Monday, February 10, 2014

Still Kissing Frogs

The most annoying thing about being a single woman and dating at 29 is everyone's assumption that I want to marry every frog I kiss. I know, my clock is ticking right? I will be 30 years old this year so I should no longer worry myself with falling in love with a guy before falling in love with idea of my dream wedding. Truth be told, I would rather forego an expensive ceremony all together. Please don't tell my friends this piece of information, they might all lose it. For me, the idea of getting married at a courthouse and buying a home with my spouse is my dream. But hey, I must kiss a few frogs before I can have that discussion with a suitor.

Since I am aging, I shouldn't be wasting my time with men who I enjoy spending time with if I don't see myself as their long-term spouse. Forget love, my eggs are about to be washed up once November comes. The luxury of getting to know, like and love suitors one day at a time has passed. Its time I settle for what's in front of me instead of waiting for passion I've had before. As we all know, my value as a woman decreases each year I am without a husband. My academic and professional accomplishments mean nothing if I do not have MRS. in front of my name.

I guess I am not like most women my age in that regard. I am in no hurry to marry. I don't want to just marry any man willing. If I were, I'd be married. There have been suitors I could have married and who would have been happy with me. I could have been comfortable and in a committed relationship. Anyone who knows me knows these two things, family is my number one priority and I need passion. Passion is something that I can't describe, it's either in a relationship or its not. I either get excited and nervous when I see a name or I get, eehh nothing.

I've been seeing a guy for several weeks now and he's awesome. He matches my awesome. I waited on telling friends about him because I knew what their reaction would be. Finally! The ever so single Silent Scorpion Serial Dater has met one man she likes. I had one friend mention how optimistic she was that I could bring him as my date to her wedding. (Her wedding is in October.) Because you know, what would I look like coming to a wedding of a dear friend without someone to boogie with. What kind of fabulous, secure and confidant woman show's up to a wedding with a room full of unhappy and happy couples alike, alone.

While the idea of my current feelings lasting over the course of several months is exciting, the pressure to do so is also a little overwhelming.

God forbid my feelings change for this guy or his change for me in the next several months because then I'll be a 30 year old woman, still kissing frogs....

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Mindy is my best friend in my head...and kindle

Today was Day 3 of my modified modified Daniel Fast. That's a lot of modification but I'm committed to the modifications I made. I should be spending this time praying more and devoting more time to studying my bible but I feel like most of my idle time is spent imagining all of the awesome things I'm missing out on without social media in my life. That is a terrible thing to admit but sorry, I'm not sorry, it's the truth! (Hold on, let me pray)

[insert personal prayer I cannot share on public personal anonymous but not anonymous blog]

Although Sunday was a bit difficult due to my belief that in order to be a good friend, I occasionally must participate in things I have no interest in, I believe this year's fast is going well. I spent Sunday surrounded by so much light skin my eyes hurt. Apparently, Kappas had their founders day event in a small venue and every member who ever pledged showed up. Wait, it sounds like I'm complaining. I am not complaining at all. Because with Kappas, come beautiful polished clear (yes I said clear) well dressed men. Not really my type but they are nice to look at. Also, the game was on and so you know, I was entertained. All I had to do was throw on my obnoxious outdoor shades* indoors and watch my Chargers win! Let me revel in our win for a moment because we normally lose after this round.

Another California team who's name does deserve to be mentioned on my blog also won their game so, go Cali.

Aside from returning to my regular life known as my 9 to not really 5, usually much after 6, I have spent my evenings engulfed in Mindy Kaling's Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns). While I wait on my old school hard copy of Americanah to arrive, I needed something to hold me over in the interim and this book is perfect. Well, I'm reading it on my kindle so I am not sure I can call this a book still, can I? I am going to say that I can. After reading halfway through this book I would like to announce that Mindy is my best friend in my head. Not to be confused with my real life best friends who would be shocked to hear me say such a thing. She is hilarious, witty and sarcastic as hell...ahhh I love Mindy. Her streaming random thoughts were nicely packaged and sent to my brand new Kindle HD for consumption.

There really is no point to this post other than to a. point out that I have a new Kindle Fire HD. b. I needed some type of connection to the outside world even though no one ever comments. c. I have something to remind myself why I pray, so that I don't end up writing a 200+ word compilation of would be tweets and Facebook updates.

Alright, back to praying and reading I go.


*I didn't actually wear my shades inside. I hate when people do that. 
*Namaste is a common spoken valediction originating in the Indian subcontinent. See what I did there. Mindy is Indian.

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Back to my roots, Thanks Beyonce

Throughout each year I add the names of books suggested by friends or people I admire to a running reading list. Lately, this list has become rather long because my thirst for reading has grown while my ability to plan out reading time to read has not. I blame this dilemma on my recent social media addiction. Instead of reading a book before going to sleep, I flip back and forth between Instagram, Twitter and Facebook.

When I went home for Christmas, I was reminded that my church was once again participating in the modified Daniel Fast. For 21 days, members of the congregation pledge to give up sweets, alcohol and meat. The point of this fast is to feed your soul, strengthen your spirit and renew your body. I always believe this is a great way to begin the year so here I am participating again in 2014. In addition, I have decided to voluntarily add social media into the mix. By doing this, I know I will be adding more time to my hands seeing as I no longer have cable and rarely go out during the week, especially when temperatures reach below 30 degrees.

While listening to Beyonce's self-titled album (I've had this album on repeat for the last few weeks and you know there's a post about the sexual female empowerment she openly discusses coming), I kept repeating the interlude by Nigerian-born writer and feminist Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie from the song 'Flawless.' The song excerpts the author’s TED Talk on feminism:

"We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller
We say to girls: “You can have ambition, but not too much
You should aim to be successful, but not too successful
Otherwise, you will threaten the man.”
Because I am female, I am expected to aspire to marriage
I am expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is most important
Now, marriage can be a source of joy and low and mutual support
But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don’t teach boys the same?
We raise girls to see each other as competitors
Not for jobs or for accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing
But for the attention of men
We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way boys are
Feminist: a person who believes in the social,

Political, and economic equality of the sexes"

I've been meaning to read 'Americanah' written by this author for a while now but Beyonce's latest self-titled album has pushed it to the top of my reading list. 

I just ordered the book and thanks to Amazon it will be here by Friday. 

Thanks Beyonce.

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Goal Setting Taking Over for the 99 and 2000...14

Since I missed out on my end of the year review, I may as well begin the year with speaking some goals into existence. I don't do New Years resolutions but i do constantly reflect on my past actions and future aspirations and set goals accordingly. This list that follows will include goals that have already been making strides towards but have yet to successfully accomplish. As is normal, the will likely change throughout the year as time passes, which is why I don't call them resolutions.

Savings. I'm pretty hard on my little sister to save her money mainly because it's come thing I've always wanted to be good at but never have. Unless I'm saving for a trip or an item I really want, I don't normally save money for rainy days.

Traveling. Now I know I said I need to save just for the sake of saving but I love traveling. I've currently got a few stamps on my passport but 2014 will be the year I begin to add more. My fabulous closet will remain stagnant for a while just so I can do international traveling and then international shopping.

Running. Last year I successfully ran the NYC marathon but I was disappointed in my finish time. I know I can do better and I like to challenge myself physically. Running the marathon was truly a mind over matter experience I am ready to repeat. I could possibly combine my traveling with running. International marathon anyone? But it's cold outside so I need...

Another hobby. I love running but I still need a winter hobby because running in snow just isn't happening. Trust me I've tried to mentally push myself out into the 30 degree snow to run and I haven't made it out. I've been saying I would like to improve my cooking skills since I tend to stay indoors when cold white things fall from the sky. 

Church. Going home for the holidays renewed my strong desire to continue my relationship building with Him. In total I have attended 7 churches in NYC that were not places I wanted to return and call my spiritual home. However, I need my beginning of the week refresher back in my life. It's been missing and can no longer be ignored.

Love. 2013 was about opening myself up to rejection and being more vocal about my feelings. I realize that because I'm not use to verbally expressing myself, I tend to have word vomit sessions all at once. It will get better over time right? I also know when I care, I care hard. When I love, I love hard. So it's exciting. 

Happiness. With all of these things my goals is to make myself and those I care about as happy as possible. More mistakes may be made but I always find life's lessons in each of them.

"In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you."

Hello 2014. 


*Please excuse the title of this post, I've been listening to some 90s rap pretty frequently these last couple of weeks. Plus you can tell a lot about a person by how they react when the beat to "Back That A** Up" drops. 

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Guest Post: Lowered Expectations (Part 3) by NotYourAllyKat

NotYourAllyKat is back with the last installment of her 3 part series. In case you missed it, you can read part 1 here and part 2 here. 

In recent recovery from a forbidden love and with a haunting past of trifilin men it becomes difficult to like anyone. It’s not that I don’t meet them; I just really don’t like anyone. Most of the time I have written you off within the first five minutes; your speech, way of dress, even body language, mean so much. If you were lucky enough to have gotten my number you have two texts to capture my attention. I have given up going on dates for free meals because it is just a waste of my time. I watch you pitifully try to interest me and I take notes in my head of all the stupid shit you say so I can retell this disaster in the most entertaining way possible to my friends.

Recently when talking to a few guy friends I asked them what they wanted in a woman. The answer was simple, a lady that can hang with the fellas, hold her own, and a bonus if she can cook. When I mentioned that maybe this woman should be independent, the conversation quickly came to a hault. “No, no, no!” they exclaimed. They explained a woman that is independent is too much trouble, too demanding, too exacting, wants too much, the list went on and on, apparently being able to take care of yourself is a turn-off.

This got me thinking maybe it’s not me who won’t settle, maybe no one wants to settle with me? I am that exact girl they were talking about. I carry myself in a way that makes it seem like I need no one. Although this theory was quickly trampled over the past months as hoards of suitors have pursued me in the thirstiest of ways. You know the guy that says “hey, how are you?” with no response for 18 days, I’ve got two of those. Or the guy that met you, and basically will do anything for you without knowing three facts about you? Also my personal favorite the old boo that uses social media to catch your attention by tagging you in something useless. So back to my original problem why don’t I like one? The intentions behind these men’s actions are good and it’s very clear they are interested. This answer is, too, very simple.

I won’t settle. I don’t settle for anything but what I want for my own life so why would choosing a mate be any different. Before you go all hauty –ta (is that a word?) so young and so foolish, I didn’t say I wouldn’t compromise. Compromise is different. Compromise is, you care so you meet in the middle.  Settling is like eating the measly peanuts with the promise of a huge feast just on the horizon. All these suitors were missing something; either basic common sense, boundaries, a general interest in the person I really am, or just an all around edge-I need excitement! If I settle deep inside I don’t care therefore I don’t want to meet in your middle.

I am independent, free-spirited, and exacting and I will not settle for anyone who wants anything less.  Just because I do not need anyone doesn’t mean I don’t want someone. Trust me when I want some one I know exactly how to act, I know how to stroke the male ego. (and then some! Lol) You can be king of the world, once you show me I am queen. As tired as I am of the games of this single life, I won’t settle. I can’t, I owe it to myself to get exactly what I want out of life.

Monday, November 18, 2013

When You're Not Looking: John Wooden. UCLA. (Wo)Man's Character.

I was going to write this great post and include two references that nicely encompass all the points I deemed important. I was going to make it into a two part post detailing how excited I am. 

The first quote is by John Wooden, "The true test of a man's character is what he does when [he thinks] no one's watching." Ahhh, deep right? It's really true. I wasn't paying attention and my entire department was watching me.

The other reference was 2 Corinthians 5:7, "for we walk by faith, not by sight." So true, so very very true. Especially at this moment in my life. 

Then I got home at 7:45pm from work and I said to hell with all of that.

Yes, I had a great first day of work but...

I am tired. I am spent. I am happy. I am blessed but shit I am going to bed.


Thursday, October 24, 2013

Guest Post: Lowered Expectations: Forbidden Love (Part 2) by NotYourAlleyKat

NotYourAllyKat is back with Part 2 of her 3 part series. You can check out Part 1 here.

As a basic human fact we always want what we cannot have, and being in my mid twenties all I crave is that all black everything, sleek, sexy Maserati. You know the man that is not good for anything in real life, but in this wondrous fantasy world he is your everything. I love him, not in the let’s get married, have kids and a picket fence stable sort of way. I love him similar to the fierceness of a dragon’s breath, the awe you feel when you open your eyes underwater for that brief moment, the freeness of the wind blowing through your hair kind of way. It’s a deep, intangible, unexplainable love. It’s all of those incredible things that make it so dangerous. Love that is like a drug and once you have felt it, you want nothing less. Much like a drug this kind of love leaves you yearning and lifeless once it disappears. My soul has yet to be the same and perhaps this is why I am never satisfied. 

He was an empty soul. Although nothing was ever out of his reach and he was capable of obtaining anything in life he could ever desire this still did not please him. He lived like a king in his cold castle, high above the peons of the world, further disconnecting him from the every day world. His job sucked the life out of him but rewarded him fiercely with more money than a man should ever be privy to have. Being an attractive man, women flocked to him and he in turn accepted the love without ever the intention of return.  He had convinced himself he favored being alone. He didn't want to worry about anyone else and rather dealt with women like ships passing in the night.

She saw right through it all. Their connection was too intense, too close to perfect. The way they fit like puzzle pieces in bed was uncanny. She had never experienced emotion for anyone like she did for him.  She wanted him however and whenever he came, her knees quivered while he was around. The anticipation of seeing him gave her the greatest anxiety, although she played her role in the game and kept her desires quiet. For she knew trusting in a shadow was ridiculous no matter how much she felt like he was following her. His intangible quality that attracted her so much would be what would lead to their demise. 

It seemed as if the universe was trying to tell her something through all their chance encounters. In a city with millions of people how could it be it was always him? In her tipsy blur of fun in the nightclub, it was always him at the table right next door. Him who she spotted on the patio as she merrily strolled into brunch. His building she ended up at after hitting it off with a stranger on a random sunny day. His college roommate she met at a party. It seemed as if she could not escape; with each encounter her lust grew less but the connection she felt grew stronger.

The story does not end with those chance encounters. For you see, the nature of forbidden love is tricky. Unless you have felt it you cannot truly understand the twisted way it pulls you in, like the ocean tide.  The water is frigid but yet you still wade, but before you know it you’re in too deep. It doesn't matter what anyone around me says because I cannot hear. I don’t even long for air; I’d rather be thrashed around by his waves than safe on land. That is the depth of my love, because even though I’m drowning he makes me feel invincible.   

Submitted by NotYourAllyKat
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