The Representative

Which way do you prefer to meet a man? All dolled up or in a unmatching pair of baggy sweats?

We as women try so hard to impress men that there is a period in between meeting our representative and the introduction of our true selves. This of course can apply to both physical and emotional transformations. We have so much baggage, some that we aren’t even aware of, that our unsuspecting victims won't find out for months. For this post, I am focusing mainly on our physical transformation between first meeting and a sustainable relationship.

Women pluck and tuck our entire body like there is no tomorrow in the beginning stages of a courtship/relationship religiously. Until the time comes when we know we have officially snagged them, i.e. earn a title or on that path, then the real us comes out. Some women think its acceptable to go to a man’s house in sweats because hey, that’s the real us right. We pull of our Spanx, take off our make-up and wonder bras, pull out the weave, grow out the perm and want our men to love us for who we really are; a little below average. The representative we use to send out is on break.

If they truly love us, they will love us regardless, right? Now when we see them, if there is not a special event, we let it all hang out. Our bulges and/or dimples pop out of our spandex, skin blemishes shine bright (seeing as we have on no foundation or any make-up,) small chest (since we removed the padded bra) and nappy head (because we are in between an old do and new perm) comes along as well. Is there something wrong with this change?

Men have a habit of doing the same thing. They send their representative, Mr. Right to your front door with a box of Godiva chocolate and 24 long-stem red roses. This first date is followed by a couple months of being wined and dined. This does not necessarily only mean spending loads of hard earned cash on extravagant dates. I am merely talking about taking me out for lunch, movie or a ball game frequently. The time we spend alone, getting to know each other and creating memories.

At some point you thought you had this great, considerate man who walked to your front door and knocked when he arrived, opened all the doors that followed your time together, pulled out all your chairs and let you order first. You would brag to all your friends about how nice he is and how much of gentlemen you have.

Now when ya’ll go out, he honks to let you know he is outside or better yet sends you a text saying ‘come outside’, he looks at you when the bill comes (you do work as well don’t you,) or slows down when you get to a door because hey, you’ve got two hands don’t you, open your own door.

I've noticed this phenom more lately with Mr. AOS. When we get together, it's to hang. Not to go out. He calls when he wants to see me, not to see how my day was going. This is not the first guy this has happened with, but I am determined to make it the last.

Most of these changes are inevitable. In relationships we are going to become complacent about some of the things that won our mates over. The problem for me comes when too many things change, and I don’t find the person that I am left with desirable. When I find myself looking for a new “Representative,” it’s time for me to move on. It's looking like for Mr. AOS that time has already come. I'm not closing the door on him, but I have continued to recognize I have many other options. Unfortunately, because I am so comfortable with him, it's hard to completely cut him off without giving him a fair warning, again.

How do you think you’ve changed during a relationship? Do you think you have changed? Is this just a normal and natural change in dating that we should get over?

Aaronvina: As long as you keep your man fed, they don't care what you look like.