Monday, May 11, 2009

Rejection: How Much Information is Too Much?

Last month I was in the gym, winding down after a long workout and a gentleman approached me. I use the term gentleman because at every moment in our interaction, he showed me nothing but respect.

It was 9:30 at night so the gym was just beginning to wind down.I had just completed my 5k and 30 minutes of resistance training so I was feeling quite accomplished. I moved over to the mats to do my 10 minute cool down stretch. I put my headphones on, in hopes that no one would interrupt me before I left.

I saw a nice looking man approach my area, which was basically empty, and sit on an apparatus that looked like a trapezoid. I wasn’t sure what it was used for, but I didn’t think the man who was on it did either. He was curled up in an almost fetal position, and began “stretching.”

After about eight good minutes of messing around with the machine, he got my attention. I turned my head towards him while I stretched my legs and we caught eyes. I could see his lips forming some type of sentence but my earphones were so loud I couldn’t tell what he said.

I removed the earphones from my ears and said, “Excuse me?” He repeated it, “You must be at least 6 feet?” (I’ve never heard that before, I thought to myself as I chuckled at his unoriginality.)

Since I would be leaving soon I didn’t see any harm in being friendly. We exchanged a few words about my height, his career and my current dating status. At some point he mentioned that his sister was 6 ‘1 so he knows what its like to be around extraordinarily tall women. He also mentioned that he loved dating tall women.

He asked if it would be okay to call me sometime and possibly go to dinner. He was nice and unobtrusive in his approach and at no point did he make reference to my physique or anything that would make me feel uncomfortable so I told him yes. Plus he was kind of cute. I was surprised to have met such a nice guy in the gym. Most of the ones I have met weren’t nearly as polite and pleasant. We agreed that he could call me tonight. Once I told him a time, he ran downstairs to get his cell phone. I laughed to myself about how quickly he exited.

I decided to meet him downstairs; I was on my way out anyway. He came out and I was in shock. Between his amazement about my height, his dating habits and the stature of his sister I assumed that this man must have been at least 6 foot 3. As he walked out with his phone in his hand, I attempted to hold back the look of astonishmen. As he neared me, I guestimmated that he must have been no taller than 5 foot 9.

He resumed with his natural charm as he asked me for my number. I thought for a second. It was too late to say no, right? I slowly and hesitantly gave him my number. He asked if 10:30 was still a good time to call tonight. “Umm,” I paused for 3 seconds and replied with an unemphatic, “yeah”

As I walked to my car, I tried to replay the past 10 minutes. I realized that at no point during out initial interaction did he and I stand next to each other. And that although his sister was a giant like me, that didn’t automatically ensure he wouldn’t be heightly challenged.

I sat in my car thinking of how I could get out of this. I didn’t want him to call me at 10:30. I wanted to end this before it went any further. I didn’t want to play games and not answer his phone call so I felt he deserved the truth so I sent him a text message:

“It was nice meeting you and I will surely say hi when I see you around but I can’t handle the height difference between us. My apologies for not saying it sooner.’

At that moment I let out a sigh of relief. Men always say they want to the truth from women, so I gave it to him and patted myself on the back. 10 minutes he replied: Lol. But I’m good looking and in shape. It’s cool tho.

After 10 addtional minutes had passed, he gave me a call. This must have been the most awkward conversation I had ever had with a man. He was just leaving the gym and wanted to make sure I hadn’t changed my mind. He asked me how I was and let me know that I was a nice girl he wanted to get to know. We talked for 5 minutes about I don't know what and then he brought it up again.

“You sure you can’t handle the height difference? I’m a good 5 foot 8 and a half,” he exclaimed. “I’m sure I can’t.”

We talked for an additional two minutes and I wished me a goodnight. I haven’t heard from him since.

Every time I retell the events and our exchanges to my friends both male and female, they gasp at my blunt honesty. They concluded that I was downright mean.

I figured he deserved to know the truth, but I can see how that may have been a bit too much truth.

The list of what I can’t say has been growing.

1. You’re too fat.
2. Your penis is too small.
3. You smell.
4. Your eyes are too close together.
5. You’re too short. (I just added this one.)

Anything that has to do with physical appearance, educational attainment/future aspirations and personal hygiene are automatically a no no when it comes to delivering rejection.

Next time I will just give the general, “I'm not interested." Which I will follow up with the "You're just not my type," if probed. If a man wants to know details beyond that, the gloves are coming off.

Am I missing any other taboo rejection tactics?


Mon @ 7:58pm
KD: 6. I think I'm more attractive than you so I should be able to do better.


12kyle said...

As a dude who stands a cool 5'7 1/2...I found this to be VERY funny!! Lmao! I can't fault him for tryin but there's noooo way I'm talkin to a woman that taller than me. Friends? Sure. Nothing more.

I aint mad at you for being blunt and honest. That's what we all should be. One of my best friends is single and he's 6-5. He says that fat..excuse me..."Big boned" women holla at him all the time. It's strange b/c he's not fat at all. LoL. And he'll be honest with them. "I don't date anybody who weighs more than me." That's what he says. And he's 210! LoL

Good post

Ronnette said...

Ummmm I am gonna go with.....
Your too broke!

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