0 to 100 Real Quick

I can't sleep so I'm up thinking about my favorite topic; my dating. I had a good laugh thinking about men and how crazy they are. Fun but bat shit crazy. Just last week I ran into a guy I use to date and things (for him) went from 0 to 100 real quick. He wanted to rekindle what we had and I wanted to continue dancing my night away, alone. After we had a conversation about the ending of our little ship, he thought it was a good idea to call me the days following. Of course he was the kind of guy to pick up the phone and call, he's crazy remember.

A little background on this gentleman, I met him at an art event at the beginning of last year. We went out a few times, literally 3 times before he stopped calling. It was very clear to me that he stopped calling because I turned down his invitation for a home cooked meal.  I just wasn't ready to participate in a sleepover in the middle of a snow storm with some man I barely knew. I'm sure he wasn't use to hearing no from a woman and it was on to the next. Bye Felicia.

As he was hitting me up throughout the weekend, I was enjoying myself and being short through text. I didn't actually call him back but I would reply to text. He called me out on my evasiveness and I let him know we had some things to discuss before moving forward. After setting a time to discuss the issue I had, he was unreachable. I knew I wasn't really interested when I was relieved he didn't answer.

The events that followed showed me something I've been seeing repeatedly over the last several years, women aren't the only one's who create relationships in their head. It was clear that this man had planned out our entire relationship while failing to actually get to know who I was. Once he realized that I was not interested in anything further (he didn't realize this until after I explained it to him in three different ways) he became a complete asshole.

Here are a few highlights before and after reality set in for him:

"Morning beautiful, can't wait to wake up and roll over next to you and say that." I had kissed this man one time on our third date. He hadn't even gotten to first base and here he was talking about waking up after hitting a home run.  I didn't even respond to this part of his texting.

"You know the reason why you're hesitant to fall head over heels for me." We literally went out on 3 dates two years ago and had no communication since so yes I know the reason stranger.

"I felt like you knew I was slowing myself down so I wouldn't scare you away." Nope sir, I had no clue because you were actually too aggressive to begin with.

"I vowed to never be anybody but myself." Vowed? You vowed?!?!?

"I have no time for superficial games with women who cry wolf but don't get that wolf is a kids game!" Yeah he included the exclamation point for emphasis but I wish he would have included a guide to help me interpret his thought process. Cry wolf? Because I said I wasn't interested.

"#dropthemicimgone" Yes. He really used a hashtag in a textersation. What kind of world are we living in?

He was blocked immediately following his last message.

So glad I dodged that bullet! (Exclamation included for emphasis)

So I'm 30

I turned 30 last month and I've been trying to figure out what I could blog about in celebration of this milestone in my life. My original post was rather short so I decided to expand: Yes, I'm old and its freaking awesome. I figured that was a little too blunt and to the point, kind of like me but I knew I could say a little more.

Professionally I am exactly where I want to be.  I love what I'm doing and I see a long fulfilling career in higher education. Perks like getting 2 paid weeks off during the winter break and short Fridays in the summer are fabulous but working closely with students who are at the pinnacle of their lives is the most rewarding part.  While I was more than excited to be done with my program last year I can't say for sure I'm done with school. I'll just say for now I am taking an extended break.

Culturally I have been investing heavily in the economy by supporting jobs in the US and contributing to domestic tax revenue aka I travel a lot. I spend less money on things (although I still love a good sale) and more money on memories. This year alone I visited 5 different countries: Jamaica, Dominican Republic, Amsterdam, Belgium and France. The goal is to continue to expand my mind by traveling for as long as there is life in my body. Knowing of course that at some point I'll need to slow down but it will always be a hobby of mine. I'm happy to be in a place to enjoy the fruits of my hard labor.

In terms of health, I still run. Not as frequently as I would like sometimes but its still a part of my life. Instead of several races a year I now participate in a few throughout the year. I have a half-marathon coming up in January and I've kind of been training. It's definitely time for me to find a new health related hobby. I run, I know I can run, time to switch it up a bit. Whatever I choose will be a financial commitment so I just need to wrap my mind about that.

Also related to my health is cooking. I swear I'm getting really good. I would give my current skills a B-. I'm no chef but I can make more than spaghetti, burgers and fried chicken. During most weeks, I cook all my meals for work so I know exactly what's going into my body.

Now the good stuff, personally the end of this year has been the longest I haven't been working towards a relationship with a man. My phone is so silent since I spend less time entertaining men I don't mesh with.  My blogger name, 'Silent Scorpion' is starting to take on a new meaning. But after thinking about it, it just makes sense. I've done all the dating I need to do to know exactly who I am and what I do and don't want.  Sometimes it gets lonely having the most silent phone on the planet but I genuinely enjoy laying low and being alone. No I don't plan on having a ceremony to marry myself. It's not that serious.  I love being in a relationship, I love being the doting, caring, thoughtful partner. It's so nice to have someone who also wants the same for you but that's not where I am right now.

On the other hand, I've developed deeper relationships with some of my old friends but I've also added some new friends. Drake was wrong, new friends are great.

[Insert all encompassing ending paragraph...its midnight in LA and I'm going to bed]

Still Kissing Frogs

The most annoying thing about being a single woman and dating at 29 is everyone's assumption that I want to marry every frog I kiss. I know, my clock is ticking right? I will be 30 years old this year so I should no longer worry myself with falling in love with a guy before falling in love with idea of my dream wedding. Truth be told, I would rather forego an expensive ceremony all together. Please don't tell my friends this piece of information, they might all lose it. For me, the idea of getting married at a courthouse and buying a home with my spouse is my dream. But hey, I must kiss a few frogs before I can have that discussion with a suitor.

Since I am aging, I shouldn't be wasting my time with men who I enjoy spending time with if I don't see myself as their long-term spouse. Forget love, my eggs are about to be washed up once November comes. The luxury of getting to know, like and love suitors one day at a time has passed. Its time I settle for what's in front of me instead of waiting for passion I've had before. As we all know, my value as a woman decreases each year I am without a husband. My academic and professional accomplishments mean nothing if I do not have MRS. in front of my name.

I guess I am not like most women my age in that regard. I am in no hurry to marry. I don't want to just marry any man willing. If I were, I'd be married. There have been suitors I could have married and who would have been happy with me. I could have been comfortable and in a committed relationship. Anyone who knows me knows these two things, family is my number one priority and I need passion. Passion is something that I can't describe, it's either in a relationship or its not. I either get excited and nervous when I see a name or I get, eehh nothing.

I've been seeing a guy for several weeks now and he's awesome. He matches my awesome. I waited on telling friends about him because I knew what their reaction would be. Finally! The ever so single Silent Scorpion Serial Dater has met one man she likes. I had one friend mention how optimistic she was that I could bring him as my date to her wedding. (Her wedding is in October.) Because you know, what would I look like coming to a wedding of a dear friend without someone to boogie with. What kind of fabulous, secure and confidant woman show's up to a wedding with a room full of unhappy and happy couples alike, alone.

While the idea of my current feelings lasting over the course of several months is exciting, the pressure to do so is also a little overwhelming.

God forbid my feelings change for this guy or his change for me in the next several months because then I'll be a 30 year old woman, still kissing frogs....

Mindy is my best friend in my head...and kindle

Today was Day 3 of my modified modified Daniel Fast. That's a lot of modification but I'm committed to the modifications I made. I should be spending this time praying more and devoting more time to studying my bible but I feel like most of my idle time is spent imagining all of the awesome things I'm missing out on without social media in my life. That is a terrible thing to admit but sorry, I'm not sorry, it's the truth! (Hold on, let me pray)

[insert personal prayer I cannot share on public personal anonymous but not anonymous blog]

Although Sunday was a bit difficult due to my belief that in order to be a good friend, I occasionally must participate in things I have no interest in, I believe this year's fast is going well. I spent Sunday surrounded by so much light skin my eyes hurt. Apparently, Kappas had their founders day event in a small venue and every member who ever pledged showed up. Wait, it sounds like I'm complaining. I am not complaining at all. Because with Kappas, come beautiful polished clear (yes I said clear) well dressed men. Not really my type but they are nice to look at. Also, the game was on and so you know, I was entertained. All I had to do was throw on my obnoxious outdoor shades* indoors and watch my Chargers win! Let me revel in our win for a moment because we normally lose after this round.

Another California team who's name does deserve to be mentioned on my blog also won their game so, go Cali.

Aside from returning to my regular life known as my 9 to not really 5, usually much after 6, I have spent my evenings engulfed in Mindy Kaling's Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns). While I wait on my old school hard copy of Americanah to arrive, I needed something to hold me over in the interim and this book is perfect. Well, I'm reading it on my kindle so I am not sure I can call this a book still, can I? I am going to say that I can. After reading halfway through this book I would like to announce that Mindy is my best friend in my head. Not to be confused with my real life best friends who would be shocked to hear me say such a thing. She is hilarious, witty and sarcastic as hell...ahhh I love Mindy. Her streaming random thoughts were nicely packaged and sent to my brand new Kindle HD for consumption.

There really is no point to this post other than to a. point out that I have a new Kindle Fire HD. b. I needed some type of connection to the outside world even though no one ever comments. c. I have something to remind myself why I pray, so that I don't end up writing a 200+ word compilation of would be tweets and Facebook updates.

Alright, back to praying and reading I go.

Namaste**

*I didn't actually wear my shades inside. I hate when people do that. 
*Namaste is a common spoken valediction originating in the Indian subcontinent. See what I did there. Mindy is Indian.

Back to my roots, Thanks Beyonce

Throughout each year I add the names of books suggested by friends or people I admire to a running reading list. Lately, this list has become rather long because my thirst for reading has grown while my ability to plan out reading time to read has not. I blame this dilemma on my recent social media addiction. Instead of reading a book before going to sleep, I flip back and forth between Instagram, Twitter and Facebook.

When I went home for Christmas, I was reminded that my church was once again participating in the modified Daniel Fast. For 21 days, members of the congregation pledge to give up sweets, alcohol and meat. The point of this fast is to feed your soul, strengthen your spirit and renew your body. I always believe this is a great way to begin the year so here I am participating again in 2014. In addition, I have decided to voluntarily add social media into the mix. By doing this, I know I will be adding more time to my hands seeing as I no longer have cable and rarely go out during the week, especially when temperatures reach below 30 degrees.

While listening to Beyonce's self-titled album (I've had this album on repeat for the last few weeks and you know there's a post about the sexual female empowerment she openly discusses coming), I kept repeating the interlude by Nigerian-born writer and feminist Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie from the song 'Flawless.' The song excerpts the author’s TED Talk on feminism:

"We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller

We say to girls: “You can have ambition, but not too much

You should aim to be successful, but not too successful

Otherwise, you will threaten the man.”

Because I am female, I am expected to aspire to marriage

I am expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is most important

Now, marriage can be a source of joy and low and mutual support

But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don’t teach boys the same?

We raise girls to see each other as competitors

Not for jobs or for accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing

But for the attention of men

We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way boys are

Feminist: a person who believes in the social,

Political, and economic equality of the sexes"

I've been meaning to read 'Americanah' written by this author for a while now but Beyonce's latest self-titled album has pushed it to the top of my reading list. 

I just ordered the book and thanks to Amazon it will be here by Friday. 

Thanks Beyonce.

Goal Setting Taking Over for the 99 and 2000...14

Since I missed out on my end of the year review, I may as well begin the year with speaking some goals into existence. I don't do New Years resolutions but I do constantly reflect on my past actions and future aspirations and set goals accordingly. This list that follows will include goals that have already been making strides towards but have yet to successfully accomplish. As is normal, the will likely change throughout the year as time passes, which is why I don't call them resolutions.

Savings. I'm pretty hard on my little sister to save her money mainly because it's something I've always wanted to be good at but never have. Unless I'm saving for a trip or an item I really want, I don't normally save money for rainy days.

Traveling. Now I know I said I need to save just for the sake of saving but I love traveling. I've currently got a few stamps on my passport but 2014 will be the year I begin to add more. My fabulous closet will remain stagnant for a while just so I can do international traveling and then international shopping.

Running. Last year I successfully ran the NYC marathon but I was disappointed in my finish time. I know I can do better and I like to challenge myself physically. Running the marathon was truly a mind over matter experience I am ready to repeat. I could possibly combine my traveling with running. International marathon anyone? But it's cold outside so I need...

Another hobby. I love running but I still need a winter hobby because running in snow just isn't happening. Trust me I've tried to mentally push myself out into the 30 degree snow to run and I haven't made it out. I've been saying I would like to improve my cooking skills since I tend to stay indoors when cold white things fall from the sky. 

Church. Going home for the holidays renewed my strong desire to continue my relationship building with Him. In total I have attended 7 churches in NYC that were not places I wanted to return and call my spiritual home. However, I need my beginning of the week refresher back in my life. It's been missing and can no longer be ignored.

Love. 2013 was about opening myself up to rejection and being more vocal about my feelings. I realize that because I'm not use to verbally expressing myself, I tend to have word vomit sessions all at once. It will get better over time right? I also know when I care, I care hard. When I love, I love hard. So it's exciting. 

Happiness. With all of these things my goals is to make myself and those I care about as happy as possible. More mistakes may be made but I always find life's lessons in each of them.

"In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you."

Hello 2014. 

Besos!

*Please excuse the title of this post, I've been listening to some 90s rap pretty frequently these last couple of weeks. Plus you can tell a lot about a person by how they react when the beat to "Back That A** Up" drops.