Things Can't Get Any Worse

I woke up this morning in a very good mood. I thought about the last several months of my dating life and it dawned on me, things can't get any worse. After I was told that a date had to be canceled this weekend because the gentlemen didn't have any money for gas, I couldn't do anything but laugh. The suitor attempted to borrow his friends car but I told him that would not be necessary. He recently lost his job and I figured he should focus on getting himself together and not about "courting" me. He actually wasn't too happy with my response but well, because I care I told him not to jump through so many hurdles just to see me. There are more important things in life than dating, so he should focus on that. Honestly I am not sure I will ever see him again, the flame that I thought I was developing for him has been put out.

Even if my dating life does get worse, I'll still be sporting my million dollar smile. Why? Because at some point, they'll get better.

*shouldershrug*

Just Sit and Look Pretty

Originally this was going to be a Dating Report Card since I went out with Youngin again last week. But date 2 brought up some of the same issues as Date 1 and I decided to address those instead. Earlier this year I told a friend that the men I seriously date only have two things in common: they were all single and had working male parts. Well it seems that I lied. I’ve realized that they were also smart, well spoken and intellectual men with a good head on their shoulders. Actually they were all also good at giving…wait no no no no that’s not the point of this post, let me focus. Oh yeah they all challenged me intellectually.

At one point in every conversation with them, I would find myself thinking about something insightful they had mentioned during our rendezvous. My definition of smart does not mean that they wanted to talk about how the housing market is affecting the economy (home sales have plunged 33 percent since May if you wanted to know.) It may have been their views on why Beyonce is empowering women by wearing leotards and telling her man to put a ring on it. I really had an intelligent debate about this very topic (that's not really his views those were mine.) The way he could vocalize his opinion, like a few had before him, and actually make me question my own was so damn sexy. No matter which ex “ship” I discuss, I can name a conversation, usually early on, that made me say hmm this is one smart cookie and I want a bite.

Unfortunately the same cannot be same for Youngin. At several points during our boat ride, (I made it for the ride this time!) I found myself looking completely intrigued by the words that were coming out of his cute mouth. Not because they were thought provoking but because Youngin thought his flawed logic actually made for a good defense. In between him giving me a rose and whispering sweet nothings in my ear, I discovered that he probably has a few hidden blond streaks in his beautiful mane. I bet if I shook him hard enough I would hear his brain rolling around. Okay that’s harsh (and very extreme) but you get my drift. He is a cutie none the less so I want to keep him around. Don’t judge me.

What do YOU think I should do? Should I call it quits since I think this won’t lead anywhere, or continue seeing him because he’s fun to be around? I mean I know me, I'm most attracted to a man's mind and I'm already questioning where his head is at. (too easy) Have you ever continued dating someone even when you thought there was no future?
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Just call me PUMA

All of the above come to mind when I think of Youngin. He's such a cutie. (I seem to use this phrase a lot when referring to him so get used to it) But he is 2.5 years my junior. Something I am not really accustomed to. So I have affectionately nicknamed him Youngin.

He was slow to approach last week when I met him at his Fraternity's Anniversary function. We caught a few glances and mouthed hello to each other before we finally sat down to speak. After a few games of Dominoes with a couple of his "brothers" we exchanged information. Honestly after our first phone conversation, I wasn't planning on going out with Youngin. After speaking on the phone for about an hour I was left with bald patches and stress wrinkles. I couldn't believe half of the things that were coming out his mouth. Check my twitter timeline for further details. Somehow we made it past the mind numbing conversation to a public venue. I didn't ask any questions about what he had planned, which in retrospect I should have because I unknowingly ruined the first part of our date.

Date Report Card:

Punctuality: B-

Since our first activity was in Long Beach, I told him that I would drive from my home to meet him at his. But I was preoccupied with my days activities and didn't make it to Long Beach til almost 7. When I got there, he was not home. I called to let him know I was exiting the freeway and he said he was on his way back from making a quick run to the store. Obviously he didn't understand when I said I'd be there in an hour, I meant it. As soon as he made it back, he changed and we were on our way. At my first opportunity I called him out on his tardiness and it was a topic of conversation at several points through out the night.

Dress: B

He literally ran upstairs and threw some clothes on and came back down. I thought his collared shirt and plaid flat cap were super cute (again with the cuteness I just wanted to pinch his cheeks.) but due to the time constraint or maybe his disinterest in walking around without wrinkles, his wrinkled sweater was made his outfit appear a bit unkept.

Creativity: A+

We were supposed to go on a boat ride!! He broke my heart when he told me that was the original plan. Since we never actually agreed on a meet up time, I assumed we were going to meet up around 8pm. He even called me at 4pm and asked me how much longer I'd be running errands but never once told me I needed to be there by a certain time. Oh well. Instead we walked around downtown Long Beach to find things to get into. We had dinner at a local restaurant. He attempted to take me on a carousel ride while we waited for our table. Unfortunately for him I am petrified being any higher than 6 feet off the ground. We spent some time in Borders, I was looking for Accidental Diva which of course they didn't have. And took a walk on the pier.

Chivalry: A++

Youngin made sure to open every door, walk on the correct side of the street at all times and even lend a helping hand every time I needed to get up from a seat. But thats not what got him the two pluses. His friendly laid back demeanor did. No matter where we were, he spoke to everyone. Waiters, other patrons, random encounters with the Famous Dave Pig. If you were breathing, he was speaking.

Chemistry: A-

Unlike our phone conversation, there were hardly any uncomfortable pauses. There were however heated debates. I appreciated that he knew how to listen to what I had to say on a subject but still stand behind his own. He held his own against me. I can admit I was being a little bit of a bitch. (Kerry's words not mine) But he didn't let me walk all over him.

Overall: B

Youngin is such a cutie. I definitely plan on seeing him again but if he's late again... I don't want to give any more away then I already have so thats all you're getting out of me. :-)

Busy??

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=spD-hN3qZX8]

"I have to wash my hair."

"I'm babysitting my cousin tonight"

"We're gonna hang out soon I've just been swamped."

No one is ever that busy! I've used all of these excuses to get out of spending time with someone I was semi-interested in. The key word here is semi. If I was genuinely, head over heels in like with someone, none of those excuses would ever stand between me and him. It doesn’t matter what’s going on in my life, if I’m truly attracted to someone, I will make time for them. If I’m not that concerned with making our friendship grow and they catch me online or I accidentally answer the phone, I won’t be rude. I’ll hold a short conversation, while secretly plotting how to get out of it. I absolutely hate when they catch me slipping. Since I know that the rule of "busy-ness" goes for men too, I know when one isn’t feeling me.

Whenever a guy starts to fall off and he apologizes because he is too busy, I immediately put him in the friend category. There is no way I can take a guy like this seriously. If Diddy can get two women, living on opposite sides of the country pregnant at the same time, surely you can pick up the phone to call me. I'll probably continue to see him as long as he is not flaky, but inconsistency will not be rewarded.

I’m not one of those girls that require a lot of attention either. I have my own life, my own friends, and my own priorities and passions. I am not trying to take you away from what’s making you money, money you’re hopefully using on me, since you claim to be working. Trust, I know you need time to do that. But please believe I will not sit at home waiting by the phone, in hopes that you will call. I will not repeatedly be cancelled on in place of some thing else you consider more important. I know this to be true, most people aren’t that busy. Instead I understand that they just aren’t that interested.

So the next time someone of the opposite sex is slow to respond to your messages and/or return your phone calls, you have two options, you can give them the benefit of the doubt and wait for their call or you can take a hint and see more people. It doesn’t necessarily mean you have to cut them off either, just keep your options open.

Doing Some Laundry Pt. 2

A few weeks ago, I was having a mixed sex conversation about physical preferences with a group of friends. And as many males do, this one male acquaintance went in tough on the type of woman he prefers.

“She has to be tall, thick but not too thick, light skin, with long curly pool hair.”

As a proud caramel kinky-haired girl, I am not offended by these types of remarks. Every person has the right to date whoever they chose. And because I don’t really know him that well, I wasn’t going to attempt to school him on how many beautiful women he was losing out on by having such a narrow list.

BUT, then he went on, “I can’t date any girl my complexion or darker. Dark skinned women are not cute.” Houston, now we have a problem! Its one thing to praise certain physical traits because they are what makes your soldier stand at attention but to demean another in the process; that’s when I have a difficulty sitting by and remaining silent.

I am all for knowing what you like and standing by those desires. Take this past week for example. I was having another conversation with a black male I had never met before that night about the Lakers (I’m a diehard fan by the way, don’t mess with my team!) when Grace informed the group that the guy I was having a conversation with doesn’t date black girls. (Silent shrug) I turned to him in a non-threatening, I’m here to listen manner and asked him "Why?" He gave me his list of reasons, which he couldn’t even confidently verbalize, and all I said was "Okay." It’s not my place, nor my desire, to change every man or woman’s idea of beauty. I truly believe in the overused idiom, “to each their own.”

Whether you prefer extremely tall, skinny but not too skinny, kinky-hair, glasses-wearing women like myself or light skinned, normal height women like Grace it doesn’t bother me one bit. I know it’s a fact that I’m not every man’s fantasy girl (although at times you can’t tell me NATHAN.) However using derogatory words when describing your undesirable excluded pool of women is when you’ll get my neck rolling and finger shaking. In this case, I didn’t see the point in trying to have an in depth conversation with that acquaintance, so I made a conscious decision never to speak on the subject again. This isn’t going to be that hard seeing as I don’t interact with him very often. And if he asks about any of my light-skinned curly haired girlfriends (which he did by the way) I’ll be sure to inform them of his “preferences.”

Guest Blogger: Can a Man Change?

Submitted by A.B.C. Analyst


A few days ago I got a Facebook message from an old girlfriend telling me that a guy from high school wanted my number. I blindly respond to her request asking no questions and having no idea who it might be. She gave me a break down and who it was and I guess my curiosity caused me to reach out to him. I told him I wasn't interested but he would not take no for an answer. His persistency is beginning to ware me down. He continues to explain to me how much he cares about me, never stopped thinking about me and wants me to be his girl. He then went on to ask "what do you want, what do you need?" Questions, I am just really not use to EVER hearing from a man let alone a man that I was once head over heels for.

I'm totally myself around him and he always knows how to make me smile. He assures me that he would be faithful and he's a different man from high school. He says, "If I knew a quarter of the things I know now you would have been my girl and I would have been married you by now."

Here's a little background info: In high school we weren't together but he was the first guy I fell for (we were talking for a few months) and first guy to break my heart after finding out he slept with a girl friend of mine and had a girlfriend at the time. Being that we were "low key" my girl friend had no idea he and I were talking. Granted this was high school and we are both adults now I am still skeptical. I'm torn on whether or not I want to open that door again? You never forget your first broken heart.

Ladies so what do you do when an old boo contacts you and basically says, "I messed up can you give me another chance."

Sometimes the apple falls to the left of the same tree

As I have mentioned a few times in some of my posts, my sister and I have different ideas about life. From food to style, we sometimes butt heads on what’s right and wrong for her. She’s younger, so yes I’m just referring to the things I want her to do versus the things she chooses to do. One of our biggest differences is dating. I am pretty stuck in my ways and sometimes I find that she is too. I was recently telling her about how I don’t like this guy she is seeing (I think I’ve liked one in the last 23 years of her life). She dated him in the past and now he wants to come back.

I stressed to her the importance of not letting him half step. That if he wanted to spend time with her, he would need to put effort in getting to know the lovely young lady she has become. My recommendation was that he court her all over again, for the first time. When they originally dated she was in High School and highly doubt he put any effort in at that time. I told her he needs to take her out and spend time in social settings. Her response made my heart stop.

“How do I do that without sounding like a gold-digger?”

What?!?! Gold Digger.?? My first reaction: The boy has no gold to dig for. I took a second to cry in the bathroom and pull myself together; well not really I’m just being dramatic. I told her that asking a guy to spend time doing things you like to do does not make you a gold digger; even if it requires spending some money. Activities she could eventually chip in on if she liked him.

Where did I go wrong? I thought my sister was moving forward with her ideas on dating. Apparently she turned left somewhere where I told her to go right. I know her G.P.S. will lead her back to the correct path if it’s the last thing I do. I automate it anyway. Having her deal with men that are worthy of her time is higher on my list of priorities than my dating issues.