Tuesday, October 13, 2009

5 Signs You're Going to have a Starring Role

Recently, a man from my past has decided he wants to revisit our “relationship” but is half stepping in his approach. Since I don’t believe in going above and beyond when the other party is slacking, I had to make it clear what was and wasn’t going to happen between us at this point.

After hanging out a couple of times, I could tell he wasn’t getting the hint that I wasn’t going “there” with him this early even though we had been “there” several times before. So when he invited himself over to come over and watch a movie with me, I made no effort to be attractive. He came in to find me in my most comfortable (and unflattering) pajamas, un-matching socks and my hair wrapped in my purple bonnet.

Sidenote: Even when I am comfortable with a guy, I don’t pull out the bonnet until its time to sleep. The Aunt Jemima look is not exactly my idea of setting the mood. If I plan on engaging in physical activities, I’ll make sure to have my silk pillow ready to protect my uncovered coif. If the guy really puts in work and makes me forget all about my hair, it won't matter that I sweated out my fresh do and have to wear a pony tail for 2 weeks. As long as the defilement of my fresh hair was worth it, this black girl can rest easy knowing hat her locks were a casualty of satisfying pleasure.

The PJs and bonnet didn’t slow down his advances, so I bluntly told him that nothing was popping off between us so he should slow down and watch the movie. It’s funny to me because I thought he would have picked up on the, ‘you aint getting any’ clues. Guys, if you want to know if a girl is ready or wants to go there when you visit her at her home for a movie night, pay close attention to her verbal and her non verbal cues. If she does at least 2 out of the following 5, she is probably waiting for you to make your move. (The rules only apply if you have already moved passed 2nd and/or 3rd base and aren't sure if you're being waved into homeplate.)

1. She invites YOU over for movie and snacks. Aint no woman willingly going to introduce the idea of missing a free meal unless she has other intentions. Obviously she wants to do things with you, you can’t do in a restaurant.

2. If she’s wearing spandex or tights when you come over, skip the movie and head straight to third base. She’s showing off her silhouette so you can imagine what she looks like undressed.

3. She makes sure you know that her roommate isn’t coming home tonight. Since this may be the first time, she needs to test how loud she can get, without worrying if her roommate is being noisy and listening in.

4. If she’s wearing any hint of make-up it means she wants to look refreshed and polished for you to even though ya’ll aint leaving the house.

5. She’s playing music, candles are lit, and the lights are off. Do I really need to tell you, you aren’t watching the whole movie tonight? If any of the three mood setters are already in motion when you arrive, I hope you brought protection cuz its goin’ down. Even Stevie Wonder would be checking his pockets for Magnums.

So when the opportunity to "hang out" with your lady friend arises, look out for these clues and you can save you both the anxiety: Her from wondering when you’re gonna make a move and you from stressing about whether or not she wants you to. You can thank me later.

FYI: The PJs and bonnet rule doesn't apply for serious relationships.

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