Thursday, August 6, 2009
Scene: I log onto Facebook to check out my friends’ event profile. Before I can even type in her name into the search field, a guy I’m not that interested in sends me an instant message.
(Facebook I hate you for adding this application by the way.)
Guy: Hey, there you are? How have you been? You haven’t been on here in a while. Are you avoiding me? When are we going to hang out? I called and texted you but you never got back to me.
(2 seconds pass)
Guy: See that’s what I’m talking about. Bye Si Si
(2 more seconds pass)
Guy: Are you there?
(How could he have an entire conversation all by himself, I thought? I couldn’t believe he typed all of that without even letting me reply to the first question. The real answer is yes I was avoiding you. I learned how to log on idle but I slipped up this one time and you caught me.)
Me: …..no of course I’m not avoiding you. I’ve just been busy.
Here is a clue: No one is ever that busy! It doesn’t matter what’s going on in my life, if I’m truly interested in getting to know someone, I will make time for them. If I’m not that interested and they catch me online, I won’t be rude. I’ll hold a short conversation, while secretly plotting how to get out of it. Since I know that the rule of "busyness" goes for men too, I know when one isn’t feeling me. (It was probably mutual anyway.)
Whenever a guy starts to fall off and he apologizes because he is too busy, I immediately put him in the friend category. There is no way I can take a guy like this seriously. If Diddy can get two women, living on opposite sides of the country pregnant at the same time, surely you can pick up the phone to call me. I'll probably continue to see him as long as he is not flaky, but inconsistency will not be rewarded.
I’m not one of those girls that require a lot of attention either. I have my own life, my own friends, and my own priorities and passions. I am not trying to take you away from what’s making you money, money you’re hopefully using on me, since you claim to be working. Trust, I know you need time to do that. But please believe I will not sit at home waiting by the phone, in hopes that you will call. I will not repeatedly be cancelled on in place of some thing else you consider more important. I know this to be true, most people aren’t that busy. Instead I understand that they just aren’t that interested.
So the next time someone of the opposite sex is slow to respond to your messages and/or return your phone calls, you have two options, you can give them the benefit of the doubt and wait for their call or you can take a hint and see more people. It doesn’t necessarily mean you have to cut them off either, just keep your options open.