Friday, March 25, 2011

Mind of a Woman: Encounters of the Cute Man Kind

I was reading @WisdomIsMisery’s blog today (it’s a post from Tuesday so please give me a latepass) and I was inspired to actually put a few words in a post. It’s been a while so I’m a bit rusty. His post takes you into the mind of a man (who I happen to think he’s uber cute). He lets us know what he is thinking while approaching a woman. Allow me to give a shy woman’s version of the same interaction. I have two types of thoughts in my head at anytime and one is far more pessimistic than the other.

Picture the same scene, you're in a grocery store and notice a cute guy. When it comes to cute guys, most likely I saw you before you saw me.

Shy Thought #1: Is he single? Where’s his girl? Can he cook? Damn he cute. I should go holla. But I’ll just keep staring at these vegetables.

Shy Thought #2: No, go talk to him. Break the ice.

ST #1: Nope. Imma stand right here frozen until he disappears and I can go get that spinach I actually came for.

ST# 2: Come on girl. Be different for once. Why do men ALWAYS have to approach you first?

ST #1: Because that’s the way it’s supposed to be besides that’s not my style. It’s been working for this long, why change now. Plus, men hate being approached anyway.

Him: Hi.

Me: Hi.

*Awkward moment*

ST #2: Dang girl, say something else.

ST #1: I knew you were gonna freeze.

Him: I seen you from over there looking at veggies…you looked real confused.

Me: Yeah. Trying to decide if I should get broccoli or the mixed ones.

ST #1: Okay good. You came up with that lie pretty quickly. Good ish.

Him: Depends on what you like. Variety is the spice of life though…

Me: *laughs* So you’re suggesting I get the mixed veggies. You work here?

ST #1: Of course he doesn’t work here. It’s flirting! You mean ass.

Him: *looks at Me and looks at self* Hell nah!

ST #1: Oh okay. He gotta a little thug. Caute.

Me: I’m saying you over here recommending vegetables and whatnot.

ST #1: What did I tell you about that? Let him get his flirt on.

ST #2: If he has a sense of humor, he’ll laugh though, right.

ST #1: Please laugh! I’m not mean!

Him: Just trying to help YOU out.

Him: So…you here by yourself?

Me: Yeah.

ST #1: Wait you didn’t even let him get the full sentence out. Desperate much? I hope he doesn’t actually work here.

ST #1: *Looks him up and down* Naw he’s definitely flirting. Let him carry on.

Him: I’m saying, you got enough food to cook for a small village.

ST #1: *Looks in grocery cart* Dang I do have a lot of food. Should I mention I have a sister and I cook for the both of us.

St #2: Girl chill. He doesn’t need to hear your life story just yet.

Me: Can a sister get her cook on?

Him: You can do what you like. I’m sure your man appreciates the food.

ST #1: Okay he is flirting. *phew*

ST #2: Of course he’s flirting. Now speak. You’ve been quiet for a minute

Me: He would if I had one. Is that your way of asking me if I have a boyfriend?

Him: Only if the answer to the question is no. If it’s yes, let’s just finish the conversation and I’ll let you go on about your business.

Me: *laughs* Oh. Ok. Well I don’t have one.

ST #1: I hope he didn’t see me accidentally spit a little in excitement.

ST #2: Alright cool come on. Ask me for my number!

Him: CHEA!…urr…

Me: What?

ST #1: This ninja is hella juiced.

ST #2: Glad I’m not the only one.

Him: Nothing…so…I’m not trying to keep you or anything but I think you’re cute and if it’s cool with, I’d like to give you a call later. Just to ask you how my executive decision about your veggies came out.

Me: *laughs*

ST #2: That’s not a yes. Say Yes! Speak!

Me: That’s cool. Here.

Him: Aight. Well, I’m usually in school most of the day, but I’ll give you a call either tom or the day after.

Me: Look forward to hearing from you.

ST #1: You didn’t need to say all that

Him: Looking forward to calling. Peace.

ST #2: Dang I wouldn’t mind ripping off all his clothes right now. *imagines him in his birthday suit and smiles*

Me: Later =)

ST #2: Okay that wasn’t that bad. I hope he actually calls.

ST #1: You doubted yourself for nothing. He’s going to call.

Fellas, these are pretty girl problems. No matter the woman, we get nervous too!! I am always nervous when I’m in the vicinity of a guy I think is remotely cute. And when he speaks to me, my brain freezes and I say and do dumb things. Usually, guys are so nervous themselves, they give me a chance anyway, and for that I say thank you. So the next time a girl goes out of her way to avoid eye contact, it doesn’t mean she thinks you aren’t cute, it means you might be freaking her out. [Notice I said sometimes, other times, yall are bug a boos. I can’t really give you clear signs to look for in this already long post.]

One thing is for sure, I know that men like when a girl smiles. It goes a long way. But if I’m multi tasking, my attempt at a smile usually turns into me tripping over something. I’m pretty clumsy when my nerves get to me.

If you make ME fumble, you’re IN! I’m still working on that smile.
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