At the end of this past week I was on cloud 16. In just a few weeks I had met or rekindled a flame with 5 different guys so optimism was on my side. But just as quickly as things started to look up, reality set in. I felt like I had been shopping for a great new pair of shoes and still hadn’t found a pair that looked great, felt great and screamed BUY ME!
Detroit and I went out the week following my birthday and I realize that nothing has changed. He is a great guy indeed, but something is missing. I started to feel bad again about giving him hope that something could happen and then yanking the rug out from underneath him. Something continues to draw me back to him…loneliness. I told Detroit that he needed to let me go for his own sake but he said he would do no such thing. He still calls and I guess our spurt has ended the same way it did a few months back. I don’t think I will ever be able to let him go. There is something so comfortable about being with him. He is like a pair of fall boots. I picked him up at the beginning of fall, when the season was in but now the season has changed. So I put him right back into the closet until I am ready to wear those boots again.
Arizona seemed promising at first. He was on his grind as a computer technician and planning on going back to school to finish his undergraduate degree. Turns out he had left school his senior year to pursue basketball. The fact that he wanted to finish his degree after dropping out was attractive. His stature and sex appeal reminded me of a great pair of high heel stilettos. Looks great in the box but when you put them on they just weren’t that comfortable. If I wanted to take a walk on the wild side and rock them I could have. But after he flaked on me last minute last weekend, I’ve decided he probably wouldn’t be worth it. I need some reliability and stilettos just don’t have a sturdy enough heel for me.
I knew off jump that Michigan was a little quiet but I figured he was just nervous because of the setting. So for our date I decided to see him one on one. Michigan asked me when he could cook for me and we planned our date. I met him at his apartment, which is usually a NO NO for a first date. Michigan was nice enough to prepare a nice meal for us for the night. Unfortunately, this man was boring with a cap B. It wasn’t the setting at all as I had hoped. Michigan really had no personality and the chemistry wasn’t there at all. After the first 10 minutes of my arrival, I was trying to figure out a way to leave without being rude. I knew I wasn’t feeling him at all but I didn’t know how to say it. So I sat there, with my eyes glued to his television until enough time had passed where I could safely make my escape. I haven’t returned any phone calls but I think has gotten the hint. Michigan reminded me of a pair of loafers, they look comfortable but there was a reason no one ever picked them up, they are too damn boring.
Mr. Midwest was full of energy at our first meeting and the same was true for our date. I thought I had found a great pair of, I admit older, snake skin pumps. Mr. Midwest was attractive has his own business and a great personality at 40. His age didn’t slow him down one bit and he made sure to point out that he couldn’t date women his age because he found that they slowed him down. Our evening started off nice and conversation was smooth. Mr. Midwest and I were slowly trying to get a feel for each other.
Where are you from?
Where are you going?
How are you going to get there?
Then the conversation switched into high gear. Mr. Midwest informed me that he was looking for a mate, a partner, and soon after a wife. He has two children with his ex girlfriend (not wife) of 10 years, who he will soon be in a custody battle for. Mr. Midwest then went on to explain how unfair his ex is and how they do not get a long. It seems that she broke his heart when she cheated on him although he swears he is over it because it happened long ago. How long ago, you may ask, January of this year. Immediately I could see why these shoes were up for grab. At a closer look, I realized that these pumps didn’t start off as snake skin. They were probably some nice patent leather pumps that after years of wear and tear had turned into the snake skin disaster I was trying to fit in. These were worn out and just a little too damaged for my lifestyle.
Sandwiched in all of these outings was a date with my friend Red. The week prior to our date, Red and I talked on the phone every night and chatted on AIM during the day. I usually never let a guy have that much access to me so fast but this time was different. Red wasn’t a new pair of shoes I had never seen in the store. He was a pair that had been in a catalogue on my counter all this time but I never noticed he was there. I never thought to try him on until now. I had so much fun on our date and our conversation in person was just as smooth as it had been on the phone. Red isn’t like any other pair I have ever had in my closet but I will keep him around for that reason.
And then there was one…