Since Chicago and I have been talking to each other over the phone for a little over 2 months with no plans of seeing each other, I’m starting to try and put him out of my mind as anything more than a phone buddy. I understand his current financial constraints and I am in no way pressuring him to make it happen. On the other hand, there is no way I can or will fund the trip myself. Been there, done that. As time passes, I start to wonder why he hasn’t initiated a discussion about a trip. We had one serious conversation about it late one night, but by our next exchange the topic was not revisited and plans were never finalized.
I’ve consciously made a comment at least one time out of every conversation we’ve had this past week. Since we talk several times a week, for long periods of time, I thought that was plenty of hints. When I do bring it up, it is in a joking matter so I don’t truly believe he understands how annoyed I am with his lack of urgency. After everything that we have discussed, I would have thought he would want to make this trip happen sooner than later, but alas he has not. We don’t seriously discuss it, and I try and let myself be okay with it, but I am not.
This week I’ve found myself purposely distancing myself from him. How can I consciously form an attachment to a man who has no intent on seeing me? I cannot with good conscious do that. We talk less because I call less, I respond slower to texts and I try and put him out of my mind altogether throughout the day; which is nearly impossible. Our chemistry and my attraction to him are undeniable, but I won’t continue this charade.
Chicago can stay around for as long as he likes, but I will continue to protect myself and distance myself from him. Some may consider this distance me playing games, but I don’t. (Well at least not completely.)
We’ll figure it out, right. That’s what he says every time we talk. So, I guess we shall.