The Best Christmas Present Ever!!

Santa Claus came early for me this year, in the form of a plane ticket home from the holidays. When I tell people I have the best friends in the world, I can use this as another prime example. Not only have they supported me through out the years as I made decisions that ranged from "Go head girl" to "Silent what?!! Why?!!!" Even with these indiscretions, they've always stood by and encouraged me through it all. I can only pray that the same can be same for me as a friend.

This week I got a call from one of these friends, informing me of the great news. Apparently, for the past couple weeks, unbeknownst to me, my friends were getting ready to change my outlook on Christmas 2011. I had it all planned out, I was going to spend this holiday in the City celebrating the end of my first semester of school with friends who were in town. Maybe I'd cook, go to a parade or just sleep. The details hadn't been finalized but all I knew was that I would be here in NYC. As these thoughts were going through my head, my friends in LA had started email and text message chains gathering money for a plane ticket for little ol me.

My first reaction to the news was silence. I was so shocked I couldn't form a sentence. Anyone who knows me, know that being at a loss for words is hard to come by these days. I then burst into uncontrollable tears. Imagine my tall behind in a quiet library attempting to cry silently. Yeah, Silent Scorpion was not that silent. I am so touched by the generosity, love and support from friends who I see as family. I'd like to thank each one of them from the bottom of my heart. And trust me I will, at some point during my time home, I'm hosting a holiday celebration. AKA I will be at a bar and you will be invited.

Merry Christmas everyone! I'm 22 days early I know but I can't help it, I'm ecstatic!

I'll see you soon LA.

XOXOXO

Ps. Please don't ask me when I got so sappy. Blame the NY air.

Another year wiser

It's that time of the year folks and unlike last year, I'm not wishing for Vitamin D this birthday. Now while it would be great, its not in the forefront of my thoughts.

Do you really want to know what I want for my birthday? Of course you do well get your check books ready. This year I don't want a damn thing for my 27th birthday.

Now if you already got me something, I don't want to hurt your feelings by rejecting your gesture, so I'll take the gift if you insist. However, I already got the biggest present I could possibly think of and that was my acceptance letter to NYU. Everything else this year seems so small in comparison. The admission to grad school had a Domino affect on the every avenue of my life.

1. I got rid of every last straggler I was dating/not dating/semi dating. The truth is that if I would have stayed in LA, I would have continued to allow myself to participate in the same song and dance with so many exes. It was a broken record I continued to play like some crazy person. No MAS! Now that I'm in New York, I'm more honest with myself about the men I surround myself. This time my eyes AND ears are open. There will be no repetition of my LA bad habits. I keep my 'deuces' tucked tightly in my wallet and I aint afraid to flash them.

2. I'm working towards a career not just a job. In LA I was making damn good money with my former company. I had everything a 20 something year old could think of. When I graduated from UCLA, there was a list of material things I said I should have by 25. I got them. A car, apartment, a nice amount of disposable income, clothes, a stamped passport and the ability to travel several times a year. Hold up wait, why did I move here again? Oh yeah I was unfufilled. Those things were great to have BUT I was still missing something. Fast forward to this year and I'm a poor graduate student. I'm 100% sure I made the right decision, I feel like this is where I'm suppose to be.

3. My opinion is numero uno. While I respect my friends and their opinions, I DO NOT let them heavily influence my decision making anymore. This all started with my first change of keeping a lot to myself. Now its catapulted itself into more alone time. I'm happiest when I'm in my studio lost in my own thoughts. I am my own psychologist from this point on. This way I get to save my daytime minutes and remove any possibility of a scapegoat. If I make the wrong decision, I quickly apprehend my damn self.

4. I spend less time on social media, gossip sites and anything related. This might be the most shocking of them all, including myself. This Wednesday I experienced something in threes and while I don't normally believe in signs, I took this as one. I was watching True Life and the topic was textaholics. Mind you I was in the middle of a major textersation while watching the episode. I had just finished talking to someone else that week about how much they use their phone. Hi, my name is POT and I just called the kettle black. Then I was reading a post about how a group of friends decided to take a break from social media, gossip sites and instant messaging for a week. I thought hey, maybe I should try that. So ever since this past Wednesday I have not opened my Facebook, checked my twitter feed, instant messaged on my computer (BBM is my only exception), read a gossip site or opened my Google Reader. You know what its not that bad. I'm going to keep this up til my birthday and hopefully I'll have taught myself to put my phone and laptop down a bit more and enjoy my surroundings.

I'm sure there are more but these are just some of the key points. Its time for me to run and enjoy some more of NY. Talib Kweli concert here I come!

Happy Birthday to me!

"I don't want you to marry me!"

This video is hilarious.

click the link because I'm too lazy to embed the code

Youtube Link

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Boy: I don't want to marry you!

Girl: I'm gonna marry you.

Boy: NO!

Girl: Yes

Boy: NOOOO!!!

Girl: You're gonna marry me!

Boy: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's so funny how calm the girl is no matter how irate the little boy becomes. She is resolute in her decision to marry him. (Even though he does not feel the same way). She even threatens to revoke his visitation privileges if he does not oblige.

Ladies and little girls, you can't force a man to do what he has already decided he doesn't want to do.

Relax.

Ladies, Don't Offer To Pay

Scenario:

Guy meets girl.

Girl thinks guy is cute.

Guy asks for number. Texts and BBM's (I still have a blackberry so don't hate) are exchanged.
Girl waits for guy to pick up the phone and call.

Guy continues texting and BBM'ing (this is the girls fault, demand what you want or just call yourself, duh).

Girl and Guy go on two dates that Guy doesn't hesitate to pay for.

Girl appreciates guy, and plans to pay for next date.

On the third** date, Girl and Guy have finished eating at Red Rooster (Big ups to Harlem!) when the check comes.

Girl offers to pay.

Guy declines offer.

Girl offers again.
Guy let's her pay.

FLAG ON THE PLAY!!!

I know why women offer, I do understand the logic. Women like to play many games when dating, so they test his interest level. A lot of women will use this as an opportunity to gauge his interest. Fellas if you didn't do well on the preSAT's, don't go out with her again, this is only the beginning.

If you accept the first offer of letting your lady friend pay, she will immediately call all her friends and black ball you. Never to return your call.

If you accept the second offer, she will always remember the moment you let her pay for third date. She may continue to date you, but she will never forget. Women never forget. In 6 months you'll be fighting about why she didn't tell you she was going out with a male friend, she will yell back, "What about the time you let me pay for our third date at Red Rooster."

If you decline both offers and insist on paying, she will take off her underwear at the restaurant and give you the biz in the car. (Note: Only a proper lady could covertly maneuver this trick without skipping a bit, so only date proper ladies.)

If there is one thing I don't do on dates anymore is offer to pay. If I decide I'm paying for a date I'm swift. I know the bill is coming at the end of dinner (or at the movies, bowling, fishing, whatever) so my credit card is in my hand. When the bill comes, I quickly pick it up, place my card in it and hand it back to the waitress. This seems to catch most men off guard. Why?

Because I didn't offer. If we made it to the third date, I'm genuinely interested in getting to know you. I'm enjoying your company. So I see nothing wrong with picking up the check.

Fellas, would you be turned off by a woman who paid for a date without asking. (This is a serious question because sometimes I feel like I'm a bit pushy.) Ladies, do you offer or do you just pay? Am I the only one strong arming checks?

**Three is my lucky number. Three times is a charm right. This is perfectly logically reasoning if I do say so myself.**

I Miss Her

I never really talk about her but I think about her all the time. My mother was such a strong woman, she had to be having me as a daughter. I was a handful. As were my sisters.

I find myself unable to sleep or study sometimes because I can't help but think about her. (i.e. right now...my book is in my lap)

What if she was still alive, would she be proud? (I already know the answer to this but I'd love to hear those words come from her mouth.)

How did she meet my father and end up marrying him?

What advice would she give me regarding my own dating life?

Would I still be afraid of getting a whooping at 26? (knowing her YESS!)

I can speculate on the answers to these questions but these are questions I'll never get the answer to. No matter how much time passes, I don't miss her any less. Time does not heal all wounds. I can handle my emotions regarding the woman that gave me birth better than I could almost 9 years ago, but I'll never forget my sister coming into our room, waking me from my non-blissful sleep and telling me our mother had passed.

I'm tearing up as I write this post so I'm going to stop here and leave you with these words. If you are blessed enough to have living parents you love, tell them you love them everyday. I'm so happy I was able to tell my mother I loved her days before she passed.

I miss her. I love her. I am her.

Who's To Blame?

I was catching up with my girl about this Non M*Factor aka The Situation who I stopped dating shortly before moving to NY. She told me something about him that made me die in laughter. Apparently, The Situation has been telling her that he misses me (bullshit!). Apart of me would like to know the motive behind his interactions with her, and the other part of me doesn't care. Since this "conversation" between the two of them occurred on twitter, my girl advised me to check it out. With a simple click of a bubble, I was able to see everything he was saying about me.

Allow me to highlight some points:

The Situation: [Silent] doesn't love me anymore. (Correct!)

The Situation: [Silent] is too hard to read. (The feeling is mutual)

Then my girl went on to tell him that she doesn't really like him as a person because of some of the stories I told her about him.

The Situation: Funny how the friend automatically not like someone because of something they heard.

So who's fault is it that she doesn't like him?

As my best friend, she heard all the biased stories. All she heard was my side so I can admit, yes they were biased BUT I do not control her feelings. If there is one more (its more like 10 after that incident he pulled at my homegirls party) that don't like him because of the way he treated me, that's not my problem. I don't tell my friends how to process my life.

Granted, I could have handled some things differently. When I was into him, I kept some stories to myself. I did. At the very moment I decided I didn't see myself with him, that's when I told my girls everything. And I mean everything. The bad and the worse. After some much needed growing, I realize that wasn't the most mature thing to do and I've vowed never to share that much detail with anyone. You've probably noticed that I keep more of my personal business to myself than I did before, hence why I am on hiatus from writing about my dating life in NY. From Twitter to this blog, its my business and I'm going to keep it that way.

But this, this I wanted to share because I really want to know, who's to blame when a friend doesn't like the ex after a relationship comes to an end? Hypothetically, if they had become friends during our courtship, should they then break off their friendship once ours had ended?

LA Girl In The City: Month 1

Time flies whether or not you are or are not having fun. Luckily for me, the last few weeks in the city have been amazing. Before I can talk about the good, let me rewind to some of the hardships.

1. New York Rental is one of the toughest jungles I've had to conquer thus far. After swallowing my pride and draining my winter shopping money, I decided to pay someone else (a broker) to do the work for me. I'm glad to report I now have a cute studio in apartment in Harlem.

2. New York and my hair do not mix. Not one bit. During my second week here, I walked to the closest beauty salon and asked if there was anyone who could straighten my hair. When I found out the beautician used a press and comb, I jumped for joy. (Inside only of course.) At the beginning to the appointment all was well and I was so optimistic, but by the end, I wanted to take the hot comb and burn her hands. Never again. Next up was my Dominican blowout. Everything was fine in the shop, I thought I had found my alternative to doing my hair myself. The humidity had different plans. As soon as I made it to my destination, the middle of my hair had turned into this puff ball of a mess. I was not pleased. I will most likely be doing my own hair from now on.

3. New Yorkers are some of the rudest people I have ever met. I've been told by a smart friend (sarcasm) that you can find rude people anywhere. Well it doesn't take Einstein to state that simple fact. I was mainly referring to nuainces I've noticed on a daily basis. For example the poor customer service, lack of personal space given (that damn subway) and the amount of selfishness observed is rampant. It took almost 3 weeks before someone told me "God Bless you" after I sneezed. I was so shocked when they did. Almost as shocked as people are when I say hello. I'm either met with silence or a shocked face and a hesitant reply. I've already been told by several strangers (mostly men) that they could immediately tell I wasn't from here because I'm too pleasant in my "I don't want to talk to you," replies. Their recognition of my jubilance is something I take as a compliment and hope to maintain for the remainder of my time here.

4. East Coasters are some of the most generous people I have ever met. I know. Take a moment. Sounds a bit contradictory doesn't it? Its not. I'm learning that a lot of extremes exist here. Either people are nice or there not. Luckily for me, I've had the pleasure of meeting a lot of the positive extremes as well. This fact has turned my entire view of the city around. For one, I've had several friends visit me before school starts so I feel pretty adjusted to my surroundings. I'd like to thank Twitter for providing me with a forum to turn my online friendships into real life ones. I never thought folks I didn't previously know, would turn out to be so helpful. From @SlimJackson's convenience tips to @BrazenlyVirile's overall dopeness. Between his inherent chivalry and desire to just be a good friend, I have finally started enjoying the city. He's been my wingman for everything and for that I say thank you. Again. I told you I only use premium gas.

Welp that about sums up the first month in city. I am so happy that I dropped everything and moved. I had been contemplating this change for a long time. There was just something in me that knew LA wasn't the place I should be. I've been blessed with the opportunity to meet some great people, attend fabulous event and make some lasting memories. Although the experience alone is priceless, school is not. On that note I must get some shut eye.

Tomorrow is my first day of class, so once I'm done ironing my first day of school outfit, I'm turning off the lights. WISH ME LUCK!

The New Me: Look At Me Now

After nearly four weeks of no contact, EBM decides tonight is the night to make the call. There had been a few conversations since he'd met her a couple of months ago but an actual date never transpired. The duo had an undeniable chemistry at the first meeting but life (The Situation) just kind of got in the way.

The phone rings a few times before EBM hangs up, defeated. He leaves no voicemail. But to his surprise, my name appears in his caller ID seconds later. I was deciding whether or not I should answer EBM's call considering so much time had passed, but I decided a few weeks ago to not over think anything these next few months, so I called him back.

We fall right back into our sarcastic exchange regarding out respective M.I.A.ness before we began with formalities. First I found out about his latest developments and then it was my turn.

EBM: So, what's new with you?

Me: I'm moving to New York and I'm gonna be an aunt in a few months. I'm so excited to be an aunt!

EBM: [long pause] Wait what?! You're moving to NY?

*I really played my previous statement down. I'm not one into a big production with strangers. It was already an awkward conversation to begin with. Plus I really am excited to be an Aunt!*

Me: Yeah. I'm going to NYU in the fall for my masters so I want to get settled in by August.

*After he gets over the initial shock, he goes in on me.*

EBM: So how do the guys you're dating feel about your move?

Me: [now I'm caught off guard] Well I'm only dating one and I'm not really concerned with how he feels. We're not that serious and I didn't make this decision with him in mind.

We spend the next 10 minutes dissecting my relationship with The Situation [which is another blog for another time.] I lay it all out there. Nothing but honestly followed. The truth is, me and The Situation have come to an unspoken agreement, although people around us expect us to take the next step and become a couple, we don't see each other like that. We're comfortable spending lot's of time together but know we could never commit to each other. And now that I'll be moving cross country in a few months, we're just hanging out.

Knowing this, EBM and I still feel like we should get to know each other before I leave BUT we agreed that once I left, that would be it. Neither of us are interested in long distance anything.

The old me would have talked myself out of spending time with both The Situation and EBM. But the old me also wouldn't quit my job (in 2 months), sell my car and move to NY to pursue my dream. We can all agree that the old me stood in the way for too long. The new me is enjoying life and not taking anything not related to my career too seriously. I promise to blog more these next several weeks before I leave. Should be exciting to document my last few weeks in the sunny LA.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqlJl1LfDP4]

How have you guys been lately? Any exciting developments you would like to share? Meet me in the comment section.

Mind of a Woman: Encounters of the Cute Man Kind

I was reading @WisdomIsMisery’s blog today (it’s a post from Tuesday so please give me a latepass) and I was inspired to actually put a few words in a post. It’s been a while so I’m a bit rusty. His post takes you into the mind of a man (who I happen to think he’s uber cute). He lets us know what he is thinking while approaching a woman. Allow me to give a shy woman’s version of the same interaction. I have two types of thoughts in my head at anytime and one is far more pessimistic than the other.

Picture the same scene, you're in a grocery store and notice a cute guy. When it comes to cute guys, most likely I saw you before you saw me.

Shy Thought #1: Is he single? Where’s his girl? Can he cook? Damn he cute. I should go holla. But I’ll just keep staring at these vegetables.

Shy Thought #2: No, go talk to him. Break the ice.

ST #1: Nope. Imma stand right here frozen until he disappears and I can go get that spinach I actually came for.

ST# 2: Come on girl. Be different for once. Why do men ALWAYS have to approach you first?

ST #1: Because that’s the way it’s supposed to be besides that’s not my style. It’s been working for this long, why change now. Plus, men hate being approached anyway.

Him: Hi.

Me: Hi.

*Awkward moment*

ST #2: Dang girl, say something else.

ST #1: I knew you were gonna freeze.

Him: I seen you from over there looking at veggies…you looked real confused.

Me: Yeah. Trying to decide if I should get broccoli or the mixed ones.

ST #1: Okay good. You came up with that lie pretty quickly. Good ish.

Him: Depends on what you like. Variety is the spice of life though…

Me: *laughs* So you’re suggesting I get the mixed veggies. You work here?

ST #1: Of course he doesn’t work here. It’s flirting! You mean ass.

Him: *looks at Me and looks at self* Hell nah!

ST #1: Oh okay. He gotta a little thug. Caute.

Me: I’m saying you over here recommending vegetables and whatnot.

ST #1: What did I tell you about that? Let him get his flirt on.

ST #2: If he has a sense of humor, he’ll laugh though, right.

ST #1: Please laugh! I’m not mean!

Him: Just trying to help YOU out.

Him: So…you here by yourself?

Me: Yeah.

ST #1: Wait you didn’t even let him get the full sentence out. Desperate much? I hope he doesn’t actually work here.

ST #1: *Looks him up and down* Naw he’s definitely flirting. Let him carry on.

Him: I’m saying, you got enough food to cook for a small village.

ST #1: *Looks in grocery cart* Dang I do have a lot of food. Should I mention I have a sister and I cook for the both of us.

St #2: Girl chill. He doesn’t need to hear your life story just yet.

Me: Can a sister get her cook on?

Him: You can do what you like. I’m sure your man appreciates the food.

ST #1: Okay he is flirting. *phew*

ST #2: Of course he’s flirting. Now speak. You’ve been quiet for a minute

Me: He would if I had one. Is that your way of asking me if I have a boyfriend?

Him: Only if the answer to the question is no. If it’s yes, let’s just finish the conversation and I’ll let you go on about your business.

Me: *laughs* Oh. Ok. Well I don’t have one.

ST #1: I hope he didn’t see me accidentally spit a little in excitement.

ST #2: Alright cool come on. Ask me for my number!

Him: CHEA!…urr…

Me: What?

ST #1: This ninja is hella juiced.

ST #2: Glad I’m not the only one.

Him: Nothing…so…I’m not trying to keep you or anything but I think you’re cute and if it’s cool with, I’d like to give you a call later. Just to ask you how my executive decision about your veggies came out.

Me: *laughs*

ST #2: That’s not a yes. Say Yes! Speak!

Me: That’s cool. Here.

Him: Aight. Well, I’m usually in school most of the day, but I’ll give you a call either tom or the day after.

Me: Look forward to hearing from you.

ST #1: You didn’t need to say all that

Him: Looking forward to calling. Peace.

ST #2: Dang I wouldn’t mind ripping off all his clothes right now. *imagines him in his birthday suit and smiles*

Me: Later =)

ST #2: Okay that wasn’t that bad. I hope he actually calls.

ST #1: You doubted yourself for nothing. He’s going to call.

Fellas, these are pretty girl problems. No matter the woman, we get nervous too!! I am always nervous when I’m in the vicinity of a guy I think is remotely cute. And when he speaks to me, my brain freezes and I say and do dumb things. Usually, guys are so nervous themselves, they give me a chance anyway, and for that I say thank you. So the next time a girl goes out of her way to avoid eye contact, it doesn’t mean she thinks you aren’t cute, it means you might be freaking her out. [Notice I said sometimes, other times, yall are bug a boos. I can’t really give you clear signs to look for in this already long post.]

One thing is for sure, I know that men like when a girl smiles. It goes a long way. But if I’m multi tasking, my attempt at a smile usually turns into me tripping over something. I’m pretty clumsy when my nerves get to me.

If you make ME fumble, you’re IN! I’m still working on that smile.

I Need To Get Married!

Someone recently incorrectly referenced this article while proclaiming damn near demanding that I get married ASAP. Because well although I am barely 26 years old with my own life plan, he felt it was time for me to settle down. Not later, but now. Apparently my standards are too high and I need to be more flexible in order to find a mate. Because at this rate, he feels that I will expire soon and spontaneously combust without ever finding love. This epiphany was coming from a 29-year-old man who still lives at home with his parents, still has his mom wash his drawers and has actually never been in a relationship. You can imagine how closely I listened to him.

Before you read the snippet of the article, know that the author is three times divorced and currently single. Lately I'm just surrounded by relationship role models who want to give me relationship advice. No thanks.

Here’s a snippet of the article:

Why You're Not Married
You want to get married. It's taken a while to admit it. Saying it out loud -- even in your mind -- feels kind of desperate, kind of unfeminist, kind of definitely not you, or at least not any you that you recognize. Because you're hardly like those girls on TLC saying yes to the dress and you would never compete for a man like those poor actress-wannabes on The Bachelor.

You've never dreamt of an aqua-blue ring box.

Then, something happened. Another birthday, maybe. A breakup. Your brother's wedding. His wife-elect asked you to be a bridesmaid, and suddenly there you were, wondering how in hell you came to be 36-years-old, walking down the aisle wearing something halfway decent from J. Crew that you could totally repurpose with a cute pair of boots and a jean jacket. You started to hate the bride -- she was so effing happy -- and for the first time ever you began to have feelings about the fact that you're not married. You never really cared that much before. But suddenly (it was so sudden) you found yourself wondering... Deep, deep breath... Why you're not married.

Well, I know why.

How? It basically comes down to this: I've been married three times. Yes, three. To a very nice MBA at 19; a very nice minister's son at 32 (and pregnant); and at 40, to a very nice liar and cheater who was just like mydad, if my dad had gone to Harvard instead of doing multiple stints in federal prison.

I was, for some reason, born knowing how to get married. Growing up in foster care is a big part of it. The need for security made me look for very specific traits in the men I dated -- traits it turns out lead to marriage a surprisingly high percentage of the time. Without really trying to, I've become a sort of jailhouse lawyer of relationships -- someone who's had to do so much work on her own case that I can now help you with yours.

But I won't lie. The problem is not men, it's you. Sure, there are lame men out there, but they're not really standing in your way. Because the fact is -- if whatever you're doing right now was going to get you married,you'd already have a ring on it. So without further ado, let's look at the top six reasons why you're not married.

According to Tracey McMillan and my old friend (old as in past tense), I'm one (or a combination) of these: I'm a bitch, a slut, a liar, shallow, selfish or not good enough. You can catch the rest of it here. Those were her bullet points in case you didn't want to read the whole thing.

I cannot even bare to continue to blog about this nonsense.

Good day everyone.

Guest Post: Some Monday Funny

This post has nothing to do with Valentine's Day, its just funny. If you know this girl like I do, you will laugh even harder imagining her facial expressions and such.
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Submitted by Selisha (I can't remember what she called herself in past posts so I came up with this name)

I never go to the library looking good. Never. There is no one to impress here, and I have a man, therefore I show up looking “effortless”. Please, we need to be clear about the definition of effortless. I am not talking about this natural beauty, with fresh makeup and a coordinated outfit straight from an American Eagle commercial. We are talking sweatshirt, hair barely combed, tattered jeans and flip-flops. I come to get work done and that is it. I have followed this model for almost two and a half years now, so I am used to being looked over by immature undergraduate students and student athletes. Another interesting fact about me: I never get hit on by men. Well, let’s not say never, but rarely. Maybe it happens and I am unaware of it, but I will say this much: a man has not overtly hit on me for some time now. Thus, when situations, like the one I experienced today, happen, I am completely caught off guard.

After spending four hours in the library working on my dissertation, I decided that it was time to take a break for some coffee so that I could work for another four hours. I descend the library and make my way to the lobby. Using one of the computers is an African American gentleman. I could not give you his physical description because I wasn’t paying attention. I don’t need to. He wasn’t my boo or Idris Elba, so who cares? I continue to make my way outside towards [school] Grounds, and then I hear:

Man: Why are you walking so fast?

Me (turning around in shock, but still walking): Because I’m thirsty and I want some coffee.

Man: You have beautiful hair.

Me (squinting my eyes at him): I purchased it.

Man: What is your name?

Me (still not understanding what is going on): [Selisha](I know, dumb mistake!)

Man: [Jerry]
Me (still walking): Great.

Man: Where is your boyfriend at?

Me: WHAT?!

Man: Where is your boyfriend at?

Me: At home.

Man: Oh, so you got one?

Me: Yeah.

Man: So you love him? Are you faithful?

Me (shocked and face twisted into disgust): YES!! YES!! [Honestly, the only thing that was going through my mind at this point was how much I wished my boo was somewhere close by and how much I actually DID LOVE him and how I would ALWAYS be faithful to him.]

Man (accepting defeat and turning around): Ok.

There are two points to this story: (1) Men, please come up with better lines if you plan on approaching a woman and (2) this would have never happened if I had a piece of jewelry on my left ring finger.
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The names of this story have been changed to protect the writer

From A Cereal Reader: In Her Inbox

After Tuesday's post I was starting to feel like I was one of the only women in the world going through b.s. n 2011. (I know I'm not the only one but sometimes I just feel that way.) But one of our trusty readers forwarded me a message a guy from a guy she met a while back. They had gone out once and things had fizzled. He decided now was the time to pick things up. Only he wanted to warn her about his situation:

Ok we can go out when I get my money. Until then we should have movie nights.

Discuss.

LAZING DATING 2011: My first 30 days

This year seems to be the year of the lazy ass men. In the past 30 days I have met so many men who have no problem telling me they don't plan on putting forth any effort in getting to know me. This has resulted in me going on zero dates thus far.

Guy 1: During our first textersation (Oh how I loathe these), this guy asks me to send him a pic. I was going to give this guy a break, considering I didn't remember what he looked like either since we met when I was leaving the club. But, I asked him to send me one too and he said his phone doesn't take pics. I stopped replying soon after. Then he hit me the next day, "So you really not gonna send me a pic." To which I didn't reply.

Guy 2: This guy offered to cook for me for our first date. First he suggested happy hour, but because it was during one of my fasts, he said that he could cook me up something a lot healthier. I know he was testing me, I just don't have any desire to play that game right now. OK wait, there was nothing wrong with him or his approach. I just wasn't interested.

Guy 3: This was yet another textersation. (I've just been too lazy to demand or make a phone call.) I had a guy tell me I had to work up to a dinner date. [insert loud obnoxious laughter and then *blank stare*] His first attempt at planning (I use that word very loosely) a date was to offer a DVD and pizza date. I told him that I don't feel comfortable going to any man's house that I didn't know. He then replied, "I don't just go giving out dinner dates. You have to work up to those." After confirming that was he was serious, I replied with the following: "That's really cute but I don't need to work up to anything. Good luck with trying that line on some other girl. No need in texting me any further."

Guy 4: I had had a few phone conversations with this guy and he seemed cool enough. I gave him a few suggestions on different nights and for each them he already had plans. Instead of requesting one on one time, he continually invited me on outings with his friends, for example: "Meet me at [club I would never go to]. I really want to see you." My homeboy told me this is his thought process. " He’s thinking, she’s hot and I want to show her off. His friends will be thinking he’s gonna hit later on and if she is crazy, he won’t care." I wasn't interested and was tired of being the one trying to see him one on one.

*In my defense, I did offer alternatives to most of these guys. I haven't met anyone that has captivated me enough to leave Sir Trundle (my bed), get dressed, and go anywhere. No dates so far in 2011.

*shrugs*

Is he after me or my bed (Sir Trundle)?

Seriously I don’t know what this guys deal is?

Last week I was hanging with an old flame that I had no intentions of doing anything with. (Read: If he would have tried hard enough I may or may not have been down) I told him several times before he came that we couldn't make the mistake of falling into old habits anymore because I was over it. We're trying to see if we can be just friends. Plus I was just getting over a small cold, a fact I failed to mention before inviting him over, so nothing really could have happened. BUT, what was the most surprising is that after spending a short amount of time with me in the living room, he got up and went straight to snuggle with Sir Trundle.

There was no warning. He just got up, wiped something from his eye and went straight to my bed.

What

The

Fcuk?!

I sat in the living room for a few minutes completely confused. Did he just go to my bed without saying good night? Naw that didn’t happen.

Did he just go to MY bed without asking?!? Naw that didn’t happen.

But wait. It did just happen! Both those things just happened!

After about an hour of watching tv, I (Kanye) shrugged and went to bed. A bed I was now sharing with this uninvited guest.

I looked over at him and he must have been off in some la la land having the best dream because I swear I saw a smirk on his face. The next day he hugged me goodbye and went home to change for work.

Did I just get used for my bed?

Before I left I just sat with Sir Trundle for a minute and apologized for letting a guest join us for a night of just sleep. Which yes, was the original plan all along, but damn, I didn’t even get the chance to shut him down. The nerve!