I am taking a holiday vacay. I will be back next week with plenty of new posts. Til then I will be catching up on some work that has piled up on me in my office and getting reacquainted with some friends in between.
Thanks for following my life, I hope to see you next year.
Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!
--SilentScorpion aka SiSi
Monday, December 29, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
Tis The Season: I Need A Cuddle Buddy
And then there was some…
Last week when I ended things with Red I said there was none. Well, that is not completely the truth. I always have guys in my life some way or another. I meet people all the time. I date a lot (so I’ve been told), and move on if I don’t find what I’m looking for. I don’t see the point in wasting other people’s time and I surely don’t like it when mine is wasted.
There are currently two guys that I am dating, seeing, getting to know, whatever you want to call it. I am a single woman, and live my life as such. Currently there is nothing serious or even interesting enough to write about either Chicago or Mr. IE so I won’t, yet. Main reason is because Chicago lives in Chicago and there is no definite date set for me to see him. I do like talking to him and we do talk pretty frequently on the phone but I haven’t seen him since we met. There is a lot that I have learned about him from our conversations that I like, but I believe it doesn't matter much without any in person contact.
Mr. IE on the other hand does live here, but his schedule is so busy most of the time that we have only gone out once. (Actually it turns out its my schedule that is packed not his) It was a nice date but again but I don’t want to jump the gun with him. I just thought you should know they are around. In case there is anything to talk about in the future.
And then there were more…
Dallas (who is not the same as Texas) and Mr. M. House (who I have not introduced for various reasons) are back in town for the holidays and want to see me. I haven’t decided what to do about either. It goes back to now wasting time. I feel that each of them have served their purpose and I don’t see a relationship, friendship or any type of “ship” coming out of our continued contact.
The only issue I foresee from their recent contact is that if I get bored, or if I can’t get into contact with Mr. IE or Chicago, there is a slim chance that I honestly may find myself returning the phone calls of Dallas and/or Mr. M. House. I see this happening more so with Dallas because we don't have any real history.
Remember, this week is the first official week of winter, which for many adults is also know as cuddle season.
And I want a cuddle buddy.
Last week when I ended things with Red I said there was none. Well, that is not completely the truth. I always have guys in my life some way or another. I meet people all the time. I date a lot (so I’ve been told), and move on if I don’t find what I’m looking for. I don’t see the point in wasting other people’s time and I surely don’t like it when mine is wasted.
There are currently two guys that I am dating, seeing, getting to know, whatever you want to call it. I am a single woman, and live my life as such. Currently there is nothing serious or even interesting enough to write about either Chicago or Mr. IE so I won’t, yet. Main reason is because Chicago lives in Chicago and there is no definite date set for me to see him. I do like talking to him and we do talk pretty frequently on the phone but I haven’t seen him since we met. There is a lot that I have learned about him from our conversations that I like, but I believe it doesn't matter much without any in person contact.
Mr. IE on the other hand does live here, but his schedule is so busy most of the time that we have only gone out once. (Actually it turns out its my schedule that is packed not his) It was a nice date but again but I don’t want to jump the gun with him. I just thought you should know they are around. In case there is anything to talk about in the future.
And then there were more…
Dallas (who is not the same as Texas) and Mr. M. House (who I have not introduced for various reasons) are back in town for the holidays and want to see me. I haven’t decided what to do about either. It goes back to now wasting time. I feel that each of them have served their purpose and I don’t see a relationship, friendship or any type of “ship” coming out of our continued contact.
The only issue I foresee from their recent contact is that if I get bored, or if I can’t get into contact with Mr. IE or Chicago, there is a slim chance that I honestly may find myself returning the phone calls of Dallas and/or Mr. M. House. I see this happening more so with Dallas because we don't have any real history.
Remember, this week is the first official week of winter, which for many adults is also know as cuddle season.
And I want a cuddle buddy.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Read the Signs: Proceed With Caution
We can(not)be friends...
Since Red and I are suppose to be friends, I did my usual due diligence and asked him how is day was going. Red informed me that his company had him on a tight leash for the busy holiday , he told me he had to tell me something. Red went on to tell me that he didn’t want me to distance myself from him, and that he doesn’t want us to completely lose touch.
I was a little caught off guard. I didn’t think we would be discussing this situation any further, but I guess Red had a different agenda. I told Red that we didn’t have to lose touch and that we could be friends.
Red let me know that he still wants to talk on the phone and hang out. Something I am too familiar with. Detroit, a story I have yet to complete, tried to do the same thing for the last year a half. (I will finish that story soon so that you have a better perspective as to where I’m coming from) So, I see this last effort to establish some kind of relationship.
I’ve decided not to over think it though. I know Red wants to keep me around as a “friend” in hopes that I will one day (soon) change my mind. But I am steadfast in my decision. There is no changing my mind; I’m too stubborn for that.
Red is a friend, nothing more, nothing more.
Do you think people who have dated can really be just friends?
Since Red and I are suppose to be friends, I did my usual due diligence and asked him how is day was going. Red informed me that his company had him on a tight leash for the busy holiday , he told me he had to tell me something. Red went on to tell me that he didn’t want me to distance myself from him, and that he doesn’t want us to completely lose touch.
I was a little caught off guard. I didn’t think we would be discussing this situation any further, but I guess Red had a different agenda. I told Red that we didn’t have to lose touch and that we could be friends.
Red let me know that he still wants to talk on the phone and hang out. Something I am too familiar with. Detroit, a story I have yet to complete, tried to do the same thing for the last year a half. (I will finish that story soon so that you have a better perspective as to where I’m coming from) So, I see this last effort to establish some kind of relationship.
I’ve decided not to over think it though. I know Red wants to keep me around as a “friend” in hopes that I will one day (soon) change my mind. But I am steadfast in my decision. There is no changing my mind; I’m too stubborn for that.
Red is a friend, nothing more, nothing more.
Do you think people who have dated can really be just friends?
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Give A Little: The Art of Flirting
I don’t know how it is I meet people. Most of the time I think that I am the worst flirt. I meet guys all the time and I never understood why, besides the fact that I'm cute, I just don't send any signals.
I don’t make eye contact.
I don’t smile, in the direction of someone I’m interested in.
I don’t look available because if I get nervous, I quickly pick up my phone and text, call or try to make contact with someone so I seem busy. (Definitely an inefficient use of an opportunity I know)
I don’t even breathe in the same direction of someone I am attracted to.
I don’t give a little.
Mr. IE, I will give his introduction later, thinks I was flirting with him when we met a couple of weeks ago. But I wasn’t. The way I met him was by chance (thanks to all the thirsty females out there). I did spot him out in the crowd because he had swag, but I wasn’t planning on flirting. After we revisited our meeting and realized it was by chance Mr. IE gave me some advice and I’m passing it on.
Give a little.
Men work hard to get your attention. And if they don’t know you’re interested, how can they approach you. So here is the tip of the day: If you see something you want, go for it. Flirt a little; it will go a long way. Guys really do appreciate it.
Here are some flirting tips I found at http:///www.femaleforum.com. I already do most of the below naturally, but never really thought of myself as a flirt.
Dress classy, not trashy – Your appearance speaks volumes to any man, interested or not. While most men like to ogle the girls who leave little to the imagination, most of them have little interest in and even less respect for them. You can still be sexy, without going overboard. Neat and stylish clothes and carefully applied make-up is all it really takes to draw attention to yourself.
Make eye contact – Eye contact is a perfect way to assert your interest, but don’t stare too long. Save the hours of gazing longingly into a man’s eyes for after the relationship has been established. Instead, catch his eye for a moment, and then look away. With eye contact, a little goes a long way.
Flash a smile – A friendly, warm smile makes you seem approachable. Nobody wants to have a conversation with someone who looks as if they have been sucking on a lemon. Look relaxed, confident, and smile with both your eyes and your lips to make a great impression on anyone.
Start with small talk – No matter if he approaches you or you approach him, small talk is always in order. Bring up a song that is playing, compliment their clothes, or anything else that might break the ice. Once the conversation has started, if there is a possible connection, things will begin to flow.
Show off your sense of humour – Crack jokes, be sarcastic, do whatever comes naturally to you when enjoying the company of another person. Laugh at their jokes as well, and be sincere about it. Joking around a little will help you both to relax and feel at ease with each other and will help to spark their interest in you.
Start an intelligent conversation – Don’t be afraid of initiating an intelligent conversation. Guys like a girl who can talk about topics of substance. This doesn’t mean you should start a political debate or a dissertation about religion, just try to keep the topics interesting and stimulating. Make sure that you are not the one doing all the talking; no one wants to spend their evening with someone who dominates every conversation.
Watch your body language – Body language can say more than words, even if you are not aware of the message you are sending. Uncross your arms to avoid appearing defensive and uninterested. A small amount of physical contact can communicate interest, so lightly touch their arm during conversation or lean toward them while they are speaking to you.
Let him take the lead, if he wants to – Most guys are still traditional enough to ask for your phone number if they are interested. Give them this chance, as the chase can be important to them. If he seems genuinely interested, but has yet to ask for a way to contact you, go ahead and take the bull by the horns and ask him for his number. Some men are just a little shy and lack the confidence to ask for your information, even if you have sent all the right signals.
Pick up on his signals – Unless you are totally blind, it should be easy to tell if someone is just plain not interested. Though it can be disheartening to be rejected by a total stranger that you find attractive, don’t take it personally. Never be pushy about getting a man’s attention, just politely walk away, letting them know how happy you are to have made their acquaintance.
Always be yourself – Be honest about who you are and what you are about. Coming across as too eager to please or being wishy-washy for fear being rejected can be a real turn-off. The real you will have to come out eventually, so what is the point of winning someone over with a false persona? As long as you are confident in who you are, most men will take notice of that and be very receptive to your advances, as well as to you as a person.
I don’t make eye contact.
I don’t smile, in the direction of someone I’m interested in.
I don’t look available because if I get nervous, I quickly pick up my phone and text, call or try to make contact with someone so I seem busy. (Definitely an inefficient use of an opportunity I know)
I don’t even breathe in the same direction of someone I am attracted to.
I don’t give a little.
Mr. IE, I will give his introduction later, thinks I was flirting with him when we met a couple of weeks ago. But I wasn’t. The way I met him was by chance (thanks to all the thirsty females out there). I did spot him out in the crowd because he had swag, but I wasn’t planning on flirting. After we revisited our meeting and realized it was by chance Mr. IE gave me some advice and I’m passing it on.
Give a little.
Men work hard to get your attention. And if they don’t know you’re interested, how can they approach you. So here is the tip of the day: If you see something you want, go for it. Flirt a little; it will go a long way. Guys really do appreciate it.
Here are some flirting tips I found at http:///www.femaleforum.com. I already do most of the below naturally, but never really thought of myself as a flirt.
Dress classy, not trashy – Your appearance speaks volumes to any man, interested or not. While most men like to ogle the girls who leave little to the imagination, most of them have little interest in and even less respect for them. You can still be sexy, without going overboard. Neat and stylish clothes and carefully applied make-up is all it really takes to draw attention to yourself.
Make eye contact – Eye contact is a perfect way to assert your interest, but don’t stare too long. Save the hours of gazing longingly into a man’s eyes for after the relationship has been established. Instead, catch his eye for a moment, and then look away. With eye contact, a little goes a long way.
Flash a smile – A friendly, warm smile makes you seem approachable. Nobody wants to have a conversation with someone who looks as if they have been sucking on a lemon. Look relaxed, confident, and smile with both your eyes and your lips to make a great impression on anyone.
Start with small talk – No matter if he approaches you or you approach him, small talk is always in order. Bring up a song that is playing, compliment their clothes, or anything else that might break the ice. Once the conversation has started, if there is a possible connection, things will begin to flow.
Show off your sense of humour – Crack jokes, be sarcastic, do whatever comes naturally to you when enjoying the company of another person. Laugh at their jokes as well, and be sincere about it. Joking around a little will help you both to relax and feel at ease with each other and will help to spark their interest in you.
Start an intelligent conversation – Don’t be afraid of initiating an intelligent conversation. Guys like a girl who can talk about topics of substance. This doesn’t mean you should start a political debate or a dissertation about religion, just try to keep the topics interesting and stimulating. Make sure that you are not the one doing all the talking; no one wants to spend their evening with someone who dominates every conversation.
Watch your body language – Body language can say more than words, even if you are not aware of the message you are sending. Uncross your arms to avoid appearing defensive and uninterested. A small amount of physical contact can communicate interest, so lightly touch their arm during conversation or lean toward them while they are speaking to you.
Let him take the lead, if he wants to – Most guys are still traditional enough to ask for your phone number if they are interested. Give them this chance, as the chase can be important to them. If he seems genuinely interested, but has yet to ask for a way to contact you, go ahead and take the bull by the horns and ask him for his number. Some men are just a little shy and lack the confidence to ask for your information, even if you have sent all the right signals.
Pick up on his signals – Unless you are totally blind, it should be easy to tell if someone is just plain not interested. Though it can be disheartening to be rejected by a total stranger that you find attractive, don’t take it personally. Never be pushy about getting a man’s attention, just politely walk away, letting them know how happy you are to have made their acquaintance.
Always be yourself – Be honest about who you are and what you are about. Coming across as too eager to please or being wishy-washy for fear being rejected can be a real turn-off. The real you will have to come out eventually, so what is the point of winning someone over with a false persona? As long as you are confident in who you are, most men will take notice of that and be very receptive to your advances, as well as to you as a person.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Swagger Like Him: Sexy vs Swag
I was talking to a male friend of mine and he asked me if I thought he was sexy. I went on to describe his style, confidence and swag as the reason he was sexy. He told me that they are two different things but I’m not sure I agree.
What characteristics do you think of when you think of sexy?
Confidence
Style
Respect
What charactertics do you think of when you think of swag?
Confidence
Style
Respect
Swagger is how one presents him or her self to the world. It can be seen in the person's walk, the confidence in demeanor. I love a man who carries himself with a touch of arrogance. Arrogance and cockiness are divided by a thin line, but a man with swag never crosses it. To have swagger is to move with innate sophistication and coolness. People with swag just naturally have that cool factor. There sense of style is unique and they exude that confidence at all times. They conduct themselves in a way that automatically commands respect.
At this point in my life I would definitely pick a man with swag over a man who looks like a male model. It’s just that ‘it’ factor that I can’t help but be drawn to. So for me, swag and sexiness are interchangeable.
Now answer these questions:
Who do you think of when you think of swag?
Jay-Z
Who do you think of when you think of sexy?
Surprisingly, Jay-Z
He is definitely not cute by any of my own standards, but man does this man have swag and that's what makes him sexy. Think about it. That's just my opinion. What’s your definition of swag and sexy?
Daydreamin….Jay-Z, Kanye, TI, damn I hope my (future) man has swagger like them.
Cue Music!
You can learn how to dress just by
jocking my fresh
Mr. Follow my steps, it's the road to success
where the niggas know you thorough
and the girls say yes
But I can't teach you my swag
you can pay for school but you can't buy class
School of hard knocks I'm a grad
and that all-blue yankee is my graduation cap,
it's Hovaaaaa!!!
Mr. Swagger himself (Jay-Z)
What characteristics do you think of when you think of sexy?
Confidence
Style
Respect
What charactertics do you think of when you think of swag?
Confidence
Style
Respect
Swagger is how one presents him or her self to the world. It can be seen in the person's walk, the confidence in demeanor. I love a man who carries himself with a touch of arrogance. Arrogance and cockiness are divided by a thin line, but a man with swag never crosses it. To have swagger is to move with innate sophistication and coolness. People with swag just naturally have that cool factor. There sense of style is unique and they exude that confidence at all times. They conduct themselves in a way that automatically commands respect.
At this point in my life I would definitely pick a man with swag over a man who looks like a male model. It’s just that ‘it’ factor that I can’t help but be drawn to. So for me, swag and sexiness are interchangeable.
Now answer these questions:
Who do you think of when you think of swag?
Jay-Z
Who do you think of when you think of sexy?
Surprisingly, Jay-Z
He is definitely not cute by any of my own standards, but man does this man have swag and that's what makes him sexy. Think about it. That's just my opinion. What’s your definition of swag and sexy?
Daydreamin….Jay-Z, Kanye, TI, damn I hope my (future) man has swagger like them.
Cue Music!
You can learn how to dress just by
jocking my fresh
Mr. Follow my steps, it's the road to success
where the niggas know you thorough
and the girls say yes
But I can't teach you my swag
you can pay for school but you can't buy class
School of hard knocks I'm a grad
and that all-blue yankee is my graduation cap,
it's Hovaaaaa!!!
Mr. Swagger himself (Jay-Z)
Monday, December 15, 2008
Read the Signs: "It's Not You, It's Me"
And then there was none.
I was talking to Red this morning, on aim. And he did read the signs I was giving him Saturday. I didn’t have to say much at all.
We started off with our usual morning repartee.
How are you?
How was your weekend?
Then he told me he has something he wanted to ask. Finally, I thought. The time has come. If he didn’t ask, I surely was going to tell him today.
I feel like we are losing touch, we are getting distant.
I told Red he was right, we were losing touch. I told him I was going through a lot right now, which I honestly am, and that I didn’t want to complicate things. I took full responsibility for this not working out. “Instead of continuing to push you away, I think it is best that we are just friends.”
Red said he respected my decision and wishes things would have worked out differently. “Thanks for your honesty,” he added. Red is a nice guy, but just not the guy for me. I feel bad for hurting his feelings but at the same time I am so relieved. It’s like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I wish Red the best and know that there is some lucky lady out there waiting for him. In time he will find her.
And then there was none.
I was talking to Red this morning, on aim. And he did read the signs I was giving him Saturday. I didn’t have to say much at all.
We started off with our usual morning repartee.
How are you?
How was your weekend?
Then he told me he has something he wanted to ask. Finally, I thought. The time has come. If he didn’t ask, I surely was going to tell him today.
I feel like we are losing touch, we are getting distant.
I told Red he was right, we were losing touch. I told him I was going through a lot right now, which I honestly am, and that I didn’t want to complicate things. I took full responsibility for this not working out. “Instead of continuing to push you away, I think it is best that we are just friends.”
Red said he respected my decision and wishes things would have worked out differently. “Thanks for your honesty,” he added. Red is a nice guy, but just not the guy for me. I feel bad for hurting his feelings but at the same time I am so relieved. It’s like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I wish Red the best and know that there is some lucky lady out there waiting for him. In time he will find her.
And then there was none.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Read the Signs: Green Means GO! Red Means STOP!
It's 7:28 and I'm ready, on time as usual. My hair is curled like a 50s pin up girl and I'm wearing a tight fitting red knee-length cocktail dress. My makeup is flawless and my shoes are a piece of art. I grab my peacoat and I head downstairs to wait for his arrival.
It's cold outside my house and I can feel the wind as it hits my bare face. I'm freezing. Less than 10 minutes pass before I go back upstairs, pissed. Why is he late? He knows I can't stand waiting on people. We haven't been dating long but I always make that pet peeve clear upfront.
I want to call and yell at him but I can't . My phone is dead. I had broken the charger output on Thursday and wouldn't be getting a new phone until Monday. He had no way of calling me to explain why he was late.
Before my phone died today, we scheduled a time for him to pick me up. I gave him the option of going to his house or picking me up. I told him I didn't care either way. "I'll pick you up at 7:30," he said.
As I pace back and forth in the cold air, it dawns on me. Earlier in the day when we scheduled our pick up time, I also told him to email me if he was gonna be running late. I turn towards my front gate and rushed into my apartment to check my email.
I get to my desk and their is no tower. "Why is this happening, why now," I stand there at my empty desk and think to myself. Then it hits me. My sister took the computer to be fixed. Darn. I go back outside to wait. I glance at the clock before I leave. 7:50. Ok, he should be here by now right?
Red knows my phone is broken and he is too much of a gentleman to have me wait in the cold. Five minutes pass. Still no sign of Red. I go upstairs, defeated and upset. Had I been stood up? It would serve me right for my behavior this week.
While Red was trying his best to get to know me I never let my guard down. For some reason everything he attempted to do, annoyed me. I just wasn't interested. I couldn't see him as more than a friend. He would call, I wouldn't answer. He would aim me and I had one word responses. I knew I was no longer interested and so did everyone around me. I just hadn't gotten around to telling him yet. But all the signs were there. So did I still have to say it?
I walk into my neighbors apartment (we don't knock when we visit each other) and say hello. I find him studying this lovely Saturday as usual. Naidi tells me he has his Chemistry finals this week and then he'll be free. I ask Naidi can I use his computer and he looks at me crazy for even asking. "Of course, go ahead." As I am standing there thanking him he looks me up and down and says, " Damn where you going. You looking good in my favorite color." I told him I was going to a holiday party with a friend and head to his computer. I log into my email account and it's there. Red sent me a message at 2:29pm, shortly after we scheduled our time saying he had to go to a baby shower and that he wouldn't be here until 8:30. Oops. I knew there was an explanation. I chill with my neighbor for the next 20 mins and head downstairs. He must be there now, right?
I walk out of my building and find Red coming around to open my door. 8:30 on the dot and he was here, like he said. Red greets me, "you look nice." "You do too," I say. Red did look nice, but I wasn't attracted to him. What was wrong with me? As I approach the car I notice a man is in the front seat. I expected him to get out, introduce himself and then move to the back. That didn't happen. Red opened the door to the back seat and introduced to his co worker, Cane. Cane looked short sitting in my seat, wore designer frames and had a close fade. He was hilarious the entire ride to the party. Cane's humor was a bit vulgar but it was funny. He and Red argued like a married couple so I was entertained. Since I was in the back seat I didn't feel the need to join in the conversation too much. Plus since this was just Red I also didn't feel the need to impress his friend with my vibrant personality. Cane didn't know it but he wouldn't be seeing too much of me in the future. This thing with Red would be coming to an end shortly.
We arrive at the party at 930. His company chose the same place I had my high school prom for their event. The Long Beach Aquarium was a gorgeous venue, but even I knew it was too small for the over 600 people invited to the event. Red, Cane and I looked at each other in disgust of the cramped party. Tables were everywhere, the food was gone (I was highly upset but luckily I had already eaten) and there was a 35 minute wait for a drink.
All the exhibits were amazing and the most unexpected exhibit are the ones where you can touch the various creatures like starfish, pet baby sharks and sting ray. After we took a tour of the different , we ran for the doors. Red was hungry and ready to go, so we did. Cane wanted to go to his friends holiday party right away and I told them I didn't mind after they invited me. Cane said there would be karaoke and food, neither of which really excited me but the night was still young and I didn't have any other plans. We stopped at Chili's before heading to the party.
When we arrived at the house I found myself exhausted. I hadn't done much the entire day but this night wasn't keeping my attention. I tried not to show it on my face, but I knew they could tell I was ready to leave. After an hour of listening to drunk people sing at the top of their voice, completely off key, Red took me home. Cane wasn't done partying so he stayed behind.
Red opened his front door for me this time and we headed to my house. I started think now is the time to say it. "I think we should just be friends," I repeated to myself over and over in between short bouts of mindless banter. No time seemed like the right time. And according to my friends, right now is not the right time. Red has his fraternity party the following day and no one thought I should send him there unhappy. So I obliged. I kept my mouth shut.
Halfway through the ride home, Red pulled out some gum and offered me a piece. I know I needed it since I did nibble on a few things that night, but there was no need to have fresh breath. It's not like we were going to be kissing anytime tonight. "Oh shit," I yelled in my head. Does he think he is getting a kiss from me? NO! NO! NO!
Although I didn't verbalize how I felt; I feel I gave plenty of signs. At no time during the night did I look Red in the eye longer than a short second. I didn't laugh at his jokes if they weren't funny (which was often). I didn't even let him walk me to my door at the end of the night. As we pulled up to my apartment I let him know he didn't have to walk me. This definitely caught him off guard. "There is a parking spot right there," he said as he pointed to a spot in front of my building. "I'm going straight upstairs," I replied. Red still looked confused, "are you sure." "Yeah," I replied. I gave him a quick hug and I could feel him trying to hold me for a second and I hopped out of the car as swiftly as humanly possible. I quickly trotted to my front entrance and disappeared behind the front door as I waived goodbye.
Usually Red sends me a sweet goodnight message, but this time he didn't. I guess he read all the signs.
At least I hope he did.
It's cold outside my house and I can feel the wind as it hits my bare face. I'm freezing. Less than 10 minutes pass before I go back upstairs, pissed. Why is he late? He knows I can't stand waiting on people. We haven't been dating long but I always make that pet peeve clear upfront.
I want to call and yell at him but I can't . My phone is dead. I had broken the charger output on Thursday and wouldn't be getting a new phone until Monday. He had no way of calling me to explain why he was late.
Before my phone died today, we scheduled a time for him to pick me up. I gave him the option of going to his house or picking me up. I told him I didn't care either way. "I'll pick you up at 7:30," he said.
As I pace back and forth in the cold air, it dawns on me. Earlier in the day when we scheduled our pick up time, I also told him to email me if he was gonna be running late. I turn towards my front gate and rushed into my apartment to check my email.
I get to my desk and their is no tower. "Why is this happening, why now," I stand there at my empty desk and think to myself. Then it hits me. My sister took the computer to be fixed. Darn. I go back outside to wait. I glance at the clock before I leave. 7:50. Ok, he should be here by now right?
Red knows my phone is broken and he is too much of a gentleman to have me wait in the cold. Five minutes pass. Still no sign of Red. I go upstairs, defeated and upset. Had I been stood up? It would serve me right for my behavior this week.
While Red was trying his best to get to know me I never let my guard down. For some reason everything he attempted to do, annoyed me. I just wasn't interested. I couldn't see him as more than a friend. He would call, I wouldn't answer. He would aim me and I had one word responses. I knew I was no longer interested and so did everyone around me. I just hadn't gotten around to telling him yet. But all the signs were there. So did I still have to say it?
I walk into my neighbors apartment (we don't knock when we visit each other) and say hello. I find him studying this lovely Saturday as usual. Naidi tells me he has his Chemistry finals this week and then he'll be free. I ask Naidi can I use his computer and he looks at me crazy for even asking. "Of course, go ahead." As I am standing there thanking him he looks me up and down and says, " Damn where you going. You looking good in my favorite color." I told him I was going to a holiday party with a friend and head to his computer. I log into my email account and it's there. Red sent me a message at 2:29pm, shortly after we scheduled our time saying he had to go to a baby shower and that he wouldn't be here until 8:30. Oops. I knew there was an explanation. I chill with my neighbor for the next 20 mins and head downstairs. He must be there now, right?
I walk out of my building and find Red coming around to open my door. 8:30 on the dot and he was here, like he said. Red greets me, "you look nice." "You do too," I say. Red did look nice, but I wasn't attracted to him. What was wrong with me? As I approach the car I notice a man is in the front seat. I expected him to get out, introduce himself and then move to the back. That didn't happen. Red opened the door to the back seat and introduced to his co worker, Cane. Cane looked short sitting in my seat, wore designer frames and had a close fade. He was hilarious the entire ride to the party. Cane's humor was a bit vulgar but it was funny. He and Red argued like a married couple so I was entertained. Since I was in the back seat I didn't feel the need to join in the conversation too much. Plus since this was just Red I also didn't feel the need to impress his friend with my vibrant personality. Cane didn't know it but he wouldn't be seeing too much of me in the future. This thing with Red would be coming to an end shortly.
We arrive at the party at 930. His company chose the same place I had my high school prom for their event. The Long Beach Aquarium was a gorgeous venue, but even I knew it was too small for the over 600 people invited to the event. Red, Cane and I looked at each other in disgust of the cramped party. Tables were everywhere, the food was gone (I was highly upset but luckily I had already eaten) and there was a 35 minute wait for a drink.
All the exhibits were amazing and the most unexpected exhibit are the ones where you can touch the various creatures like starfish, pet baby sharks and sting ray. After we took a tour of the different , we ran for the doors. Red was hungry and ready to go, so we did. Cane wanted to go to his friends holiday party right away and I told them I didn't mind after they invited me. Cane said there would be karaoke and food, neither of which really excited me but the night was still young and I didn't have any other plans. We stopped at Chili's before heading to the party.
When we arrived at the house I found myself exhausted. I hadn't done much the entire day but this night wasn't keeping my attention. I tried not to show it on my face, but I knew they could tell I was ready to leave. After an hour of listening to drunk people sing at the top of their voice, completely off key, Red took me home. Cane wasn't done partying so he stayed behind.
Red opened his front door for me this time and we headed to my house. I started think now is the time to say it. "I think we should just be friends," I repeated to myself over and over in between short bouts of mindless banter. No time seemed like the right time. And according to my friends, right now is not the right time. Red has his fraternity party the following day and no one thought I should send him there unhappy. So I obliged. I kept my mouth shut.
Halfway through the ride home, Red pulled out some gum and offered me a piece. I know I needed it since I did nibble on a few things that night, but there was no need to have fresh breath. It's not like we were going to be kissing anytime tonight. "Oh shit," I yelled in my head. Does he think he is getting a kiss from me? NO! NO! NO!
Although I didn't verbalize how I felt; I feel I gave plenty of signs. At no time during the night did I look Red in the eye longer than a short second. I didn't laugh at his jokes if they weren't funny (which was often). I didn't even let him walk me to my door at the end of the night. As we pulled up to my apartment I let him know he didn't have to walk me. This definitely caught him off guard. "There is a parking spot right there," he said as he pointed to a spot in front of my building. "I'm going straight upstairs," I replied. Red still looked confused, "are you sure." "Yeah," I replied. I gave him a quick hug and I could feel him trying to hold me for a second and I hopped out of the car as swiftly as humanly possible. I quickly trotted to my front entrance and disappeared behind the front door as I waived goodbye.
Usually Red sends me a sweet goodnight message, but this time he didn't. I guess he read all the signs.
At least I hope he did.
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