Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Truth Hurts

Why is it that men and women ask questions they don’t want to know the answer to?

Red and I talk pretty frequently now. He is so relaxed and laid back I don’t ever feel that we communicate too much. Unfortunately he is already in the habit of asking questions he doesn’t want to know the answer to.

Red: What are you doing tonight?

This is a question that I try not to ask early when dating someone because I don’t want to know the answer. The last time he asked I told him the truth and my friends were not too happy with my response.

Me: Going out with a friend

I wanted Red to know that he wasn’t the only one I was dating. I had plans with another gentlemen and I don’t think I should lie about it, so, I didn’t. This created uproar with my friends, one of them being a guy. In the end they all told me the same thing.

Friend 1: You are such a bitch for that. Guys don’t want to know the truth. You shoulda just said you already have plans.

Friend 2: Did you really tell him that. Dude, tell me you didn’t. I can’t believe you said that. Never tell a guy that. They want to think that they are the only one. Just tell him you have plans next time.

Friend 3 (Guy friend): Guys don’t want to know that, just tell him you have plans.

I understand what they are saying, trust me I do. But how many times, is too many times to say, ‘I have plans.’

I wanted to know, what should I say if they want specifics? What plans do you have tonight? Most of my people told me to lie. Say I was going out with the girls. Isn’t that wrong? I don’t like to play games but I see no other option right now. Red likes to ask me what I am doing regularly. I know he probably wants to make plans with me, but I’m sure he doesn’t really want the truth as to why I am unavailable. I know I wouldn’t, which is why I don’t ask.

Truth: I’m going out with another guy who is not you.

Truth hurts so I add a little sugar...

Monday, November 24, 2008

The Fastest Way To A Woman's Heart: Beyonce

So I was talking to Red last Tuesday when Beyonce's CD came out. He noticed my screen name FUMI FIERCE and asked me what it was about.

Red: I like your screen name

Me: It's my ode to Beyonce, her album came out today

Red: So did you get the cd before work

Me: No I have to wait til payday on that

Red: Really

Me: Yeah, I know I'm slacking as a fan but it's just not in my budget

Red: Do you really want it

Me: Of course, I love Beyonce and Sasha Fierce, lol

Red: I'll get it for you

Me: Really, you sure

Red: Yeah it's no problem

Me: Thank you so much, I really appreciate it. How thoughtful

Red: No worries

He definitely earned brownie points there. I now bump the cd every morning. I love Beyonce and appreciate Red's thoughtfulness.

Ego Trippin: I Don't Mean To Be Cocky

I walked to Subway to grab a quick bite to eat during a crazy week at work. As I am walk pass a beauty shop, a short man (he is actually 5 '9) who works inside came out to stop me.

(I remember this man from weeks prior. I had given him my number because he said he wanted me to model for a hair show he told me he was doing in the near future. I'm not the one to turn down a free hair do so I gave him my digits. He called me immediately. Since I was busy enjoying my 5 minutes outside the 4 walls of my office, I didn't answer. He left a voicemail saying how beautiful I was and how we should hang out. I knew he wasn’t interested in only business. I decided then I was never going to return his call. I only wanted to talk business so if he wasn’t giving me a date for a show, I wasn’t the least bit interested.)

Being the nice person I am, I stopped to talk to him. He asked me how I was and then went on to compliment me. It is really funny to me how some men approach women these days. He listed all the things he liked about me and I looked at him and couldn’t return the compliment.

I am not asking for much and I can definitely appreciate a friendly compliment, but when a man cannot offer the same things he likes in me, I get annoyed. Especially when they don't take the hint that I am not interested.

1. If you like my height, I appreciate it. I am statuesque at 6 feet (I'm rounding up, and love to wear heels) but why are you 5 ‘8” and tryna holla.

2. If you like my young age, again I appreciate it, but if you are over 32 please don’t step.

3. If you like my body, I work hard for it and thank you, but why are you 20 lbs over weight wearing a wife beater.

4. If you like that I am educated, I paid for it myself because I think it is important, why have you been enrolled at a CC for the past 10 yrs taking one class a semester and calling yourself educated.

5. If you like that I have my own place, thank you I am saving for a house before 30, why have you been living at home with your mother all your life without any plans on moving out.

6. If you like my car, it will be paid off next year and my credit will be on the rise, why are you at the bus-stop thinking I’m gonna give you a ride.

7. If you like my hair, thank you, I get it done often because I like to look nice, but why do you have a fro and call it a fresh do.

8. If you like my manicure and pedicure, thank you again I go once a week, but do you think you should be walking around without socks and toe nails like that.

9. If you like the smell of my perfume, I love it too and I own a lot of smell goods, but why do you smell like feet. I appreciate a man who smells good. Cologne anyone?

10. If you like that I have confidence and I am independent, thank you, I wasn’t made this way but a beautiful women made me this way. But why does your head hang low when you walk, aren’t you happy too.

I just find it funny that I am approached by men all the time who I have nothing in common but they think we would be great together. I don’t mean to come off so cocky and I really do appreciate the attention and it never gets old. (sometimes) But please don’t get mad at me for not being as interested in you as you are in me. I know I am not perfect and there are plenty of things I need to work on, but all I ask is that you bring to the table something things I do or some things I don't that I might like.

I have plenty of room for growth and I want to grow with you, but if we are not at a similar starting point, our roads will never meet. There is not an exact criteria for the type of man that I will date, and my head is not a the point where I think I am too good for any man to approach, all I am saying is please don't call me a bitch if I see you have nothing to offer me.

It's not my fault we were'nt meant to be, oh, and have a good day.

Single By Choice: Don't Put A Ring On It

All my single ladies!

Who out there is single by choice?

I used to think I was single because I couldn’t find a good man. But recent events have led me to think other wise. I was in the car with one of my girls and Beyonce’s “Put a ring on it” (or Sasha Fierce whichever ego sings the song) came on the radio.

“I got gloss on my lips (lips), a man on my hips (hips)
Hold me tighter than my Dereon jeans
Acting up (up), drink in my cup (cup)
I can care less what you think
I need no permission, did I mention
Don't pay him any attention
Cause you had your turn (turn)
But now you gon' learn
What it really feels like to miss Bee”

“Cause if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
Don't be mad once you see that he* want it
If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it”

We began to talk about why we were single and I was telling her about Detroit and I couldn't think of anything that was concretely wrong with him. I told her that during our last date I didn't kiss him because I like him. When those words came out of my mouth I knew I had a problem. Or did I?

Detroit is the kind of guy I could marry. I know he knows how much I care for him. Detroit has said repeatedly, if it feels right, then why fight it. And I let him know, sometimes people just aren't ready. I'm not ready.

My conversation with my friend then moved onto Red. I told my friend about the things I liked about him and then we got on the relationship subject and if I could see my friendship with him moving that way.

It got me to thinking why I was single and I realized that I am single by choice. I am sure that if I wanted to be serious with either Detroit or Red right now I could. I could have the title but would I have it all?

I would be required to check in, worry about someone else and be there for them all the time. Right now, I am too selfish to do that.

When I do have title girlfriend I put my all into my relationship and expect the same in return. I have only ever had one boyfriend in my life and it is not something I am rushing to get back into. It’s hard for a man to keep my attention long enough for me to want to get there. And right now the only person that has, is the same person I push away. Detroit.

Why? The answer, because I am enjoying getting to know different men and relationship would stop me from doing that.

I wonder, can anyone tame me?

I go out with my friends 3 to 4 times a week and don’t see that changing anytime soon. Although it would be nice to have that stability and have a family, I am too young to be bothered by either. I would love to have a boyfriend in the future. Everyone says I feel this way because I have not met the right guy, but I think I have. I just don't want to embrace it right now.

Here is my response to Beyonce’s song, Put a ring on it (single ladies), as it was so eloquently written by my bestess. I call it, " Please don't put a ring on it!" by PIK DIVA:

No time to marry, no time to settle down. I’m a young woman, and I ain’t done running around.

Did I mention I met another cute guy this past weekend that lives in Chicago, he seemed so sweet. The distance isn't a problem for me because I like to travel. Chicago asked me when I am coming to see him and I let him know immediately, “When you fly me out there.” I am not a gold digger, but I am not stupid either. If you want to see me, you will make it happen. Chicago let me know he does not normally do such a thing but also said that he can be flexible. As long as he is flexible, I will keep him around.

Good luck to whatever man can keep up or attempt to tame this wild beast!

"I Don't Do Santa Claus"

Things are going great with Red. But I have noticed that I have my guards completely up. On paper he is everything I want in a guy but I’m not sure if the package it comes in suites me. I won’t feel bad about knowing the kind of guy I am attracted to and realizing he may not be it. The reason I never noticed Red as anything more than an acquaintance/friend was his weight. There is no way to sugar coat it and I won’t feel bad about it. Everyone has there preferences.

Whether you prefer darker skin or light skin, tall over short, or white instead of black. I have always been attracted to skinny over fat. And my definition of fat when it comes to a man is straightforward. If you have a belly that hangs, you would not be the guy for me.

Before Red asked me for the first time and before I knew he was interested in me, he asked me what kind of guys I liked. Through AIM I went into my usual preferences.

Me: Smart, funny, close with his family, stylish, educated (not necessarily with a degree I explained), caring, shows chivalry and of course is self-less.

He told me he was a legs and ass guy. I thought that was funny and let him know that as a black man it wasn’t that surprising.

That wasn’t enough for him. He wanted more. But I still didn’t know Red was asking for himself.

Red: So what kind of build do you like?

Me: I don’t really like guys who are too skinny. But I do like skinny I guess. And I don’t do belly’s.

Red: So what you are saying is you don’t like fat men?

Me: Well, yeah. Basically I can’t date a man who reminds me of Santa Claus. No No No Santa Claus’ for me. Lol

Then he just said ok and we went on with our conversation.

The next day he asked me out and the first thing I thought of was my comment about Santa Claus.

My type has always been tall and lean when it comes to the men I date. And tall doesn’t necessarily mean 7-foot either. (I went out with a guy who was 7 feet tall and it was just uncomfortable.) But I won’t date shorter than 5’11. I stand 5 ’11 and ¾ without heels and anything shorter would be uncomfortable. Especially since I love heels and I wear them all the time. I don’t mind being a man’s KIMORA LEE SIMMONS while we are out with my heels. But when we are home and I have flats I prefer that were are eye to eye.

Red does have height on his side standing 6’3 and I wouldn’t necessarily describe him as fat. But at the same time, he is not built like any other man I have dated. Red is a little overweight by our standards and I can admit that if this were 2 years ago I would not have gone out with him. I still think about his weight when we are not together but it doesn’t bother me that much when we are in person. Red has a great personality and can handle all the sarcasm I throw his way while shooting back, which I like. He is not sensitive at all; he is very confident and carries all the characteristics that I stated earlier. I just went out with Red again last week and had a ball. I enjoy his company and want to get to know him better.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Just Window Shopping

At the end of this past week I was on cloud 16. In just a few weeks I had met or rekindled a flame with 5 different guys so optimism was on my side. But just as quickly as things started to look up, reality set in. I felt like I had been shopping for a great new pair of shoes and still hadn’t found a pair that looked great, felt great and screamed BUY ME!

Detroit and I went out the week following my birthday and I realize that nothing has changed. He is a great guy indeed, but something is missing. I started to feel bad again about giving him hope that something could happen and then yanking the rug out from underneath him. Something continues to draw me back to him…loneliness. I told Detroit that he needed to let me go for his own sake but he said he would do no such thing. He still calls and I guess our spurt has ended the same way it did a few months back. I don’t think I will ever be able to let him go. There is something so comfortable about being with him. He is like a pair of fall boots. I picked him up at the beginning of fall, when the season was in but now the season has changed. So I put him right back into the closet until I am ready to wear those boots again.

Arizona seemed promising at first. He was on his grind as a computer technician and planning on going back to school to finish his undergraduate degree. Turns out he had left school his senior year to pursue basketball. The fact that he wanted to finish his degree after dropping out was attractive. His stature and sex appeal reminded me of a great pair of high heel stilettos. Looks great in the box but when you put them on they just weren’t that comfortable. If I wanted to take a walk on the wild side and rock them I could have. But after he flaked on me last minute last weekend, I’ve decided he probably wouldn’t be worth it. I need some reliability and stilettos just don’t have a sturdy enough heel for me.

I knew off jump that Michigan was a little quiet but I figured he was just nervous because of the setting. So for our date I decided to see him one on one. Michigan asked me when he could cook for me and we planned our date. I met him at his apartment, which is usually a NO NO for a first date. Michigan was nice enough to prepare a nice meal for us for the night. Unfortunately, this man was boring with a cap B. It wasn’t the setting at all as I had hoped. Michigan really had no personality and the chemistry wasn’t there at all. After the first 10 minutes of my arrival, I was trying to figure out a way to leave without being rude. I knew I wasn’t feeling him at all but I didn’t know how to say it. So I sat there, with my eyes glued to his television until enough time had passed where I could safely make my escape. I haven’t returned any phone calls but I think has gotten the hint. Michigan reminded me of a pair of loafers, they look comfortable but there was a reason no one ever picked them up, they are too damn boring.

Mr. Midwest was full of energy at our first meeting and the same was true for our date. I thought I had found a great pair of, I admit older, snake skin pumps. Mr. Midwest was attractive has his own business and a great personality at 40. His age didn’t slow him down one bit and he made sure to point out that he couldn’t date women his age because he found that they slowed him down. Our evening started off nice and conversation was smooth. Mr. Midwest and I were slowly trying to get a feel for each other.

Where are you from?

Where are you going?

How are you going to get there?

Then the conversation switched into high gear. Mr. Midwest informed me that he was looking for a mate, a partner, and soon after a wife. He has two children with his ex girlfriend (not wife) of 10 years, who he will soon be in a custody battle for. Mr. Midwest then went on to explain how unfair his ex is and how they do not get a long. It seems that she broke his heart when she cheated on him although he swears he is over it because it happened long ago. How long ago, you may ask, January of this year. Immediately I could see why these shoes were up for grab. At a closer look, I realized that these pumps didn’t start off as snake skin. They were probably some nice patent leather pumps that after years of wear and tear had turned into the snake skin disaster I was trying to fit in. These were worn out and just a little too damaged for my lifestyle.

Sandwiched in all of these outings was a date with my friend Red. The week prior to our date, Red and I talked on the phone every night and chatted on AIM during the day. I usually never let a guy have that much access to me so fast but this time was different. Red wasn’t a new pair of shoes I had never seen in the store. He was a pair that had been in a catalogue on my counter all this time but I never noticed he was there. I never thought to try him on until now. I had so much fun on our date and our conversation in person was just as smooth as it had been on the phone. Red isn’t like any other pair I have ever had in my closet but I will keep him around for that reason.

And then there was one…

Friday, November 14, 2008

Not Looking For Love

So I’d finally reached the part of dating that I think everyone goes through. I wasn’t dating anyone but I felt good about being single. I was comfortable in my own skin and with my solitude. I had it in my mind that I didn’t want to date anyone and I believed it when I said it to myself because it was true. For the first time in a long time I was happy being alone. I had my daily routine down pact: work, gym, sleep repeat. The system worked pretty well. I made sure to find time for my friends when necessary. I had no excuse not to make an appearance at the occasional birthday party or a girl’s night out so I made myself seen. When I wasn’t with the girls I was at the gym. If it was between the hours of 9 to 5 on a weekday, I was at work and I was happy with that.

I had so much time on my hands I picked up a second job. It didn’t require much training and not too much effort on my part to obtain it. And it’s something that I enjoy doing, so the extra income couldn’t come at a more perfect time. I want to start saving to move out of Cali. I have no idea where it is I want to go but I know if I want to get there I’m going to need a large chunk of money to get there, so now I save. Life couldn’t get any better.

Things with Texas were stagnate at the moment but since my trip had turned out uneventful, it didn’t I wasn’t really phased when we became distant. Our phone calls had become much less frequent and so did our texts. I wish him the best and if things find themselves working out in the future, then so be it. But I realized that now was not the time, so I let him go.

My birthday was coming up and I was excited about it. No, I didn’t have a man, but I had plenty of friends. I wanted to have an event where people closest to me could come and celebrate a day that I hold in high regards, my birthday. My first event was a get together at an upscale lounge. LA doesn’t have many places that are true lounges, but I found one of the only one’s that I knew were free and invited my friends for drinks and fun. I didn’t think about meeting anyone that night, I just wanted to have a good time. Usually I have a goal of obtaining one number before the nights end, but this time I wasn’t even thinking about guys. I put on my brand new outfit and went to my party to chill with my friends. That night, I ended up leaving meeting 2 new guys.

Arizona was thrown my way by a friend. She asked him if he wanted to by me a drink because it was my birthday and after he looked me up and down he happily agreed. The chemistry was there, I was feeling his stature and his conversation was cool. Arizona owned his own business and he let me know that if I were his girl he would have flown me somewhere for my birthday. Game does recognize game, but I was still flattered. He said he would be my boyfriend for the rest of the night and look out for me and I though that was cute. Arizona bought me a drink and then I was pushed to the side as 3 of my friends came over to question his intentions. I love my girls. I could tell they wanted to make sure I wasn’t wasting my time.

“What do you do for a living?” “Do you have any kids?” “Do you have a girlfriend?”

They dug into him with claws erect. But he was ready. He answered they’re questions smoothly and without hesitation and I liked that. By the end of the night we exchanged numbers and have been in touch ever since.

The second guy, Michigan approached me very guardedly but I thought it was cute. Michigan was there to celebrate his birthday as well. He was shy around me, and I was happy to be in control of this exchange. I flirted with him all night and after I was sure Arizona was out of sight, I made my way over to Michigan. I put on the charms. It felt good to be in control. I knew I was attracted to him and that he was to me. Michigan had this debonair style that caught my eye immediately. After a while, he finally got wind of my advances and asked for my number.

I had several birthday celebrations and my night out at the lounge was just the first. The following day, I had a birthday dinner with just a few friends. It was a much smaller scale then the previous night extravaganza and I decided to invite Detroit. It was 40 minutes before it was going to begin and I decided to put our differences aside because I wanted him there. I hadn’t had male attention since my trip to see Texas so I did have underlying motives. But I didn’t follow through with them. Above all, Detroit was a good friend and I didn’t want to miss out on having him around and sharing my birthday with me. Detroit took my invitation very personally. Detroit took me for drinks after the dinner was over and explained to me what was on his mind. He felt that there must be something between us if I invited him to my birthday dinner. I wasn’t exactly sure he was right so I agreed to meet him later in the week for another “birthday” dinner.

When I got home from drinks with Detroit, I looked at my phone and I had a birthday message from a guy I hadn’t spoken to in months. Red and I were cool but we hadn’t talked much recently. Red and I never dated. I didn’t see him as anything more than a friend and I definitely appreciated that he had remembered my birthday. We’ve started to talk more and we even went on what I would classify as a date yesterday. So we shall see what happens there. More than anything I’d like to keep Red as a friend, I’m not sure if there is anything more between us but I am willing to find out

The next morning I realized Texas hadn’t called me on my birthday and I knew then that we would no longer be dating. My birthday is very important to me and it’s hard to come back from that. He hasn’t made much effort to rectify that situation and to me that just show his interest is no longer present. And that’s fine.

Just last week I was at work, minding my own business when I looked up and saw this guy staring at me. I was walking his way and I said hello. He apologized for staring and told me he couldn’t keep his eyes off of my walk. Mr. Mid-West was a little older but I didn’t let that rule him out. He approached me like a gentlemen so I decided to give him a chance. I let him know that I had to get back to work and gave him my number. This man is old enough to know what he wants and he has his mind set on exactly what that is. When we met up after I got off work, he let me know exactly what he was and wasn’t looking for. I’m not sure we’re on the same page, but again, I am willing to find out.

It’s amazing how my lack of interest and but possession of sheer confidence really attracted men my way these last two weeks. It isn’t something that I made a conscious decision to do but man it is working and I am contentiously amused by the attention. They say you’ll find a guy when you’re not looking but who would’ve though I’d end up with 5! Arizona, Michigan, Detroit, Red and Mr. Mid-West. Stay tuned this should be interesting and short lived for some of them.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Stay Tuned...

There is so much to blog about but I am being slammed at work and enjoying my birthday month at the same time.

There will be plenty of NEW blogs next week so stay tuned...

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Detroit: First Meeting

Wow, it’s almost been 2 years. Time flies when you’re having fun, and even when you’re not sometimes. We’ve had one rollercoaster ride after another, and anyone who knows me knows how terrified I am of heights and of the unexpected that plague those rides. Most of the bumps along our road I have caused and I’m not sure I know how to be any other way with him. So I sit here reflecting on our journey and wonder if it is time for it to end.

I met Detroit in the beginning of 2007. My girl Keisha needed to balance out an evening of poker with a guy friend and his friends and I volunteered my services along with my roommate. I like to meet people and feel that it is much easier to do in a small setting so I figured why not. We meet up at her house and she drove to a small apartment in Pasadena. I wasn’t using my gas so I didn’t mind the journey and neither did my roommate. When we arrived, her friend led us into the condominium. We walked in a single line up two flights of stairs and around a curved hallway. By the time we got close to the door, there were two men standing there to greet us. I laughed in my head. These guys were really eager to see what catch their friend brought them to prey on. I didn’t mind the attention but my roommate wasn’t too excited. I walked in and quickly introduced myself to the two gentlemen. I wasn’t immediately drawn to either of them, but if I was by the end of the night, I wanted to make sure to make a good impression.

Mitney, my Keisha’s friend introduced all of us to Detroit and Trey as we made ourselves comfortable on the living room couch. Trey, the owner of the apartment, was a stumpy little thing in my eyes. At my height, anyone shorter than 6 feet was considered stumpy. Detroit reminded me of John Legend at first glance. He had a small fro and his eyes sort of bugged out of their sockets a bit. Detroit definitely didn’t look like any guy I had ever dated but I didn’t immediately write him off.

Mitney asked us if we wanted something to drink. I could tell he was trying to impress my friend with his hospitality and immediate displace of good manners. By the look on my girl Keisha’s face his attentiveness was winning him some points. I definitely took notice as well when he made it his point to find me a non alcoholic beverage after I declined wine. Guys know the best way to a girl’s heart is through her friends. Her friends are the first one they run to when they are having problems and it couldn’t hurt to have me cheering for him in his corner when she called. I still have pom poms on stand by for him if they decide to give it another try.

A table with 4 seats and a deck of cards was sitting in the middle of the living room surrounded by a love seat, a television and a single chair. This was definitely a bachelor’s pad. I also noticed a small toy behind love seat. It was almost as if all reminisce of kids had been removed and that sole toy had been forgotten. They challenged us to a game of spades and I was ready to whoop some butt. I grew up playing spades, a fact I failed to mention before the games began. Keisha was ready and picked Mitney to be her partner. Detroit ended up being my partner after my roommate said she didn’t want to play and Trey was stuck in the kitchen preparing the tacos.

Right off the bat, Detroit had this sense of humor that made me feel at ease. Throughout the night he kept a smile on my face. In return I kept him on his toes with my sarcastic returns. I find that a man can go either way in response to my humor and I usually curb it accordingly, but Detroit wasn’t easily offended so I laid it on thick. With every comment he made, I had my own and vice versa. It just so happened to be Detroit’s birthday was that same night. Trey, Detroit and Mitney had just returned from a wild weekend trip of celebrations in Vegas and wanted to spend that Sunday home.

By the end of the night, Keisha and Mitney were wrapped up on the couch gazing into one another eyes and making us all jealously sick. My roommates’ eyes were glued to the TV; Trey was in his room arguing with his baby’s mother. Detroit and I were on the couch cracking jokes and scratching the surfaces of our paths. Our conversation never got too deep because we were too busy making each other laugh. Trey came back into the living room after he got off the phone and I knew it was time to go.

It was 2 am on a Sunday and we still had to drive to Keisha’s house and then our own so my roommate voiced her concern. The three of us girls got our things together and Mitney and Detroit walked us to our car. I walked next to my roommate to get her opinion on Detroit and she wasn’t the least bit impressed but could tell that I found his corniness amusing. Detroit had suggested earlier in the night that we all got to the movies the next day but the subject passed without much notice. He decided to offer the idea again and we agreed that we would meet him the next day at the theater. It was obvious that we had an attraction, so instead of directly asking for my number, he made it a group outing. After ten minutes of Mitney and Keisha saying their goodbyes, we were finally on our way home.
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