Thursday, July 30, 2009


I know you tried to talk to my girl before you saw me and for that reason, we can never be. Even though you never even went out on an date (seeing as you just met 15 minutes ago,) you have forever been tainted. You exchanged information and now I have to place you in the ‘undatable’ pool.

Unlike most men, women (with any kind of tact) won’t date a dude who tried to holla at their friend. I don’t want to hear my girl continuosly remind me that she coulda had you. She won’t mean to be malicious, but she will occasionally drop a comment about how she met you first and how you were all up in her grill (even if you weren’t feelin her that much.)

So, regardless of the fact that I think you are a triple threat: fine as wine, intelligent and funny, we can never be.

Originally Posted at I Hate The Way You Eat Cereal

Monday, July 27, 2009

Text Messaging 201: Booty Grazing aka Mass Messages

It seems that course 101 wasn't enough to clarify because I find that men are only being more creative with their text messages.

96% of the time I can spot a mass text- message when I see one. Especially if you've displayed a somewhat distant or inconsistent demeanor since we've met. If your infrequent and random text messages start with "Hey beautiful," I'm almost always right in assuming you've sent message to at least 2 girls to see who responds first.

If you follow, "Hey beautiful," with any of the following: What r u doing tonight? How r u stranger? [Any generic message] then please remove me from your mass message list. I made the mistake of replying once and didn't hear from you for a day. It won't happen again.

Originally Posted at I Hate The Way You Eat Cereal

Friday, July 24, 2009

Please Don't Interrupt My Workout

Please don't interrupt my workout. I know you thought it was ok to randomly strike up an uninteresting conversation. Don't you know I wear headphones to keep guys like you from bothering me. I didn't give you any signs that said you should approach me. I made sure not to make any contact for that matter. Yet and still, here you are. Running your tired lame game.

If you had something interesting to say besides, "wow you're tall" (like I've never heard that one before,) I might entertain this conversation. But your game is weak and I am bored. Please let me get back to my workout.

And to think, I'll never get those 5 minutes of my life back.

Originally Posted at I Hate The Way You Eat Cereal

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Text Messaging 101

Problem: Men in 2009 think its okay not to pick up the phone and have a conversation.

Solution: Phone calls are appreciated and required.

It’s not okay for us to communicate solely through text messages sent through our phones. If we have never had a verbal conversation past the initial, “Hi, can I get your number?” then you have a texting problem.

When I say texting I use the word loosely to encompass all mediums of communication excluding verbal conversation: phone text messages, AIM, Yahoo Messenger, GChat, BBM (Black Berry Messenger), email exchanges, etc. Understand that we both have busy schedules, but if you seriously think its okay to text me all day and night without a phone conversation, you have been misinformed. Let me break it down for you. It’s not okay to do the following through text message:

1. Have an entire conversation. Scene: Its 7pm on a weekday and you send me a message to see how I am. I tell you I’m doing well and I’m home. You reply and tell me you are at home chillin as well with no plans for the rest of the night. Here is your opportunity to CALL.

2. Ask me out or set up a date. Are you serious? Do you think you can set up a time and place to meet through text messaging? Slap yourself and loose my number.

If you are not sure, just call or I will use one of those other mediums to cut you off.

Originally Posted at I Hate The Way You Eat Cereal

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

What Do You Mean You Don't Know

When a man utters these three words, I don’t know, I can feel myself cringe. When talking to a man, all I ask is that he put in some kind of effort; to have some type of opinion. If at any point I ask a question and you say I don’t know, I’m going to think you are dumb or unable to have a stimulating conversation. Unless I ask you for the chemical formula for biodiesel (I may need it soon since gas is going up again) please don’t tell me “I don’t know.”

If I ask you why you decided to do something dumb, like show up late, have an answer!

If I ask you what do you want to do tonight, have an answer!

If I ask you why you don’t just end your miserable life now because you are wasting your time trying to date me, have an answer!

All I ask of men I date is that you have an opinion. That you put some effort in the conversation I’m trying to have with you and in activities we do together while dating. Whether it’s through text, aim, bbm, gchat, or God forbid an actual one-on-one conversation, please do your best not to say “I don’t know.” It’s okay to take time to think of an answer, it’s NOT okay to not have an opinion.

You won’t get far with me without one.

Originally Posted at I Hate The Way You Eat Cereal

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

I Hate The Way You Eat Cereal

A group of my like-minded friends have gotten together to create a blog. I loved the idea of a group blog because:

1. These women are just as sarcastic as I am so the posts are entertaining.
2. It reminds me that I am not alone in my dating experiences.
3. It doesn't blame women for being single, instead it reminds women why they stay single.

This blog is going to take a comedic look at some of the more obscure (yet hilarious) dating disasters, mishaps, and miscommunications that cancel out any hopes of a second date.

So forget about the obvious reasons one would cease to pursue a second or third date like taking a shit at a restaurant during a dinner date (true story), wearing the same outfit you met your date in (also a true story), or finding out that they prefer 106th and Park to CNN (maybe that one is just me).

We’re focusing on the off the wall reasons for discontinuing a relationship at any stage.

It's called, "I Hate The Way You Eat Cereal." Click here to check it out.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

He Wears Dickies and a Uniform Shirt

After a short drought in the dating department, I tried to figure out what, if anything I was doing wrong. For a long time, I convinced myself that I had too many unnecessary standards. That I should give all men a chance no matter what kind of background they had or what they did for a living. I had gotten such conflicting advice about my dating criteria. Some friends commended me, while others told me I would end up alone if I didn't change my ways fast. Against my own better judgment I decided to stop with all the rules. I was gonna date whoever I wanted, whenever I wanted. If they were cute and fun, then that's all I needed to make me happy.

I was dating this guy for a few months and I knew he worked in a store, behind the counter, doing customer service retail. We had fun when we hung out and I didn't concern myself with thinking too much deeper than that. I told myself that what he did for a living didn't matter. And I think I actually believed it for a while. Until I saw him in his uniform one day: Dickies and a printed uniform shirt. Reality set in. I had to confront how I really felt about what he did for a living.

I could no longer think short term. This guy and I could not have a future. Yes he was a lot of the things I want in a man. Tall, cute, attentive, kind-hearted, committed to his family and able to deal with my sarcasm (which I give all men brownie points for cuz I'm rough.) But, he had no goals he was working towards. He was supportive in my quest to go back and attain a second degree but he had no plans for himself.

Then I went back and analyzed our relationship. Yes he was a gentleman but we literally had nothing in common. We didn't really talk about anything of substance because he didn't pay attention to politics, hadn't read anything without a half naked woman on the cover since high school, didn't watch the news so he wasn't up to date with current events and his idea of fun was very predictable: Movie, dinner, and [insert any other boring and played out date activity here.]

I went back to my list and re-evaluated it once again. I added goals back to it. Its something that is important to me and I'm not ashamed of it. Goals don’t always mean a college degree either, but it does mean you are willing to work hard towards a successful future. Truthfully, the field doesn't matter, as long as you are passionate about something.

I also added common interests and some kind of hobby outside of work for reasons solely based on the obvious: if I can predict the events of your day we have a problem. Please add something besides, waking up, going to work, and talking to me.

Seriously, anything.

Silent Scorpion

Monday, July 13, 2009

Top 10 Dating Guidelines

Dating Guidelines

Over the past several months, I’ve noticed that my friends who have healthy relationships, no matter how different they are from one another, have a few things in common. I’ve come up with my list of do’s and don’ts of dating based on these observations.

10. Do try and keep what made your relationship great in the beginning alive. A relationship is work. Sometimes we get so lost in our lives that we forget about our partners and what we did to make them happy.

9. Don’t build a relationship solely on superficial things, i.e. looks, sex, partying, etc. You should have things in common with your partner other than just fun. I highly value great conversation but you may value reading, traveling, adventure, etc. At some point, looks are going to fade and you don’t want to be left with someone you don’t really like at 70.

8. Do what makes you happy. At the end of the day, your happiness is all that anyone who loves you wants to see; if they truly love you that is. If you are happy dating the plumber and think you can see a future with them, don’t let your friends tell you that your partner is beneath you and that you should be dating a lawyer.

7. Don’t stay on a sinking ship. If you don’t see a future with your mate, know when to move on. If you are the only one trying to make things work, then recognize that you deserve better. Two great people aren’t always meant to be with each other. There may be someone else out there for you.

6. Do mention all the good things your mate has done when you’re talking to your friends about your partner. If you're going to talk to your friends about your man, make sure to include all the good things he does too! If there is no good to tell, maybe your friends are right.

5. Don't share all the bad things in your relationship with your friends, family, etc. The person you should be talking to about your relationship is the other person that’s in it...your partner.

4. Do say what’s on your mind when it happens. How can you expect your man to remember what he did last week?

3. Don't listen to everything your girlfriends, sisters, cousins, etc say...sometimes its okay to go with your heart.

2. Do know what you want. Know those things that can make or break your a future with a potential mate. Also, learn from relationships that may not have worked out. I don’t really believe that I have wasted my time when a relationship ends, instead I recognize all the things I’ve learned about myself in the process. And with each relationship, I learn what I do and don’t want in a partner.

1. Don’t go looking for love. It will happen when it’s supposed to. Understand that if you blind yourself by having a list of criteria, you’re going to miss out on one great partner. A partner who may not be everything you thought you wanted, but everything you didn’t know you need.

July Recap

July Update

There are no men to report on.

I don’t have the energy, desire or patience to date. I don’t give my number out. If someone happens to get my number, I don’t answer phone calls. I’m at a point in my life where I’m focusing on MY next move. I know there are a lot of great men out there and when I’m ready to get to know them, I’m sure I will find one. But right now, I have me to focus on and the following questions to answer.

Where is my career going?

Should I go back to school?

Do I plan on staying in LA for the next 5 years?

If I move, where the heck am I going?
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