Thursday, January 29, 2009

Uncensored: Motion. Ocean. Smotion

I was talking to a male friend last night on the phone and I was feeling a bit uninhibited with my line of questioning. We were having an open conversation about sex, which I feel is important when you are getting to know someone. I feel that if you are afraid of talking openly about sex with a potential partner, then you probably shouldn’t be engaging in those unmentioned acts.

We were going back and forth discussing our likes, dislikes, our craziest experiences and what not. There were no boundaries in our conversation which led me to my most outrageous question by far. It’s a question a lot of women would love to ask a man before they get too physical, but I am sure they are too embarrassed to ask. Since our conversation was flowing and sex was on my mind, I found the nerve to ask him. It’s not like I hadn’t been thinking about it (especially after an experience I had last year.) I deserved to know as a potential mate.

Do you have a small penis?

(Long pause)

He didn’t say a word for a while. I think it was the initial shock that kept him quiet.

No I don’t have a small penis.

I admitted that was the first time I had ever asked a guy that question without laughing. I was so serious. I really wanted to know. If it weren’t so taboo, I would ask this question so much earlier in a “ship.” Courtship, friendship, relationship. Whatever. I wouldn’t have to waste my time if I knew what I was dealing with. I won't sugar coat my likes and dislikes. I don't need a mandigo, but I can't deal with mini-me either.

"It’s the motion in the ocean that matters."

Motion in the ocean my ass! I've heard this phrase before, but never by a guy. It's always from a woman who is recalling her encounter with a tiny friend.

I told my unnamed male friend that I walked out on a guy who I’m sure had used this line on women before. He was a part of the itty bitty baby committee and I was completely turned off once I discovered it. I did like the guy, but I couldn’t get over the shock of knowing that this strong, masculine, sexy man, had such a undersized member. I never called him back afterwards. I told him I wasn’t ready when I walked out and left it at that.

Have you ever asked a guy if he had a small penis? If not, why not?

KD: Because they always lie anyway.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

10 Signs You're NOT into Him

If men could pick up on these signs, dating would be so much better for them. It would surely curtail some of those phone calls I talked about previously. Pass this list on to a guy and see what they say. Do they pick up on these signs? Some of them can only be observed in body language or verbal conversation, but whether it's conscious or not, you probably exhibit them.

In the beginning of your courtship with him, he could do no wrong and you were 16 all over again. But after the smoke has cleared and reality has set in, you are left with the real him. Which you may not necessarily like.

If you are not sure that you should continue seeing him, recall this past couple of weeks. If you have exhibited more than 5 of these signs, you’re not that into him and you should explore more options. I mean, you aren’t married, so why waste his time and yours. Move on. Or keep him around until you find someone better.

1. You regularly cancel plans with him. Lately, you spend more time with Jim (Gym) than with him. You were never really a gym rat. Now, when he wants to go out, you’re sweating to the oldies. Summer is coming up remember, so you have to be in tip top shape if you’re going to find a new male friend.

2. You take your take your time returning his calls, voicemails and text messages. No longer do you smile and quickly answer. Now before you answer, you pause and think, “How long is he going to keep me on the phone?” Or, you see a text message for him and don’t remember to return it until hours later. The excuse you tell yourself is, you want to give him your undivided attention.

3. Talking about him to your friends isn’t as much fun as it used to be. Even when you have the opportunity to bring him up during a conversation with friends, you don’t. What’s the point? You don’t want to remind your friends he is around since he won’t be for much longer.

4. You don’t make concrete plans with him anymore. You don’t want to commit in case something better comes up. If he calls when you are at home and bored, then you’ll hang out with him, otherwise you could care less. (If it happens, it happens right.)

5. You question your chemistry. At the end of the date, instead of lingering around for a kiss, you abruptly say goodnight. If you do kiss, it’s very short and you over analyze the kiss afterwards. For some reason, it’s just not as natural as it once was.

6. You feel more obligated to attend your acquaintances events than you would normally. Now I didn’t say friends, since I hope you don’t brush off your friends when you get a man, I said acquaintances. You have to skip going out with him, because your acquaintance is having a birthday party. (Why is that when you hardly talk anyway?)

7. Those things that used to be so cute about him are starting to urk you. That laugh and snort combination just isn’t doing it for you anymore. (Would someone please put a muzzle on that god awful laugh?)

8. You are not as attracted to him as you used to be. The love bubble is starting to wane. He is no longer as fine as wine. (Since when did he have a mole on his nose? Gross, right?) You have now realized that the perfect man you thought of for yourself is not sitting right in front of you, but you notice in the corner of your eye, he may be sitting alone at the bar. Hmmm.

9. You stop thinking about a future with him. Now you spend more time contemplating how life would be if you were single in this Dating Recession. If you find yourself weighing the pros and cons of staying with him, it’s time to let him go. You know this is the end. Now say goodbye.

10. You avoid eye contact or physical proximity when you’re together. If you don’t sit too close to him, he can’t kiss you right. You walk into a room and think, “Perfect, you sit here and I’ll sit waaaaay over there.”

I knew it was over, before it started, with Red when he dropped me off the last time I saw him. I was feeling most, if not all of the above about him. I tried to make it clear to him our last date.

Remember, I very clearly leaned toward the door away from him, told him he didnt have to walk me to my door and hopped out of the car as soon as possible to avoid the terrible ‘good night kiss.' After that, he finally started to figure it out.

Oh well.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Is it possible?

Have you ever been so annoyed by someone that even the sound of their voice makes you cringe?

You see a missed call, a text or a message on your Aim and you immediately shake your head. Sometimes you wonder why they decided to contact you in the first place; you never return any of their calls anyway. On one hand, you want to be a nice person so you don’t say anything and hope they get the hint. On the other hand, you want to answer the phone and say, “look here buddy, stop calling my phone. I am not the least bit interested.”

Now this person may have never done anything wrong to you, technically, but just the thought of them makes you want to pull out all your hair and run the other direction.

I was on the phone with one of my girlfriends when I got a call from a guy I had been on one date with once last November. Although I never return any of his calls, he can’t help but continue to contact me. I recall another time, I went on one date with a guy and he called/texted me for 7 months afterwards trying to set up date 2. The first time I answered told him that I was not interested. He continued calling hoping I might change my mind and insisting that he only wanted to be my friend. I then answered 2 months later and told him I had a boyfriend. He gave me the same lame line, “we can just be friends.” For another 5 months he called, only to listen to my voicemail or sent me messages telling me to have a great day.

Yeah right! The only time a guy wants to be your friend is when they are hoping you will change your mind.

“I don’t think that would be appropriate,” I said and rushed him off the phone.

He continued contacting me for 5 more months. I guess when 2009 came around, he finally got the hint.

I came to the realization that I may (I don’t know how it would be possible since I’m such a loveable person) have this affect on a guy. He may see my phone number on his caller ID and say, “Damn, she won’t take the hint,” and answer out of pity.

Although I value myself on being attentive to someone's disinterest, I acknowledge the possibility of such an occurrence.

Do you ever think that someone could be annoyed by you?

No one is perfect, remember that...

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Only Time Will Tell

Since Chicago and I have been talking to each other over the phone for a little over 2 months with no plans of seeing each other, I’m starting to try and put him out of my mind as anything more than a phone buddy. I understand his current financial constraints and I am in no way pressuring him to make it happen. On the other hand, there is no way I can or will fund the trip myself. Been there, done that. As time passes, I start to wonder why he hasn’t initiated a discussion about a trip. We had one serious conversation about it late one night, but by our next exchange the topic was not revisited and plans were never finalized.

I’ve consciously made a comment at least one time out of every conversation we’ve had this past week. Since we talk several times a week, for long periods of time, I thought that was plenty of hints. When I do bring it up, it is in a joking matter so I don’t truly believe he understands how annoyed I am with his lack of urgency. After everything that we have discussed, I would have thought he would want to make this trip happen sooner than later, but alas he has not. We don’t seriously discuss it, and I try and let myself be okay with it, but I am not.

This week I’ve found myself purposely distancing myself from him. How can I consciously form an attachment to a man who has no intent on seeing me? I cannot with good conscious do that. We talk less because I call less, I respond slower to texts and I try and put him out of my mind altogether throughout the day; which is nearly impossible. Our chemistry and my attraction to him are undeniable, but I won’t continue this charade.

Chicago can stay around for as long as he likes, but I will continue to protect myself and distance myself from him. Some may consider this distance me playing games, but I don’t. (Well at least not completely.)

We’ll figure it out, right. That’s what he says every time we talk. So, I guess we shall.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009


Although I did have a quite eventful weekend, I chose not to use January 20, 2009 to reflect on it. I will do more self reflection on my own and let you into my life a little later this week. Instead I will use today to rejoice. “My President is a [strong] capable, intelligent [man]… who happens to be African American. –Clarence Thomas. I am so very proud to see 3 black women in the White House. As one of the most overlooked demographics, I hope we regain our strength and realize our worth finally.

Enjoy the festivities whether you are in DC or home, like I am. Yes, Barack Obama has made history but let us not be fooled into thinking we don’t each have to do our parts to continue our fight for justice

Stay Conscious,

-Si Si

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Here For: Dating, Serious Relationships, Friends and Networking

“But technology did take over our personal findings like I know a whole lot about him and he was like let me slow down or else we will have nothing to talk about.”

Whether you were aware of it or not, you currently use an Online Dating and Social Network. Although you may not be apart of one of the primarily online dating dedicated sites like or eHarmony, social networking sites like Facebook and MySpace, are putting an exponentially larger number of available dates at your click and call. You may not initially meet your potential partner through this medium, but I am sure you are guilty of doing your research through about a person through it, I know I am.

The first questions we ask or have answered when we first meet are always. “What’s your name?” and “What’s your phone number?” (I mean how else are you going to continue contact? Well, my latest trick is what your bbm is after asking what your name is.)

After we exchange cell phone numbers with a potential suitor (does anyone actually still use house phones for any purpose other than for our front gate system), we send each other friendly texts. Sometimes, instead of talking on the phone, we have entire conversations through text, aim, or some other form of communication before we even speak two words to each other over the phone. (A subject I will address at another time.) Then our communication moves onto Facebook and MySpace. Just think about it, 5 years ago, most people were not using this medium to “keep in touch.” These days, we post entire bios about ourselves on the World Wide Web for the entire human race to read.

What’s your last name again? Ok I found you, now add me as a friend.

I don’t think MySpace is the best place to try and begin a serious relationship but I can see how helpful it can be when getting to know someone. A lot of useful information that would otherwise be found through meaningful conversation is just one click away. You can tell a lot about someone by glancing through their top friends (more, if those friends pages aren’t private), checking out the song they choose on their page, looking at recent pics and reading every comment on their wall.

Facebook and MySpace have become an important part of courtship and dating these days. This can be good because you can get a deeper sense of a person on a social networking profile than you can on a dating profile. These social networking sites are usually used pretty frequently by their users, so you get a truer picture of who the people on the site are, but there is a negative side too. People tend to use the basic profile to their advantage. They learn everything they can about a person and then bring it up on their date in order to be more likable. That can lead to a distorted reality of who the person behind the profile really is.

Also, browsing through a potential mate’s friend takes time. Time you could otherwise spend speaking to the person in pictures and having your questions answered. “Like why are you naked in the middle of Santa Monica?” You probably tell yourself that you will spend only a minute on the page, but it turns into hours of checking out pictures of their last outing, getting into their mind by reading what they have in their “About Me” section, and looking at his wall to see if any girl has called him babe, or said “last night was fun.”

Do you instantly start leaving comments on a guy’s page? Or begin commenting on their pictures?

It’s not my style to do either. Even after dating for a short while, I won’t comment on a picture, nor will I leave a note on someone’s wall for a while.

Do you think this shift to online social networks is a good part of our move towards technology in this new century?

What is left to talk about after a thorough reading of someone’s page; hopefully a whole lot. If it is something worth pursuing, just because you learn a lot about a person through the internet, doesn’t mean that should be the end all of all conversations. If there is truly chemistry, technology has gotten you past the first stage and you can move on to the next.

How has it affected your last relationship?

Monday, January 12, 2009

10 Signs You're Into Him: 16 All Over Again

If a guy makes you feel like a school girl all over again, it’s probably because of some of the following:

1. You save his voicemails and listen to them when he is too busy to talk.

2. When you see his name on your caller ID you get excited, smile and answer promptly.

3. You talk to him on the phone for more than 20 minutes at a time. Your conversation with him feels so effortless so why not.

4. When talking to your friends, you make numerous references to something he said or did even when it really has nothing to do with the topic at hand. Just the mention of his name by a friend makes you blush.

5. Like some girls, you've planned your wedding already so now you're imagining placing him in the empty groom position.

6. You run out in the middle of social gatherings to take his phone call. Its been less than 24 hours since you last talked but it feels like forever.

7. If you don't hear from him you become a slightly emotional wreck. When you do hear from him, you quickly forget you were mad and go back to being happy.

8. You smile or laugh when you think about him. There is no obvious reason why, you just do it out of nowhere.

9. You occasionally replay previous conversations or events you've had with him in your head.

10. You think about him constantly throughout the day. He is the first thing on your mind when you wake up and the last thought you have before you go to sleep.

If you identify with most of these, it’s time to admit that you like him. You may not want to acknowledge you are 16 all over again but once you do, you can enjoy the ride. I’m not sure how long you will have with this feeling so why fight it. Now put on your checkered skirt, white collared shirt, white knee highs and go back to work.

He might be calling so you can’t be focused on too much else for too long.

Is there anything I missed? Please feel free to share.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Public Encounter

Last night I brought out my inner hooch. 4-inch stillettos. Check. Tight bright red dress. Check. Fresh do. Check. Subtle but striking make-up. Check. I didn't look or feel like myself but I was ready to have a ball.I have since decided to retire my dress because of a lot of unwanted attention.

It was my girl Jo jo's bday so I knew who might also be at this party. Mr. IE and Jo jo's cousin were best friends for one, plus, he went to school with Jo jo as well. Jo jo and I had talked about rather I would invite him and I immediately shot the idea down. He had been iffy for the past week and I didn't care if he came and definitely didn't want to offer an invitation.

I made sure not to let any of my other girls know about this of course. They had a habit of interrogating. They make the CIA look like low budget detectives. These girls were professionals at the art of interrogation. Which was something I wasn't ready for nor did I feel he was worthy of the attention. So I kept his possible presence to myself.

At around midnight I had noticed a tall' fair skinned man in a sweater and scarf but I wasn't sure if it was Mr. IE. He was tJo jo was drunk off her knockers so she didn't say anything as well. It was her birthday, my love life was the least of her concerns.

About an hour later, I saw him when my girl Randi was dragging me out the club.It was packed in the bar area so we decided to go outside. Randi was ready to go and picked the path that was the least populated. As soon as I saw his black sweater over his buttoned up collared shirt and scarf I knew for sure it was him.

I didn't waste anytime. I was gonna strike fast and leave him with something to remember, again. Mr. IE was standing on the walkway as my girl Randi and I walked by hand in hand. She was in front and I was close behind.

Mr. IE had previously discussed how we would act if we saw each other in public so I wasn't gonna over do it.

I gave him a quick tight hug while still holding my girl Randi's hand. "You look really good," he said as Randi continued to pull me away. She didn't know who he was and I wasn't gonna tell her either. I walked speedily and sashayed my hips at the same time. I knew he would watch. I looked back and waived and noticed his eyes surveying my body. "Caught ya," I thought as I smiled and disappeared around the corner.

My girls and I continued to party the rest of the night. They were oblivious to the fact that Mr. IE was there. We mingled and danced and had a good time with each other. When the lights came on the people scurried out of the club. The line at the valet was ridiculous and I didn't want to do that walk alone. This was the part of a night out I hated. I swear men get more courage at this point because the same men that didn't have the courage to speak hours earlier, were grabbing girls left and right to exchange info with.

This is 2009, isn't parking lot pimpin dead. Especially since there was no parking lot, just a street corner and a line full of people waiting for their car.

I didn't want to be a part of this street after party. I just wanted to go home. I grabbed my guy friends hand because I didn't want to talk to any of those stragglers. I tend to use my guy friends as decoys. This is something I do when I feel I am getting attention from men.

As we are walking together, fingers intertwined, I see Mr. IE. He gives me a nod and continues walking. I acknowledge him as well and continue walking with my friend too.

As soon as MR. IE gets into his car he drives off. I wish I knew what he was thinking.

What would you be thinking if you were in the same situation?

How do you behave when you see someone in public that you're dating or previously dated?

A Letter to the Thirsty Brothas: In Da Club

Dear Mr. Thirsty,

Please understand that this letter comes from the heart. I feel that after a couple drinks your normal thirstiness is amplified by ten but I am concerned and can't leave you unguided. We are in the same place and it seems to affect us differently. The music is bumping and the lights are dim but I can sniff out thirst from a mile away.

It is by no means acceptable for you to touch me at any time. Any touching is completely inappropriate. If I dance with you, its because I thought it would be fun. Not because I wanted to give you access to MY body.

If you would like to speak to me, that's fine. Friendly conversation is welcome at the right time. But please don't watch me walk and undress me with your eyes. It really creeps me out and if I feel you doing it repeatedly to every woman that walks by, I will call the authorities.

If I tell you I am not interested in getting to know you and the reason is not because I have a boyfriend, don't call me out of my name. You may think you are Gods gift to women, but I guess I don't see it at this time and it was not my intention to hurt your feelings. I'd rather be honest than waste your time. I'm sure you'd prefer ii tell you the truth rather than give you my number and never answer you repeated missed calls.

Thank you for taking the time to read my short letter. I hope you have learned something valuable that you will take with you next time you go out to a night club. Trust me when I say, a good woman can spot a thirsty man from a mile away. Goodluck.

Sincerely yours,


Thursday, January 8, 2009

Something to Remember

It’s about 12:20 a.m. and I just arrive back at the party after a misunderstanding with my friend and the club security. I hadn’t been out in a while (a while for me is 4 weeks) so I decided nothing was going to interrupt my night out. Plus, I had a sexy outfit on that night, that showed off the physique I worked so hard to maintain, but not too skin much to be trashy.

There were 6 girls in my party of different ethnicities, height, weight and style. I guess you could say our group was pretty well rounded and extraordinarily diverse. There was a girl for whatever type a guy could want with me. We walked in a single filed line straight towards the dance floor when we came in. My girls pushed me to the head of the pack, since I have no problem (politely) asking someone to move out of my way. There were a couple guys who caught my eye as I made my across the room, but none that would deter me from my goal, the dance floor.

As I was about to enter the dance floor I see a gentlemen of great stature and style to my left with 2 other tall men. We lock eyes for a quick second but I continue walking with my flock. I smile as I turn and yell at myself (in my head of course) for not speaking. Why do I continue to do this? See a cute guy, turn the other way, and repeat.

As soon as I hear my favorite song, I rush towards the middle of the floor and they guy with the scarf becomes a distant memory. I came here to shake what my momma gave me and now I was ready.

The music is loud and the DJ isn’t half bad so I am enjoying myself. The lights are dim but I know I stand out in the crowd, so I go to work. There aren’t too many girls here who are over 6 feet with heels on in this club and so I know someone is watching me. So, I give the mystery person a show. There is something about going a packed club, having a glass of cranberry juice, and sweating out my hair (which was already 2 weeks old) that makes me forget all my problems. For the next 30 minutes, my girls and I rule the dance floor. Our hands are in the air and we are singing or rapping every verse to every song that plays.

I hear someone call my name.

“Si Si”

I look to my left see that it is one of my guy friends. Gucci is standing the corner waving me towards him. I leave the pack to talk to him. We start catching up with each other. It hasn’t been that long since we’ve seen each other, but we keep the conversation going.

I look to my right and there he is the guy with the scarf. He was standing no more than 5 feet from me at this point. We lock eyes again. I quickly turn away and smile as I continue to talk to Gucci. At this point, I am not sure what he is talking about. I want to go over and introduce myself to the guy with the scarf, but I don’t have the balls.

I see a scandally clad woman headed towards him. She has her eyes set on her prize as she walks from the dance floor to him. There goes my shot, I think to myself. I am the first to give another woman props because I am not a hater and this girl was pretty, a little hoochie, but none the less, she was cute. I continue my conversation with Gucci.

After another second passes, I couldn’t help but look over again. I wasn’t going to approach him, but maybe I could get some pointers on how to. As soon as she reaches him she turns around and gyrates on his pelvis to the beat of the music.


This girl has some balls!

I look towards his face and he is just as stunned as I am. A look of both surprise and disgust take over his face. He looks at his homeboys and they are all shaking their heads.
Where the heck are this girls friends?

I look around and they are right next to her, cheering her own.

“Work him girl!” they all yell in unison.

We lock eyes again. I smile and laugh out loud.

Then he mouths something to me.

“Come help me,” he says.

Is he serious? I’m not doing anything. This is the funniest scene I have ever seen.

I shake my head and mouth, “no.”

I turn back to my friend who hasn’t even noticed what I had just witnessed and we continue to talk. I laugh again to myself quietly and think, was this girl serious? I look back his way and the girl is still dancing. I guess she didn’t get the hint and he is too much of a gentleman to push her off, or maybe he is enjoying this spectacle as well because he doesn’t. Instead, he crosses his arms and watches without moving or dancing at all. I turn back to Gucci.

Five minutes later, Gucci sees his ex by the bar and excuses himself.

I stand there for about 2 seconds watching Gucci walk towards her and I turn to find my girls. before I could take a step I see a guy reaching out for my arm. I turn towards him and it’s the guy with the scarf.

“Why didn’t you help me out?” he says.

“I didn’t know you needed help, I thought you were enjoying it,” I reply.

His eyes bulge out of their socket as he replies, “yeah right.”

“I thought it was kinda funny how the girl was oblivious to your disinterest so I guess I found it amusing, plus I didn’t feel it was my place to interrupt since I don’t even know you,” I reply.

He goes on to introduce himself. Originally he is from Inglewood but was raised in the I.E. We continue to talk and we are vibing well enough that he asks for my number. We continue to talk until the lights turn on.

My girls find me with him and quietly sit downn at the couches. Since I was the driver, they couldn't rush me. But I knew it was time to go. I already had the digits so we could always finish this discussion later. We say our goodbyes and my girls and I head for the exit. I make sure to sway my hips as I walk awaay leave Mr. IE with something to remember.

I know I said there would probably be no further posts on Mr. IE, but I thought this first meeting was quite entertaining. Plus, he called yesterday so the door hasn't been completely slammed shut just yet.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Read the Signs: He's Just Not That Into You (Me)

After a lack luster second date, I was sure that I would still give Mr. IE a chance. After all, Chicago is not here to comfort me and I don’t have a ring on my finger so why not. I never really boasted to my friends about Mr. IE because we hadn’t found our spark yet, as if it’s something I should be searching for. Nonetheless, I figured since he was still showing some interest I would keep him around for the fun of it. Well I don’t think Mr. IE has the same intentions.

I’m good at reading signs, and although it doesn’t happen too frequently, I know when a guy is not really feeling me. I must say my ego was bruised a tad bit when I came to the realization that he wasn’t feeling me as much as I wasn’t feeling him. I am an adult, and I can admit that not everyone is meant to be. It has been my history that men are usually feeling me slightly more than I am into them. Dating for me has just worked out that way, but with Mr. IE this hasn’t been the case.

I refuse to be the girl that comes up with a million reasons as to why I haven’t heard from him in the past few days. I won’t make myself believe he got back together with his ex, who he was planning on proposing to. Or that he was turned off by the fact that I take things very slow when it comes to both a physical or emotional connection. I will just say that I wasn’t a fit for him.

I know that if I decided to have a girls focus group about this dilemma, my friends would come up with a million reasons as to why he hasn’t called. Friends create, analyze, and reinforce the excuses and reasons that women come up with because it could just as easily be them with this dating dilemma. Everyone would identify with the victim, so to speak, and hope that when they are in these same shoes, their friends could also think of reasons that he has not called.

The bottom line is that men are not complicated and there are no mixed messages in this situation. If he doesn't ask you out, call you soon after a date, or want to come inside with you after a date (although I have never in 2009), then he's just not that into you.

Ladies it’s times like this when we count our losses and move on. This is a new year, don’t repeat the same mistakes. The definition of insanity is repeating the same action and expecting a different outcome. If you are on your hands and knees with a magnifying glass looking for a needle in a haystack as to why he stopped pursuing you, you're wasting your time. It just didn't click, which happens.

Maybe he doesn’t like funny, sexy, intelligent black women with virtue and values who put God above anyone else. Disclaimer: I deserve to stroke my own ego right now. My ego was slightly bruised, remember.

Although it has only been a few days since we last spoke, I wouldn’t hold my breath for another post about Mr. IE.

2 mice and no cat equals no chance.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Opposites Attract...What do Similars do?

I’m beginning to understand why they say opposites attract. Mr. IE and I have a lot in common, and that may not be too beneficial for a courtship. Our dating style is what stands out to me the most at this moment as a tad problematic.

I have always been the type to let a guy do most, if not all of the work when it comes to getting to know each another. It doesn’t matter if I like a guy or not; I hardly make much of an effort either way. Unfortunately, the same can probably be said about Mr. IE.

We went out again last week and it was much the same as the first. We have pretty cool conversation and he seems like a genuinely nice guy. Mr. IE has a lot of the qualities I want in a guy, his swag and an extensive vernacular are on point. He is very care free and is pretty good at keeping me laughing and on my toes during an encounter. The attraction is definitely there on both ends, as he has been sure to let me know on a few occasions, but I’m not sure if there will be more.

Our first two dates were both initiated by me during one of our conversations. I’m not really too forward but I find myself being more and more direct with him. We don't talk too often but when we do, I enjoy our conversations. (Not as much as my conversations with Chicago, but I do have some interest.) There is a different side of my personality that I explore when I talk to Mr. IE and that is what makes our conversations so interesting.(I won't say what makes them so fascinating, I have to keep something to myself.)

While Mr. IE has noted that he sees me as a straight forward personality he also thinks I’m an angel and has gone so far as to dedicate Beyonce’s song ‘Halo’ to me. A term I personally use very loosely to refer to myself, even as I type this story. I have even noticed that he has been trying to find some dirt on me by asking me directly, but I’m not that forthcoming just yet especially since I am not sure what his intentions are."What is the worst thing you've ever done?" "Have you ever kissed a stranger?"

I am by no means blinded by his charm. I know men tell you what you want to hear in the beginning so I am playing it by ear. I will keep Mr IE around as long as he likes or unless I see its not going somewhere.

Since he hasn’t attempted to set time to see me again, I’m starting to think maybe he is just not that interested in this angel. If any of my girls were to tell me the same scenario I would say he’s just not that into you. But since he has never refused nor has he hesitated when I suggest that we go out I’ll try not to jump to that conclusion yet. I believe I have made my interest in him clear.(I think but I'm not usually too vocal about my feelings. I show them better than I can say them.)

So I will wait to see what his next move is.

Lightning Doesn't Strike The Same Place Twice, I Pray

For the past couple of weeks I have been talking to Chicago more frequently. We are almost at daily full length conversations (talking for more than 30 mins) and I like it. He didn’t come on too strong in the beginning but now I’ve gotten to the point where I almost miss talking him if I don’t hear from him for more than 3 days. I can honestly say that I genuinely like this guy. This is not to be confused with love or with anything of too much substance, but so far, from what I know, I like talking to him.

Recently, Chicago and I started seriously discussing when we are going to see each other again. This long distance friendship is great but the only way to know if there is more is to see him in person. You can tell a lot about a person over the phone, but you can tell so much more by interacting with them and their friends. If you recall from last October, I know oh too well about this first hand. Texas was cool over the phone, but in person it just was not the same.

I have been trying to realistically think about what a trip out there would be like. The weather is the first thing that comes to mind. I know cold doesn't begin to describe the weather in Chicago and that is something I am mentally trying to prepare for. I was born and raised in Southern California and have never experienced anything below 40 degree weather, nor have I ever seen snow but this has been the least of my worries.

I've noticed that my grown woman side is beginning to take over my thought process and thinking about the dynamics of such a trip out there. If I am short changed, again, I won’t know what to do with myself. (Actually I do know, I’ll probably run head first the opposite way like I did with Texas) But who is to say that the same scenario will happen again. I’m praying it works out like lightening, where there is a slim to none chance of it striking the same place twice.

Trying to stay optmisitic...
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