nice but too much niceness is a weakness. I am a strong woman and I want a strong man. But if I see a weak one I will keep him around until something better comes along. Unlike most women I know, I enjoy space. I enjoy my ‘me time,’ When I can come home and just chill. I’m complicated. I know.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Allow Me To Introduce Myself

What kind of manners do I have. I have been blogging for the last 2 months and I haven't offered any information of myself.

Here is my short bio (in the making):

The standards for my life were set way before I was born. I was named by my fraternal grandmother, a woman I never got to meet but someone who I knew was strong and had great faith. By definition the name means ‘joyful gift of God.’ My grandmother allowed her teenage son to move halfway across the world from Nigeria to America in pursuit of a better life. There he met my beautiful mother and together they began a family. From this union, three strong-willed girls were born. I was the second born into this clan and I proudly bare my name. Although the union was not meant to last forever, I took from it great a belief in the black family and all that it could become. My father went his way and his four girls went theirs. My mother worked hard as a single parent to satisfy the never ending desires of her kids. Unfortunately my mother was unable to continue her journey long enough to see her daughters grow into women and continue her legacy. I know that she watches over me constantly and I continue to strive to make her proud.

I don’t consider myself independent by today’s standards because it is a term quickly and falsely linked to material accomplishments. Some around me have been quick to give me the title but I don’t readily accept it because it comes with such negativity. Yes, I have worked hard to get where I am and I will continue to work hard to get to where I see I can go. But I cannot do it alone and I won’t fool myself into thinking otherwise. I know my place as a woman and that is beside, not behind, a strong man. Through the short 18 years I spent with my mother, I grew an appreciation for and belief in the bonds between a man and woman. This is something I am not looking for but is something I know will come when the time is right. I honestly would love to have a male counterpart to compliment my life, but I refuse to have one that complicates it. I don’t do well with drama and sometimes I just want to be left alone and create my own world. Occasionally instead of going out at night, I stay home and write, or sketch. This allows me to escape from reality and into my own world…

I live each day with no regrets and instead choose to see my mistakes as lessons learned. I know each day is a learning experience and that I am not the same person I was yesterday. I know more now than I did 5 minutes ago and am forever changing.I am full of flaws like everyone else, which is something I embrace instead of fight. No one is perfect and that is what makes us as humans great. I was created in his eye and I am the way I am supposed to be.

Happy!

Monday, December 1, 2008

I Don't Do Santa Claus: A Guy's Perspective

I had lunch with Houston today who is one of my male coworkers. For some reason I am completely comfortable with discussing the details of my dating life with him. We don’t talk outside of work but once a week we play catch up with our dating experiences.

Houston wanted to know how things were going with Red and when he was going to be able to meet him. I informed him not to hold his breath because there was no way that he would be meeting Red before the year was over. Houston is now starting to understand that I take it very slow with the men I date and wanted to know where it was going.

Houston: How are things going with Red?

Me: They’re fine except that I’ve cancelled on him twice in the last 6 days. One day I was too tired to get up and the other I forgot I had plans.

Houston: So do you like him

Me: Yes, but I don’t know if I can get past his weight.

Houston: What?!?!

Me: I usually date skinny men and that’s how I like my men.

Houston: Have you told him?

Me: Yes, told him my “I Don’t Do Santa Clause” Story. (Check old posts for the entire story). I can’t help the way it came out, I didn’t even know he was interested but I was completely honest.

Houston: Is he trying to loose weight?

Me: YES! He works out religiously; more than me. But I noticed that Red eats too much at each sitting. We went out twice and both times he ate his entire meal. And for a man that is trying to lose weight but has hit a wall, I told him how to change his diet.

Houston: Oh!

Me: So when the time was right I told him he should eat smaller portions and he will see results.

Houston: So you’re one of those…

Me: One of what?!?!

Houston: One of those girls who “kindly” tells a guy what she doesn’t like about him and tries to get him to change.

Me: NO!!! He brought it up first; I was just trying to help him out. But, yes I would be more attracted to him if he was skinnier.

Houston: Mhmmm Hmmm.

Me: Do you think I was wrong?

Houston: No. You were honest about what you want. As long as you were honest, he can’t be upset if he is not your type.

Me: Thank you.

Houston: So when do I get to meet him again.

Me: Come on, that won’t happen until I have a ring on my finger!

Houston: LOL!!! I know you're serious.

Although the way I told Red wasn’t the nicest way possible, it was the most honest. So I feel a little better about the way it came out. I haven’t seen him in a while so I won’t know how I really feel until I see him again in person. We still talk all the time but this weight thing is starting to bug me. And it is starting to affect the frequency of our conversations. I am less inclined to answer the phone when he contacts me; which is pretty regularly. I have to see him one more time to be sure if there is anything between us.

I’m sure I’ll see him this week...

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Truth Hurts

Why is it that men and women ask questions they don’t want to know the answer to?

Red and I talk pretty frequently now. He is so relaxed and laid back I don’t ever feel that we communicate too much. Unfortunately he is already in the habit of asking questions he doesn’t want to know the answer to.

Red: What are you doing tonight?

This is a question that I try not to ask early when dating someone because I don’t want to know the answer. The last time he asked I told him the truth and my friends were not too happy with my response.

Me: Going out with a friend

I wanted Red to know that he wasn’t the only one I was dating. I had plans with another gentlemen and I don’t think I should lie about it, so, I didn’t. This created uproar with my friends, one of them being a guy. In the end they all told me the same thing.

Friend 1: You are such a bitch for that. Guys don’t want to know the truth. You shoulda just said you already have plans.

Friend 2: Did you really tell him that. Dude, tell me you didn’t. I can’t believe you said that. Never tell a guy that. They want to think that they are the only one. Just tell him you have plans next time.

Friend 3 (Guy friend): Guys don’t want to know that, just tell him you have plans.

I understand what they are saying, trust me I do. But how many times, is too many times to say, ‘I have plans.’

I wanted to know, what should I say if they want specifics? What plans do you have tonight? Most of my people told me to lie. Say I was going out with the girls. Isn’t that wrong? I don’t like to play games but I see no other option right now. Red likes to ask me what I am doing regularly. I know he probably wants to make plans with me, but I’m sure he doesn’t really want the truth as to why I am unavailable. I know I wouldn’t, which is why I don’t ask.

Truth: I’m going out with another guy who is not you.

Truth hurts so I add a little sugar...

Monday, November 24, 2008

The Fastest Way To A Woman's Heart: Beyonce

So I was talking to Red last Tuesday when Beyonce's CD came out. He noticed my screen name FUMI FIERCE and asked me what it was about.

Red: I like your screen name

Me: It's my ode to Beyonce, her album came out today

Red: So did you get the cd before work

Me: No I have to wait til payday on that

Red: Really

Me: Yeah, I know I'm slacking as a fan but it's just not in my budget

Red: Do you really want it

Me: Of course, I love Beyonce and Sasha Fierce, lol

Red: I'll get it for you

Me: Really, you sure

Red: Yeah it's no problem

Me: Thank you so much, I really appreciate it. How thoughtful

Red: No worries

He definitely earned brownie points there. I now bump the cd every morning. I love Beyonce and appreciate Red's thoughtfulness.

Ego Trippin: I Don't Mean To Be Cocky

I walked to Subway to grab a quick bite to eat during a crazy week at work. As I am walk pass a beauty shop, a short man (he is actually 5 '9) who works inside came out to stop me.

(I remember this man from weeks prior. I had given him my number because he said he wanted me to model for a hair show he told me he was doing in the near future. I'm not the one to turn down a free hair do so I gave him my digits. He called me immediately. Since I was busy enjoying my 5 minutes outside the 4 walls of my office, I didn't answer. He left a voicemail saying how beautiful I was and how we should hang out. I knew he wasn’t interested in only business. I decided then I was never going to return his call. I only wanted to talk business so if he wasn’t giving me a date for a show, I wasn’t the least bit interested.)

Being the nice person I am, I stopped to talk to him. He asked me how I was and then went on to compliment me. It is really funny to me how some men approach women these days. He listed all the things he liked about me and I looked at him and couldn’t return the compliment.

I am not asking for much and I can definitely appreciate a friendly compliment, but when a man cannot offer the same things he likes in me, I get annoyed. Especially when they don't take the hint that I am not interested.

1. If you like my height, I appreciate it. I am statuesque at 6 feet (I'm rounding up, and love to wear heels) but why are you 5 ‘8” and tryna holla.

2. If you like my young age, again I appreciate it, but if you are over 32 please don’t step.

3. If you like my body, I work hard for it and thank you, but why are you 20 lbs over weight wearing a wife beater.

4. If you like that I am educated, I paid for it myself because I think it is important, why have you been enrolled at a CC for the past 10 yrs taking one class a semester and calling yourself educated.

5. If you like that I have my own place, thank you I am saving for a house before 30, why have you been living at home with your mother all your life without any plans on moving out.

6. If you like my car, it will be paid off next year and my credit will be on the rise, why are you at the bus-stop thinking I’m gonna give you a ride.

7. If you like my hair, thank you, I get it done often because I like to look nice, but why do you have a fro and call it a fresh do.

8. If you like my manicure and pedicure, thank you again I go once a week, but do you think you should be walking around without socks and toe nails like that.

9. If you like the smell of my perfume, I love it too and I own a lot of smell goods, but why do you smell like feet. I appreciate a man who smells good. Cologne anyone?

10. If you like that I have confidence and I am independent, thank you, I wasn’t made this way but a beautiful women made me this way. But why does your head hang low when you walk, aren’t you happy too.

I just find it funny that I am approached by men all the time who I have nothing in common but they think we would be great together. I don’t mean to come off so cocky and I really do appreciate the attention and it never gets old. (sometimes) But please don’t get mad at me for not being as interested in you as you are in me. I know I am not perfect and there are plenty of things I need to work on, but all I ask is that you bring to the table something things I do or some things I don't that I might like.

I have plenty of room for growth and I want to grow with you, but if we are not at a similar starting point, our roads will never meet. There is not an exact criteria for the type of man that I will date, and my head is not a the point where I think I am too good for any man to approach, all I am saying is please don't call me a bitch if I see you have nothing to offer me.

It's not my fault we were'nt meant to be, oh, and have a good day.

Single By Choice: Don't Put A Ring On It

All my single ladies!

Who out there is single by choice?

I used to think I was single because I couldn’t find a good man. But recent events have led me to think other wise. I was in the car with one of my girls and Beyonce’s “Put a ring on it” (or Sasha Fierce whichever ego sings the song) came on the radio.

“I got gloss on my lips (lips), a man on my hips (hips)
Hold me tighter than my Dereon jeans
Acting up (up), drink in my cup (cup)
I can care less what you think
I need no permission, did I mention
Don't pay him any attention
Cause you had your turn (turn)
But now you gon' learn
What it really feels like to miss Bee”

“Cause if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
Don't be mad once you see that he* want it
If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it”

We began to talk about why we were single and I was telling her about Detroit and I couldn't think of anything that was concretely wrong with him. I told her that during our last date I didn't kiss him because I like him. When those words came out of my mouth I knew I had a problem. Or did I?

Detroit is the kind of guy I could marry. I know he knows how much I care for him. Detroit has said repeatedly, if it feels right, then why fight it. And I let him know, sometimes people just aren't ready. I'm not ready.

My conversation with my friend then moved onto Red. I told my friend about the things I liked about him and then we got on the relationship subject and if I could see my friendship with him moving that way.

It got me to thinking why I was single and I realized that I am single by choice. I am sure that if I wanted to be serious with either Detroit or Red right now I could. I could have the title but would I have it all?

I would be required to check in, worry about someone else and be there for them all the time. Right now, I am too selfish to do that.

When I do have title girlfriend I put my all into my relationship and expect the same in return. I have only ever had one boyfriend in my life and it is not something I am rushing to get back into. It’s hard for a man to keep my attention long enough for me to want to get there. And right now the only person that has, is the same person I push away. Detroit.

Why? The answer, because I am enjoying getting to know different men and relationship would stop me from doing that.

I wonder, can anyone tame me?

I go out with my friends 3 to 4 times a week and don’t see that changing anytime soon. Although it would be nice to have that stability and have a family, I am too young to be bothered by either. I would love to have a boyfriend in the future. Everyone says I feel this way because I have not met the right guy, but I think I have. I just don't want to embrace it right now.

Here is my response to Beyonce’s song, Put a ring on it (single ladies), as it was so eloquently written by my bestess. I call it, " Please don't put a ring on it!" by PIK DIVA:

No time to marry, no time to settle down. I’m a young woman, and I ain’t done running around.

Did I mention I met another cute guy this past weekend that lives in Chicago, he seemed so sweet. The distance isn't a problem for me because I like to travel. Chicago asked me when I am coming to see him and I let him know immediately, “When you fly me out there.” I am not a gold digger, but I am not stupid either. If you want to see me, you will make it happen. Chicago let me know he does not normally do such a thing but also said that he can be flexible. As long as he is flexible, I will keep him around.

Good luck to whatever man can keep up or attempt to tame this wild beast!

"I Don't Do Santa Claus"

Things are going great with Red. But I have noticed that I have my guards completely up. On paper he is everything I want in a guy but I’m not sure if the package it comes in suites me. I won’t feel bad about knowing the kind of guy I am attracted to and realizing he may not be it. The reason I never noticed Red as anything more than an acquaintance/friend was his weight. There is no way to sugar coat it and I won’t feel bad about it. Everyone has there preferences.

Whether you prefer darker skin or light skin, tall over short, or white instead of black. I have always been attracted to skinny over fat. And my definition of fat when it comes to a man is straightforward. If you have a belly that hangs, you would not be the guy for me.

Before Red asked me for the first time and before I knew he was interested in me, he asked me what kind of guys I liked. Through AIM I went into my usual preferences.

Me: Smart, funny, close with his family, stylish, educated (not necessarily with a degree I explained), caring, shows chivalry and of course is self-less.

He told me he was a legs and ass guy. I thought that was funny and let him know that as a black man it wasn’t that surprising.

That wasn’t enough for him. He wanted more. But I still didn’t know Red was asking for himself.

Red: So what kind of build do you like?

Me: I don’t really like guys who are too skinny. But I do like skinny I guess. And I don’t do belly’s.

Red: So what you are saying is you don’t like fat men?

Me: Well, yeah. Basically I can’t date a man who reminds me of Santa Claus. No No No Santa Claus’ for me. Lol

Then he just said ok and we went on with our conversation.

The next day he asked me out and the first thing I thought of was my comment about Santa Claus.

My type has always been tall and lean when it comes to the men I date. And tall doesn’t necessarily mean 7-foot either. (I went out with a guy who was 7 feet tall and it was just uncomfortable.) But I won’t date shorter than 5’11. I stand 5 ’11 and ¾ without heels and anything shorter would be uncomfortable. Especially since I love heels and I wear them all the time. I don’t mind being a man’s KIMORA LEE SIMMONS while we are out with my heels. But when we are home and I have flats I prefer that were are eye to eye.

Red does have height on his side standing 6’3 and I wouldn’t necessarily describe him as fat. But at the same time, he is not built like any other man I have dated. Red is a little overweight by our standards and I can admit that if this were 2 years ago I would not have gone out with him. I still think about his weight when we are not together but it doesn’t bother me that much when we are in person. Red has a great personality and can handle all the sarcasm I throw his way while shooting back, which I like. He is not sensitive at all; he is very confident and carries all the characteristics that I stated earlier. I just went out with Red again last week and had a ball. I enjoy his company and want to get to know him better.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Just Window Shopping

At the end of this past week I was on cloud 16. In just a few weeks I had met or rekindled a flame with 5 different guys so optimism was on my side. But just as quickly as things started to look up, reality set in. I felt like I had been shopping for a great new pair of shoes and still hadn’t found a pair that looked great, felt great and screamed BUY ME!

Detroit and I went out the week following my birthday and I realize that nothing has changed. He is a great guy indeed, but something is missing. I started to feel bad again about giving him hope that something could happen and then yanking the rug out from underneath him. Something continues to draw me back to him…loneliness. I told Detroit that he needed to let me go for his own sake but he said he would do no such thing. He still calls and I guess our spurt has ended the same way it did a few months back. I don’t think I will ever be able to let him go. There is something so comfortable about being with him. He is like a pair of fall boots. I picked him up at the beginning of fall, when the season was in but now the season has changed. So I put him right back into the closet until I am ready to wear those boots again.

Arizona seemed promising at first. He was on his grind as a computer technician and planning on going back to school to finish his undergraduate degree. Turns out he had left school his senior year to pursue basketball. The fact that he wanted to finish his degree after dropping out was attractive. His stature and sex appeal reminded me of a great pair of high heel stilettos. Looks great in the box but when you put them on they just weren’t that comfortable. If I wanted to take a walk on the wild side and rock them I could have. But after he flaked on me last minute last weekend, I’ve decided he probably wouldn’t be worth it. I need some reliability and stilettos just don’t have a sturdy enough heel for me.

I knew off jump that Michigan was a little quiet but I figured he was just nervous because of the setting. So for our date I decided to see him one on one. Michigan asked me when he could cook for me and we planned our date. I met him at his apartment, which is usually a NO NO for a first date. Michigan was nice enough to prepare a nice meal for us for the night. Unfortunately, this man was boring with a cap B. It wasn’t the setting at all as I had hoped. Michigan really had no personality and the chemistry wasn’t there at all. After the first 10 minutes of my arrival, I was trying to figure out a way to leave without being rude. I knew I wasn’t feeling him at all but I didn’t know how to say it. So I sat there, with my eyes glued to his television until enough time had passed where I could safely make my escape. I haven’t returned any phone calls but I think has gotten the hint. Michigan reminded me of a pair of loafers, they look comfortable but there was a reason no one ever picked them up, they are too damn boring.

Mr. Midwest was full of energy at our first meeting and the same was true for our date. I thought I had found a great pair of, I admit older, snake skin pumps. Mr. Midwest was attractive has his own business and a great personality at 40. His age didn’t slow him down one bit and he made sure to point out that he couldn’t date women his age because he found that they slowed him down. Our evening started off nice and conversation was smooth. Mr. Midwest and I were slowly trying to get a feel for each other.

Where are you from?

Where are you going?

How are you going to get there?

Then the conversation switched into high gear. Mr. Midwest informed me that he was looking for a mate, a partner, and soon after a wife. He has two children with his ex girlfriend (not wife) of 10 years, who he will soon be in a custody battle for. Mr. Midwest then went on to explain how unfair his ex is and how they do not get a long. It seems that she broke his heart when she cheated on him although he swears he is over it because it happened long ago. How long ago, you may ask, January of this year. Immediately I could see why these shoes were up for grab. At a closer look, I realized that these pumps didn’t start off as snake skin. They were probably some nice patent leather pumps that after years of wear and tear had turned into the snake skin disaster I was trying to fit in. These were worn out and just a little too damaged for my lifestyle.

Sandwiched in all of these outings was a date with my friend Red. The week prior to our date, Red and I talked on the phone every night and chatted on AIM during the day. I usually never let a guy have that much access to me so fast but this time was different. Red wasn’t a new pair of shoes I had never seen in the store. He was a pair that had been in a catalogue on my counter all this time but I never noticed he was there. I never thought to try him on until now. I had so much fun on our date and our conversation in person was just as smooth as it had been on the phone. Red isn’t like any other pair I have ever had in my closet but I will keep him around for that reason.

And then there was one…

Friday, November 14, 2008

Not Looking For Love

So I’d finally reached the part of dating that I think everyone goes through. I wasn’t dating anyone but I felt good about being single. I was comfortable in my own skin and with my solitude. I had it in my mind that I didn’t want to date anyone and I believed it when I said it to myself because it was true. For the first time in a long time I was happy being alone. I had my daily routine down pact: work, gym, sleep repeat. The system worked pretty well. I made sure to find time for my friends when necessary. I had no excuse not to make an appearance at the occasional birthday party or a girl’s night out so I made myself seen. When I wasn’t with the girls I was at the gym. If it was between the hours of 9 to 5 on a weekday, I was at work and I was happy with that.

I had so much time on my hands I picked up a second job. It didn’t require much training and not too much effort on my part to obtain it. And it’s something that I enjoy doing, so the extra income couldn’t come at a more perfect time. I want to start saving to move out of Cali. I have no idea where it is I want to go but I know if I want to get there I’m going to need a large chunk of money to get there, so now I save. Life couldn’t get any better.

Things with Texas were stagnate at the moment but since my trip had turned out uneventful, it didn’t I wasn’t really phased when we became distant. Our phone calls had become much less frequent and so did our texts. I wish him the best and if things find themselves working out in the future, then so be it. But I realized that now was not the time, so I let him go.

My birthday was coming up and I was excited about it. No, I didn’t have a man, but I had plenty of friends. I wanted to have an event where people closest to me could come and celebrate a day that I hold in high regards, my birthday. My first event was a get together at an upscale lounge. LA doesn’t have many places that are true lounges, but I found one of the only one’s that I knew were free and invited my friends for drinks and fun. I didn’t think about meeting anyone that night, I just wanted to have a good time. Usually I have a goal of obtaining one number before the nights end, but this time I wasn’t even thinking about guys. I put on my brand new outfit and went to my party to chill with my friends. That night, I ended up leaving meeting 2 new guys.

Arizona was thrown my way by a friend. She asked him if he wanted to by me a drink because it was my birthday and after he looked me up and down he happily agreed. The chemistry was there, I was feeling his stature and his conversation was cool. Arizona owned his own business and he let me know that if I were his girl he would have flown me somewhere for my birthday. Game does recognize game, but I was still flattered. He said he would be my boyfriend for the rest of the night and look out for me and I though that was cute. Arizona bought me a drink and then I was pushed to the side as 3 of my friends came over to question his intentions. I love my girls. I could tell they wanted to make sure I wasn’t wasting my time.

“What do you do for a living?” “Do you have any kids?” “Do you have a girlfriend?”

They dug into him with claws erect. But he was ready. He answered they’re questions smoothly and without hesitation and I liked that. By the end of the night we exchanged numbers and have been in touch ever since.

The second guy, Michigan approached me very guardedly but I thought it was cute. Michigan was there to celebrate his birthday as well. He was shy around me, and I was happy to be in control of this exchange. I flirted with him all night and after I was sure Arizona was out of sight, I made my way over to Michigan. I put on the charms. It felt good to be in control. I knew I was attracted to him and that he was to me. Michigan had this debonair style that caught my eye immediately. After a while, he finally got wind of my advances and asked for my number.

I had several birthday celebrations and my night out at the lounge was just the first. The following day, I had a birthday dinner with just a few friends. It was a much smaller scale then the previous night extravaganza and I decided to invite Detroit. It was 40 minutes before it was going to begin and I decided to put our differences aside because I wanted him there. I hadn’t had male attention since my trip to see Texas so I did have underlying motives. But I didn’t follow through with them. Above all, Detroit was a good friend and I didn’t want to miss out on having him around and sharing my birthday with me. Detroit took my invitation very personally. Detroit took me for drinks after the dinner was over and explained to me what was on his mind. He felt that there must be something between us if I invited him to my birthday dinner. I wasn’t exactly sure he was right so I agreed to meet him later in the week for another “birthday” dinner.

When I got home from drinks with Detroit, I looked at my phone and I had a birthday message from a guy I hadn’t spoken to in months. Red and I were cool but we hadn’t talked much recently. Red and I never dated. I didn’t see him as anything more than a friend and I definitely appreciated that he had remembered my birthday. We’ve started to talk more and we even went on what I would classify as a date yesterday. So we shall see what happens there. More than anything I’d like to keep Red as a friend, I’m not sure if there is anything more between us but I am willing to find out

The next morning I realized Texas hadn’t called me on my birthday and I knew then that we would no longer be dating. My birthday is very important to me and it’s hard to come back from that. He hasn’t made much effort to rectify that situation and to me that just show his interest is no longer present. And that’s fine.

Just last week I was at work, minding my own business when I looked up and saw this guy staring at me. I was walking his way and I said hello. He apologized for staring and told me he couldn’t keep his eyes off of my walk. Mr. Mid-West was a little older but I didn’t let that rule him out. He approached me like a gentlemen so I decided to give him a chance. I let him know that I had to get back to work and gave him my number. This man is old enough to know what he wants and he has his mind set on exactly what that is. When we met up after I got off work, he let me know exactly what he was and wasn’t looking for. I’m not sure we’re on the same page, but again, I am willing to find out.

It’s amazing how my lack of interest and but possession of sheer confidence really attracted men my way these last two weeks. It isn’t something that I made a conscious decision to do but man it is working and I am contentiously amused by the attention. They say you’ll find a guy when you’re not looking but who would’ve though I’d end up with 5! Arizona, Michigan, Detroit, Red and Mr. Mid-West. Stay tuned this should be interesting and short lived for some of them.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Stay Tuned...

There is so much to blog about but I am being slammed at work and enjoying my birthday month at the same time.

There will be plenty of NEW blogs next week so stay tuned...

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Detroit: First Meeting

Wow, it’s almost been 2 years. Time flies when you’re having fun, and even when you’re not sometimes. We’ve had one rollercoaster ride after another, and anyone who knows me knows how terrified I am of heights and of the unexpected that plague those rides. Most of the bumps along our road I have caused and I’m not sure I know how to be any other way with him. So I sit here reflecting on our journey and wonder if it is time for it to end.

I met Detroit in the beginning of 2007. My girl Keisha needed to balance out an evening of poker with a guy friend and his friends and I volunteered my services along with my roommate. I like to meet people and feel that it is much easier to do in a small setting so I figured why not. We meet up at her house and she drove to a small apartment in Pasadena. I wasn’t using my gas so I didn’t mind the journey and neither did my roommate. When we arrived, her friend led us into the condominium. We walked in a single line up two flights of stairs and around a curved hallway. By the time we got close to the door, there were two men standing there to greet us. I laughed in my head. These guys were really eager to see what catch their friend brought them to prey on. I didn’t mind the attention but my roommate wasn’t too excited. I walked in and quickly introduced myself to the two gentlemen. I wasn’t immediately drawn to either of them, but if I was by the end of the night, I wanted to make sure to make a good impression.

Mitney, my Keisha’s friend introduced all of us to Detroit and Trey as we made ourselves comfortable on the living room couch. Trey, the owner of the apartment, was a stumpy little thing in my eyes. At my height, anyone shorter than 6 feet was considered stumpy. Detroit reminded me of John Legend at first glance. He had a small fro and his eyes sort of bugged out of their sockets a bit. Detroit definitely didn’t look like any guy I had ever dated but I didn’t immediately write him off.

Mitney asked us if we wanted something to drink. I could tell he was trying to impress my friend with his hospitality and immediate displace of good manners. By the look on my girl Keisha’s face his attentiveness was winning him some points. I definitely took notice as well when he made it his point to find me a non alcoholic beverage after I declined wine. Guys know the best way to a girl’s heart is through her friends. Her friends are the first one they run to when they are having problems and it couldn’t hurt to have me cheering for him in his corner when she called. I still have pom poms on stand by for him if they decide to give it another try.

A table with 4 seats and a deck of cards was sitting in the middle of the living room surrounded by a love seat, a television and a single chair. This was definitely a bachelor’s pad. I also noticed a small toy behind love seat. It was almost as if all reminisce of kids had been removed and that sole toy had been forgotten. They challenged us to a game of spades and I was ready to whoop some butt. I grew up playing spades, a fact I failed to mention before the games began. Keisha was ready and picked Mitney to be her partner. Detroit ended up being my partner after my roommate said she didn’t want to play and Trey was stuck in the kitchen preparing the tacos.

Right off the bat, Detroit had this sense of humor that made me feel at ease. Throughout the night he kept a smile on my face. In return I kept him on his toes with my sarcastic returns. I find that a man can go either way in response to my humor and I usually curb it accordingly, but Detroit wasn’t easily offended so I laid it on thick. With every comment he made, I had my own and vice versa. It just so happened to be Detroit’s birthday was that same night. Trey, Detroit and Mitney had just returned from a wild weekend trip of celebrations in Vegas and wanted to spend that Sunday home.

By the end of the night, Keisha and Mitney were wrapped up on the couch gazing into one another eyes and making us all jealously sick. My roommates’ eyes were glued to the TV; Trey was in his room arguing with his baby’s mother. Detroit and I were on the couch cracking jokes and scratching the surfaces of our paths. Our conversation never got too deep because we were too busy making each other laugh. Trey came back into the living room after he got off the phone and I knew it was time to go.

It was 2 am on a Sunday and we still had to drive to Keisha’s house and then our own so my roommate voiced her concern. The three of us girls got our things together and Mitney and Detroit walked us to our car. I walked next to my roommate to get her opinion on Detroit and she wasn’t the least bit impressed but could tell that I found his corniness amusing. Detroit had suggested earlier in the night that we all got to the movies the next day but the subject passed without much notice. He decided to offer the idea again and we agreed that we would meet him the next day at the theater. It was obvious that we had an attraction, so instead of directly asking for my number, he made it a group outing. After ten minutes of Mitney and Keisha saying their goodbyes, we were finally on our way home.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

A Second Chance: The Departure

When I woke up the next morning I had mixed emotions about my imminent departure. I was excited to be going home, but I was also sad that my time in Texas didn’t turn out exactly how I expected. Texas and I had spent 4 days together, joking around a lot but I wasn’t sure if there was more. I have always been the type to go with the flow but this was not sitting right with me. I don’t know what kind of flow this was, but I wasn’t feeling it. Because Dallas and I had did spend a lot of the time, talking and enjoying each others presence in Texas, I wasn’t completely upset. I was thinking that he wasn’t attracted to me on any level other than friendship. How is it that he could have me, a beautiful, young curvy girl at his side for four days and he hadn’t attempted anything more than a simple peck all weekend?

If I was in the same situation with any guy from my hometown, this story would have played out much differently. I probably would’ve needed some pepper spray in my purse to survive such a trip. Texas being a gentleman was what attracted me to him. Even though he was not originally from Dallas, he had so many southern qualities, which I loved. I’ve always said that I don’t see myself marrying a guy from California anyway. So even though he was from Cali, he didn’t act like it, and that’s what I loved. After asking my girls what it could be, they all said the same thing. “Girl, relax, he is being a gentlemen, something we are not used to,” they all said. This got me thinking. Why is that I was so quick to write him off, when he was probably just being a gentleman.

What is it that I equate affection and physical acts with true attraction? Just because he hadn’t tried anything doesn’t mean he wasn’t interested. Why couldn’t I appreciate that he wanted to get to know me and not just my body? What had growing up in LA really done to me?

I spent the morning reflecting before I got out of bed. Dallas had to work until 12 that morning, so he wasn’t there when I woke. I made myself some breakfast, packed and went to sit in the living room and wait for him to return home. I wanted to be the first thing he saw when he came home. I turned on the TV and fell asleep. He walked in and stood in the doorway. Texas watched me sleep for a minute before waking me. I could feel that he had entered the room, but for some reason I didn’t move. I didn’t open my eyes right away or make any movements, I just laid there. Texas walked over to me and asked me if I was ok. I told him I was fine and I was just waiting for him to return. He joked that I didn’t do a good job since it was only 1 in the afternoon and I was sleep. Texas told me to get ready because he had one more place to take me before I left that evening.

Texas was surprised that I was l already packed and ready to go. He joked that I was probably going to go running out of the door. But the truth was that I enjoyed being there with him. My time there had give me a slight glimpse into what life could be like if I lived with someone I was with. I knew that there were many ways it would be different, but it was nice to have a glimpse into that life. It made we realize I wasn’t ready for it at all. I enjoy my freedom and I being able to come and go when I please. I know that my feelings about this could all change if the right man came along. But as things stood, I was happy with my life back in LA.

We piled mu bags into his car and I said goodbye to his house for the last time. We headed to the infamous Dallas mall. I wouldn’t call it infamous, since it wasn’t the size of the ‘Mall of America.” For people in Texas it was one of the largest in the area. On the way there he told me he wanted to take me ice skating there and I got excited. I loved to skate and I had never been skating at a mall so I thought this was a brilliant idea. Also, on the way I discovered neither one of us were too skilled when it came to skating so I began to imagine how cute it would be to continuously fall in his arms; only to make him fall at the same time.

I remember mentioning to Texas, on several occasions during my trip that I wanted a souvenir. Something I could look at when I got home and immediately think of him. When we pulled up to the mall, Texas said he was going to make sure I did exactly that. He took me to several stores and tricked me out in Dallas and Dallas Cowboys gear. I must say I surely did enjoy being taken into a store and being told to pick whatever I like. I started humming T.I. ‘Whatever you like,” as I shopped. I was enjoying this shopping spree, even if it were only for Dallas oriented stores. As soon as I picked up an item I liked, Texas picked it up, took it to the register and paid for it. Then he picked up my bags and carried them for me as well. I could get used to this. In the end, I only left Dallas with 2 shirts. Although Texas urged me to get more, I didn’t feel comfortable spending too much more of his money. I mean, he had already spent a lot on me in the days prior and I didn't want to go overboard.

By the time I left, one thing was for certain: there was no romantic chemistry between us. Even the sun setting on the lake couldn't create a connection. When I got to the airport and we said our goodbyes, I knew this would be the last time I saw Texas. At least I had seen him and I wouldn't have to wonder what if any longer.

There was nothing between us.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

A Second Chance: Rough Patch

The next morning I woke up, late in the morning again. Texas was up studying with his laptop open and eyes glued to his books. I wanted to make up for the night before so I decided to prepare breakfast. Now cooking has never been one of my strongest points, but breakfast is something that I am pretty good at. I said good morning to him as I walked straight from the bedroom to the kitchen. I pulled out eggs, pancake batter, sausage links and hash browns and got to work making a delicious breakfast. Texas thanked me for the meal and he wanted to thank me for it by taking me out. Texas thought the movies was a good idea for this beautiful Sunday afternoon. I could tell that things hadn’t really gotten better from the night before but I kept it moving. Instead of bringing up my concerns to him, I sent angry messages to my girls. How could he be so lukewarm to me when we were on such a limited schedule?

This was supposed to be a romantic weekend with Texas, a guy I really liked. Unfortunately there didn’t seem to be any sparks. I had fun when I was with him but something was missing. Instead of voicing my concerns, I laid the sarcasm on him a little more than usual while we watched Sunday Football. I was trying to get some kind of reaction out of him but I continued with no avail. Texas didn’t seem to mind my jokes, which egged me on even more. From that moment, I regarded him as my homeboy and treated him as such. We playfully argued like long time buddies while watching the game. Texas knew I wanted to get out and enjoy more of Dallas and he suggested we catch a mid-afternoon flick but we couldn’t agree on anything. Texas is such a guy’s guy; he wanted to see any movie where something or someone got blown up. I on the other hand, being the girly girl that I am, wanted to see a chick flick. We compromised on seeing Eagle Eye. I think Shia LaBeouf is a cutie so I had my eye candy and I knew something got blown up somewhere in there so he could be secure with his masculinity.

On the drive home, he asked if I minded stopping for a bit by the local lake. How romantic, the sun was just starting to set and the air was crisp, so I knew it would be a beautiful setting so I agreed. We pulled next to the lake and I quickly wrapped myself in his arms. Texas and I had effortless conversation for about an hour while we watched the sun set. Even in this beautiful setting I could tell that Texas was holding back from me. Tired of trying I found myself silent on the way home.

When we got back to his place Texas made us dinner. I sat in the living room watching football while he slaved over a hot stove. This was a perfect evening in my mind. We sat in the living room watching TV while occasionally exchanging words. Somewhere between the Cowboys scoring a touchdown and me ingesting my tacos I fell asleep. When I awoke Texas was knocked out in his bedroom. I snuggled up next to him and fell asleep.

The next morning I woke up to Texas studying, again. Seeing him so focused was definitely making me like him more. I’ve always found ambition and drive very attractive and a trait that any man I was going to date would have to have.

Texas had already planned our trip to the Fort Worth Zoo so off we went. It seemed that everything in Dallas was an hour ride from where he stayed and I ended up falling asleep on the way there. We still weren’t on the best terms but we made the best of the situation. We joked throughout the zoo and played around like kids. It was a lot of fun being with him there but I was starting to think that he wasn’t interested in me on any other level other than friendship. I continued not to say anything and we made our way back home.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

A Second Chance: Time to Stunt

After he packed everything into his car, we jumped in and were on our way. Prior to his arrival I mentioned repeatedly that I was starving from the flight. In my mind it was only 8 o’clock and definitely not too late to grab a bite to eat so we stopped at Chili’s before heading to his place. We used our time there to catch up. Although we had numerous phone conversations prior to my coming, we hadn’t really taken the time to really find out about each others current passions.

During our conversation, Texas told me that he really wanted to reconnect with his family. He feels that things are going okay with him when it comes to school and work but that there is still something missing from his life and it was his family connection. Texas always caught me as a very family oriented person so it was hard to fathom the idea that he didn’t speak to his family on a regular basis. He went into the breakdown of his family structure and things became clearer. Texas’ parents were from different parts of the US and had met in DC. They married and had one child together, Texas. After the divorce he moved to Vegas with his mother and that’s where he spent most of his time developing as a young man. We continued to discuss our backgrounds and goals for our future and I felt like he was truly opening up to me. If this was any sign of our days to come, then I was excited. We finished dinner and went back to what would be my home for the next 4 nights.

As soon as I walked in, I was struck by the calming scents of Vanilla in the air. I looked around and noticed that Texas kept his place in great condition, better than I kept my own home. This was not at all what I expected from a bachelor in a big city but I was definitely impressed. The sight of his tidy place made me want to immediately run home and put some things in order. Texas took my bag to his room and went got ready for the next days adventures.

I didn’t get out of bed until noon so I missed a beautiful morning in Dallas. We spent the next afternoon at the grocery store. I somehow had unconsciously volunteered to make him dinner in a previous conversation and he decided to take me up on my offer. I had never cooked for a man so I wanted this to be special. I went through the grocery picking up every ingredient I could for a mouth watering meal. I wanted something that would both leave him wanting more but at the same time wouldn’t take too long to prepare. I finally decided on my special herb crusted baked chicken and steamed vegetables with a fresh homemade salad. Simple and tasty. During our entire time at the grocery store, Texas wanted to make sure that I got everything I wanted. He didn’t look at our cart or worry about how much he was spending; he just wanted to make sure that I was happy and prepared. And that made me feel special.

The sun had set on Dallas and it was time for us to prepare for the concert. I was so excited to see Eric Benet and Dwele in concert and loved that this was a passion that both of us shared. I didn’t have to be ashamed that I loved ‘bathtub’ music with him. We were both ‘old heads’ at heart and I loved it! I wanted to use this outing as an opportunity to show Texas what he had been missing all this time. Texas knew I liked to dance and he suggested that we go out after the concert since it would end so early. So I needed an outfit that could accommodate both events. The week prior to my trip, I went shopping for my outfit. I knew that it had to be classy, because Texas was a bit reserved at times and so was I, but cut in a way that showed off all of my voluptuous curves. I was thrilled when found this short vanilla scoop neck dress. As soon as I tried it on I knew that this was the one. It accentuated every curve in my body and created more in other places I knew his eye would catch through out the night.

After we watched the last of Saturday College Football, which I love, I jumped in the shower and began to get ready for the night. Underneath my dress I put on some sexy matching lingerie from Frederick’s of Hollywood. Although I knew he wouldn’t be seeing this lingerie at the end of the night, wearing it made me feel sexy and that gave me even more confidence. While I dressed, Texas, being the gentleman that he was, stayed in the living room watching football. I grabbed my short designer purple trench coat, which happened to hang lower than my dress and threw on some pumps and we were on our way.

When we arrived we ran to our seats when we realized that Dwele had already begun his performance. We were nodding our heads to his slow rhythms when Texas decided to help me out of my coat. Without warning Texas unbuttoned my jacket and pulled it off my shoulders while continuing to nod his head to the music. I didn’t skip a beat as well and was more than willing to happily oblige. Texas didn’t have to say a word; I knew that he saw the looks from men when we walked in. He wanted to make sure every man saw all of me and what they weren’t going to have. He laid my coat behind me and we continued to groove. When Eric Benet hit the stage he continued I found myself wanted to skip the remainder of the concert and go straight back to Texas’ house. A desire I kept quietly to myself. I figured I had another 3 nights and that it could wait if it were meant to happen.

Following the concert we hit the streets of downtown Dallas. The streets were packed with young party goers as we made our way to the club. All of the hotspots were located Downtown so the concert venue and club were only 15 minutes apart. After seeing some of the women in streets I knew I looked different which made me sashay my full hips that much more when I walked throughout the night.

Without hesitation Texas pulled right up to valet in front of the night club. As soon as we he stopped the car all, eyes turned to us and I loved the attention. I asked Texas if I should take my coat in and he told me I wouldn’t need it. So I stepped out of the car, legs first and adjusted my short dress. I could feel people’s eyes watching us walk and it made me show off a little more. So I did. We walked to the front of the line and heads continued to turn our way. Texas grabbed hold of my hand in a way that showed every man who was looking that I was his woman and lead me to the entrance. He stopped said hi to a guy he knew and we walked in. It was already late in the evening when we arrived at the club but the place wasn’t too packed. Which was a good thing because I was able to dance to the music without sweating out my fresh do. Texas saw another friend and spoke to him without introducing me, AGAIN.

Immediately after Dallas left my side to go to the restroom, one guy made his approach. He asked for my name and I played into his conversation. I figured I’m not officially attached to Texas so I was free to talk to whomever. But this guy had no game and I was quickly disinterested. Texas hit the corner and saw what was going on but he made no moves. I think I was a bit annoyed at this point that he didn’t come over and mark his territory. I recalled the events that had just occurred and was instantly annoyed. Why didn’t he introduce me to his friends? I just stood there by his side like a little puppy. Then, after I tried to dance with him, he got tired after one song and said he wanted to chill.

Being the vindictive person that I am, I decided to pout the rest of the night. I didn’t let it damper my mood but I tried to do it in a way he would notice. Texas wasn’t into dancing and I already knew that so I used it to my advantage. I made sure I stepped away from him while I danced. I stayed close enough so no other man would approach me but far enough away to make him feel my disappointment. How can you bring me to a club and not dance? That’s not my style at all. When I hear music I can’t control the way my hips sway side to side. I know Texas could feel the tension but he didn’t say a word. For the next two hours I danced and he watched. At one point he danced with me but something wasn't right. We barely spoke the rest of the night and that began the rough patch of my trip.

A Second Chance: The Arrival

After weeks of anticipation the time has finally come for me to go see Texas. I arrive at the airport and board the plane without much thought. As soon as I sit in my seat I am overcome with emotions. First, I hate flying, so I spend time praying that God watches over me and this plane. Second I think to myself, ‘WOW,’ I’m really headed to Dallas for 5 days and 4 nights. I feel so invigorated and liberated at the thought of getting away for an escapade. I feel like a character right out of a young romance novel. Finally the time had come for my questions about Texas to be answered.

As the plane prepares for takes off, I try to doze close my eyes and rest. And for one minute I am relaxed and peaceful but then the next, I frantically think to myself, what the heck am I doing? I hysterically play this question in my mind for a while and try to rationalize an answer. I calm myself down by remembering that I am a smart young woman and although part of this decision was made in haste, I spent plenty of time thinking this decision through. I reiterate to myself that this is a chance to answer, ‘What if.’ Finally, I settle down and rest for the remainder of the flight. The pilot comes over the speaker and announces that we will soon be landing in Dallas, Texas. Excitement and nerves engulf my entire being.

My first priority was to let all my girls know that I nervously arrived safely in Dallas and to wish me luck. I immediately received numerous reply messages.

Izzie: Good luck mamas wooo wooo

NeNe (my little sister): Good luck sis. Enjoy every second

Juju: I’m happy you made it there safely girl. Don’t be nervous, you are gonna have fun out there.

With all the well wishes and support I received I started to feel a little better. I was still nervous but a little more confident. I slip into the women’s restroom to freshen up before calling Texas. Although the flight was only 2 and ½ hours it I had to make sure my brand new press was still in tact before I saw him. I leave the restroom and head towards the baggage claim. I start to wonder why my phone had not rung since my arrival here. Fifteen minutes had passed and I hadn’t received one call from Texas. My rationale goes out the window and I start to think maybe he wasn’t coming. What was I gonna do if he didn’t come pick me up? I would be stuck in Dallas with nowhere to stay for 4 whole nights.

I pick my phone up out of my pocket and I have two missed calls from him. I had forgotten to turn my volume up after I got off the plane. I call Texas and let him know that I was picking up my luggage now and that I had arrived safely. He stays on the phone with me while I get my luggage and head outside. I ask him where he was and he lets me know that he is stuck in traffic and won’t be at the terminal for at least fifteen minutes.

Fifteen minutes!!! I yell curse words in my head. I politely ask him why was he late and he explained that there was unexpected traffic on the freeway. What the heck, fifteen minutes? Unexpected traffic? At 10 PM? I can already see how this trip is gonna be. I have always had issues with other people and their time management issues. I’ve always lived by the same rule of thumb and don’t understand why other people don’t do the same. 'If you arrive ten minutes early you are on time, if you arrive at the specified time then you are late and if you arrive anytime after that you might as well turn around and go home.' I go outside and he continues to apologize for being late. I try to stay calm but I am pissed. How can he be late? Wasn’t he excited to see me? Why wasn’t he here on early?

In the mean time, as I normally do, I begin checking out my surroundings. I listen to people's conversations notice a light country accent. I am quickly remindeded that I am in the south because these people definitely speak differently than anyone in LA. I then turn my attention the pick up lanes and head that way to wait. It’s filled with mostly Caucasian travelers being greeted by family members. I tell Texas that he sounds like his accent is getting thicker and that he is starting to sound like all the people around me and he laughs.

A gorgeous white Charger with 23-inch black rims and dark black tent quickly catches my eye as it passes me up. The first thing that comes to mind is that this car must be owned by some cute black southern gentlemen. Back in LA, Chargers are almost always driven by a young black men. In LA, drivers of these cars can range from your neighborHOOD rich gangster to your young business exec trying to make his way pass the glass ceiling. I realize, years of music videos and other strategic advertising had effectively reached other parts of the world as well. I turn away before the driver can see me looking and continue to talk to Texas.


Texas: Hey ma, where are you sitting?
(I immediately get an attitude, in my head. Why the heck do you want to know, you aint even here, but I say nothing).

Texas: I was just kidding about being late I think I just passed you. (I get somewhat relieved that he was really there and that he also has a sense of humor.)

Texas: I am making my way back around now.

Me: What color car do you drive?

Texas: It’s a large black SUV

Me: Okay

A sea of cars continues to circle the terminal as I try to find his black SUV. I spot the smooth white Charger again. I realize that I must have been affected by marketing as well because this car is stunning and I can’t take my eyes off of it. The Charger stops right in front of me. I turn away from the car and continue talking to Texas and look for his SUV. The driver gets out and I notice out of the corner of my eye that he is a tall black man. I'm sure that the driver is probably fine as hell to match his car, but I still don't look his way. I know that Texas will be arriving any minute and I want to be ready. The driver stands there for a second and then he comes around from the driver side. I finally turn to face him. “Hey ma,” Texas says.

I put my phone away and go over and give Texas a tight gripping hug. We stand there for a while in each others arms with cars passing us by. I gently nudge him for lying about his car and we both laugh it off. We continue to stand by his car embracing each other. I try to savor the moment and begin to fantasize about the memories we will soon make. Damn he smells so good and it feels so safe to be in his arms. I am really here.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Tired of Kissing Frogs: A Second Chance

Since Texas came back into the picture, occasionally I find myself imagining what might have been. I am resolute in giving him another chance, so that I don’t find myself wondering, ‘What if’ later on. Previously I informed him that I would be coming to visit soon. I cleared a few dates with him first then I bought my plane ticket. This spontaneous escapade is completely out of my character and I think that is what makes it that more thrilling to me. I don’t want go there with any rules. I’ve been living my life according to my long list for far too long now. I never allowed myself to really experience life and enjoy the present. I am a beautiful, intelligent, single young lady. Where was it written that I can’t drop everything for a moment and just getaway?

I didn’t want too much time to pass between our first contact and this impromptu excursion so I leave for Dallas, TX next week. I told myself this was an early birthday present in order to ease the guilt of spending such a large lump of cash on such an impulsive splurge.

With the trip rapidly approaching I’ve spent a lot of time fantasizing about the events that may occur. I know Texas to be a very sincere, sweet, attentive man. I am both jubilant and nervous because I know that he will make this trip very memorable and will leave me wanting more. He has already planned to take me to an Eric Benet/Dwele concert my first full night there. R&B/Soul music has always been something I have truly enjoyed listening to; it has always brought tranquility to a life that is sometimes engulfed in turmoil. To this day, I blast R&B and Neo Soul on my way to the club.

Whereas my friends listen to rap and hip hop to get pumped for the nights adventures, all 6 of my CDs in disc changer are filled with the melodic beats of Jill Scott, Raheem Devaughn and Musiq Souldchild. I am especially fond of live concerts but I haven’t had the opportunity to attend them as much as I would like. Whenever I talk to Texas, our conversations always touch on the point of music. At this moment we both share the same favorite song by MIA. I was singing the tune in my head one evening we were talking. While we were talking, Texas said that he wanted me to hear his anthem and he turned up his CD player. To my surprise, the song he was referring to was the same song I had been singing in my head all night. This is just one of the passions I am aware of that Texas and I share. This side of him was something that initially attracted me to him and now I will get to experience it for 5 lovely days.

At our first meeting, I could tell Texas was a southern gentleman. He tried his best to make sure my every desire was met. Texas was truly interested in getting to know me and I remember finding myself wanting to be physical with him instantly. I had to restrain myself during our last day together because I wanted to give myself to him right then. I know I haven’t seen this man in 2 years but the chemistry is definitely still there. Our conversations flow a lot smoother than I remember and his voice is much deeper than I recall as well, which I love. I am not expecting too much from this trip other than a chance to spend time with Texas in his own setting.

I am impatiently counting down the days…7 more to go…

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Tired of Kissing Frogs: I Need a Break

I have come to the conclusion that men want, what they want, when they want it. I never seem to be on the same page as their schedule and I feel this is one of the main reasons things don't work out. My unofficial relationships seem to always end up the same. I meet a guy, we date for a few months and then he disappears. I don’t know if it is the perfume I wear or something that I say, but poof they are gone. In the beginning I blamed myself for this cycle. That was at a point where I actually cared. Lately, I feel myself loosing interest in men all together. This is definitely not to say that I am going to start dating women, hell no, I don’t get down like that. This just means, you know, I haven’t really defined what it means and I don’t plan on it either. The last straw came last night while talking to Mr. Enterprise.

Just like the rest, in the beginning things seemed promising. I met Mr. Enterprise a few months back and we began to date. We were really taking the time to get to know each other and not rushing into anything we were not ready for. We went out several times without getting physical. After about a month of me dating, which included sneaking into his parents home, he started to fall back.

Now I hadn’t really been doing much differently the last few days, but he had. And I couldn’t figure out what went wrong. There were a number of reasons why I didn’t seem to care that he wasn’t calling as much. Especially since this man lived at home with his parents. In the past, my number one rule was that a man had to have his own place if I were going to take him seriously. I need privacy to say and do whatever I want at my age.

Yesterday, Mr. Enterprise decided to call me after a 2 week hiatus and I was so irritated. Our conversation was full of fluff. We talked about his birthday which had just passed. We barely scratched the surface on what was happening between us. Near the end, I was utterly aggravated by our immature conversation and his ego stroking banter. He told me he missed me and I replied with “whatever.” He asked when I was coming over since he knew I don’t allow men to come to my house, I said “never, since I am not welcome in his home.” I don’t think he heard my comment and he continued trying to find ways to find out who I was dating. I asked him why he cared and he told me had a right.

This infuriated me, just because we dated briefly doesn’t mean he had a right to know who else I was seeing. I told him he had no right to know anything and that it was none of his business. While I was trying to figure out a way to politely get off the phone, he continued to make comments about seeing me that I purposely ignored. I told him I had gotten used to not hearing from him, I liked him but wasn’t really interested. Finally, someone in his background interrupted our conversation and he promised to contact me later. One of the only promises he did keep. But I never made the same promise so when he texted me a half hour later, I ignored his message.

Why was I so annoyed? I think it was the fact that it seemed things needed to happen on his terms. Why do men feel that everything should happen when they want them to? It had been a while since we had a cool conversation and I was fine with that, but why at that moment did he decided we needed to talk? Do I need a break from men or is this just a defense mechanism?

Dallas just texted me, I’m so annoyed…

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Confessions of a Textaholoic (Part 2)

For a moment, I was shocked by what Dallas had the nerve to send me. I mean, what kind of girl did he think he was dealing with? At first, I was going to respond with some crazy message telling him off, but then I realized he didn’t know me so I couldn’t blame him too much.

I let him know that I thought he was I nice guy, but by no means was I ready for any conversation like that. And that I thought it was inappropriate. He continued to send apologetic messages and let me know that he understands and respects what I am saying. But I still wasn’t satisfied. I had to let him know who he was dealing with. I told him that I’m sure he could find some girl in L.A. who would be down, with the hit it and quit it; and good luck to him on that journey. The messages he sent to follow actually shocked me. He was so insulted that I would say something like that. But I had to let him know that everything he was telling me was through text, and there are so many ways to take a text.

Since then, I still communicate with him through text every once in a while. He has to go back to Spain within the next several days but he is not sure when exactly. We’ve tried to set up a time to meet up before then, but both of our schedules have been jam packed lately so that hasn’t worked out. I’m not thinking about it to much since I don’t know much about him. I’m sure I’ll always have a texting buddy in him if nothing more. So that’s cool.

Romance defined...as if there were such a thing

I’ve been trying to figure out what to do for my birthday, but I still haven’t come up with anything both exciting and economical. I am currently on a strict budget so whatever I do cannot cost too much. Honestly, I’m really not too excited about it. What is so great about turning 24 anyway? Whoop de doo!! I’m still broke, single, and share my space with my sister.

I’ve spent all of 2008 in the dating scene. Which has proven not be very productive for me. Last month I found myself reflecting on guys I used to date and I tried to figure out what went wrong there. After going through my short list of ex-dating partners, in my head, there was only one I couldn’t fully explain the demise of. His name was Texas and I had met him on a last minute weekend trip in Vegas. We and we hit it off instantly. Unfortunately, he lived in Texas and I lived in Los Angeles and I didn’t think there was anyway it could work. We talked everyday for 3 months and he even sent me chocolate and flowers for Valentine’s Day. That was the first time I had ever received flowers for a guy and I thought it was sweet. But that’s the kind of guy he is, he seemed to always place importance on my happiness. I was just not at a point where I could do the same. So besides the fact that he lived in a different time zone, I don’t think I ever gave him a real chance. Texas happened to text me at the exact moment I was having this revelation, we hadn’t had contact with each other for all of 2008, but we have been in contact ever since.

Texas was trying to give me ideas. We had been texting all night and he wanted to know the last time I did something romantic. Before this question, our conversation was pretty fluid, but this question stumped me. I didn’t know how to answer. I wondered if I really had an answer. Then I started to get a little depressed. Had I been so caught up in being independent and free, that I hadn’t taken time to do something romantic in the last year? The answer unfortunately was yes.

By the time I replied to his text he was already counting sheep and far too gone to reply. I said that I don’t think I ever have and that he was only one of two guys who had ever bought me flowers. Texas is actually the only guy to ever have them sent to me. I woke up this morning and was still bugged by this question. So I asked my best friend Izzie when was the last time I had done something romantic. She said it depended on how I define romantic.

Then it suddenly hit me. Why is it that I automatically equated scenes from a Danielle Steele novel with romance? I finally came to define romance for myself. In my eyes, romance is when someone you care about does something or shares something with you to show they care.Then I remembered a couple of years back, I took this guy I was dating to a nice dinner for his birthday. I made an even out of it. I wanted to make him feel special, because he was special to me. I had insisted that I drive that night and he agreed. I told him I would take care of him for the night and show him the chivalry I knew he would have for me if it were my birthday.

I picked him up at his place and took him to a premier restaurant by the ocean. It was just me and him and an empty room. I didn’t make any arrangements for it to be that way, but it just so happened that the area I chose was vacant. Then after dinner we went out to the beach for a late night stroll. The entire night was beautiful and not because it could have been a scene in romantic novel, but because we got to spend time with each other, just us.That’s my definition, what is yours? When was the last time you did something romantic?
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