Sunday, October 26, 2008

A Second Chance: The Departure

When I woke up the next morning I had mixed emotions about my imminent departure. I was excited to be going home, but I was also sad that my time in Texas didn’t turn out exactly how I expected. Texas and I had spent 4 days together, joking around a lot but I wasn’t sure if there was more. I have always been the type to go with the flow but this was not sitting right with me. I don’t know what kind of flow this was, but I wasn’t feeling it. Because Dallas and I had did spend a lot of the time, talking and enjoying each others presence in Texas, I wasn’t completely upset. I was thinking that he wasn’t attracted to me on any level other than friendship. How is it that he could have me, a beautiful, young curvy girl at his side for four days and he hadn’t attempted anything more than a simple peck all weekend?

If I was in the same situation with any guy from my hometown, this story would have played out much differently. I probably would’ve needed some pepper spray in my purse to survive such a trip. Texas being a gentleman was what attracted me to him. Even though he was not originally from Dallas, he had so many southern qualities, which I loved. I’ve always said that I don’t see myself marrying a guy from California anyway. So even though he was from Cali, he didn’t act like it, and that’s what I loved. After asking my girls what it could be, they all said the same thing. “Girl, relax, he is being a gentlemen, something we are not used to,” they all said. This got me thinking. Why is that I was so quick to write him off, when he was probably just being a gentleman.

What is it that I equate affection and physical acts with true attraction? Just because he hadn’t tried anything doesn’t mean he wasn’t interested. Why couldn’t I appreciate that he wanted to get to know me and not just my body? What had growing up in LA really done to me?

I spent the morning reflecting before I got out of bed. Dallas had to work until 12 that morning, so he wasn’t there when I woke. I made myself some breakfast, packed and went to sit in the living room and wait for him to return home. I wanted to be the first thing he saw when he came home. I turned on the TV and fell asleep. He walked in and stood in the doorway. Texas watched me sleep for a minute before waking me. I could feel that he had entered the room, but for some reason I didn’t move. I didn’t open my eyes right away or make any movements, I just laid there. Texas walked over to me and asked me if I was ok. I told him I was fine and I was just waiting for him to return. He joked that I didn’t do a good job since it was only 1 in the afternoon and I was sleep. Texas told me to get ready because he had one more place to take me before I left that evening.

Texas was surprised that I was l already packed and ready to go. He joked that I was probably going to go running out of the door. But the truth was that I enjoyed being there with him. My time there had give me a slight glimpse into what life could be like if I lived with someone I was with. I knew that there were many ways it would be different, but it was nice to have a glimpse into that life. It made we realize I wasn’t ready for it at all. I enjoy my freedom and I being able to come and go when I please. I know that my feelings about this could all change if the right man came along. But as things stood, I was happy with my life back in LA.

We piled mu bags into his car and I said goodbye to his house for the last time. We headed to the infamous Dallas mall. I wouldn’t call it infamous, since it wasn’t the size of the ‘Mall of America.” For people in Texas it was one of the largest in the area. On the way there he told me he wanted to take me ice skating there and I got excited. I loved to skate and I had never been skating at a mall so I thought this was a brilliant idea. Also, on the way I discovered neither one of us were too skilled when it came to skating so I began to imagine how cute it would be to continuously fall in his arms; only to make him fall at the same time.

I remember mentioning to Texas, on several occasions during my trip that I wanted a souvenir. Something I could look at when I got home and immediately think of him. When we pulled up to the mall, Texas said he was going to make sure I did exactly that. He took me to several stores and tricked me out in Dallas and Dallas Cowboys gear. I must say I surely did enjoy being taken into a store and being told to pick whatever I like. I started humming T.I. ‘Whatever you like,” as I shopped. I was enjoying this shopping spree, even if it were only for Dallas oriented stores. As soon as I picked up an item I liked, Texas picked it up, took it to the register and paid for it. Then he picked up my bags and carried them for me as well. I could get used to this. In the end, I only left Dallas with 2 shirts. Although Texas urged me to get more, I didn’t feel comfortable spending too much more of his money. I mean, he had already spent a lot on me in the days prior and I didn't want to go overboard.

By the time I left, one thing was for certain: there was no romantic chemistry between us. Even the sun setting on the lake couldn't create a connection. When I got to the airport and we said our goodbyes, I knew this would be the last time I saw Texas. At least I had seen him and I wouldn't have to wonder what if any longer.

There was nothing between us.

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