I am taking a holiday vacay. I will be back next week with plenty of new posts. Til then I will be catching up on some work that has piled up on me in my office and getting reacquainted with some friends in between.
Thanks for following my life, I hope to see you next year.
Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!
--SilentScorpion aka SiSi
Monday, December 29, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
Tis The Season: I Need A Cuddle Buddy
And then there was some…
Last week when I ended things with Red I said there was none. Well, that is not completely the truth. I always have guys in my life some way or another. I meet people all the time. I date a lot (so I’ve been told), and move on if I don’t find what I’m looking for. I don’t see the point in wasting other people’s time and I surely don’t like it when mine is wasted.
There are currently two guys that I am dating, seeing, getting to know, whatever you want to call it. I am a single woman, and live my life as such. Currently there is nothing serious or even interesting enough to write about either Chicago or Mr. IE so I won’t, yet. Main reason is because Chicago lives in Chicago and there is no definite date set for me to see him. I do like talking to him and we do talk pretty frequently on the phone but I haven’t seen him since we met. There is a lot that I have learned about him from our conversations that I like, but I believe it doesn't matter much without any in person contact.
Mr. IE on the other hand does live here, but his schedule is so busy most of the time that we have only gone out once. (Actually it turns out its my schedule that is packed not his) It was a nice date but again but I don’t want to jump the gun with him. I just thought you should know they are around. In case there is anything to talk about in the future.
And then there were more…
Dallas (who is not the same as Texas) and Mr. M. House (who I have not introduced for various reasons) are back in town for the holidays and want to see me. I haven’t decided what to do about either. It goes back to now wasting time. I feel that each of them have served their purpose and I don’t see a relationship, friendship or any type of “ship” coming out of our continued contact.
The only issue I foresee from their recent contact is that if I get bored, or if I can’t get into contact with Mr. IE or Chicago, there is a slim chance that I honestly may find myself returning the phone calls of Dallas and/or Mr. M. House. I see this happening more so with Dallas because we don't have any real history.
Remember, this week is the first official week of winter, which for many adults is also know as cuddle season.
And I want a cuddle buddy.
Last week when I ended things with Red I said there was none. Well, that is not completely the truth. I always have guys in my life some way or another. I meet people all the time. I date a lot (so I’ve been told), and move on if I don’t find what I’m looking for. I don’t see the point in wasting other people’s time and I surely don’t like it when mine is wasted.
There are currently two guys that I am dating, seeing, getting to know, whatever you want to call it. I am a single woman, and live my life as such. Currently there is nothing serious or even interesting enough to write about either Chicago or Mr. IE so I won’t, yet. Main reason is because Chicago lives in Chicago and there is no definite date set for me to see him. I do like talking to him and we do talk pretty frequently on the phone but I haven’t seen him since we met. There is a lot that I have learned about him from our conversations that I like, but I believe it doesn't matter much without any in person contact.
Mr. IE on the other hand does live here, but his schedule is so busy most of the time that we have only gone out once. (Actually it turns out its my schedule that is packed not his) It was a nice date but again but I don’t want to jump the gun with him. I just thought you should know they are around. In case there is anything to talk about in the future.
And then there were more…
Dallas (who is not the same as Texas) and Mr. M. House (who I have not introduced for various reasons) are back in town for the holidays and want to see me. I haven’t decided what to do about either. It goes back to now wasting time. I feel that each of them have served their purpose and I don’t see a relationship, friendship or any type of “ship” coming out of our continued contact.
The only issue I foresee from their recent contact is that if I get bored, or if I can’t get into contact with Mr. IE or Chicago, there is a slim chance that I honestly may find myself returning the phone calls of Dallas and/or Mr. M. House. I see this happening more so with Dallas because we don't have any real history.
Remember, this week is the first official week of winter, which for many adults is also know as cuddle season.
And I want a cuddle buddy.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Read the Signs: Proceed With Caution
We can(not)be friends...
Since Red and I are suppose to be friends, I did my usual due diligence and asked him how is day was going. Red informed me that his company had him on a tight leash for the busy holiday , he told me he had to tell me something. Red went on to tell me that he didn’t want me to distance myself from him, and that he doesn’t want us to completely lose touch.
I was a little caught off guard. I didn’t think we would be discussing this situation any further, but I guess Red had a different agenda. I told Red that we didn’t have to lose touch and that we could be friends.
Red let me know that he still wants to talk on the phone and hang out. Something I am too familiar with. Detroit, a story I have yet to complete, tried to do the same thing for the last year a half. (I will finish that story soon so that you have a better perspective as to where I’m coming from) So, I see this last effort to establish some kind of relationship.
I’ve decided not to over think it though. I know Red wants to keep me around as a “friend” in hopes that I will one day (soon) change my mind. But I am steadfast in my decision. There is no changing my mind; I’m too stubborn for that.
Red is a friend, nothing more, nothing more.
Do you think people who have dated can really be just friends?
Since Red and I are suppose to be friends, I did my usual due diligence and asked him how is day was going. Red informed me that his company had him on a tight leash for the busy holiday , he told me he had to tell me something. Red went on to tell me that he didn’t want me to distance myself from him, and that he doesn’t want us to completely lose touch.
I was a little caught off guard. I didn’t think we would be discussing this situation any further, but I guess Red had a different agenda. I told Red that we didn’t have to lose touch and that we could be friends.
Red let me know that he still wants to talk on the phone and hang out. Something I am too familiar with. Detroit, a story I have yet to complete, tried to do the same thing for the last year a half. (I will finish that story soon so that you have a better perspective as to where I’m coming from) So, I see this last effort to establish some kind of relationship.
I’ve decided not to over think it though. I know Red wants to keep me around as a “friend” in hopes that I will one day (soon) change my mind. But I am steadfast in my decision. There is no changing my mind; I’m too stubborn for that.
Red is a friend, nothing more, nothing more.
Do you think people who have dated can really be just friends?
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Give A Little: The Art of Flirting
I don’t know how it is I meet people. Most of the time I think that I am the worst flirt. I meet guys all the time and I never understood why, besides the fact that I'm cute, I just don't send any signals.
I don’t make eye contact.
I don’t smile, in the direction of someone I’m interested in.
I don’t look available because if I get nervous, I quickly pick up my phone and text, call or try to make contact with someone so I seem busy. (Definitely an inefficient use of an opportunity I know)
I don’t even breathe in the same direction of someone I am attracted to.
I don’t give a little.
Mr. IE, I will give his introduction later, thinks I was flirting with him when we met a couple of weeks ago. But I wasn’t. The way I met him was by chance (thanks to all the thirsty females out there). I did spot him out in the crowd because he had swag, but I wasn’t planning on flirting. After we revisited our meeting and realized it was by chance Mr. IE gave me some advice and I’m passing it on.
Give a little.
Men work hard to get your attention. And if they don’t know you’re interested, how can they approach you. So here is the tip of the day: If you see something you want, go for it. Flirt a little; it will go a long way. Guys really do appreciate it.
Here are some flirting tips I found at http:///www.femaleforum.com. I already do most of the below naturally, but never really thought of myself as a flirt.
Dress classy, not trashy – Your appearance speaks volumes to any man, interested or not. While most men like to ogle the girls who leave little to the imagination, most of them have little interest in and even less respect for them. You can still be sexy, without going overboard. Neat and stylish clothes and carefully applied make-up is all it really takes to draw attention to yourself.
Make eye contact – Eye contact is a perfect way to assert your interest, but don’t stare too long. Save the hours of gazing longingly into a man’s eyes for after the relationship has been established. Instead, catch his eye for a moment, and then look away. With eye contact, a little goes a long way.
Flash a smile – A friendly, warm smile makes you seem approachable. Nobody wants to have a conversation with someone who looks as if they have been sucking on a lemon. Look relaxed, confident, and smile with both your eyes and your lips to make a great impression on anyone.
Start with small talk – No matter if he approaches you or you approach him, small talk is always in order. Bring up a song that is playing, compliment their clothes, or anything else that might break the ice. Once the conversation has started, if there is a possible connection, things will begin to flow.
Show off your sense of humour – Crack jokes, be sarcastic, do whatever comes naturally to you when enjoying the company of another person. Laugh at their jokes as well, and be sincere about it. Joking around a little will help you both to relax and feel at ease with each other and will help to spark their interest in you.
Start an intelligent conversation – Don’t be afraid of initiating an intelligent conversation. Guys like a girl who can talk about topics of substance. This doesn’t mean you should start a political debate or a dissertation about religion, just try to keep the topics interesting and stimulating. Make sure that you are not the one doing all the talking; no one wants to spend their evening with someone who dominates every conversation.
Watch your body language – Body language can say more than words, even if you are not aware of the message you are sending. Uncross your arms to avoid appearing defensive and uninterested. A small amount of physical contact can communicate interest, so lightly touch their arm during conversation or lean toward them while they are speaking to you.
Let him take the lead, if he wants to – Most guys are still traditional enough to ask for your phone number if they are interested. Give them this chance, as the chase can be important to them. If he seems genuinely interested, but has yet to ask for a way to contact you, go ahead and take the bull by the horns and ask him for his number. Some men are just a little shy and lack the confidence to ask for your information, even if you have sent all the right signals.
Pick up on his signals – Unless you are totally blind, it should be easy to tell if someone is just plain not interested. Though it can be disheartening to be rejected by a total stranger that you find attractive, don’t take it personally. Never be pushy about getting a man’s attention, just politely walk away, letting them know how happy you are to have made their acquaintance.
Always be yourself – Be honest about who you are and what you are about. Coming across as too eager to please or being wishy-washy for fear being rejected can be a real turn-off. The real you will have to come out eventually, so what is the point of winning someone over with a false persona? As long as you are confident in who you are, most men will take notice of that and be very receptive to your advances, as well as to you as a person.
I don’t make eye contact.
I don’t smile, in the direction of someone I’m interested in.
I don’t look available because if I get nervous, I quickly pick up my phone and text, call or try to make contact with someone so I seem busy. (Definitely an inefficient use of an opportunity I know)
I don’t even breathe in the same direction of someone I am attracted to.
I don’t give a little.
Mr. IE, I will give his introduction later, thinks I was flirting with him when we met a couple of weeks ago. But I wasn’t. The way I met him was by chance (thanks to all the thirsty females out there). I did spot him out in the crowd because he had swag, but I wasn’t planning on flirting. After we revisited our meeting and realized it was by chance Mr. IE gave me some advice and I’m passing it on.
Give a little.
Men work hard to get your attention. And if they don’t know you’re interested, how can they approach you. So here is the tip of the day: If you see something you want, go for it. Flirt a little; it will go a long way. Guys really do appreciate it.
Here are some flirting tips I found at http:///www.femaleforum.com. I already do most of the below naturally, but never really thought of myself as a flirt.
Dress classy, not trashy – Your appearance speaks volumes to any man, interested or not. While most men like to ogle the girls who leave little to the imagination, most of them have little interest in and even less respect for them. You can still be sexy, without going overboard. Neat and stylish clothes and carefully applied make-up is all it really takes to draw attention to yourself.
Make eye contact – Eye contact is a perfect way to assert your interest, but don’t stare too long. Save the hours of gazing longingly into a man’s eyes for after the relationship has been established. Instead, catch his eye for a moment, and then look away. With eye contact, a little goes a long way.
Flash a smile – A friendly, warm smile makes you seem approachable. Nobody wants to have a conversation with someone who looks as if they have been sucking on a lemon. Look relaxed, confident, and smile with both your eyes and your lips to make a great impression on anyone.
Start with small talk – No matter if he approaches you or you approach him, small talk is always in order. Bring up a song that is playing, compliment their clothes, or anything else that might break the ice. Once the conversation has started, if there is a possible connection, things will begin to flow.
Show off your sense of humour – Crack jokes, be sarcastic, do whatever comes naturally to you when enjoying the company of another person. Laugh at their jokes as well, and be sincere about it. Joking around a little will help you both to relax and feel at ease with each other and will help to spark their interest in you.
Start an intelligent conversation – Don’t be afraid of initiating an intelligent conversation. Guys like a girl who can talk about topics of substance. This doesn’t mean you should start a political debate or a dissertation about religion, just try to keep the topics interesting and stimulating. Make sure that you are not the one doing all the talking; no one wants to spend their evening with someone who dominates every conversation.
Watch your body language – Body language can say more than words, even if you are not aware of the message you are sending. Uncross your arms to avoid appearing defensive and uninterested. A small amount of physical contact can communicate interest, so lightly touch their arm during conversation or lean toward them while they are speaking to you.
Let him take the lead, if he wants to – Most guys are still traditional enough to ask for your phone number if they are interested. Give them this chance, as the chase can be important to them. If he seems genuinely interested, but has yet to ask for a way to contact you, go ahead and take the bull by the horns and ask him for his number. Some men are just a little shy and lack the confidence to ask for your information, even if you have sent all the right signals.
Pick up on his signals – Unless you are totally blind, it should be easy to tell if someone is just plain not interested. Though it can be disheartening to be rejected by a total stranger that you find attractive, don’t take it personally. Never be pushy about getting a man’s attention, just politely walk away, letting them know how happy you are to have made their acquaintance.
Always be yourself – Be honest about who you are and what you are about. Coming across as too eager to please or being wishy-washy for fear being rejected can be a real turn-off. The real you will have to come out eventually, so what is the point of winning someone over with a false persona? As long as you are confident in who you are, most men will take notice of that and be very receptive to your advances, as well as to you as a person.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Swagger Like Him: Sexy vs Swag
I was talking to a male friend of mine and he asked me if I thought he was sexy. I went on to describe his style, confidence and swag as the reason he was sexy. He told me that they are two different things but I’m not sure I agree.
What characteristics do you think of when you think of sexy?
Confidence
Style
Respect
What charactertics do you think of when you think of swag?
Confidence
Style
Respect
Swagger is how one presents him or her self to the world. It can be seen in the person's walk, the confidence in demeanor. I love a man who carries himself with a touch of arrogance. Arrogance and cockiness are divided by a thin line, but a man with swag never crosses it. To have swagger is to move with innate sophistication and coolness. People with swag just naturally have that cool factor. There sense of style is unique and they exude that confidence at all times. They conduct themselves in a way that automatically commands respect.
At this point in my life I would definitely pick a man with swag over a man who looks like a male model. It’s just that ‘it’ factor that I can’t help but be drawn to. So for me, swag and sexiness are interchangeable.
Now answer these questions:
Who do you think of when you think of swag?
Jay-Z
Who do you think of when you think of sexy?
Surprisingly, Jay-Z
He is definitely not cute by any of my own standards, but man does this man have swag and that's what makes him sexy. Think about it. That's just my opinion. What’s your definition of swag and sexy?
Daydreamin….Jay-Z, Kanye, TI, damn I hope my (future) man has swagger like them.
Cue Music!
You can learn how to dress just by
jocking my fresh
Mr. Follow my steps, it's the road to success
where the niggas know you thorough
and the girls say yes
But I can't teach you my swag
you can pay for school but you can't buy class
School of hard knocks I'm a grad
and that all-blue yankee is my graduation cap,
it's Hovaaaaa!!!
Mr. Swagger himself (Jay-Z)
What characteristics do you think of when you think of sexy?
Confidence
Style
Respect
What charactertics do you think of when you think of swag?
Confidence
Style
Respect
Swagger is how one presents him or her self to the world. It can be seen in the person's walk, the confidence in demeanor. I love a man who carries himself with a touch of arrogance. Arrogance and cockiness are divided by a thin line, but a man with swag never crosses it. To have swagger is to move with innate sophistication and coolness. People with swag just naturally have that cool factor. There sense of style is unique and they exude that confidence at all times. They conduct themselves in a way that automatically commands respect.
At this point in my life I would definitely pick a man with swag over a man who looks like a male model. It’s just that ‘it’ factor that I can’t help but be drawn to. So for me, swag and sexiness are interchangeable.
Now answer these questions:
Who do you think of when you think of swag?
Jay-Z
Who do you think of when you think of sexy?
Surprisingly, Jay-Z
He is definitely not cute by any of my own standards, but man does this man have swag and that's what makes him sexy. Think about it. That's just my opinion. What’s your definition of swag and sexy?
Daydreamin….Jay-Z, Kanye, TI, damn I hope my (future) man has swagger like them.
Cue Music!
You can learn how to dress just by
jocking my fresh
Mr. Follow my steps, it's the road to success
where the niggas know you thorough
and the girls say yes
But I can't teach you my swag
you can pay for school but you can't buy class
School of hard knocks I'm a grad
and that all-blue yankee is my graduation cap,
it's Hovaaaaa!!!
Mr. Swagger himself (Jay-Z)
Monday, December 15, 2008
Read the Signs: "It's Not You, It's Me"
And then there was none.
I was talking to Red this morning, on aim. And he did read the signs I was giving him Saturday. I didn’t have to say much at all.
We started off with our usual morning repartee.
How are you?
How was your weekend?
Then he told me he has something he wanted to ask. Finally, I thought. The time has come. If he didn’t ask, I surely was going to tell him today.
I feel like we are losing touch, we are getting distant.
I told Red he was right, we were losing touch. I told him I was going through a lot right now, which I honestly am, and that I didn’t want to complicate things. I took full responsibility for this not working out. “Instead of continuing to push you away, I think it is best that we are just friends.”
Red said he respected my decision and wishes things would have worked out differently. “Thanks for your honesty,” he added. Red is a nice guy, but just not the guy for me. I feel bad for hurting his feelings but at the same time I am so relieved. It’s like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I wish Red the best and know that there is some lucky lady out there waiting for him. In time he will find her.
And then there was none.
I was talking to Red this morning, on aim. And he did read the signs I was giving him Saturday. I didn’t have to say much at all.
We started off with our usual morning repartee.
How are you?
How was your weekend?
Then he told me he has something he wanted to ask. Finally, I thought. The time has come. If he didn’t ask, I surely was going to tell him today.
I feel like we are losing touch, we are getting distant.
I told Red he was right, we were losing touch. I told him I was going through a lot right now, which I honestly am, and that I didn’t want to complicate things. I took full responsibility for this not working out. “Instead of continuing to push you away, I think it is best that we are just friends.”
Red said he respected my decision and wishes things would have worked out differently. “Thanks for your honesty,” he added. Red is a nice guy, but just not the guy for me. I feel bad for hurting his feelings but at the same time I am so relieved. It’s like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I wish Red the best and know that there is some lucky lady out there waiting for him. In time he will find her.
And then there was none.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Read the Signs: Green Means GO! Red Means STOP!
It's 7:28 and I'm ready, on time as usual. My hair is curled like a 50s pin up girl and I'm wearing a tight fitting red knee-length cocktail dress. My makeup is flawless and my shoes are a piece of art. I grab my peacoat and I head downstairs to wait for his arrival.
It's cold outside my house and I can feel the wind as it hits my bare face. I'm freezing. Less than 10 minutes pass before I go back upstairs, pissed. Why is he late? He knows I can't stand waiting on people. We haven't been dating long but I always make that pet peeve clear upfront.
I want to call and yell at him but I can't . My phone is dead. I had broken the charger output on Thursday and wouldn't be getting a new phone until Monday. He had no way of calling me to explain why he was late.
Before my phone died today, we scheduled a time for him to pick me up. I gave him the option of going to his house or picking me up. I told him I didn't care either way. "I'll pick you up at 7:30," he said.
As I pace back and forth in the cold air, it dawns on me. Earlier in the day when we scheduled our pick up time, I also told him to email me if he was gonna be running late. I turn towards my front gate and rushed into my apartment to check my email.
I get to my desk and their is no tower. "Why is this happening, why now," I stand there at my empty desk and think to myself. Then it hits me. My sister took the computer to be fixed. Darn. I go back outside to wait. I glance at the clock before I leave. 7:50. Ok, he should be here by now right?
Red knows my phone is broken and he is too much of a gentleman to have me wait in the cold. Five minutes pass. Still no sign of Red. I go upstairs, defeated and upset. Had I been stood up? It would serve me right for my behavior this week.
While Red was trying his best to get to know me I never let my guard down. For some reason everything he attempted to do, annoyed me. I just wasn't interested. I couldn't see him as more than a friend. He would call, I wouldn't answer. He would aim me and I had one word responses. I knew I was no longer interested and so did everyone around me. I just hadn't gotten around to telling him yet. But all the signs were there. So did I still have to say it?
I walk into my neighbors apartment (we don't knock when we visit each other) and say hello. I find him studying this lovely Saturday as usual. Naidi tells me he has his Chemistry finals this week and then he'll be free. I ask Naidi can I use his computer and he looks at me crazy for even asking. "Of course, go ahead." As I am standing there thanking him he looks me up and down and says, " Damn where you going. You looking good in my favorite color." I told him I was going to a holiday party with a friend and head to his computer. I log into my email account and it's there. Red sent me a message at 2:29pm, shortly after we scheduled our time saying he had to go to a baby shower and that he wouldn't be here until 8:30. Oops. I knew there was an explanation. I chill with my neighbor for the next 20 mins and head downstairs. He must be there now, right?
I walk out of my building and find Red coming around to open my door. 8:30 on the dot and he was here, like he said. Red greets me, "you look nice." "You do too," I say. Red did look nice, but I wasn't attracted to him. What was wrong with me? As I approach the car I notice a man is in the front seat. I expected him to get out, introduce himself and then move to the back. That didn't happen. Red opened the door to the back seat and introduced to his co worker, Cane. Cane looked short sitting in my seat, wore designer frames and had a close fade. He was hilarious the entire ride to the party. Cane's humor was a bit vulgar but it was funny. He and Red argued like a married couple so I was entertained. Since I was in the back seat I didn't feel the need to join in the conversation too much. Plus since this was just Red I also didn't feel the need to impress his friend with my vibrant personality. Cane didn't know it but he wouldn't be seeing too much of me in the future. This thing with Red would be coming to an end shortly.
We arrive at the party at 930. His company chose the same place I had my high school prom for their event. The Long Beach Aquarium was a gorgeous venue, but even I knew it was too small for the over 600 people invited to the event. Red, Cane and I looked at each other in disgust of the cramped party. Tables were everywhere, the food was gone (I was highly upset but luckily I had already eaten) and there was a 35 minute wait for a drink.
All the exhibits were amazing and the most unexpected exhibit are the ones where you can touch the various creatures like starfish, pet baby sharks and sting ray. After we took a tour of the different , we ran for the doors. Red was hungry and ready to go, so we did. Cane wanted to go to his friends holiday party right away and I told them I didn't mind after they invited me. Cane said there would be karaoke and food, neither of which really excited me but the night was still young and I didn't have any other plans. We stopped at Chili's before heading to the party.
When we arrived at the house I found myself exhausted. I hadn't done much the entire day but this night wasn't keeping my attention. I tried not to show it on my face, but I knew they could tell I was ready to leave. After an hour of listening to drunk people sing at the top of their voice, completely off key, Red took me home. Cane wasn't done partying so he stayed behind.
Red opened his front door for me this time and we headed to my house. I started think now is the time to say it. "I think we should just be friends," I repeated to myself over and over in between short bouts of mindless banter. No time seemed like the right time. And according to my friends, right now is not the right time. Red has his fraternity party the following day and no one thought I should send him there unhappy. So I obliged. I kept my mouth shut.
Halfway through the ride home, Red pulled out some gum and offered me a piece. I know I needed it since I did nibble on a few things that night, but there was no need to have fresh breath. It's not like we were going to be kissing anytime tonight. "Oh shit," I yelled in my head. Does he think he is getting a kiss from me? NO! NO! NO!
Although I didn't verbalize how I felt; I feel I gave plenty of signs. At no time during the night did I look Red in the eye longer than a short second. I didn't laugh at his jokes if they weren't funny (which was often). I didn't even let him walk me to my door at the end of the night. As we pulled up to my apartment I let him know he didn't have to walk me. This definitely caught him off guard. "There is a parking spot right there," he said as he pointed to a spot in front of my building. "I'm going straight upstairs," I replied. Red still looked confused, "are you sure." "Yeah," I replied. I gave him a quick hug and I could feel him trying to hold me for a second and I hopped out of the car as swiftly as humanly possible. I quickly trotted to my front entrance and disappeared behind the front door as I waived goodbye.
Usually Red sends me a sweet goodnight message, but this time he didn't. I guess he read all the signs.
At least I hope he did.
It's cold outside my house and I can feel the wind as it hits my bare face. I'm freezing. Less than 10 minutes pass before I go back upstairs, pissed. Why is he late? He knows I can't stand waiting on people. We haven't been dating long but I always make that pet peeve clear upfront.
I want to call and yell at him but I can't . My phone is dead. I had broken the charger output on Thursday and wouldn't be getting a new phone until Monday. He had no way of calling me to explain why he was late.
Before my phone died today, we scheduled a time for him to pick me up. I gave him the option of going to his house or picking me up. I told him I didn't care either way. "I'll pick you up at 7:30," he said.
As I pace back and forth in the cold air, it dawns on me. Earlier in the day when we scheduled our pick up time, I also told him to email me if he was gonna be running late. I turn towards my front gate and rushed into my apartment to check my email.
I get to my desk and their is no tower. "Why is this happening, why now," I stand there at my empty desk and think to myself. Then it hits me. My sister took the computer to be fixed. Darn. I go back outside to wait. I glance at the clock before I leave. 7:50. Ok, he should be here by now right?
Red knows my phone is broken and he is too much of a gentleman to have me wait in the cold. Five minutes pass. Still no sign of Red. I go upstairs, defeated and upset. Had I been stood up? It would serve me right for my behavior this week.
While Red was trying his best to get to know me I never let my guard down. For some reason everything he attempted to do, annoyed me. I just wasn't interested. I couldn't see him as more than a friend. He would call, I wouldn't answer. He would aim me and I had one word responses. I knew I was no longer interested and so did everyone around me. I just hadn't gotten around to telling him yet. But all the signs were there. So did I still have to say it?
I walk into my neighbors apartment (we don't knock when we visit each other) and say hello. I find him studying this lovely Saturday as usual. Naidi tells me he has his Chemistry finals this week and then he'll be free. I ask Naidi can I use his computer and he looks at me crazy for even asking. "Of course, go ahead." As I am standing there thanking him he looks me up and down and says, " Damn where you going. You looking good in my favorite color." I told him I was going to a holiday party with a friend and head to his computer. I log into my email account and it's there. Red sent me a message at 2:29pm, shortly after we scheduled our time saying he had to go to a baby shower and that he wouldn't be here until 8:30. Oops. I knew there was an explanation. I chill with my neighbor for the next 20 mins and head downstairs. He must be there now, right?
I walk out of my building and find Red coming around to open my door. 8:30 on the dot and he was here, like he said. Red greets me, "you look nice." "You do too," I say. Red did look nice, but I wasn't attracted to him. What was wrong with me? As I approach the car I notice a man is in the front seat. I expected him to get out, introduce himself and then move to the back. That didn't happen. Red opened the door to the back seat and introduced to his co worker, Cane. Cane looked short sitting in my seat, wore designer frames and had a close fade. He was hilarious the entire ride to the party. Cane's humor was a bit vulgar but it was funny. He and Red argued like a married couple so I was entertained. Since I was in the back seat I didn't feel the need to join in the conversation too much. Plus since this was just Red I also didn't feel the need to impress his friend with my vibrant personality. Cane didn't know it but he wouldn't be seeing too much of me in the future. This thing with Red would be coming to an end shortly.
We arrive at the party at 930. His company chose the same place I had my high school prom for their event. The Long Beach Aquarium was a gorgeous venue, but even I knew it was too small for the over 600 people invited to the event. Red, Cane and I looked at each other in disgust of the cramped party. Tables were everywhere, the food was gone (I was highly upset but luckily I had already eaten) and there was a 35 minute wait for a drink.
All the exhibits were amazing and the most unexpected exhibit are the ones where you can touch the various creatures like starfish, pet baby sharks and sting ray. After we took a tour of the different , we ran for the doors. Red was hungry and ready to go, so we did. Cane wanted to go to his friends holiday party right away and I told them I didn't mind after they invited me. Cane said there would be karaoke and food, neither of which really excited me but the night was still young and I didn't have any other plans. We stopped at Chili's before heading to the party.
When we arrived at the house I found myself exhausted. I hadn't done much the entire day but this night wasn't keeping my attention. I tried not to show it on my face, but I knew they could tell I was ready to leave. After an hour of listening to drunk people sing at the top of their voice, completely off key, Red took me home. Cane wasn't done partying so he stayed behind.
Red opened his front door for me this time and we headed to my house. I started think now is the time to say it. "I think we should just be friends," I repeated to myself over and over in between short bouts of mindless banter. No time seemed like the right time. And according to my friends, right now is not the right time. Red has his fraternity party the following day and no one thought I should send him there unhappy. So I obliged. I kept my mouth shut.
Halfway through the ride home, Red pulled out some gum and offered me a piece. I know I needed it since I did nibble on a few things that night, but there was no need to have fresh breath. It's not like we were going to be kissing anytime tonight. "Oh shit," I yelled in my head. Does he think he is getting a kiss from me? NO! NO! NO!
Although I didn't verbalize how I felt; I feel I gave plenty of signs. At no time during the night did I look Red in the eye longer than a short second. I didn't laugh at his jokes if they weren't funny (which was often). I didn't even let him walk me to my door at the end of the night. As we pulled up to my apartment I let him know he didn't have to walk me. This definitely caught him off guard. "There is a parking spot right there," he said as he pointed to a spot in front of my building. "I'm going straight upstairs," I replied. Red still looked confused, "are you sure." "Yeah," I replied. I gave him a quick hug and I could feel him trying to hold me for a second and I hopped out of the car as swiftly as humanly possible. I quickly trotted to my front entrance and disappeared behind the front door as I waived goodbye.
Usually Red sends me a sweet goodnight message, but this time he didn't. I guess he read all the signs.
At least I hope he did.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Is 24 The New 30: Duvae or Stilettos?
Just a couple months ago, my life was moving so fast I could hardly keep up. I had places to go and people to see. If you wanted to be a part of my life you had to make an appointment or be placed on a waiting list. I couldn’t blink with out meeting some new and cute man I was loving life, and life was loving me. I started to feel like my life was a movie and thought about creating a pilot for a reality show. (These days anyone can get a reality show and at least my life was unscripted and naturally entertaining.)
As soon as I hit the big 24, my perspective on life changed. At 23 and 11 months, I was the life of the party and I now find myself choosing my solo bed over going out to the club.
At what age are women suppose to hang up their sexy dresses and stilettos?
These days if I do go out, I’d rather go to a nice lounge so I can talk. Talk. Really. No longer is shaking my ass against complete strangers, sweating out my fresh do, and walking to my car freezing (after doing all of the aforementioned) fun. When I went out a couple of weeks ago I found myself shaking my head at the naked (if you saw what they were wearing you would agree) young [can I call a 21 year old young] girls in the club. You know they type. They wear the most hoeish [video hoe looking] outfits and consider themselves sexy. (I don’t actually think I ever looked that trashy)
Instead I prefer to spend my weekends in snuggled up to my pillow and an novel. Picking up a good book and listening to some neo-soul music is much more appealing than squeezing into a tight fitting dress and putting on shoes that hurt my feet. (damn stilettos!)
Recently, I noticed that I become fatigued faster than normal after a intensive workout at the gym. I know that I am getting older and women don't age as graciously as men. So, I decided long ago that I would win the battle of getting older. I refuse to be one of those women who wonder how they let it get so bad. Plus, working out for me is a joy and not a chore. And seeing the results makes me happy and keeps me going.
I think and talk to my girlfriends about marriage and kids, even though I am no where near emotionally or financially ready. Especially since I have no mate to begin that part of my life. I always thought that the kind of conversations my girlfriends and are currently having should be reserved for a much older woman. A woman in her mid to late 20s. Low and behold I realize that I am an older woman. I embrace it because I am glad to have lived to see this age.
These days, I find stimulating conversation at first meeting with a man more important than a gorgeous body. Who would have thought this would be the case. You couldn't have told the 20 year old me that I would care more about mind stimulation than physical attraction at such a young age. This is not to say that I don't need to be physically attracted to a man to date him. Because if he doesnt have a nice smile, he can keep it pushing. What I am saying is that having a gorgeous outter appearance fades, and I need something more substantial to keep me interested. Today, I will literally call my girlfriends if when I speak to a guy for the first time, I find myself rushing home to look up words he used in a dictionary. So exciting!
The weekend is rolling around again and I can’t wait til I get home from my second job, and get into bed and ick up Obama's Book, 'Audacity of Hope.' I’ve been holding on to if for too long and I want to finish it. Goodness I aged overnight and I love it.
As soon as I hit the big 24, my perspective on life changed. At 23 and 11 months, I was the life of the party and I now find myself choosing my solo bed over going out to the club.
At what age are women suppose to hang up their sexy dresses and stilettos?
These days if I do go out, I’d rather go to a nice lounge so I can talk. Talk. Really. No longer is shaking my ass against complete strangers, sweating out my fresh do, and walking to my car freezing (after doing all of the aforementioned) fun. When I went out a couple of weeks ago I found myself shaking my head at the naked (if you saw what they were wearing you would agree) young [can I call a 21 year old young] girls in the club. You know they type. They wear the most hoeish [video hoe looking] outfits and consider themselves sexy. (I don’t actually think I ever looked that trashy)
Instead I prefer to spend my weekends in snuggled up to my pillow and an novel. Picking up a good book and listening to some neo-soul music is much more appealing than squeezing into a tight fitting dress and putting on shoes that hurt my feet. (damn stilettos!)
Recently, I noticed that I become fatigued faster than normal after a intensive workout at the gym. I know that I am getting older and women don't age as graciously as men. So, I decided long ago that I would win the battle of getting older. I refuse to be one of those women who wonder how they let it get so bad. Plus, working out for me is a joy and not a chore. And seeing the results makes me happy and keeps me going.
I think and talk to my girlfriends about marriage and kids, even though I am no where near emotionally or financially ready. Especially since I have no mate to begin that part of my life. I always thought that the kind of conversations my girlfriends and are currently having should be reserved for a much older woman. A woman in her mid to late 20s. Low and behold I realize that I am an older woman. I embrace it because I am glad to have lived to see this age.
These days, I find stimulating conversation at first meeting with a man more important than a gorgeous body. Who would have thought this would be the case. You couldn't have told the 20 year old me that I would care more about mind stimulation than physical attraction at such a young age. This is not to say that I don't need to be physically attracted to a man to date him. Because if he doesnt have a nice smile, he can keep it pushing. What I am saying is that having a gorgeous outter appearance fades, and I need something more substantial to keep me interested. Today, I will literally call my girlfriends if when I speak to a guy for the first time, I find myself rushing home to look up words he used in a dictionary. So exciting!
The weekend is rolling around again and I can’t wait til I get home from my second job, and get into bed and ick up Obama's Book, 'Audacity of Hope.' I’ve been holding on to if for too long and I want to finish it. Goodness I aged overnight and I love it.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Got Me Thinking...
I can’t focus. I’ve just been hit with some reality and it’s really messing with me. I went to lunch with a coworker and told him how things were going with Red. He wasn’t surprised by the things I were saying. After I told him all the reasons I wasn’t interested and why I was going to break things off he said,”figured.”
Wow, I was a bit stunned. What could this man, who has known me for a total of 5 months, really know? Scary thing is he knew a lot. He knows I am afraid to commit. I walk around with my head on cloud 16 like it’s actually my decision. When the truth is, I wouldn’t know a good thing if it slapped me upside the head and said ‘marry me.’
Worse part about the whole ordeal is that I don’t see myself changing. I don’t know how and I’m scared to be any other way. My coworker said it goes back to my childhood and the way things ended with my mother and father. He noted that I did not have issues with women because I have many close female friends. It’s the male/ female relationship that I have issues with. Somehow I think that a man might leave the same way. And for as long as I have said that my father leaving had no affect of me, I’m starting to think it has.
Where do I go from here? I don’t want to be an old maid.
Worried...well I'm over it now...what does he know...he doesnt know me...
Wow, I was a bit stunned. What could this man, who has known me for a total of 5 months, really know? Scary thing is he knew a lot. He knows I am afraid to commit. I walk around with my head on cloud 16 like it’s actually my decision. When the truth is, I wouldn’t know a good thing if it slapped me upside the head and said ‘marry me.’
Worse part about the whole ordeal is that I don’t see myself changing. I don’t know how and I’m scared to be any other way. My coworker said it goes back to my childhood and the way things ended with my mother and father. He noted that I did not have issues with women because I have many close female friends. It’s the male/ female relationship that I have issues with. Somehow I think that a man might leave the same way. And for as long as I have said that my father leaving had no affect of me, I’m starting to think it has.
Where do I go from here? I don’t want to be an old maid.
Worried...well I'm over it now...what does he know...he doesnt know me...
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Not Your Average Chick: It's Complicated
10 Tips to Dating Me. (Not sure if they apply to anyone else but if men knew this about me, they would fare so much better.)
1. Don’t call me more than once a day. I don’t need 2 missed calls a day to know you care. I’m busy with my life, you should be too.
2. Don’t ask me where I’m going. I don’t need you to know where I’m going or where I’ve been. When I want you to know something I’ll tell you.
3. Don’t tell me good morning every morning. Ugghh I know this one is weird but it falls under too much contact. I have to breathe.
4. Don’t take all my shit. If you let me I will run over you, I will and you won’t know what hit you. I can smell a weak man from a mile away. Just because I keep you around doesn’t mean I haven’t noticed.
5. Don’t text, bbm (blackberry message), call or instant message me more than once within a 10 minute span. I saw your messages but I am busy or I just want to be alone. Sending a message that says what’s up at 10:01 and what are you doing at 10:03 is so not cool.
6. Don’t call me everyday without first receiving a returned call. It’s nice to wonder what you are doing sometimes. Really it is. And if I haven't called you back yet, wait until I do.
7. Don’t ask me, ‘Do you miss me?” If I talk to you everyday I probably don’t. If you ask I will think that you are clingy and just need attention. If you miss me just say it, but beware that I might run head first the other way if you say it too early.
8. Don’t let me feel like the man. If I can say the phrase, “be a man,” to you repeatedly and you have no problem, we have a problem.
9. Don’t always be available. If I know your schedule and it only includes your 9-5, the gym and sleep, Houston we have a problem. This is not the same as being reliable, so please do not confuse the two. I like to know a man has things to do and people to see. But if we make plans and you flake with short notice I will make note.
10. Don't move too fast. Give me space when we are out together. I don't know you so we shouldn't hold hands. It is rare that I kiss on the first date so don't linger, you might be dissappointed.
BE A MAN!!! A STRONG MAN!!!
I don’t know why nice guys finish last with me but they do. You can be both strong and nice but too much niceness is a weakness. I am a strong woman and I want a strong man. But if I see a weak one I will keep him around until something better comes along. Unlike most women I know, I enjoy space. I enjoy my ‘me time,’ When I can come home and just chill. I’m complicated. I know.
1. Don’t call me more than once a day. I don’t need 2 missed calls a day to know you care. I’m busy with my life, you should be too.
2. Don’t ask me where I’m going. I don’t need you to know where I’m going or where I’ve been. When I want you to know something I’ll tell you.
3. Don’t tell me good morning every morning. Ugghh I know this one is weird but it falls under too much contact. I have to breathe.
4. Don’t take all my shit. If you let me I will run over you, I will and you won’t know what hit you. I can smell a weak man from a mile away. Just because I keep you around doesn’t mean I haven’t noticed.
5. Don’t text, bbm (blackberry message), call or instant message me more than once within a 10 minute span. I saw your messages but I am busy or I just want to be alone. Sending a message that says what’s up at 10:01 and what are you doing at 10:03 is so not cool.
6. Don’t call me everyday without first receiving a returned call. It’s nice to wonder what you are doing sometimes. Really it is. And if I haven't called you back yet, wait until I do.
7. Don’t ask me, ‘Do you miss me?” If I talk to you everyday I probably don’t. If you ask I will think that you are clingy and just need attention. If you miss me just say it, but beware that I might run head first the other way if you say it too early.
8. Don’t let me feel like the man. If I can say the phrase, “be a man,” to you repeatedly and you have no problem, we have a problem.
9. Don’t always be available. If I know your schedule and it only includes your 9-5, the gym and sleep, Houston we have a problem. This is not the same as being reliable, so please do not confuse the two. I like to know a man has things to do and people to see. But if we make plans and you flake with short notice I will make note.
10. Don't move too fast. Give me space when we are out together. I don't know you so we shouldn't hold hands. It is rare that I kiss on the first date so don't linger, you might be dissappointed.
BE A MAN!!! A STRONG MAN!!!
I don’t know why nice guys finish last with me but they do. You can be both strong and nice but too much niceness is a weakness. I am a strong woman and I want a strong man. But if I see a weak one I will keep him around until something better comes along. Unlike most women I know, I enjoy space. I enjoy my ‘me time,’ When I can come home and just chill. I’m complicated. I know.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Allow Me To Introduce Myself
What kind of manners do I have. I have been blogging for the last 2 months and I haven't offered any information of myself.
Here is my short bio (in the making):
The standards for my life were set way before I was born. I was named by my fraternal grandmother, a woman I never got to meet but someone who I knew was strong and had great faith. By definition the name means ‘joyful gift of God.’ My grandmother allowed her teenage son to move halfway across the world from Nigeria to America in pursuit of a better life. There he met my beautiful mother and together they began a family. From this union, three strong-willed girls were born. I was the second born into this clan and I proudly bare my name. Although the union was not meant to last forever, I took from it great a belief in the black family and all that it could become. My father went his way and his four girls went theirs. My mother worked hard as a single parent to satisfy the never ending desires of her kids. Unfortunately my mother was unable to continue her journey long enough to see her daughters grow into women and continue her legacy. I know that she watches over me constantly and I continue to strive to make her proud.
I don’t consider myself independent by today’s standards because it is a term quickly and falsely linked to material accomplishments. Some around me have been quick to give me the title but I don’t readily accept it because it comes with such negativity. Yes, I have worked hard to get where I am and I will continue to work hard to get to where I see I can go. But I cannot do it alone and I won’t fool myself into thinking otherwise. I know my place as a woman and that is beside, not behind, a strong man. Through the short 18 years I spent with my mother, I grew an appreciation for and belief in the bonds between a man and woman. This is something I am not looking for but is something I know will come when the time is right. I honestly would love to have a male counterpart to compliment my life, but I refuse to have one that complicates it. I don’t do well with drama and sometimes I just want to be left alone and create my own world. Occasionally instead of going out at night, I stay home and write, or sketch. This allows me to escape from reality and into my own world…
I live each day with no regrets and instead choose to see my mistakes as lessons learned. I know each day is a learning experience and that I am not the same person I was yesterday. I know more now than I did 5 minutes ago and am forever changing.I am full of flaws like everyone else, which is something I embrace instead of fight. No one is perfect and that is what makes us as humans great. I was created in his eye and I am the way I am supposed to be.
Happy!
Here is my short bio (in the making):
The standards for my life were set way before I was born. I was named by my fraternal grandmother, a woman I never got to meet but someone who I knew was strong and had great faith. By definition the name means ‘joyful gift of God.’ My grandmother allowed her teenage son to move halfway across the world from Nigeria to America in pursuit of a better life. There he met my beautiful mother and together they began a family. From this union, three strong-willed girls were born. I was the second born into this clan and I proudly bare my name. Although the union was not meant to last forever, I took from it great a belief in the black family and all that it could become. My father went his way and his four girls went theirs. My mother worked hard as a single parent to satisfy the never ending desires of her kids. Unfortunately my mother was unable to continue her journey long enough to see her daughters grow into women and continue her legacy. I know that she watches over me constantly and I continue to strive to make her proud.
I don’t consider myself independent by today’s standards because it is a term quickly and falsely linked to material accomplishments. Some around me have been quick to give me the title but I don’t readily accept it because it comes with such negativity. Yes, I have worked hard to get where I am and I will continue to work hard to get to where I see I can go. But I cannot do it alone and I won’t fool myself into thinking otherwise. I know my place as a woman and that is beside, not behind, a strong man. Through the short 18 years I spent with my mother, I grew an appreciation for and belief in the bonds between a man and woman. This is something I am not looking for but is something I know will come when the time is right. I honestly would love to have a male counterpart to compliment my life, but I refuse to have one that complicates it. I don’t do well with drama and sometimes I just want to be left alone and create my own world. Occasionally instead of going out at night, I stay home and write, or sketch. This allows me to escape from reality and into my own world…
I live each day with no regrets and instead choose to see my mistakes as lessons learned. I know each day is a learning experience and that I am not the same person I was yesterday. I know more now than I did 5 minutes ago and am forever changing.I am full of flaws like everyone else, which is something I embrace instead of fight. No one is perfect and that is what makes us as humans great. I was created in his eye and I am the way I am supposed to be.
Happy!
Monday, December 1, 2008
I Don't Do Santa Claus: A Guy's Perspective
I had lunch with Houston today who is one of my male coworkers. For some reason I am completely comfortable with discussing the details of my dating life with him. We don’t talk outside of work but once a week we play catch up with our dating experiences.
Houston wanted to know how things were going with Red and when he was going to be able to meet him. I informed him not to hold his breath because there was no way that he would be meeting Red before the year was over. Houston is now starting to understand that I take it very slow with the men I date and wanted to know where it was going.
Houston: How are things going with Red?
Me: They’re fine except that I’ve cancelled on him twice in the last 6 days. One day I was too tired to get up and the other I forgot I had plans.
Houston: So do you like him
Me: Yes, but I don’t know if I can get past his weight.
Houston: What?!?!
Me: I usually date skinny men and that’s how I like my men.
Houston: Have you told him?
Me: Yes, told him my “I Don’t Do Santa Clause” Story. (Check old posts for the entire story). I can’t help the way it came out, I didn’t even know he was interested but I was completely honest.
Houston: Is he trying to loose weight?
Me: YES! He works out religiously; more than me. But I noticed that Red eats too much at each sitting. We went out twice and both times he ate his entire meal. And for a man that is trying to lose weight but has hit a wall, I told him how to change his diet.
Houston: Oh!
Me: So when the time was right I told him he should eat smaller portions and he will see results.
Houston: So you’re one of those…
Me: One of what?!?!
Houston: One of those girls who “kindly” tells a guy what she doesn’t like about him and tries to get him to change.
Me: NO!!! He brought it up first; I was just trying to help him out. But, yes I would be more attracted to him if he was skinnier.
Houston: Mhmmm Hmmm.
Me: Do you think I was wrong?
Houston: No. You were honest about what you want. As long as you were honest, he can’t be upset if he is not your type.
Me: Thank you.
Houston: So when do I get to meet him again.
Me: Come on, that won’t happen until I have a ring on my finger!
Houston: LOL!!! I know you're serious.
Although the way I told Red wasn’t the nicest way possible, it was the most honest. So I feel a little better about the way it came out. I haven’t seen him in a while so I won’t know how I really feel until I see him again in person. We still talk all the time but this weight thing is starting to bug me. And it is starting to affect the frequency of our conversations. I am less inclined to answer the phone when he contacts me; which is pretty regularly. I have to see him one more time to be sure if there is anything between us.
I’m sure I’ll see him this week...
Houston wanted to know how things were going with Red and when he was going to be able to meet him. I informed him not to hold his breath because there was no way that he would be meeting Red before the year was over. Houston is now starting to understand that I take it very slow with the men I date and wanted to know where it was going.
Houston: How are things going with Red?
Me: They’re fine except that I’ve cancelled on him twice in the last 6 days. One day I was too tired to get up and the other I forgot I had plans.
Houston: So do you like him
Me: Yes, but I don’t know if I can get past his weight.
Houston: What?!?!
Me: I usually date skinny men and that’s how I like my men.
Houston: Have you told him?
Me: Yes, told him my “I Don’t Do Santa Clause” Story. (Check old posts for the entire story). I can’t help the way it came out, I didn’t even know he was interested but I was completely honest.
Houston: Is he trying to loose weight?
Me: YES! He works out religiously; more than me. But I noticed that Red eats too much at each sitting. We went out twice and both times he ate his entire meal. And for a man that is trying to lose weight but has hit a wall, I told him how to change his diet.
Houston: Oh!
Me: So when the time was right I told him he should eat smaller portions and he will see results.
Houston: So you’re one of those…
Me: One of what?!?!
Houston: One of those girls who “kindly” tells a guy what she doesn’t like about him and tries to get him to change.
Me: NO!!! He brought it up first; I was just trying to help him out. But, yes I would be more attracted to him if he was skinnier.
Houston: Mhmmm Hmmm.
Me: Do you think I was wrong?
Houston: No. You were honest about what you want. As long as you were honest, he can’t be upset if he is not your type.
Me: Thank you.
Houston: So when do I get to meet him again.
Me: Come on, that won’t happen until I have a ring on my finger!
Houston: LOL!!! I know you're serious.
Although the way I told Red wasn’t the nicest way possible, it was the most honest. So I feel a little better about the way it came out. I haven’t seen him in a while so I won’t know how I really feel until I see him again in person. We still talk all the time but this weight thing is starting to bug me. And it is starting to affect the frequency of our conversations. I am less inclined to answer the phone when he contacts me; which is pretty regularly. I have to see him one more time to be sure if there is anything between us.
I’m sure I’ll see him this week...
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