Thursday, December 31, 2009

New Year, Same Routine

Deep deep beneath the tough exterior, lays a young woman who wants her heart to skip when she see’s her man calling, to sometimes just chill at home and talk about nothing with him, to wake him up in the morning to a homemade breakfast which would include morning a treat. Unfortunately, I have wasted mornings like those on men who didn’t deserve it.

There was a time not too long ago, before the blogging and the Cereal dating, that I, yes I Silent Scorpion was just your typical dater. I would meet a guy and if I thought he was sweet enough, I’d cut off every other guy I was seeing. It was my normal routine to date only one guy at a time. Even if I wasn’t in a “relationship,” if I felt like that was the path I was on, I didn’t see the point in giving my number out to multiple men. One man was more than enough to occupy my already limited time. Fast-forward to today and that Silent is no more.

Early in 2008, after another one sided relationship, I realized what I was doing wrong and decided to do the exact opposite of what I was doing before. I've decided to share them with you so that you can get a better understanding of why I will not be changing anything for this New Year.



Assess my own flaws. It’s so easy to constantly point out what the other person is doing wrong and why it didn’t work. I make it a point to turn that finger on myself when necessary. I’m sure there were things I did that annoyed him and made him leave me waiting outside a movie theater.

Get out of my comfort zone and meet people. I had a bad habit of not going out and mingling. Or, I’d go out with the sole purpose of not meeting anyone. I’d bitch and complain about being single, and sit at home in my bed immediately following work. Currently I am somewhat of a social butterfly with shy tendencies. I also wouldn’t date outside my set list of requirements. From height to educational attainment, I have learned to be flexible.

Date more than one person at a time. I may have taken this one to the extreme at the end of 2009, but it has allowed me meet a lot of great people and relieved some of the pressure of focusing all my attention on one person.

Stop trying to change men. I kept trying to make apple pie out of rotten apples. I used to make excuses for the inexcusable and inconsiderate actions of men. Now I can see a Rockweiler for what he truly is even if he starts off acting like a Pomeranian.

Have fun! Dating can be such a pain (first fight) but it can also be quite exciting (first kiss). Whatever happens along the way, I learned to enjoy the ride without expectations of much more. Without constantly stressing over why things weren't working out the way I imagined and I'm happier because of it.

Currently I am seeing a few men; each one serving their purpose. As always I remain open to the possibility of finding just one great guy, but that needle is deep in the haystack and I'm done searching. If it knicks my toe one day then great I'm ready. As an avid reader, it may be hard to believe, but I would love to have just one man to call my own. But, I will not settle for any man who doesn’t cause my heart to skip a beat when he calls. Until then, in 2010, I will continue to follow the outlined guidelines above and remain Silent Scorpion, the Serial Dater.

Ps. I still haven't decided who I am spending New Years with. Lucky for me one is out of the country so I only have to deal with two.

Happy New Years!

Monday, December 21, 2009

Early Vacation

I will be taking the next two weeks off from blogging. Yes I have a lot to say, as usual, but there aren't enough hours in the day to write it. I need to rest too!

So, if I don't return until the New Year, you can always check out I Hate the Way You Eat Cereal for your Silent fix.

Love,

Silent aka Si Si

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Sex, Samiches, Shut That Mouf by Mr. Fantastic

Greetings my weebles,

Tis I says me, the Extraordinary Gentleman Mr. Fantastic, here to deliver a public service announcement.



Recently, my dear friend wrote a note detailing steps a man should take as to not get caught cheating on his mate.

This message has been met with backlash from males and females because they felt too much of the game was being told. Further, people felt like it was promoting promiscuity in relationships. This is FALSE!! This is simply a guide for those who are cheating on their mates to move about doing so in a manner that leads to the least amount of conflict and drama. Cheating happens when one of the parties in the relationship is not being completely fulfilled by their mate.

"But Mr. Fantastic, how do I know if my my mate is happy??" I'm glad you asked, that is actually the point of this message. While the #1 way to assure of anything in a relationship is to ASK YOUR MATE WHAT MAKES THEM HAPPY !!! You are not to blame if they don't tell you, but you are at least part to blame if you don't ask.

However, as a man, I feel I can give the women pointers on how to keep you man happy in a relationship. Feel free to agree or disagree, man or woman, I have found that most of these have stood the test of time.

*** THESE THINGS ARE NOT WHAT ATTRACTS A MAN TO YOU OR WHAT HE LOOKS FOR IN A RELATIONSHIP, SIMPLY WHAT WOULD KEEP HIM HAPPY IN A RELATIONSHIP ALL OTHER ASPECTS HAVE TO REMAIN CONSTANT FOR THIS TO WORK !!! FURTHERMORE, THE TITLES ARE SIMPLY FOR ALLITERATION PURPOSES ONLY, DON'T GET YOUR UNDER-ROOS IN A BUNCH !!

Now then, carry on children.

Sex - This is rather self-explanatory. If you're not having sex with your man he's PROBABLY not happy about it... Do better. Not saying you have to be a machine, but having a headache or being too tired 5 of 7 days a week ain't gonna cut it either. Also, know what he likes and try doing it. If he wants you to be double-jointed, that may be outta your hands, but if he just wants you to fondle his balls, grab a handful for love. And stop with never giving head thing, if you're in a committed relationship, in which you aspire to have grow to something more, you are almost certainly going to have to pop a dick in your mouth at some point. For the most part ladies, you would be livid if you never got your vagina licked for the rest of your days, we feel the same way.

Samiches - Again, for alliteration purposes this section is called Samiches. This is basically, be willing to cook for your guy. Nothin' says lovin' like some hot food. "But what if I can't cook??" That's fine, learn how to make a helluva samich. Be able to order his favorite pizza without always asking what he wants on it. And we're not asking for you to be Wolfgang Puck every night, but at least sometimes. We'll be willing to do (or attempt, for the culinarily challenged, like myself) the same for you.

Shut That Mouth - WHOA WHOA WHOA !!! I told you this was for alliteration purposes... Shut that mouth DOES NOT mean we want you going around being subservient cavewomens and the such. But much like there are times in which you simply don't have the time, patience or energy to deal with whatever it is we are going thru, there are times in which we don't want to talk. All we ask is that you be mindful of times that we don't want to talk right now. I don't need you to mind read, but if I say," I had a rough day at work, I just wanna relax a bit" or you KNOW I been waitin' on the Lakers game all week, don't choose right now to have to prioritize YOUR life over mine. I am more than willing at the conclusion of my event to talk to you about yours. If nothing is going to be able to be done about it between now and the end of the game or before I can throw back a drink and unwind, WHY burden me even more ??? Doesn't make much sense, now I am tuning you out or we're arguing and we BOTH feel worse AND I MISSED THE GAME !!!

That is basically it. I know you think there has to be more to men..... No, there's not. We're simple. Follow these steps and you can keep your male friend happy.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Take Notes: How to Cheat

I copied the following from a friends, friends' facebook page. Enjoy.
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The following is a text from the girlfriend of a nigga that doesn't know the rules and how to handle his business to one of my oldest and dearest friends, Nay:


Yo____ I was tryin to be nice before and woulda figured that you have stopped cause right now ur disrespectin and i really don't appreciate that


Guys, if you insist on stepping out on your girl, please know that there are rules to this shit. If you follow the rules, everyone remains happy and no one (particularly you or your girl) gets hurt, because the chick on the side really doesn't give a fuck.

So here we go!


Phones:


If you're going out/spending the night with your sidepiece, call your girlfriend first. Spend atleast half an hour on the phone with her, and before you're about to get off the phone, kick some bullshit to her like,
"So you might not hear from me later because me, Craig an them are going to get drunk, and you know how I get with all that Hennessy/E&J (insert the Cognac of your choice) in my system. I might even sleep over at Craig's house if I'm too drunk, so don't be mad if I'm not able to talk to you later. "
Top that off with two sincere "I love you's" and you're good to go. Do not stray from this script.
If you say "Ok?" at the end, it leaves you open for questioning. You don't want that, right?


Vibrate, Vibrate, Vibrate ! This is key. When in the company of your girl (and sometimes your sidepiece because a lot of them don't know their places) keep your phone on vibrate always. Don't turn it off, that only raises suspicion. The ringer for your text messages should also vibrate. I highly doubt either chick will ask you why your phone isn't ringing. If she does, tell her something nice like,
"I don't want to be bothered when I'm chillin with you".
If the sidepiece asks you, tell that bitch to know her place.


Text Messages , Picture Mail, and VoicemailC'lawdhammercy, majority of you men don't know the first thing about this one. View/listen then DELETE . Or, if you have time, beat, then DELETE (bwahahaha), but always, what? Delete!!


Sex and Your Living Quaters:

Sidepiece spends time in only two areas, the bedroom and the bathroom. There's no need to be in the kitchen or anywhere else, right? (Please reserve kitchen sex for wifey. Some things should be left sacred, yknow?)So!

Bedroom

Have one set of sheets that you only use with your sidepiece. Assuming that you have sense and are calculating the times spent with sidepiece your bed should be made up for that ahead of time. As soon as you bring sidepiece home (or when she takes her damnself home) take off those sheets and put them in the washing machine. If you don't have access to wash clothes when you want to, get a special laundry bag and put them in there, and stuff that waaaaay in the back of your closet until you're able to wash.

Clothes

Whatever you wore while you were kicking it with Sidepiece, wash it. Makeup and perfume are a dead give away. Wash clothes immediately, or wrap it inside of your Sidepiece Sheets. Don't throw it on top .If your girl stumbles upon it, you're fucked, and it looks like you're hiding something.

Bathroom

Clean your bathroom throughly, even if sidepiece didn't shower or spend significant amount of time. If you're unable to give it a good cleaning, sweep and empty the trash. Here's why. I'm about 99% sure that Sidepeice was in there combing her hair. Hair sheds. Especially if you're dealing with a chick with a weave. All women know their own hair, even if it's not their own, per se. Do not let Sidepiece use your comb or brush either. Hair is a dead giveaway.

Other Things You Should Never Do


Never start an arguement with your main to go kick it w/ your sidedish. It's 2009, and all of us ladies know that when you start arguements it's because you're trying to get away from us.


If you get caught, always ask, "What led you to believe this?"
-If she's going off of her intuition, chances are you can lie (even though ya'll suck at lying) your way out of it.
-If she's going off of proof, just fess up, apologize, and do all that you can to make it up to her.
-If you've fucked up royally, tuck your tail between your legs, accept that you fucked up, and move on.


If you're lucky enough to be reading this before you've gotten in too deep with your girlfriend, but you know you plan on cheating on that ass anyway, don't always answer the phone. Let her know from the door you ain't really into phone convos like that, this way if you're one of those niggas that trick on hos and take them out, you don't have to run and answer her call all the time.

I think that's it.

And to my girls-- don't be mad at me. I didn't make any of this up, I learned it simply from watching and observing the niggas that I've dealt with. Always watch for the ones who are smart, handsome, and charming. They are the ones that know the rules and play them to a T!
Now that I've blessed you with all this information, everyone, step your game up!

Friday, December 4, 2009

Feeling Like a School Girl

That is all. Of course there is a story but I'm too secretive about this one to share...yet. Just know. I'm feeling like a school aged girl with a crush.

I miss this
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