Conversations with my Voicemail

Meet a nice girl: smart, outgoing, attractive. You had a nice conversation, flirted a bit, so on. Got her telephone number before you parted ways, and right before she left she goes "You're going to call me, right?” A few days later you call her (instead of texting first, good job!) but you get her voicemail.

“Hi you've reached Silent. Please leave a message after the tone.” [beeeeepp]

This is not an open invitation to tell her everything that is on your mind in 60 seconds or less. If you just obtained her phone number 2 days prior and she already has a voicemail detailing the reasons you two would be great together, then not only will you not receive a return call, she will also play your psychotic voicemail to all of her friends.

After hearing this voicemail online, I feel the need to intervene. Guys, I didn’t think I would have to do this but it seems some of ya’ll need some phone etiquette.

1.) Please leave a voicemail. Don’t assume that I received a miss call from you. Even though I have the best phone service provider, I don’t get every missed call.
2.) Keep it brief. Just because my system allows for long messages, doesn’t mean this is your opportunity to share your mini bio.
3.) Keep compliments pertaining to any physical body part that kept you reeling the rest of the evening off my voice messaging system. Its just plan perverted.
4.) Don’t give me a deadline. Are we serious?!?! This has really happened to me and some of my friends.
5.) Leave your name and phone number so I can return your call. Again this goes back to assuming I have a missed call from you.

If she doesn’t return your call within 2-3 days, she probably wasn’t that interested. DO NOT CALL HER AGAIN.

Here’s a general rule of thumb: Don’t call a girl more than twice without a returned call. Forget about her and get another girls number. If she calls back then now you have 2 girls.