Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Long Distance Relationship: Don't Do It

Love conquers all but only in movies.

There was a time not long ago when I thought my love story would be better because we had such a large obstacle to overcome: Distance. I told my partner who lived thousands of miles away “we can make it work as long as we are both mature and committed to communication and each other.” Bullshit! I had a hard enough time trying to make it work with Mr. AOS who lives in the valley (I live 30 minutes away in LA), why would I want to have to hop on a plane every time I want to see my significant other.

Yes, there are several fairytale stories of couples who were able to make it work but those people are only the exception to the rule. It’s important to recognize the difference between being an exception and being the rule. I for one would not consciously place myself in such a complicated situation in order to test the rule.

Relationships are hard enough as is, but when you add the strains that come with distance, it looses all of its appeal.

Limited Physical Contact – This is the number one reason I would not place myself in a long distance relationship. Not only can I not have my way with any cute guy I want, I can’t even touch the man I’m committed to. I want it when I want it. I need it when I want it and sometimes when I don’t know I want it.

Jealousy – I pride myself on being a very confident and understanding woman, but I don’t want to become a Facebook stalking, background questioning, password stealing paranoid woman. I be damned if I wake up the next morning, find my boo has been tagged in 16 pictures only to see him posing with Beyonce’s (circa 2002) long lost twin sister. In any relationship, trust is imperative but with distance, jealousy would be a much more powerful feeling. The moment you start to doubt your SO, jealously will shoot in swiftly.

Daily Reporting – How do you convey everything that has happened to you when the other person has no context to place the experience in? You’re talking to your SO and they have no idea who your coworker Sylisha is and why pride yourself in being able to talk to her without laughing when attempt to interpret her SOTB accent, she applies make-up like Tommy the Clown, and constantly smells like a Subway in Harlem.

Strain on Finances – Just imagine, you just received your $400 bonus after working hard for the past 2 months but you have to spend all of that cash that could have gone to a cute Marciano dress and matching heels on a plane ticket. You know if you don’t, your SO will bitch about until they see you again. Finances are already the cause of some many failed marriages, and are sure to be the demise of this type of relationship. Plus, why limit your hard on funds to traveling to the same place once a month. I’d much rather travel the world with some good friends.

Unnatural Pace – Distance forces relationships to play in a fast forward mode, and often this forward force leads to a quicker end. There will be some type of pressure for the future. Who will give up all their friends and family to move across town? When do you decide enough time has past to make that commitment? What if you hate your new city, will you resent the person you came for?

Rather than letting the relationship flow naturally, plans must be made ahead. Although my personality forces me to plan out my day to day activities, how can I plan out how my heart will feel in 6 months and base everything I do around that ultimate goal and each other. Distance makes everything more definite and requires advanced thinking.

I’m all for love and happy endings but realistically, long distance relationships are doomed right from the gate. I’d rather be single, sexy and free enjoying my town than sit at home on the phone for hours talking to someone in another.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

brilliant analysis and completely true. all of it. of course i broke up with my ex and he's now in another LDR..so i guess he thinks she'll move from america to UK without a visa...he'll probably marry her - which is exactly what he did with his EX-WIFE! I think there's something wrong with him!

Anonymous said...

I dont thing all this shit beign a Scorpio i belive once we love a guy u want to take chance on evry thing tht cmes our way.....

Gloria Worthy said...

I'm facing that possibility myself. I left from Memphis to Atlanta for 3 weeks to check out the market cuz I'm a writer producer and singer and it just seems like there's more opportunity here for me. I have been with my significant other for one year but have been in his life for 2 years. He is currently working on his alcoholism and some of the stress issues which is about 3 months in he asked to marry me because he feels as though I'm going to make the decision to move to Atlanta. But I think he needs at least a year to work on his self and be clean. I love him very much and would hate to lose our relationship especially now that he's working to better his life. But I cannot put my life on hold nor do I want to rush into a mind you 4th marriage that may not be strong enough to stand many changes.For the record my third husband passed away 2007.

Gloria Worthy said...

I'm facing that possibility myself. I left from Memphis to Atlanta for 3 weeks to check out the market cuz I'm a writer producer and singer and it just seems like there's more opportunity here for me. I have been with my significant other for one year but have been in his life for 2 years. He is currently working on his alcoholism and some of the stress issues which is about 3 months in he asked to marry me because he feels as though I'm going to make the decision to move to Atlanta. But I think he needs at least a year to work on his self and be clean. I love him very much and would hate to lose our relationship especially now that he's working to better his life. But I cannot put my life on hold nor do I want to rush into a mind you 4th marriage that may not be strong enough to stand many changes.For the record my third husband passed away 2007.

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