Thursday, May 28, 2009

As the Tables Turn

The bright red sign read:

Do not pass go.
Do not collect a single bachelor.

As recent as three months ago, this man had been around for the last two years patiently waiting for his second turn with me. I wasn't at a point in my life where I appreciated what I had in front of me. Just when I recognized it, he moved on with someone else, Ms. Red.

Fast forward to this past weekend, I had finally come to grips with this red status. His calls had become less and less frequent and Detroit was no longer a part of my life in that way. Plus, Chicago had finally made his way to L.A. and I was more concerned with exploring those opportunities.

After this week, I just don’t understand Detroit and what went through his head when he decided to reverse our relation. He hadn’t crossed my mind in the last couple of weeks because I was so enamored with Chicago and my weekend roundezvous with him. I haven’t thought about him, Ms. Red or our whole triangle for a while now. He had moved on and now I was beginning to do the same. Just when things in my life are beginning to make sense, Detroit decides he wants to confuse me all over again. The thing is I’m not confused anymore.

When he came over a couple of nights ago, the only thing on my mind was Chicago (and what color to paint the walls in my new apartment. I think I’ve picked out a pretty color palate.) The only benefit I got from his visit was the stroking of my ego. It doesn't hurt to know that a guy you were once interested in, is now interested in you. This doesn't mean that I don't still have feelings for him, because by no means were they turned off, it's just I look at him differently now since his visit.

At several points throughout the night I made sure to mention Ms. Red. At no point did he refute their relationship so I couldn't figure out the purpose of his visit since he has her. I refuse to believe that all men are the same, but yesterdays events were a bit disheartening. Knowing all that I know about him and Ms. Red, I just don't understand it.

He never confirmed whether or not he was still with Ms. Red, but he never denied it either. Plus his screen saver was a dead give away of some type of current relationship.

That's a serious turn off when guys are down to cheat with you because that means they're willing to cheat on you. - Jaded Radiance


Why has Detroit decided to make an appearance now? What does he want from me? (I'm sure these were probably some of the questions going through his head in April.)

Does this mean he is back at orange/yellow status?

The answer to those questions don't matter...

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Letting it flow...(Part II)

I spent the entire week after going to see Chicago in San Diego stressing about what everything meant. Thinking that I needed to have a concrete answer to last weekend’s events and that I needed every question that came to mind answered. Thinking, as I normally do, that if you don’t request my time weeks in advance, that maybe you aren’t that interested in spending time with me. Thinking that maybe, that weekend of fun was just that, one weekend.

Chicago was going to be in LA this past weekend and hadn’t made any requests to see me while here. I thought for sure that maybe he wasn’t as interested in me as I was in him since he didn’t. I could tell when my friends asked me whether or not I would be seeing him while he was LA that they were just as disappointed with my answer as I was, “I don’t know.”

I did my best at every conversation with Chicago during that week not to let this concern show. I had plans for Friday night anyway, so it’s not like I was going to be stuck at home alone. It seems that someone I know was always celebrating something so my calendar stays packed. If Chicago wanted to see me he should have told me sooner.

It turned out that I spent everyday this pass weekend with him. From Friday, where I introduced him to some friends until late Sunday, any free time I had was spent with him. This weekend was just like last weekend, being in his company was stimulating and exhilarating. Our conversations kept my mind working and his sense of humor kept me laughing.

There was another by product of this weekend besides not having planned out our time together; I noticed that I became less of a phone hog. What is a phone you may ask? You know, those people who walk around with their cell phones in their hands, waiting for someone to call, email, text, Facebook or Blackberry them so that they can quickly reply. Yeah that is usually me.

Going along with my organizer instinct is this bad habit of always having my cell phone in my hand to make sure that I was available for other people. Something I had never thought twice about but could not understand why they couldn’t or wouldn’t do the same for me at times. This weekend, answering my phone promptly was out of the question. I was in my own world with Chicago no matter where we were and it felt great to relinquish some of the responsibilities of being the organizer.

My phone stayed out of my hand and in my pocket. I feel that it is rude to be in someone’s company and to constantly be checking your phone. So this weekend, like last weekend, I turned my phone on silent and enjoyed Chicago’s company. Doing this made me realize that not having everything planned out and not checking my phone 24/7 isn’t a bad thing. Sometimes it feels great to just go with the flow.

Disclaimer: don’t go with the flow right before your sister’s graduation if you are the designated driver. People may get very worried.

I think I may try this more often. As long as I am not inconsiderate of other people’s time, I won’t be so readily available. That’s what they make voicemails for anyway right. If I don’t have any scheduled plans, I’ll probably have my phone tucked somewhere out of sight.

Dear Friends,

I know that you are not used to me saying this but please leave a message after the tone. I know it may be hard, seeing as though you rarely ever hear it but I will get back to you as soon as possible.


Signed,

Ms. Relieved aka Si Si

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

It's Cool I Got It

Picture this: You’re out on a first date with a person I hope you have some interest in. The waiter will come to the table to drop off the bill. Nine times out of ten, if they are a woman, they will place the bill directly in front of the male. If it is a male waiter, there is a 50/50 chance that the bill will be placed at the center of the table or directly in front of the male. I have rarely ever gone out and found that a waiter or waitress places the bill in front of the woman.

What you do at this point says a lot about your character. (Both male and female)

If I’m not interested, the scenario will play out like this and believe that I’m so smooth, I won’t even flinch. I’ll look you straight in your eye and wait for your response. The bill will be placed at the table and I will continue our conversation as if nothing has happened. If he is a gentleman, he will immediately pick up the bill, without looking completely disgusted at our total; place his AMEX or Visa inside the folder and continue our conversation. I have a sly way of checking out what type of tip is left as well; points will be docked from cheap asses immediately.

Now picture this: you had such a great time, or it was at least bareable and have decided to go out again. This time I try something a little different. The most common reaction I have gotten is a look of surprise when I pull out my credit card. I then watch my dates face cringe and twist into ways I’ve never seen before. Most of the time when I say, “its cool I got it,” my male dates don’t know how to act but that's not always the case.

“Oh really, you got it, cool?” (While looking relieved they don’t have to use their last few dollars on one dinner.)

“Ummm, no that’s okay. I got it.” (While giving me the, ‘I’m a man and I’m here to take care of you’ look.)

“Well let me at least take care of the tip.” (While looking a bit defeated but wanting to at least contribute to our meal.)


I always pay close attention to theses responses. Now mind you, I won’t pull my credit card out if I don’t actually have some type of interest in the guy I am sharing a table with. If I have absolutely no interest in seeing you again, trust me, I aint budging when the check comes.

If you utter any words that sound remotely like this before I willingly pull out my credit card : “You got this one right, since I paid for the last one, right?!?!?!” you better believe, no I aint got it and yes this is the last time I will be seeing you.

Why is it that some men feel so emasculated by a woman paying the bill while others expect their dates to contribute at least something or even half the time?

I personally don’t like paying when I feel it is expected, but I don’t mind picking up a few bills every once in a while since I recognize that dating is expensive. But that whole 50/50 thing has just never registered with me and honestly I don’t think it will. Men should know how much they can and cannot afford and stay within those boundaries. I don't need an expensive meal to have fun. So again I must say, creativity is attractive.

What is your opinion? Does Ne-Yo have it right?

How many times have you said, “Its cool, I got it.”

Cue music…

Ne-Yo (She got her own)

I love her cause she got her own
She don't need mine, so she leave mine alone
There ain't nothing that's more crazy
Than a girl that want but don't need me (oh!)
Young independent, yea she work hard
But you can't tell from the way that she walk
She don't slow down 'cause she ain't got time
To be complaining, shawty gone shine
She don't expect nothing from no guy
She plays aggressive, but she still shy
But you never know her softer side
By lookin' in her eyes....
Knowin' she can do for herself
Makes me wanna give her my wealth
Only kinda girl I want
Independent queen workin' for her throne
I love her cause she got her own...
She got her own
I love her cause she got her own
She got her own
I love it when she say
It's cool I got it, I got it, I got it
I love it when she say
It's cool I got it, I got it, I got it

-------------------------
I still believe that each sex has their own roles and I make sure not to take that away when I offer to pay. It's okay to tell me no.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Ignorance is Not Bliss

You ever get a feeling that something just isn’t right but you can’t put your finger on it. On all accounts, everything fell into place this weekend, but something is off and I’m not sure what it is. One part of me wants to stay on cloud 16 and to hope that everything will work out, but the other part is a realist. It’s telling me that not everything is roses and that I need to dig deeper for my own benefit.

Since I identified this issue, I have concluded that the best way to deal with it was head on. At first I thought it would benefit me not to know all the things that he was actually willing to tell me, but now I’m feeling the exact opposite. In the past when I got this type of feeling, I put my guards up and slowly pulled away. I don’t want that to happen this time. I want my actions from this point on to be justified and in order to do that I need to ask some hard hitting questions.

I know there is a very high possibility I won’t like all the feedback I receive, but I’d rather hear it now than continue to falsely live in bliss. Ignorance is not bliss; it’s actually kind of annoying as a matter of fact. So I’m done with being this way.

I want the hard truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me God.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Making it Count: Beginning of the road

Part IV

Chicago did some research before he came and had a few places he wanted to visit while tin San Diego. One of the places we went to was a lounge on the 40th floor of Hyatt hotel for drinks and more dialogue. Yes I said drinks. I had a strawberry lemon drop martini. I still don’t understand why people drink but I decided to partake in it nonetheless. My feelings about alcohol still haven’t changed. I will most likely be going back to being a plain Jane sober queen once. I did enjoy the beautiful view of downtown but I could not easily disguise my fear of heights. (Didn’t I mention I was terrified of heights?)

The rest of the weekend played out this way. We spent our time sight seeing, talking and really getting a feel for each other and our personalities. Chicago and I have a lot in common and our sarcasm tops the list. It’s hard for me to find someone who appreciates my remarks that are usually misconstrued as bitter bitchiness. I never had to explain a joke, or felt responsible for directing the conversation. (This is something I seem to always struggle with when dating, cant people take a joke?) I was completely uncensored and it felt great!

Although we do have some things we need to discuss in further detail, one thing I know for sure is that I had a lot of fun and I don’t regret a thing. The timing was right, the weekend was right and the hotel was beautiful. I enjoy his company and being in his presence felt safe, easy and effortless. Our chemistry is undeniable.

But what does that mean now?

It means I am still taking it one day at a time.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Making it Count: Perfect Picture

Part III

A few weeks back, while Chicago was planning his trip he asked me whether or not I wanted to share a bed or if I wanted a bed of my own. I ultimately left the decision up to him and he decided two beds were appropriate.

He didn’t want impose anything expectations on me. “I wanted to be a gentleman,” he replied to my facial reaction to the room set up.

“Thank you,” I replied out loud.

While we were discussing the arrangements, my head was going through its own exchange. The battle between appreciating his gesture and not wasting time had begun.

We sat down on the separate beds and began talking. “What was your first impression,” he asked.

“He is cute in person,” I bashfully replied and turned away.

We decided that we were going to take some time to walk around the resort. This way he could enjoy California weather and we could just talk simultaneously.

When he stepped away to use the restroom the phone rang.

“Can you get that,” Chicago yelled from behind the bathroom door.

You want me to answer your room phone, I thought.

I picked up the phone and it was one of our passengers. He and his wife wanted to know what we were going to get into for the early afternoon. I let him know of our plans and he invited himself and his wife along.

“That sounds like a great idea. Can we meet you guys in 30 minutes in the lobby?”

“Sure,” I hesitantly replied.

I hadn’t been with Chicago for more than 15 minutes before I would have to share him again.

He came out of the restroom, “What did they want,” he asked.

I informed Chicago of our now couples resort walk, “They want to come with us. I told them we would meet them in the lobby in 30 minutes. So I told them yes.”

“We haven’t had any time together yet and you told them they could come?”

I didn’t want to be rude to his friends.

We met his coworker and his wife, lets call them Hector and Reba, at the lobby and headed out to explore the resort. The hotel offered a number of water sports, which I told him I would not be participating in. Chicago said that he understood since my hair did look nice and brand new. I told him next time I’d be prepared for the water activities.

I had to take a step back when those words came out of my mouth. I was already referencing a time in the future that he may not want to occur.

We continued walking and talking. Hector and Reba were close behind as we followed the path around the lake of the hotel.

Conversation flowed with ease during the entire walk, as it had for the past umpteen months. This time we had facial expressions to go along with them, which made him that much more entertaining. Chicago is a very funny character who kept me laughing the entire time. He also had an inviting charm about him. So much so that I couldn’t help but stand close to Chicago, almost attaching myself to his hip as we walked. After about 10 minutes of playfully flirting and I intertwined my arms with his. No matter where we went, we stayed that way for most of my trip. He would always make sure to open every door so that I went in first and then extend his arm for me to hold on to. I felt like a little girl: safe and cared for.

From the outside looking in, any person who saw us would have thought we were a happy couple.

Making it Count: R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

Part 2

The drive from LA to San Diego is a complete blur. Time seemed to drag in anticipation of 11 o’clock. I kept a smooth steady pace the entire ride. What good would I be if I was pulled over on the way for speeding?

By 10, I reached the San Diego International Airport exit. I was an hour early with nothing to do. I stopped at a local grocery store to kill some time. Although I had never been to the SD Airport, I knew that I couldn’t park there, for free, for an hour and wait. I didn’t actually need anything so when 10:45 came; I walked right out and headed straight to my car.

When I arrived at airport, I drove around trying to familiarize myself with the layout. The airport only had 3 terminals.

At that moment, my phone rang. “How was the drive?”

“It wasn’t that bad actually,” I replied, “Where are you?”

“We just landed and they are letting us off the plane. I’ll meet you outside the American Airlines baggage claim.” Chicago replied.

“Okay, I’m here so I’ll be waiting outside in a [insert color and model of my car],” I responded.

I circled the airport one more time and finally stopped at the American Airline terminal.

I parked and sat in the driver seat. I had agreed a few weeks before to drive his coworker and wife to his same hotel. So I was on the lookout for a couple and one single black male. The terminal was filled with Caucasian flyers so I knew I would be able to spot him right away.

Should I wait outside at the curb? Should I stay in the car? I didn’t know what to do with myself.

I saw three bodies head towards my car. I remained in the driver seat as I waived their way and popped my truck.

As they piled their bags into my car, I debated whether or not I should get out and help.

Get out of the damn car, I exclaimed to myself. As I headed toward the trunk, I took a moment to check out Chicago. He was much taller than I remembered and I could see the slight definition of his arms showing from underneath his sweater.

“It’s good to see you. You’re a lot cuter than I remember,” Chicago said as he gave me a long embrace.

As we held each other I couldn’t help but smell his cologne; he smelled nice. “It's good seeing you too,” I replied.

Chicago introduced me to my soon to be passengers. After we exchanged hello’s, we headed to the hotel.

After everyone got their room keys, we agreed to meet in the lobby in a couple of hours. Chicago grabbed my bag and we walked to our room. "Chivalry isn't dead," I commented.

"Of course not," he smiled and replied.

Chicago asked me about my drive and caught up on the past few hours of our respective mornings. He was both attentive and interested in everything I had to say. I felt so comfortable being around him. I immediately felt my guard slowly coming down. Although this was the first time I was seeing him in person since last November, I felt like no time had passed since our last meeting.

He opened the hotel room to let me in. Chivalry check. Courtesy check. Cuteness check, check.

So far, so good, I thought.

I walked into the room and noticed their were two Queen-sized beds. I turned and looked at him in amazement.

Two beds...

Making it Count: Excited

Part 1

There was no way I was going out Friday night. Too many thoughts were going through my head and I hadn’t packed one single item during the week like I had planned. After throwing some clothes in my suitcase, I set my alarm for 7 am. I knew the drive from Los Angeles to San Diego would be an exhausting one so I wanted to get plenty of rest. By 11 pm I was in bed, lights off and eyes shut. Unfortunately, I spent most of the night I tossing and turning, constantly failing at forcing myself to sleep.

Before the sun came up the next morning my phone rang. I had finally forced myself to sleep a few hours before but someone decided they wanted to wake me at that moment. I rolled over to check the time. I felt like I hadn’t been sleep for longer than 2 minutes so I knew it had to be early.

5:15, my clock red in bright letters.

Who the heck is calling me this early in the morning, I thought to myself. I reached over and picked up my cell phone. Chicago’s screen saver popped up. I smiled, sat up and put on my best morning voice. “Hello.”

“Well good morning. I can’t wait to see you. I’m sitting at the airport anxiously waiting. I wanted to make sure you didn’t get cold feet,” he said.

“No, I’ll be there at 11:30,” I assertively replied.

He wanted to make sure that he had given me the right time so he asked the flight attendant what time they should expect to be in LA.

“11,” I heard her reply.

“11?!?!”

“I guess our flight is going to be early. So we’ll be there at 11. Is that okay?”

“That’s fine; I’ll be there at 11. See you soon.”

As we hung up I was both happy that he would be here sooner but grumpy because I was so tired. I lay back in the bed and attempted to get more sleep.

Beep Beep Beeeeeeep!!! Beep Beep Beeeeeeep!!!

My alarm abruptly snapped me out of my dream. This time I really was awake and about to face reality. In a matter of hours I was going to be face to face with Chicago.

For a short second my trip to Texas crossed my mind. For some reason I had a feeling this was not going to be the same; which was both reassuring and scary.

I hopped out of bed and into the shower. I had laid everything out the night before so I was out the door within 45 minutes.

I checked the clock before I left.

8:00

I was on time, wide awake and ready for my drive to San Diego.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Letting it flow...

While I’m not trying not to prematurely shoot myself in the foot (have you noticed that I use a lot of idioms,) I can’t help but be skeptical about tomorrow. It must be my addiction to over analyzing things that has me creating different scenarios about this weekend with Chicago. I prepared myself for all of the probable “events” that may occur by plucking, tucking, pressing and painting myself as much as humanly possibly. I’ve been primped so much this week, its ridiculous.

Lighting doesn’t strike the same place twice right (there I go again with these cliches.) Let’s hope the fact that Texas hitting me up this morning isn’t a sign that it will. Texas wants to come out here and see me in July. Yeah, that will happen when pigs fly. (I had to end with one last cliche.)

*And no, swine flu does not count as pigs flying.*

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

My Happy Medium: Not sure what it is yet

Why is it when I get exactly what I’ve been complaining about not having, I change my mind? I’ve said for the longest the type of man I want. He had to be X, Y and most importantly Z. But it seems that the more, let’s call him suitor A, plays the role, the more I wish he would change.

Suitor A doesn’t contact me too often during the week. He claims that the week is the busiest for him and that he will try and make time for me during the weekend. According to him he has a jam packed schedule which doesn’t allow for much contact throughout the week. I always say, you make time for what you want. So I recognize that at this point in time, I don’t fall very high on that list. But at the same time, I feel like he could do more.

Suitor B is the complete opposite. He has thrown me into the mix of his life at 90 miles an hour. Suitor B makes sure to contact me throughout the day, everyday. He wakes me up in the morning with a message and he is the last person to contact me at night, most of the time. His friends must know who I am because recently he added me to one of his group chats that included 6 males and me. I was watching the Lakers game and when I picked up my phone I had been thrown into a blackberry group chat where he repeatedly called me out on things. They joined in on the fun and I spent the entire game chatting with him and all of his friends. Suitor B is always making plans to see me and I recognize it and appreciate it.

Unfortunately, I think I have more interest in Suitor A, than Suitor B.

I’m not rushing anything with either of them, which is why neither of them gets a name at this point. I’m just wondering, why is it that I can’t identify my happy medium. I feel like Goldilocks trying to find the bed that fits me just right. At this point, the first one is too small (or makes too little contact), while the second might be too big (or makes a lot but not necessarily too much contact.)

Should I try one more bed or work with what I’ve got? Since I have been in this scenario before I know that they will solve this dilemma for me. So I’ll keep standing next to them, until they figure it out.

I hope this doesn’t take too long; I’m wearing 4-inch heels for goodness sake.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Rejection: How Much Information is Too Much?

Last month I was in the gym, winding down after a long workout and a gentleman approached me. I use the term gentleman because at every moment in our interaction, he showed me nothing but respect.

It was 9:30 at night so the gym was just beginning to wind down.I had just completed my 5k and 30 minutes of resistance training so I was feeling quite accomplished. I moved over to the mats to do my 10 minute cool down stretch. I put my headphones on, in hopes that no one would interrupt me before I left.

I saw a nice looking man approach my area, which was basically empty, and sit on an apparatus that looked like a trapezoid. I wasn’t sure what it was used for, but I didn’t think the man who was on it did either. He was curled up in an almost fetal position, and began “stretching.”

After about eight good minutes of messing around with the machine, he got my attention. I turned my head towards him while I stretched my legs and we caught eyes. I could see his lips forming some type of sentence but my earphones were so loud I couldn’t tell what he said.

I removed the earphones from my ears and said, “Excuse me?” He repeated it, “You must be at least 6 feet?” (I’ve never heard that before, I thought to myself as I chuckled at his unoriginality.)

Since I would be leaving soon I didn’t see any harm in being friendly. We exchanged a few words about my height, his career and my current dating status. At some point he mentioned that his sister was 6 ‘1 so he knows what its like to be around extraordinarily tall women. He also mentioned that he loved dating tall women.

He asked if it would be okay to call me sometime and possibly go to dinner. He was nice and unobtrusive in his approach and at no point did he make reference to my physique or anything that would make me feel uncomfortable so I told him yes. Plus he was kind of cute. I was surprised to have met such a nice guy in the gym. Most of the ones I have met weren’t nearly as polite and pleasant. We agreed that he could call me tonight. Once I told him a time, he ran downstairs to get his cell phone. I laughed to myself about how quickly he exited.

I decided to meet him downstairs; I was on my way out anyway. He came out and I was in shock. Between his amazement about my height, his dating habits and the stature of his sister I assumed that this man must have been at least 6 foot 3. As he walked out with his phone in his hand, I attempted to hold back the look of astonishmen. As he neared me, I guestimmated that he must have been no taller than 5 foot 9.

He resumed with his natural charm as he asked me for my number. I thought for a second. It was too late to say no, right? I slowly and hesitantly gave him my number. He asked if 10:30 was still a good time to call tonight. “Umm,” I paused for 3 seconds and replied with an unemphatic, “yeah”

As I walked to my car, I tried to replay the past 10 minutes. I realized that at no point during out initial interaction did he and I stand next to each other. And that although his sister was a giant like me, that didn’t automatically ensure he wouldn’t be heightly challenged.

I sat in my car thinking of how I could get out of this. I didn’t want him to call me at 10:30. I wanted to end this before it went any further. I didn’t want to play games and not answer his phone call so I felt he deserved the truth so I sent him a text message:

“It was nice meeting you and I will surely say hi when I see you around but I can’t handle the height difference between us. My apologies for not saying it sooner.’

At that moment I let out a sigh of relief. Men always say they want to the truth from women, so I gave it to him and patted myself on the back. 10 minutes he replied: Lol. But I’m good looking and in shape. It’s cool tho.

After 10 addtional minutes had passed, he gave me a call. This must have been the most awkward conversation I had ever had with a man. He was just leaving the gym and wanted to make sure I hadn’t changed my mind. He asked me how I was and let me know that I was a nice girl he wanted to get to know. We talked for 5 minutes about I don't know what and then he brought it up again.

“You sure you can’t handle the height difference? I’m a good 5 foot 8 and a half,” he exclaimed. “I’m sure I can’t.”

We talked for an additional two minutes and I wished me a goodnight. I haven’t heard from him since.

Every time I retell the events and our exchanges to my friends both male and female, they gasp at my blunt honesty. They concluded that I was downright mean.

I figured he deserved to know the truth, but I can see how that may have been a bit too much truth.

The list of what I can’t say has been growing.

1. You’re too fat.
2. Your penis is too small.
3. You smell.
4. Your eyes are too close together.
5. You’re too short. (I just added this one.)

Anything that has to do with physical appearance, educational attainment/future aspirations and personal hygiene are automatically a no no when it comes to delivering rejection.

Next time I will just give the general, “I'm not interested." Which I will follow up with the "You're just not my type," if probed. If a man wants to know details beyond that, the gloves are coming off.

Am I missing any other taboo rejection tactics?

------------------------------------

Mon @ 7:58pm
KD: 6. I think I'm more attractive than you so I should be able to do better.

Monday, May 4, 2009

May Recap

With everything that has been going on, I haven’t been on one single date. I haven’t even given out my phone number. And those men that were around have fallen to the wayside. For the last few weeks my world has been turned upside down but luckily for me I landed on my two big sturdy feet.

I had to get a new apartment but it was truly a blessing in disguise. Because of it, I am actually excited when I think about going home. Recently I have spent countless hours thinking of ways I can add a little spice to it and best thing of all, I have complete and total privacy. Its funny how four walls can make a person as happy as it has for me.

I will be spending the next couple of weeks playing interior decorator. This past weekend was exhausting and expensive, but also exhilarating. This blank canvas that I have been given to create my dream world is the apple of my eye right now. And any man who wants any of my time will have to find a way to fit in. Which may be a tad bit difficult, being that I am 6 feet tall and quite strong, I don’t really require a mans height or strength when it comes to hanging things.

If the right man comes along in between my drive from work to home and vice versa, I guess I’ll look up from my steering wheel and give him a chance.

Here are the few that have made it through my hiatus and are kinda still around:

1. Detroit – I think that I am leaning on him more lately because I know that he is not available. When he told me he would be coming to my friends’ fundraiser a lounge, I texted and told him to leave Mrs. Red at home. I of course followed that with a “j/k.” Which he immediately knew was insincere and he called me out on it. “You’re not playing,” he replied. “I am definitely not playing,” I replied.

At the party, I tried not to stay in any one spot too long, as I normally do. I had to work the room. Our relationship is based strongly on sarcasm. Something I also share with his friend. We don’t usually take any comment personally, which is what makes our conversations so entertaining. At one point in the night his friend felt a bit stung about a comment Detroit had made earlier and decided that the best way to get him back was to share some information with me. Detroit clowned the fact that he wouldn’t be getting married any time soon and his friend said, “Well yeah, seeing as you are definitely on that path, I guess not.”

I immediately excused myself from the conversation. The comment was supposed to make Detroit uneasy, as it did, but it also made me uneasy as well. I know, Detroit is in a relationship, but it didn’t dawn on me how serious things could be getting with is current partner. I know that if I want to say something, the time is now, but it isn’t getting any easier as time passes.

2. Chicago – He is coming out here next Friday and he has been one of those causalities of my move. I just haven’t had time or desire to sit on the phone with him for hours on end. But at the same time, I haven’t had too many missed calls to not return. At this point, I’m not even sure I’m going to see him when he comes out here. I’ll know for sure by the end of the week.
3. That’s it…there are no more…shocking I know.

My list hasn’t been this short all year. Actually it has never been this short. Especially considering the fact that Detroit doesn’t count and Chicago doesn’t really either.

Fortunately, right now I’m not concerned about it. I’m focused on me 100 percent. Plus, I don’t have any furniture in my room just yet and rug burn is no laughing matter.
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