Teaching lessons one pig at a time

This post is a follow-up to a Friday Rant post about a guy who likes to send late night grazing text messages. I finally decided that if this dude was going to continue with this nonsense I might as well kill two birds with one stone- I could have a little fun with him while simultaneously sending him a message.

10:19 p.m. "Hey Guy": Come over tonight
10:20 Me: What’s your address?
10:22 Hey Guy: My address is [dumb ass really sent me his home address] and [here are directions I didn’t ask for because he really thinks I'm on my way.]

My girl and I laugh as we get his hopes as I high as possible.

10:25pm Me: Alright I’ll be there in 10. What are we going to do?
10:27pm Hey Guy: I have lots of brand new screeners from online. So we can watch movies.

Right, you’re sending me your address at 10 p.m. so we can watch movies all night. My homegirl and I decided to make this a little more interesting.

10: 28pm: Me: Nice and after that?
10:28pm Hey Guy: Whatever you want…it doesn’t matter
10:30pm Me: Cool. I’ll wear something comfortable
10:30pm Hey Guy: k

He calls and my girl and I push the phone back and forth between one another until it stops ringing. When he calls back this time, my girl answers. Of course he doesn’t know it's not me, we haven’t spoken since we met two months ago. She tells him she is almost there but is losing service and will call back.

10:45 Me: You sure? Cuz we need to be safe. You’re gonna need to wrap it up. (I’m sure he almost choked when he read this but we were just getting started.)
10:46 Hey Guy: You don’t need to bring anything
10:49 Me: Alright. Just checkin. Cuz I like to have fun. You have toys we can use?
10:50 Hey Guy: Just come
10:52 Me: I hope I can, over and over and over

He calls my cell again, I don’t answer this time.

10:53 Me: Let me in

Meanwhile, I’m actually at a fight party laughing at this entire exchange with my homegirl and grubbin on cold enchiladas.

10:53 Hey Guy: The code is xxxx

The "Hey Guy" calls again, I pass my phone to Detroit and tell him to answer. (We can discuss why I was hangin out with him another time.) He’s so drunk at this point he doesn’t even question me. After letting the guy know that “Silent is busy and can’t come to the phone,” the Hey guy hangs up.

You can believe I don’t get those random text messages in the middle of the night anymore.