Dear Mr. Thirsty,
Please understand that this letter comes from the heart. I feel that after a couple drinks your normal thirstiness is amplified by ten but I am concerned and can't leave you unguided. We are in the same place and it seems to affect us differently. The music is bumping and the lights are dim but I can sniff out thirst from a mile away.
It is by no means acceptable for you to touch me at any time. Any touching is completely inappropriate. If I dance with you, its because I thought it would be fun. Not because I wanted to give you access to MY body.
If you would like to speak to me, that's fine. Friendly conversation is welcome at the right time. But please don't watch me walk and undress me with your eyes. It really creeps me out and if I feel you doing it repeatedly to every woman that walks by, I will call the authorities.
If I tell you I am not interested in getting to know you and the reason is not because I have a boyfriend, don't call me out of my name. You may think you are Gods gift to women, but I guess I don't see it at this time and it was not my intention to hurt your feelings. I'd rather be honest than waste your time. I'm sure you'd prefer ii tell you the truth rather than give you my number and never answer you repeated missed calls.
Thank you for taking the time to read my short letter. I hope you have learned something valuable that you will take with you next time you go out to a night club. Trust me when I say, a good woman can spot a thirsty man from a mile away. Goodluck.