I can’t focus. I’ve just been hit with some reality and it’s really messing with me. I went to lunch with a coworker and told him how things were going with Red. He wasn’t surprised by the things I were saying. After I told him all the reasons I wasn’t interested and why I was going to break things off he said,”figured.”
Wow, I was a bit stunned. What could this man, who has known me for a total of 5 months, really know? Scary thing is he knew a lot. He knows I am afraid to commit. I walk around with my head on cloud 16 like it’s actually my decision. When the truth is, I wouldn’t know a good thing if it slapped me upside the head and said ‘marry me.’
Worse part about the whole ordeal is that I don’t see myself changing. I don’t know how and I’m scared to be any other way. My coworker said it goes back to my childhood and the way things ended with my mother and father. He noted that I did not have issues with women because I have many close female friends. It’s the male/ female relationship that I have issues with. Somehow I think that a man might leave the same way. And for as long as I have said that my father leaving had no affect of me, I’m starting to think it has.
Where do I go from here? I don’t want to be an old maid.
Worried...well I'm over it now...what does he know...he doesnt know me...