Sunday, October 26, 2008

A Second Chance: The Departure

When I woke up the next morning I had mixed emotions about my imminent departure. I was excited to be going home, but I was also sad that my time in Texas didn’t turn out exactly how I expected. Texas and I had spent 4 days together, joking around a lot but I wasn’t sure if there was more. I have always been the type to go with the flow but this was not sitting right with me. I don’t know what kind of flow this was, but I wasn’t feeling it. Because Dallas and I had did spend a lot of the time, talking and enjoying each others presence in Texas, I wasn’t completely upset. I was thinking that he wasn’t attracted to me on any level other than friendship. How is it that he could have me, a beautiful, young curvy girl at his side for four days and he hadn’t attempted anything more than a simple peck all weekend?

If I was in the same situation with any guy from my hometown, this story would have played out much differently. I probably would’ve needed some pepper spray in my purse to survive such a trip. Texas being a gentleman was what attracted me to him. Even though he was not originally from Dallas, he had so many southern qualities, which I loved. I’ve always said that I don’t see myself marrying a guy from California anyway. So even though he was from Cali, he didn’t act like it, and that’s what I loved. After asking my girls what it could be, they all said the same thing. “Girl, relax, he is being a gentlemen, something we are not used to,” they all said. This got me thinking. Why is that I was so quick to write him off, when he was probably just being a gentleman.

What is it that I equate affection and physical acts with true attraction? Just because he hadn’t tried anything doesn’t mean he wasn’t interested. Why couldn’t I appreciate that he wanted to get to know me and not just my body? What had growing up in LA really done to me?

I spent the morning reflecting before I got out of bed. Dallas had to work until 12 that morning, so he wasn’t there when I woke. I made myself some breakfast, packed and went to sit in the living room and wait for him to return home. I wanted to be the first thing he saw when he came home. I turned on the TV and fell asleep. He walked in and stood in the doorway. Texas watched me sleep for a minute before waking me. I could feel that he had entered the room, but for some reason I didn’t move. I didn’t open my eyes right away or make any movements, I just laid there. Texas walked over to me and asked me if I was ok. I told him I was fine and I was just waiting for him to return. He joked that I didn’t do a good job since it was only 1 in the afternoon and I was sleep. Texas told me to get ready because he had one more place to take me before I left that evening.

Texas was surprised that I was l already packed and ready to go. He joked that I was probably going to go running out of the door. But the truth was that I enjoyed being there with him. My time there had give me a slight glimpse into what life could be like if I lived with someone I was with. I knew that there were many ways it would be different, but it was nice to have a glimpse into that life. It made we realize I wasn’t ready for it at all. I enjoy my freedom and I being able to come and go when I please. I know that my feelings about this could all change if the right man came along. But as things stood, I was happy with my life back in LA.

We piled mu bags into his car and I said goodbye to his house for the last time. We headed to the infamous Dallas mall. I wouldn’t call it infamous, since it wasn’t the size of the ‘Mall of America.” For people in Texas it was one of the largest in the area. On the way there he told me he wanted to take me ice skating there and I got excited. I loved to skate and I had never been skating at a mall so I thought this was a brilliant idea. Also, on the way I discovered neither one of us were too skilled when it came to skating so I began to imagine how cute it would be to continuously fall in his arms; only to make him fall at the same time.

I remember mentioning to Texas, on several occasions during my trip that I wanted a souvenir. Something I could look at when I got home and immediately think of him. When we pulled up to the mall, Texas said he was going to make sure I did exactly that. He took me to several stores and tricked me out in Dallas and Dallas Cowboys gear. I must say I surely did enjoy being taken into a store and being told to pick whatever I like. I started humming T.I. ‘Whatever you like,” as I shopped. I was enjoying this shopping spree, even if it were only for Dallas oriented stores. As soon as I picked up an item I liked, Texas picked it up, took it to the register and paid for it. Then he picked up my bags and carried them for me as well. I could get used to this. In the end, I only left Dallas with 2 shirts. Although Texas urged me to get more, I didn’t feel comfortable spending too much more of his money. I mean, he had already spent a lot on me in the days prior and I didn't want to go overboard.

By the time I left, one thing was for certain: there was no romantic chemistry between us. Even the sun setting on the lake couldn't create a connection. When I got to the airport and we said our goodbyes, I knew this would be the last time I saw Texas. At least I had seen him and I wouldn't have to wonder what if any longer.

There was nothing between us.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

A Second Chance: Rough Patch

The next morning I woke up, late in the morning again. Texas was up studying with his laptop open and eyes glued to his books. I wanted to make up for the night before so I decided to prepare breakfast. Now cooking has never been one of my strongest points, but breakfast is something that I am pretty good at. I said good morning to him as I walked straight from the bedroom to the kitchen. I pulled out eggs, pancake batter, sausage links and hash browns and got to work making a delicious breakfast. Texas thanked me for the meal and he wanted to thank me for it by taking me out. Texas thought the movies was a good idea for this beautiful Sunday afternoon. I could tell that things hadn’t really gotten better from the night before but I kept it moving. Instead of bringing up my concerns to him, I sent angry messages to my girls. How could he be so lukewarm to me when we were on such a limited schedule?

This was supposed to be a romantic weekend with Texas, a guy I really liked. Unfortunately there didn’t seem to be any sparks. I had fun when I was with him but something was missing. Instead of voicing my concerns, I laid the sarcasm on him a little more than usual while we watched Sunday Football. I was trying to get some kind of reaction out of him but I continued with no avail. Texas didn’t seem to mind my jokes, which egged me on even more. From that moment, I regarded him as my homeboy and treated him as such. We playfully argued like long time buddies while watching the game. Texas knew I wanted to get out and enjoy more of Dallas and he suggested we catch a mid-afternoon flick but we couldn’t agree on anything. Texas is such a guy’s guy; he wanted to see any movie where something or someone got blown up. I on the other hand, being the girly girl that I am, wanted to see a chick flick. We compromised on seeing Eagle Eye. I think Shia LaBeouf is a cutie so I had my eye candy and I knew something got blown up somewhere in there so he could be secure with his masculinity.

On the drive home, he asked if I minded stopping for a bit by the local lake. How romantic, the sun was just starting to set and the air was crisp, so I knew it would be a beautiful setting so I agreed. We pulled next to the lake and I quickly wrapped myself in his arms. Texas and I had effortless conversation for about an hour while we watched the sun set. Even in this beautiful setting I could tell that Texas was holding back from me. Tired of trying I found myself silent on the way home.

When we got back to his place Texas made us dinner. I sat in the living room watching football while he slaved over a hot stove. This was a perfect evening in my mind. We sat in the living room watching TV while occasionally exchanging words. Somewhere between the Cowboys scoring a touchdown and me ingesting my tacos I fell asleep. When I awoke Texas was knocked out in his bedroom. I snuggled up next to him and fell asleep.

The next morning I woke up to Texas studying, again. Seeing him so focused was definitely making me like him more. I’ve always found ambition and drive very attractive and a trait that any man I was going to date would have to have.

Texas had already planned our trip to the Fort Worth Zoo so off we went. It seemed that everything in Dallas was an hour ride from where he stayed and I ended up falling asleep on the way there. We still weren’t on the best terms but we made the best of the situation. We joked throughout the zoo and played around like kids. It was a lot of fun being with him there but I was starting to think that he wasn’t interested in me on any other level other than friendship. I continued not to say anything and we made our way back home.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

A Second Chance: Time to Stunt

After he packed everything into his car, we jumped in and were on our way. Prior to his arrival I mentioned repeatedly that I was starving from the flight. In my mind it was only 8 o’clock and definitely not too late to grab a bite to eat so we stopped at Chili’s before heading to his place. We used our time there to catch up. Although we had numerous phone conversations prior to my coming, we hadn’t really taken the time to really find out about each others current passions.

During our conversation, Texas told me that he really wanted to reconnect with his family. He feels that things are going okay with him when it comes to school and work but that there is still something missing from his life and it was his family connection. Texas always caught me as a very family oriented person so it was hard to fathom the idea that he didn’t speak to his family on a regular basis. He went into the breakdown of his family structure and things became clearer. Texas’ parents were from different parts of the US and had met in DC. They married and had one child together, Texas. After the divorce he moved to Vegas with his mother and that’s where he spent most of his time developing as a young man. We continued to discuss our backgrounds and goals for our future and I felt like he was truly opening up to me. If this was any sign of our days to come, then I was excited. We finished dinner and went back to what would be my home for the next 4 nights.

As soon as I walked in, I was struck by the calming scents of Vanilla in the air. I looked around and noticed that Texas kept his place in great condition, better than I kept my own home. This was not at all what I expected from a bachelor in a big city but I was definitely impressed. The sight of his tidy place made me want to immediately run home and put some things in order. Texas took my bag to his room and went got ready for the next days adventures.

I didn’t get out of bed until noon so I missed a beautiful morning in Dallas. We spent the next afternoon at the grocery store. I somehow had unconsciously volunteered to make him dinner in a previous conversation and he decided to take me up on my offer. I had never cooked for a man so I wanted this to be special. I went through the grocery picking up every ingredient I could for a mouth watering meal. I wanted something that would both leave him wanting more but at the same time wouldn’t take too long to prepare. I finally decided on my special herb crusted baked chicken and steamed vegetables with a fresh homemade salad. Simple and tasty. During our entire time at the grocery store, Texas wanted to make sure that I got everything I wanted. He didn’t look at our cart or worry about how much he was spending; he just wanted to make sure that I was happy and prepared. And that made me feel special.

The sun had set on Dallas and it was time for us to prepare for the concert. I was so excited to see Eric Benet and Dwele in concert and loved that this was a passion that both of us shared. I didn’t have to be ashamed that I loved ‘bathtub’ music with him. We were both ‘old heads’ at heart and I loved it! I wanted to use this outing as an opportunity to show Texas what he had been missing all this time. Texas knew I liked to dance and he suggested that we go out after the concert since it would end so early. So I needed an outfit that could accommodate both events. The week prior to my trip, I went shopping for my outfit. I knew that it had to be classy, because Texas was a bit reserved at times and so was I, but cut in a way that showed off all of my voluptuous curves. I was thrilled when found this short vanilla scoop neck dress. As soon as I tried it on I knew that this was the one. It accentuated every curve in my body and created more in other places I knew his eye would catch through out the night.

After we watched the last of Saturday College Football, which I love, I jumped in the shower and began to get ready for the night. Underneath my dress I put on some sexy matching lingerie from Frederick’s of Hollywood. Although I knew he wouldn’t be seeing this lingerie at the end of the night, wearing it made me feel sexy and that gave me even more confidence. While I dressed, Texas, being the gentleman that he was, stayed in the living room watching football. I grabbed my short designer purple trench coat, which happened to hang lower than my dress and threw on some pumps and we were on our way.

When we arrived we ran to our seats when we realized that Dwele had already begun his performance. We were nodding our heads to his slow rhythms when Texas decided to help me out of my coat. Without warning Texas unbuttoned my jacket and pulled it off my shoulders while continuing to nod his head to the music. I didn’t skip a beat as well and was more than willing to happily oblige. Texas didn’t have to say a word; I knew that he saw the looks from men when we walked in. He wanted to make sure every man saw all of me and what they weren’t going to have. He laid my coat behind me and we continued to groove. When Eric Benet hit the stage he continued I found myself wanted to skip the remainder of the concert and go straight back to Texas’ house. A desire I kept quietly to myself. I figured I had another 3 nights and that it could wait if it were meant to happen.

Following the concert we hit the streets of downtown Dallas. The streets were packed with young party goers as we made our way to the club. All of the hotspots were located Downtown so the concert venue and club were only 15 minutes apart. After seeing some of the women in streets I knew I looked different which made me sashay my full hips that much more when I walked throughout the night.

Without hesitation Texas pulled right up to valet in front of the night club. As soon as we he stopped the car all, eyes turned to us and I loved the attention. I asked Texas if I should take my coat in and he told me I wouldn’t need it. So I stepped out of the car, legs first and adjusted my short dress. I could feel people’s eyes watching us walk and it made me show off a little more. So I did. We walked to the front of the line and heads continued to turn our way. Texas grabbed hold of my hand in a way that showed every man who was looking that I was his woman and lead me to the entrance. He stopped said hi to a guy he knew and we walked in. It was already late in the evening when we arrived at the club but the place wasn’t too packed. Which was a good thing because I was able to dance to the music without sweating out my fresh do. Texas saw another friend and spoke to him without introducing me, AGAIN.

Immediately after Dallas left my side to go to the restroom, one guy made his approach. He asked for my name and I played into his conversation. I figured I’m not officially attached to Texas so I was free to talk to whomever. But this guy had no game and I was quickly disinterested. Texas hit the corner and saw what was going on but he made no moves. I think I was a bit annoyed at this point that he didn’t come over and mark his territory. I recalled the events that had just occurred and was instantly annoyed. Why didn’t he introduce me to his friends? I just stood there by his side like a little puppy. Then, after I tried to dance with him, he got tired after one song and said he wanted to chill.

Being the vindictive person that I am, I decided to pout the rest of the night. I didn’t let it damper my mood but I tried to do it in a way he would notice. Texas wasn’t into dancing and I already knew that so I used it to my advantage. I made sure I stepped away from him while I danced. I stayed close enough so no other man would approach me but far enough away to make him feel my disappointment. How can you bring me to a club and not dance? That’s not my style at all. When I hear music I can’t control the way my hips sway side to side. I know Texas could feel the tension but he didn’t say a word. For the next two hours I danced and he watched. At one point he danced with me but something wasn't right. We barely spoke the rest of the night and that began the rough patch of my trip.

A Second Chance: The Arrival

After weeks of anticipation the time has finally come for me to go see Texas. I arrive at the airport and board the plane without much thought. As soon as I sit in my seat I am overcome with emotions. First, I hate flying, so I spend time praying that God watches over me and this plane. Second I think to myself, ‘WOW,’ I’m really headed to Dallas for 5 days and 4 nights. I feel so invigorated and liberated at the thought of getting away for an escapade. I feel like a character right out of a young romance novel. Finally the time had come for my questions about Texas to be answered.

As the plane prepares for takes off, I try to doze close my eyes and rest. And for one minute I am relaxed and peaceful but then the next, I frantically think to myself, what the heck am I doing? I hysterically play this question in my mind for a while and try to rationalize an answer. I calm myself down by remembering that I am a smart young woman and although part of this decision was made in haste, I spent plenty of time thinking this decision through. I reiterate to myself that this is a chance to answer, ‘What if.’ Finally, I settle down and rest for the remainder of the flight. The pilot comes over the speaker and announces that we will soon be landing in Dallas, Texas. Excitement and nerves engulf my entire being.

My first priority was to let all my girls know that I nervously arrived safely in Dallas and to wish me luck. I immediately received numerous reply messages.

Izzie: Good luck mamas wooo wooo

NeNe (my little sister): Good luck sis. Enjoy every second

Juju: I’m happy you made it there safely girl. Don’t be nervous, you are gonna have fun out there.

With all the well wishes and support I received I started to feel a little better. I was still nervous but a little more confident. I slip into the women’s restroom to freshen up before calling Texas. Although the flight was only 2 and ½ hours it I had to make sure my brand new press was still in tact before I saw him. I leave the restroom and head towards the baggage claim. I start to wonder why my phone had not rung since my arrival here. Fifteen minutes had passed and I hadn’t received one call from Texas. My rationale goes out the window and I start to think maybe he wasn’t coming. What was I gonna do if he didn’t come pick me up? I would be stuck in Dallas with nowhere to stay for 4 whole nights.

I pick my phone up out of my pocket and I have two missed calls from him. I had forgotten to turn my volume up after I got off the plane. I call Texas and let him know that I was picking up my luggage now and that I had arrived safely. He stays on the phone with me while I get my luggage and head outside. I ask him where he was and he lets me know that he is stuck in traffic and won’t be at the terminal for at least fifteen minutes.

Fifteen minutes!!! I yell curse words in my head. I politely ask him why was he late and he explained that there was unexpected traffic on the freeway. What the heck, fifteen minutes? Unexpected traffic? At 10 PM? I can already see how this trip is gonna be. I have always had issues with other people and their time management issues. I’ve always lived by the same rule of thumb and don’t understand why other people don’t do the same. 'If you arrive ten minutes early you are on time, if you arrive at the specified time then you are late and if you arrive anytime after that you might as well turn around and go home.' I go outside and he continues to apologize for being late. I try to stay calm but I am pissed. How can he be late? Wasn’t he excited to see me? Why wasn’t he here on early?

In the mean time, as I normally do, I begin checking out my surroundings. I listen to people's conversations notice a light country accent. I am quickly remindeded that I am in the south because these people definitely speak differently than anyone in LA. I then turn my attention the pick up lanes and head that way to wait. It’s filled with mostly Caucasian travelers being greeted by family members. I tell Texas that he sounds like his accent is getting thicker and that he is starting to sound like all the people around me and he laughs.

A gorgeous white Charger with 23-inch black rims and dark black tent quickly catches my eye as it passes me up. The first thing that comes to mind is that this car must be owned by some cute black southern gentlemen. Back in LA, Chargers are almost always driven by a young black men. In LA, drivers of these cars can range from your neighborHOOD rich gangster to your young business exec trying to make his way pass the glass ceiling. I realize, years of music videos and other strategic advertising had effectively reached other parts of the world as well. I turn away before the driver can see me looking and continue to talk to Texas.

Texas: Hey ma, where are you sitting?
(I immediately get an attitude, in my head. Why the heck do you want to know, you aint even here, but I say nothing).

Texas: I was just kidding about being late I think I just passed you. (I get somewhat relieved that he was really there and that he also has a sense of humor.)

Texas: I am making my way back around now.

Me: What color car do you drive?

Texas: It’s a large black SUV

Me: Okay

A sea of cars continues to circle the terminal as I try to find his black SUV. I spot the smooth white Charger again. I realize that I must have been affected by marketing as well because this car is stunning and I can’t take my eyes off of it. The Charger stops right in front of me. I turn away from the car and continue talking to Texas and look for his SUV. The driver gets out and I notice out of the corner of my eye that he is a tall black man. I'm sure that the driver is probably fine as hell to match his car, but I still don't look his way. I know that Texas will be arriving any minute and I want to be ready. The driver stands there for a second and then he comes around from the driver side. I finally turn to face him. “Hey ma,” Texas says.

I put my phone away and go over and give Texas a tight gripping hug. We stand there for a while in each others arms with cars passing us by. I gently nudge him for lying about his car and we both laugh it off. We continue to stand by his car embracing each other. I try to savor the moment and begin to fantasize about the memories we will soon make. Damn he smells so good and it feels so safe to be in his arms. I am really here.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Tired of Kissing Frogs: A Second Chance

Since Texas came back into the picture, occasionally I find myself imagining what might have been. I am resolute in giving him another chance, so that I don’t find myself wondering, ‘What if’ later on. Previously I informed him that I would be coming to visit soon. I cleared a few dates with him first then I bought my plane ticket. This spontaneous escapade is completely out of my character and I think that is what makes it that more thrilling to me. I don’t want go there with any rules. I’ve been living my life according to my long list for far too long now. I never allowed myself to really experience life and enjoy the present. I am a beautiful, intelligent, single young lady. Where was it written that I can’t drop everything for a moment and just getaway?

I didn’t want too much time to pass between our first contact and this impromptu excursion so I leave for Dallas, TX next week. I told myself this was an early birthday present in order to ease the guilt of spending such a large lump of cash on such an impulsive splurge.

With the trip rapidly approaching I’ve spent a lot of time fantasizing about the events that may occur. I know Texas to be a very sincere, sweet, attentive man. I am both jubilant and nervous because I know that he will make this trip very memorable and will leave me wanting more. He has already planned to take me to an Eric Benet/Dwele concert my first full night there. R&B/Soul music has always been something I have truly enjoyed listening to; it has always brought tranquility to a life that is sometimes engulfed in turmoil. To this day, I blast R&B and Neo Soul on my way to the club.

Whereas my friends listen to rap and hip hop to get pumped for the nights adventures, all 6 of my CDs in disc changer are filled with the melodic beats of Jill Scott, Raheem Devaughn and Musiq Souldchild. I am especially fond of live concerts but I haven’t had the opportunity to attend them as much as I would like. Whenever I talk to Texas, our conversations always touch on the point of music. At this moment we both share the same favorite song by MIA. I was singing the tune in my head one evening we were talking. While we were talking, Texas said that he wanted me to hear his anthem and he turned up his CD player. To my surprise, the song he was referring to was the same song I had been singing in my head all night. This is just one of the passions I am aware of that Texas and I share. This side of him was something that initially attracted me to him and now I will get to experience it for 5 lovely days.

At our first meeting, I could tell Texas was a southern gentleman. He tried his best to make sure my every desire was met. Texas was truly interested in getting to know me and I remember finding myself wanting to be physical with him instantly. I had to restrain myself during our last day together because I wanted to give myself to him right then. I know I haven’t seen this man in 2 years but the chemistry is definitely still there. Our conversations flow a lot smoother than I remember and his voice is much deeper than I recall as well, which I love. I am not expecting too much from this trip other than a chance to spend time with Texas in his own setting.

I am impatiently counting down the days…7 more to go…

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Tired of Kissing Frogs: I Need a Break

I have come to the conclusion that men want, what they want, when they want it. I never seem to be on the same page as their schedule and I feel this is one of the main reasons things don't work out. My unofficial relationships seem to always end up the same. I meet a guy, we date for a few months and then he disappears. I don’t know if it is the perfume I wear or something that I say, but poof they are gone. In the beginning I blamed myself for this cycle. That was at a point where I actually cared. Lately, I feel myself loosing interest in men all together. This is definitely not to say that I am going to start dating women, hell no, I don’t get down like that. This just means, you know, I haven’t really defined what it means and I don’t plan on it either. The last straw came last night while talking to Mr. Enterprise.

Just like the rest, in the beginning things seemed promising. I met Mr. Enterprise a few months back and we began to date. We were really taking the time to get to know each other and not rushing into anything we were not ready for. We went out several times without getting physical. After about a month of me dating, which included sneaking into his parents home, he started to fall back.

Now I hadn’t really been doing much differently the last few days, but he had. And I couldn’t figure out what went wrong. There were a number of reasons why I didn’t seem to care that he wasn’t calling as much. Especially since this man lived at home with his parents. In the past, my number one rule was that a man had to have his own place if I were going to take him seriously. I need privacy to say and do whatever I want at my age.

Yesterday, Mr. Enterprise decided to call me after a 2 week hiatus and I was so irritated. Our conversation was full of fluff. We talked about his birthday which had just passed. We barely scratched the surface on what was happening between us. Near the end, I was utterly aggravated by our immature conversation and his ego stroking banter. He told me he missed me and I replied with “whatever.” He asked when I was coming over since he knew I don’t allow men to come to my house, I said “never, since I am not welcome in his home.” I don’t think he heard my comment and he continued trying to find ways to find out who I was dating. I asked him why he cared and he told me had a right.

This infuriated me, just because we dated briefly doesn’t mean he had a right to know who else I was seeing. I told him he had no right to know anything and that it was none of his business. While I was trying to figure out a way to politely get off the phone, he continued to make comments about seeing me that I purposely ignored. I told him I had gotten used to not hearing from him, I liked him but wasn’t really interested. Finally, someone in his background interrupted our conversation and he promised to contact me later. One of the only promises he did keep. But I never made the same promise so when he texted me a half hour later, I ignored his message.

Why was I so annoyed? I think it was the fact that it seemed things needed to happen on his terms. Why do men feel that everything should happen when they want them to? It had been a while since we had a cool conversation and I was fine with that, but why at that moment did he decided we needed to talk? Do I need a break from men or is this just a defense mechanism?

Dallas just texted me, I’m so annoyed…

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Confessions of a Textaholoic (Part 2)

For a moment, I was shocked by what Dallas had the nerve to send me. I mean, what kind of girl did he think he was dealing with? At first, I was going to respond with some crazy message telling him off, but then I realized he didn’t know me so I couldn’t blame him too much.

I let him know that I thought he was I nice guy, but by no means was I ready for any conversation like that. And that I thought it was inappropriate. He continued to send apologetic messages and let me know that he understands and respects what I am saying. But I still wasn’t satisfied. I had to let him know who he was dealing with. I told him that I’m sure he could find some girl in L.A. who would be down, with the hit it and quit it; and good luck to him on that journey. The messages he sent to follow actually shocked me. He was so insulted that I would say something like that. But I had to let him know that everything he was telling me was through text, and there are so many ways to take a text.

Since then, I still communicate with him through text every once in a while. He has to go back to Spain within the next several days but he is not sure when exactly. We’ve tried to set up a time to meet up before then, but both of our schedules have been jam packed lately so that hasn’t worked out. I’m not thinking about it to much since I don’t know much about him. I’m sure I’ll always have a texting buddy in him if nothing more. So that’s cool.

Romance if there were such a thing

I’ve been trying to figure out what to do for my birthday, but I still haven’t come up with anything both exciting and economical. I am currently on a strict budget so whatever I do cannot cost too much. Honestly, I’m really not too excited about it. What is so great about turning 24 anyway? Whoop de doo!! I’m still broke, single, and share my space with my sister.

I’ve spent all of 2008 in the dating scene. Which has proven not be very productive for me. Last month I found myself reflecting on guys I used to date and I tried to figure out what went wrong there. After going through my short list of ex-dating partners, in my head, there was only one I couldn’t fully explain the demise of. His name was Texas and I had met him on a last minute weekend trip in Vegas. We and we hit it off instantly. Unfortunately, he lived in Texas and I lived in Los Angeles and I didn’t think there was anyway it could work. We talked everyday for 3 months and he even sent me chocolate and flowers for Valentine’s Day. That was the first time I had ever received flowers for a guy and I thought it was sweet. But that’s the kind of guy he is, he seemed to always place importance on my happiness. I was just not at a point where I could do the same. So besides the fact that he lived in a different time zone, I don’t think I ever gave him a real chance. Texas happened to text me at the exact moment I was having this revelation, we hadn’t had contact with each other for all of 2008, but we have been in contact ever since.

Texas was trying to give me ideas. We had been texting all night and he wanted to know the last time I did something romantic. Before this question, our conversation was pretty fluid, but this question stumped me. I didn’t know how to answer. I wondered if I really had an answer. Then I started to get a little depressed. Had I been so caught up in being independent and free, that I hadn’t taken time to do something romantic in the last year? The answer unfortunately was yes.

By the time I replied to his text he was already counting sheep and far too gone to reply. I said that I don’t think I ever have and that he was only one of two guys who had ever bought me flowers. Texas is actually the only guy to ever have them sent to me. I woke up this morning and was still bugged by this question. So I asked my best friend Izzie when was the last time I had done something romantic. She said it depended on how I define romantic.

Then it suddenly hit me. Why is it that I automatically equated scenes from a Danielle Steele novel with romance? I finally came to define romance for myself. In my eyes, romance is when someone you care about does something or shares something with you to show they care.Then I remembered a couple of years back, I took this guy I was dating to a nice dinner for his birthday. I made an even out of it. I wanted to make him feel special, because he was special to me. I had insisted that I drive that night and he agreed. I told him I would take care of him for the night and show him the chivalry I knew he would have for me if it were my birthday.

I picked him up at his place and took him to a premier restaurant by the ocean. It was just me and him and an empty room. I didn’t make any arrangements for it to be that way, but it just so happened that the area I chose was vacant. Then after dinner we went out to the beach for a late night stroll. The entire night was beautiful and not because it could have been a scene in romantic novel, but because we got to spend time with each other, just us.That’s my definition, what is yours? When was the last time you did something romantic?
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