“Don't overlook an orchid while searching for a rose”- Unknown author
1. Meet a guy.
2. Exchange information.
3. Have a conversation.
4. Call your girls to discuss his application.
Guys don’t know it but they have an application process they must pass to be deemed datable. (Not necessarily the application I posted here but something pretty similar.) I can only speak from the perspective of a college educated woman, but no matter our age, it seems my circle of friends asks the same types of questions. This weekend a friend of mine proved my point (a point she didn’t know I was making,) when talking to another girlfriend about a guy she was seeing.
Some of these questions on this 20 plus application we ask, consider or jokingly inquire about when we talk about a guy we are seeing. Some of the questions on this application, we would never actually ask but would listen if answers were offered. Interestingly enough, none of the questions on this application require him explaining his dating history, how he treats his friends and family or what kind of future he sees with our friend. Instead, we infer the answer to those questions and so many more with this question: So what does he do?
If the answer is, well he just finished his Master’s and is working on his PhD in neurobiology , we automatically give him the green light and he moves on. If she says he is a Long shore-man who just secured a 1 year contract with benefits, he does not pass go and we send our friend to jail. Just the thought of our girl dating a guy who works with his hands makes us shy away from a possibly caring, compassionate, loving man. As women, we expect the man to be the provider and we can’t imagine a man who works with his hands being able to offer the future we desire.
As little girls we imagine growing up, meeting our prince charming, having an extravagant wedding, buying a house with a white-picket fence, raising two loving children with a dog in the backyard. Our dream doesn’t include a man who has to shower as soon a she gets home to remove the stench of fresh fish from his clothing while being cooped up in a small apartment and hoping our birth control doesn’t fail us because we are not ready for kids. We see the guy who works behind a desk in a corporate office as the key to completing our ideal picture. I’m not sure what time during our adolescence the white-collar guy became the destination on the road from dating to marriage, while the blue-collar guy is the fun detour for upwardly mobile women. It’s a fact that women outnumber men on college campuses, the work force and are now landing well-paid jobs once reserved for men. Statistically there is no way we will all be able to achieve this “dream.” Why is it that we don’t consider the alternative?
Why haven’t I?
I started to take a look at my own “requirements” for men, after a guy I had dated last year found my number in his phone and decided to give me a call. Shaggy was 6 ‘9, had smooth caramel skin and a great white smile to match. There is something about a great smile that just gets me. We talked on the phone consistently for a couple of weeks but never actually went out. I remember I enjoyed talking to him mainly because he kept me laughing during our conversations. Talking to him was something I looked forward to at the end of the day. I think the moment he told me he worked in a factory and had dropped out of college during his second year, my interest in him vanished. At some point we lost contact and I never thought twice about him since.
For me, my requirements were simple and if a guy didn’t have a college degree, I wouldn’t give him the time of day. I now realize why that has gotten me very far. The more different kinds of guys I allow myself to get involved with, the more likely I will find someone I have great chemistry with.
I recognize that dating someone from different educational level or career path will have its challenges. I had a girlfriend tell me that she sometimes felt like she had to dumb down her conversations. Another one told me he was uncomfortable with her professional and social network or sometimes when she wanted to discuss certain topics, he wasn’t well read on the subject and they couldn’t have a stimulating conversation.
On the other hand, dating a guy who has educational achievements doesn’t mean we will have great chemistry. I have dated numerous men who were great on paper, but who bored me to death because all they wanted to talk about was their accomplishments.
I think more and more women need to realize compatibility may have absolutely nothing to do with what a guy does for a living? The measure of a man (or woman for that point) should not be determined by their profession.
With all that said, I have decided to give Shaggy a chance; more so I’m giving myself a chance. Some things will always remain important for me besides his choice in career, like our chemistry and also our work ethic, family values, and shared experiences.
And isn’t that what makes a couple compatible?