Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Little Willy

Ahhh Pepito. That was his name. Really, that was his nickname. Little did I know, it held so much significance to him physically. Pepito had the body of a track star, face of a model and lips like well you know. He knew what to do with those lips. I was so blinded by his looks, yes women date based on just looks too, that I wasn't worried about anything else. In hindsight I should have seen the signs; they were so clear, but my young self didn't know all that I know now. I feel its necessary to share some wisdom with my younger, less experienced female readers. (I'm not that experienced don't get me twisted, just very attentive to little things.)

The first thing I noticed but just chopped up to being a gentleman and possesing a lot of self control was he...

Moved slow

We were dating for a few months before he tried anything, I mean anything on me. I'm not saying I need a man to rip my clothes off on a first date. But after several dates, I need to know that you are interested in me sexually. Even when we did get closer I never questioned why he was so....

Eager to please

Why would I? I was enjoying myself and all I had to do was sit back and relax. Now this doesn't mean that all men with little penises are all experts at Oral Sex but boy will they try their hardest and go for a loooonnng time. After he's done he'll just want to cuddle. I should have noticed from our previous conversations that he...

Never discusses his member

Normally when I'm dating a man for a long period of time, he will make some type of reference to his penis. He will brag about the width, the gurth or tell me how well he knows how to use it. But men with small penises act like it doesn't exist. The biggest sign of all was...

He has a BIG ego

and not the type Beyonce was singing about. This man overcompensated in other parts of his life. He drove a big truck, wore big shoes (its LA, why are you always wearing Tims) and talked a big game. Ladies, big hands does not always mean he has a big friend. The only thing you can only be sure of is that he wears big gloves.


I believe its okay to stop all sexual activity and walk out on this type of man. Trust me, he's use to it. He even has a pep talk for himself after you leave. Once youre gone he will chant all of his other qualities and hope one day he finds a woman who doesn't run as soon as they feel his shortcomings, like I did.

I said: "We're moving way too fast. We need to stop."
Translation: What the funk is that? A pencil??!?! Where is your penis?"

5 comments:

Youngbuck said...

OMG!!! HHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That was hilarious. You are right though when you are confident about your shit, you are eager to whip it out as soon as possible! I know I am... yo this story was jokes.

Reecie said...

lmao...that's freaking hilarious. I would feel sympathy towards little pepito men because they are always getting left high and dry by women...but then I remember how men judge women based on their sexual prowess so it's fair game to turn the tables.

Interesting clues though...I never ran into this issue, but I will heed the signs.

Mr. Fantastic said...

LMAO !!!! That's HILARIOUS !!! I agree with YB tho, I feel like everyone should look at my junk,Figuratively of course, but ESPECIALLY the woman I'm dating !!! I feel bad for these people. There are pills, creams, exercises for this type of illness. Get him some Enzyte for Xmas.

Adwoa said...

Oh man....wrong!!!!

I mean...what if he knows how to work it?!?

I haven't been with a man that has a little weiner....but umm...aren't there certain "positions" that can compensate for the lack of a large ding-a-ling?!? I'm just saying...

Silent Scorpion said...

Adwoa, I'm not referring to average sized members. Yes, there are positions for average or a little below average sized men. One of my greatest partners was not that well endowed but was a human jack rabbit. Gotta love him and his skills.

BUT...

There is no position that will make up for a small, itty bitty, teeny weeny, willy. Nope. Nothing. No position, no cream, nothing.

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