Wednesday, November 17, 2010

The Break-Up List

Rachel: Girl, I don't know why I stopped talking to Jerome.

Nicole: You don't remember how he made you hold his piece**?

Rachel: He needed that for protection. I blame society not him.

Nicole: How about how when he was driving your car, got shot at in it, left your car in the street with the key in the ignition because he didn't want to get caught by the police? Oh and lets not forget your uncle had to pick it up from the impound.

Rachel: Girl that wasn't really his fault. That could happen to anyone. I got my car back didn't I?

Nicole: What about the fact that he has no where to live and if yall get back together, he'll ask to move back in?

Rachel: Oh yeah, he used to eat up all my fruit snacks, I don't know what I was thinking.

*The names of these stories have been changed to protect the identity of those parties involved. These are true events!

**A Gun, knife, or other weapon.

You ever end a relationship and after a while wonder why? When I first end a relationship, I constantly remind myself why I walked away. But after some time has passed, those negative memories begin to fade and all of the great things my old partner used to do rise to the surface like oil in water. As more time passes, I sometimes question why it is exactly things didn't work out. For this reason, dating me includes a revolving door. For the most part, every guy from my past has reentered it several weeks, days or even years later because from what I remember, the break-up wasn't that bad. I can't let this happen again, especially not with Jerse.

Since I'm all about being prepared for the future, I came up with what I have dubbed 'The Break-Up List.' What I did was take out a sheet of paper (a laptop won't show the emotion like a pen stroke) and wrote down all the reasons I originally decided to end things with him. I included examples just in case my future self thought I was exaggerating the circumstances. When I had the urge to reach out to him, I picked up my list and smacked myself. After reading #4 on my list, I recalled a time he disappeared for a few days. No call. No text. Nothing. Oh how quickly we forget.

Its only been a week but its working so far. I haven't said one peep to him. As a matter of fact, I just thought of something else to add to that list. Smdh.

How do you make sure not to repeat the same mistakes? Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? How do you keep yourself from contacting an old flame?

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

He Put A Ring On It!

Not me fool, on my girl Mocha. I've known her since the beginning of her relationship with her man and I could tell by the way she talked about him that this day would come one day. I was overjoyed when a little over two years later she asked me to witness the union and I must say it was the most beautiful ceremony I've ever been to. I've been to my share of weddings, especially in the past year, but that was by far the best one. Not because the dinner was finger licking good. Not because they had the best live band who covered all the hits. No it was because I've never seen a couple that much in love. The doting, the beaming, the I-don't-see-anyone-else-right-now-because-I-love-you look was a regular visitor throughout the ceremony and reception by both parties. I know they are going to spend a wonderful lifetime together.

When I returned home, as is always the case for me after a wedding I start reflecting on my current, future and past relationships. One thing stuck in my head throughout my plane ride home, what was I going to do about Jerse? You see I've still been seeing him for the past couple of months and he's been my mistress to this blog. Seeing my girl wed her beau made me want to clear his jumpoff status. The only way I was going to openly write about him here, is if I had a talk with him about a few things first. You know those hard hitting questions you're supposed to ask early on, well I delayed them until I got back.

Unfortunately, I got some answers I didn't want. And as much as I tried to convince myself I could handle them, my melodramatic exit from his condo proved otherwise. I'm sad to report that Jerse's second and last entry to this blog is this one. Luckily I'm able to openly write about it this morning. Last night I must admit, I did swat away a tiny ass tear, but I manned up. I'm good now. The lesson learned from my experience with him is that ignoring a problem won't make it go away. Those unanswered questions that are nagging you about your relationship need to be dealt with head on.

I know what I want and I refuse to settle for less. I'm not saying that Jerse should have put a ring on it, no sir I would have laughed first, asked if he was serious later and ran faster than Usian Bolt out of his condo. What I am saying is know what you want and don't compromise yourself for anything less. Jerse got the we should be friends follow-up text because well after I get over wanting to run him over with my car, I think I still want him in my life. He was here for a reason, his season has ended but he's not the person I'm destined to spend a lifetime with.

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