For some, skin complexion, weight, bad breathe (this should be on the list for everyone), a body part size (ie. butt, breasts, penis, etc) are dating deal breakers that no amount of chemistry can conquer.
I maintain a list of what are clearly superficial dating criteria that I stick to no matter what. I make no apologies for my tastes or preferences even with the disagreement of close friends. “You shouldn’t have such shallow deal breakers," friends plead. Too bad I'm stubborn.
Height is the number one physical characteristic I won’t budge on. (Weight comes in at a close second.) I wont date a man who isn’t at least my height or taller. I stand proudly and confidently at 6 foot without heels. Only once in my dating history have I made an exception. This guy was fine as wine, coming in at only 5 foot 11 inches. That was about the shortest guy I've dated in in my 24 years on this earth.
Of course after I get past the trivial outward appearances of a potential suitor, my list includes more valuable criteria such as a sense of humor, family values and sexual chemistry. Before I can get to those though, he needs to be able to look me in my eyes, without him breaking his neck because of our height difference. I then move from physical characteristics to certain behaviors and personality traits.
Bad taste in clothes, different religion, age, kids, race, money, opposing political views, level of educational attainment, proximity and current living situation are all dating deal breakers for a variety of people. I don't care much about the preceding. On the other hand I am a stickler for proper grammar and feel that text messages are a great way to weed men out. I know, not all people proof their text messages, but there is something to be said for thinking before pressing reply. For actually caring what type of messages you put out into the universe. If I receive a "LOL" in reply to every text message joke I crack, I will assume that you have exhausted your vocabulary at this age and need more time to brush up on the English language before speaking with me again. Constantly using the wrong “too” or “to” is something I'd be willing to work with.
Of course, our standards for what's acceptable and what's deal-breaking depend on how into the person we are. If I’m completely infatuated with someone, I may look over the fact that he occasionally lights a cigarette when he is stressed. However I would be sure to keep a pack of mints in my purse at all times.
I think it’s a good exercise to list your own deal breakers. It helps identify and analyze your own flaws. I could be a good contender with Tyra Banks in a battle for who has the largest head, am usually prompt and expect those around me to be the same, lack patience (I’m working on it but it’s a work in progress) and have feet the size of USS ships, which for some may be a deal breaker. I don’t plan on changing any of those characteristics to please someone else, but I do recognize that I have flaws as well.
When you meet or date a new guy or girl, which idiosyncrasies are okay and which ones send you head first in the opposite direction? Do you have a physical characteristics you expect your mate to posses?
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
Friday Rant
The following message was sent via email:
Let me complete that sentence for you...
but I don't have enough confidence to ask you out again.
but I realized that you aren't that interested so I won't go any further than sending you this email. I finally learned my lesson from all of those unanswered text messaages.
but I understand that I need to work on some self esteem issues before I step to you. Especially since I am sending this message to you via email instead of picking up the phone and calling like a real man.
but I know you like literate men and I don't seem to know the difference between "to" and "too." [<----pet peeve] Instead of completing this sentence I'm going to go pick up a 5th grade English book and teach myself the basics. (I really hope this was what he chose to do.)
I'm glad he talked himself out of finishing that sentence otherwise I would have had to complete it for him using one of the above.
Subject: (no subject)
Man it's been to long... I would like to see u but..........
Let me complete that sentence for you...
but I don't have enough confidence to ask you out again.
but I realized that you aren't that interested so I won't go any further than sending you this email. I finally learned my lesson from all of those unanswered text messaages.
but I understand that I need to work on some self esteem issues before I step to you. Especially since I am sending this message to you via email instead of picking up the phone and calling like a real man.
but I know you like literate men and I don't seem to know the difference between "to" and "too." [<----pet peeve] Instead of completing this sentence I'm going to go pick up a 5th grade English book and teach myself the basics. (I really hope this was what he chose to do.)
I'm glad he talked himself out of finishing that sentence otherwise I would have had to complete it for him using one of the above.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Second Date: It's Cool I Got It
Picture this: You had such a great time, or it was at least bearable and have decided to go out again. This time I try something a little different. The most common reaction I have gotten is a look of surprise when I pull out my credit card. I then watch my dates face cringe and twist into ways I’ve never seen before. Most of the time when I say, “It’s cool I got it,” my male dates don’t know how to act but that’s not always the case.
“Oh really, you got it, cool?” (While looking relieved they don’t have to use their last few dollars on one dinner.)
“Ummm, no that’s okay. I got it.” (While giving me the, ‘I’m a man and I’m here to take care of you’ look.)
“Well let me at least take care of the tip.” (While looking a bit defeated but wanting to at least contribute to our meal.)
I always pay close attention to theses responses. Now mind you, I won’t pull my credit card out if I don’t actually have some type of interest in the guy I am sharing a table with. If I have absolutely no interest in seeing you again, trust me, I aint budging when the check comes.
If you utter any words that sound remotely like this before I willingly pull out my credit card : “You got this one right, since I paid for the last one, right?!?!?!” you better believe, no I aint got it and yes this is the last time I will be seeing you.
Why is it that some men feel so emasculated by a woman paying the bill while others expect their dates to contribute at least something or even half the time? I know after my experience earlier this year I will no longer pay for a first date.
I personally don’t like paying when I feel it is expected, but I don’t mind picking up a few bills every once in a while since I recognize that dating is expensive. I actually think women should sincerely offer to pick a bill when dating. Men shouldn’t always be expected to pull out their credit cards but men should know how much they can and cannot afford and stay within those boundaries. I don’t need an expensive date to have fun.
Creativity is attractive.
What is your opinion? Does Ne-Yo have it right?
Ladies, How many times have you said, “Its cool, I got it.”
Should women pay for half of dates?
“Oh really, you got it, cool?” (While looking relieved they don’t have to use their last few dollars on one dinner.)
“Ummm, no that’s okay. I got it.” (While giving me the, ‘I’m a man and I’m here to take care of you’ look.)
“Well let me at least take care of the tip.” (While looking a bit defeated but wanting to at least contribute to our meal.)
I always pay close attention to theses responses. Now mind you, I won’t pull my credit card out if I don’t actually have some type of interest in the guy I am sharing a table with. If I have absolutely no interest in seeing you again, trust me, I aint budging when the check comes.
If you utter any words that sound remotely like this before I willingly pull out my credit card : “You got this one right, since I paid for the last one, right?!?!?!” you better believe, no I aint got it and yes this is the last time I will be seeing you.
Why is it that some men feel so emasculated by a woman paying the bill while others expect their dates to contribute at least something or even half the time? I know after my experience earlier this year I will no longer pay for a first date.
I personally don’t like paying when I feel it is expected, but I don’t mind picking up a few bills every once in a while since I recognize that dating is expensive. I actually think women should sincerely offer to pick a bill when dating. Men shouldn’t always be expected to pull out their credit cards but men should know how much they can and cannot afford and stay within those boundaries. I don’t need an expensive date to have fun.
Creativity is attractive.
What is your opinion? Does Ne-Yo have it right?
Ladies, How many times have you said, “Its cool, I got it.”
Should women pay for half of dates?
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Bedroom Etiquette 101
I thought this was hilarious so I'm reposting it here. My girl SAM JONES wrote this for my other blog http://www.ihatethewayyoueatcereal.wordpress.com. I thought I'd post 101 because I have been inspired to write a 201.
Bedroom Etiquette 101
Submitted by: SAM JONES
Here’s a few things that really grind my gears in the bedroom. Men please pay attention…
Before:
Fresh Breath- Do I even need to elaborate?
Socks- No socks please. However if you feet look like the Crypt Keeper please keep them on.
“Magnums I hope”- Good for you, men who can fit them, but if you can’t, please don’t embarrass yourself by putting one on… smh
*
During:
Easy on the dirty talk- I understand that some men and women need the sex talk to get them “there,” but I don’t need to have a full on conversation with you during this time. Keep it short and sweet.
Don’t make excuses- If your battleship went down too soon, don’t make excuses. It happens to best of them, just make sure you can set sail again (preferably within the next 15 mins).
After:
Remove your “gear”- Please don’t sulk in your “happy juice”
*
No post ejaculation phone usage- I understand we just finished and im sure you’ve missed some calls/texts/Twitter updates but umm your still inside of me, put the phone down!
*
Ladies what are some of your bedroom pet peeves?
[My response to this question coming soon!]
Bedroom Etiquette 101
Submitted by: SAM JONES
Here’s a few things that really grind my gears in the bedroom. Men please pay attention…
Before:
Fresh Breath- Do I even need to elaborate?
Socks- No socks please. However if you feet look like the Crypt Keeper please keep them on.
“Magnums I hope”- Good for you, men who can fit them, but if you can’t, please don’t embarrass yourself by putting one on… smh
*
During:
Easy on the dirty talk- I understand that some men and women need the sex talk to get them “there,” but I don’t need to have a full on conversation with you during this time. Keep it short and sweet.
Don’t make excuses- If your battleship went down too soon, don’t make excuses. It happens to best of them, just make sure you can set sail again (preferably within the next 15 mins).
After:
Remove your “gear”- Please don’t sulk in your “happy juice”
*
No post ejaculation phone usage- I understand we just finished and im sure you’ve missed some calls/texts/Twitter updates but umm your still inside of me, put the phone down!
*
Ladies what are some of your bedroom pet peeves?
[My response to this question coming soon!]
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
First Date: It's Cool You Got It
Picture this: You’re out on a first date with a person I hope you have some interest in. The waiter will come to the table to drop off the bill. Nine times out of ten, if they are a woman, they will place the bill directly in front of the male. If it is a male waiter, there is a 50/50 chance that the bill will be placed at the center of the table or directly in front of the male. I have rarely ever gone out and found that a waiter or waitress places the bill in front of the woman.
What you do at this point says a lot about your character. (Both male and female)
If I’m not interested, the scenario will play out like this and believe that I’m so smooth, I won’t even flinch. I’ll look you straight in your eye and wait for your response. The bill will be placed at the table and I will continue our conversation as if nothing has happened. If he is a gentleman, he will immediately pick up the bill, without looking completely disgusted at our total, place his AMEX or Visa inside the folder and continue our conversation. I have a sly way of checking out what type of tip is left as well- points will be docked from cheap asses immediately.
Who should pay for a first date? Should the person that extended the invitation pay?
Call me old fashioned, or a penny pinchin copper (I know its a recession) digger but I think a man should always pay for a first date. I’m all for exerting my independent nature in other areas of my life, but when it comes to dating, I like to be treated like a lady.
Clearly there will be some women who will insist on paying for the first date, but I think a good rule of thumb for men is to assume he’s paying. Its a simple gesture but it says so much. It shows that a man can lead and has the instinct to provide. If on a first date I get any indication that he is a tightwad, it will probably be our last date.
Paying has nothing to do with the money, I just appreciate being treated with some degree of chivalry.
Originally Posted in July
What you do at this point says a lot about your character. (Both male and female)
If I’m not interested, the scenario will play out like this and believe that I’m so smooth, I won’t even flinch. I’ll look you straight in your eye and wait for your response. The bill will be placed at the table and I will continue our conversation as if nothing has happened. If he is a gentleman, he will immediately pick up the bill, without looking completely disgusted at our total, place his AMEX or Visa inside the folder and continue our conversation. I have a sly way of checking out what type of tip is left as well- points will be docked from cheap asses immediately.
Who should pay for a first date? Should the person that extended the invitation pay?
Call me old fashioned, or a penny pinchin copper (I know its a recession) digger but I think a man should always pay for a first date. I’m all for exerting my independent nature in other areas of my life, but when it comes to dating, I like to be treated like a lady.
Clearly there will be some women who will insist on paying for the first date, but I think a good rule of thumb for men is to assume he’s paying. Its a simple gesture but it says so much. It shows that a man can lead and has the instinct to provide. If on a first date I get any indication that he is a tightwad, it will probably be our last date.
Paying has nothing to do with the money, I just appreciate being treated with some degree of chivalry.
Originally Posted in July
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Conversations with my Voicemail
Meet a nice girl: smart, outgoing, attractive. You had a nice conversation, flirted a bit, so on. Got her telephone number before you parted ways, and right before she left she goes "You're going to call me, right?” A few days later you call her (instead of texting first, good job!) but you get her voicemail.
“Hi you've reached Silent. Please leave a message after the tone.” [beeeeepp]
This is not an open invitation to tell her everything that is on your mind in 60 seconds or less. If you just obtained her phone number 2 days prior and she already has a voicemail detailing the reasons you two would be great together, then not only will you not receive a return call, she will also play your psychotic voicemail to all of her friends.
After hearing this voicemail online, I feel the need to intervene. Guys, I didn’t think I would have to do this but it seems some of ya’ll need some phone etiquette.
1.) Please leave a voicemail. Don’t assume that I received a miss call from you. Even though I have the best phone service provider, I don’t get every missed call.
2.) Keep it brief. Just because my system allows for long messages, doesn’t mean this is your opportunity to share your mini bio.
3.) Keep compliments pertaining to any physical body partthat kept you reeling the rest of the evening off my voice messaging system. Its just plan perverted.
4.) Don’t give me a deadline. Are we serious?!?! This has really happened to me and some of my friends.
5.) Leave your name and phone number so I can return your call. Again this goes back to assuming I have a missed call from you.
If she doesn’t return your call within 2-3 days, she probably wasn’t that interested. DO NOT CALL HER AGAIN.
Here’s a general rule of thumb: Don’t call a girl more than twice without a returned call. Forget about her and get another girls number. If she calls back then now you have 2 girls.
“Hi you've reached Silent. Please leave a message after the tone.” [beeeeepp]
This is not an open invitation to tell her everything that is on your mind in 60 seconds or less. If you just obtained her phone number 2 days prior and she already has a voicemail detailing the reasons you two would be great together, then not only will you not receive a return call, she will also play your psychotic voicemail to all of her friends.
After hearing this voicemail online, I feel the need to intervene. Guys, I didn’t think I would have to do this but it seems some of ya’ll need some phone etiquette.
1.) Please leave a voicemail. Don’t assume that I received a miss call from you. Even though I have the best phone service provider, I don’t get every missed call.
2.) Keep it brief. Just because my system allows for long messages, doesn’t mean this is your opportunity to share your mini bio.
3.) Keep compliments pertaining to any physical body part
4.) Don’t give me a deadline. Are we serious?!?! This has really happened to me and some of my friends.
5.) Leave your name and phone number so I can return your call. Again this goes back to assuming I have a missed call from you.
If she doesn’t return your call within 2-3 days, she probably wasn’t that interested. DO NOT CALL HER AGAIN.
Here’s a general rule of thumb: Don’t call a girl more than twice without a returned call. Forget about her and get another girls number. If she calls back then now you have 2 girls.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Fridat Rant
This entire conversation was had via Blackberry Messenger (bbm)
Guy: What's up stranger?
Me: Hey
Guy: How are you?
Me: I'm good
Guy: Are you engaged? Who's the lucky guy?
Me: huh....(pause)..oh
(My bbm screenname is currently "Future Mrs. Mehcad Brooks")
Me: I'm not engaged
Guy: Oh..lol
Me: I gotta go, ttyl
Why did he come out of hiding (we haven't talked in months) when he thought I was getting married? If I had said yes I'm engaged, what would he have done with that information? As a woman, I would not, and did not, contact the guy I use to date when I found out he was engaged. When I saw him in person I made sure to say congratualtions because I was happy for him, (and since I was the last girl he dated before he met his wife.) But I wouldn't contact someone I casually dated for a few months.
Am I missing something here? I hope that doesn't mean he plans on keeping me in his little black book. You know the book you dust off when all the new people you meet aren't working out and you decide to call up an old flame to try again.
Guy: What's up stranger?
Me: Hey
Guy: How are you?
Me: I'm good
Guy: Are you engaged? Who's the lucky guy?
Me: huh....(pause)..oh
(My bbm screenname is currently "Future Mrs. Mehcad Brooks")
Me: I'm not engaged
Guy: Oh..lol
Me: I gotta go, ttyl
Why did he come out of hiding (we haven't talked in months) when he thought I was getting married? If I had said yes I'm engaged, what would he have done with that information? As a woman, I would not, and did not, contact the guy I use to date when I found out he was engaged. When I saw him in person I made sure to say congratualtions because I was happy for him, (and since I was the last girl he dated before he met his wife.) But I wouldn't contact someone I casually dated for a few months.
Am I missing something here? I hope that doesn't mean he plans on keeping me in his little black book. You know the book you dust off when all the new people you meet aren't working out and you decide to call up an old flame to try again.
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