So much has happened in the last 2 weeks, yet nothing has changed. I don’t have time to go into detail yet because I am a bit behind at work due to my back to back vacations. Let me just give you bullet points about Detroit. I went to the Stoplight party (red=taken, green=available, and yellow=confused) he invited me to. I had a little courage juice and had the courage to tell him a little bit of what was on my mind.
I never realized how bright red was. I was blinded by his RED not ORANGE outfit. For that reason, I just couldn’t completely put myself out there. I’ve run the scenario over in my head repeatedly for the last 2 weeks. I’ve also told everyone who would listen that I can’t stop thinking about this man, but I am too afraid to tell this man the truth.
Does he deserve to know how I feel? Most definitely, especially after my behavior at his party. I was in no way sloppy drunk, but I was heavily inebriated and somehow by the end of the night, I had told every person who would listen that I came to the party just for Detroit and that there was no other man in that party for me. (I am so blaming all of those nights’ events on the alcohol.) Don’t get me wrong, the party was full of plenty of attractive, tall, handsome bachelors who were also in green, but I just wasn’t checkin’ for any of them. (What is my problem, right?!?!)
Even after making an ass of myself, I don’t plan on doing anything about my situation. (Slaps self in the back of the head.) Because I still doubt what I want our future to hold, I don’t want to disrupt his. He seems happy so I will let him be.
Is it me, or are my sheets getting colder every night? Oh well, I guess I’ll have to pull my bed warmer out of my trunk sooner than I expected and I'm not talking about extra blankets or a heater…
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Top 5 Topics to Avoid on a First Date
After yesterday's...experience, I feel the need to point out a few topics that definitely should not be discussed on a first date. I thought all men already knew these but alas they don't.
1. Sex – Do I really need to explain this one. This is a number one no no on a first and second date. I don’t want to know the last time you had it, when you plan on getting it or how you see me being involved in it. If you are looking for a one night stand, you are barking up the wrong 6 foot tree.
2. Money – If I know how much you make and it’s not because we work in the same company and I once had your exact same position than that’s a problem. If you don’t have money, I understand that. Dating is expensive, especially in LA but try and be creative. Do me a favor and think outside of the box. Can you spend time thinking of cheap ways of having fun instead of blatantly telling me you don’t have any money so we can’t go out. I don’t kick it on a first or second date, so don’t try and invite yourself over so you can go through my fridge.
If you have a lot of money, I don’t want to know that either. You will look desperate to buy my attention if you offer trips on a first or second date. I say these things because they have really happened to me, really they have. Your money is your money, not my money. We aren’t in a relationship; there is no need to fly me around the world and back. (Unless you really really want to)
3. Ex or past relationships – If you call your ex crazy during our first couple of conversations and she wasn’t recently checked into a mental institute, than I may actually think you are the crazy one. I have had bad relationships, so I understand not everyone is a match, but when all I know is your name, I don’t need details on your last breakup. If you get all animated and keyed up when relieving the break up, I will think you are not over your ex and that it not a good look.
4. Future Relationship – Please stay away from words like we, us and our. I don’t know you from sliced bread; I don’t need you planning our future before I have had a chance to get to know you. If you say something about ‘our kids,’ I will mentally end the date, until I can physically and safely remove myself from your presence. If somehow it comes up that you plan on having a child before you are 30 and it doesn't necessarily have to be in a marraige AND you are currently 28 and 4 months, I will excuse myself to the restroom and never return.
5. Complaining of any kind - If you tell me you hate your job, your family and everything else in between, I will recommend that you get your life together before contacting me again. I am all about helping a man get where he wants to be and being a support system to make sure he gets there, but if you aren't already on the path to your personal success I can't be the leaping pad you need to get there. Overall I will think that you are an unhappy, grumpy person and that isn't the kind of person I want to be around. Instead focus on the things that are going right in your life, so I can see that you are happy about the accomplishments you have made. You have made some right? Remember, I'm talking about the first date.
...I have to add Pet Names – My name is SiSi. Not honey, not sweetie, and I’m definitely not your baby. If you call me a pet name, I will immediately correct you. I don’t get a warm fuzzy feeling when you call me by another name. I just met you so work on saying my real name before you think of a new name for me. I like my name a lot as a matter of fact. Don’t get me wrong, if we do continue dating, you have every right to switch it up a bit. And at some point baby may be appropriate. But if we have just sat down for our first meal, stick to SiSi. Please.
There are plenty more that come to mind, these are just my top 5. If there is any reference to any of the aformentioned, I immediately mentally check out of a date.
Do you have any to add? What is your top 5
1. Sex – Do I really need to explain this one. This is a number one no no on a first and second date. I don’t want to know the last time you had it, when you plan on getting it or how you see me being involved in it. If you are looking for a one night stand, you are barking up the wrong 6 foot tree.
2. Money – If I know how much you make and it’s not because we work in the same company and I once had your exact same position than that’s a problem. If you don’t have money, I understand that. Dating is expensive, especially in LA but try and be creative. Do me a favor and think outside of the box. Can you spend time thinking of cheap ways of having fun instead of blatantly telling me you don’t have any money so we can’t go out. I don’t kick it on a first or second date, so don’t try and invite yourself over so you can go through my fridge.
If you have a lot of money, I don’t want to know that either. You will look desperate to buy my attention if you offer trips on a first or second date. I say these things because they have really happened to me, really they have. Your money is your money, not my money. We aren’t in a relationship; there is no need to fly me around the world and back. (Unless you really really want to)
3. Ex or past relationships – If you call your ex crazy during our first couple of conversations and she wasn’t recently checked into a mental institute, than I may actually think you are the crazy one. I have had bad relationships, so I understand not everyone is a match, but when all I know is your name, I don’t need details on your last breakup. If you get all animated and keyed up when relieving the break up, I will think you are not over your ex and that it not a good look.
4. Future Relationship – Please stay away from words like we, us and our. I don’t know you from sliced bread; I don’t need you planning our future before I have had a chance to get to know you. If you say something about ‘our kids,’ I will mentally end the date, until I can physically and safely remove myself from your presence. If somehow it comes up that you plan on having a child before you are 30 and it doesn't necessarily have to be in a marraige AND you are currently 28 and 4 months, I will excuse myself to the restroom and never return.
5. Complaining of any kind - If you tell me you hate your job, your family and everything else in between, I will recommend that you get your life together before contacting me again. I am all about helping a man get where he wants to be and being a support system to make sure he gets there, but if you aren't already on the path to your personal success I can't be the leaping pad you need to get there. Overall I will think that you are an unhappy, grumpy person and that isn't the kind of person I want to be around. Instead focus on the things that are going right in your life, so I can see that you are happy about the accomplishments you have made. You have made some right? Remember, I'm talking about the first date.
...I have to add Pet Names – My name is SiSi. Not honey, not sweetie, and I’m definitely not your baby. If you call me a pet name, I will immediately correct you. I don’t get a warm fuzzy feeling when you call me by another name. I just met you so work on saying my real name before you think of a new name for me. I like my name a lot as a matter of fact. Don’t get me wrong, if we do continue dating, you have every right to switch it up a bit. And at some point baby may be appropriate. But if we have just sat down for our first meal, stick to SiSi. Please.
There are plenty more that come to mind, these are just my top 5. If there is any reference to any of the aformentioned, I immediately mentally check out of a date.
Do you have any to add? What is your top 5
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
The Hook Up: You be the judge
I finally let a friend set me up. TStar is a coworker of a good friend of mine and she wasted no time in setting me up with him after finding out that I might be open to it. Actually, she previously tried to hook me up with a strange man in a bar but I told her not to do that again. Now she had the green light and didn’t want to waste a moment.
It was his 2nd day on the job and she had already given him my stats and asked if he was interested. After we swapped pictures and my friend gave me his rundown, we exchanged information.
TStar was nothing I would have picked for myself because everything I said I didn’t want he possessed: a child from a previous relationship (baby momma drama he hid from my friend,) he was height challenged (1-inch shorter than me) and was losing his apartment within the next month. (no place of his own.) I will give my friend credit because he hid those things (except the height) during her interrogation.
There was nothing spectacular to report about our first date so I didn’t feel the need to blog. Yes, there was a mutual physical attraction, but I wasn’t impressed by our conversation. We spoke the night before for a few hours, but seeing him in person brought up some unappealing habits. Even with that, I went on date two. I wanted to make sure I wasn’t jumping the gun on cutting him off.
I met him at his house and we decided to take one car. First thing I noticed is that he wasn’t prepared. Before we even got to his car, TStar asked me if I had cash to pay for parking because he didn’t have any. Parking in LA is an easy dub. I couldn’t believe that before we had left his house he was already asking me to my spend money. Now don’t get me wrong, I have no problem paying for things, but it has to be my choice, I refuse to be told.
I agreed to pay for parking before I realized I didn’t have any cash. I usually carry cash but I had gone out the night before and spent it on shots of cranberry. At this point I figured TStar would go to his bank and withdraw the proper funds but instead he told me he didn’t know if he could and asked what bank I used.
Really?!?! (Someone please tell me where the BET Hell Date cameras are right now!)
Without going into too much more detail, because I an still in disbelief about the date, here are a few other red flags I noticed.
Foul mouth – TStar repeatedly raised his voice and cursed when he saw the price of parking. I cannot stand a man with a foul mouth. I can deal with an occasional curse word but I felt TStar thought he was trying out for the cursing Olympics with the language he used.
Cheap ass – He attempted to park 4 blocks away from the place we were going. Uh hem, excuse me. You want me to walk my cute butt 4 blocks in the middle of the freezing night, I think not. The only reason we parked closer was because we found discount parking.
Proud to be a cheap ass – He asked the parking attendant for his money back. I’m not kidding, this really happened. After we parked in the 10 dollar lot, we went to the bowling alley and there was a 2 hour wait. I knew I didn’t want to be around him for that long so I said I didn’t want to wait. We went back to the parking lot to get his car and leave and he began to bargain with the parking attendant. TStar let the attendant know that he was only here for 10 minutes and that he should get his money back. Although he didn’t get a full refund, he did walk away with 5 dollars that he was very pleased with and proud of.
Lacked chivalry – When we met at his house he didn’t open my door or any door for that matter. He would run in first and hold the door long enough for it not to bump me in my ass. At the movie theater, he didn’t ask me to pay for things he told me I had two options. Pay for the ticket or the refreshments and popcorn. I told him he could pay for the tickets and that I didn’t need any popcorn or soft drinks. Not sure how it happened, but he got a drink out of me.
Too forward – I won’t even get into what he said, but sexual comments on a second date are not cool with me. Relax and take a minute to get to know me. Can you even tell me my last name while you’re making comments like that? This is why I drive my own car.
In Denial – He called his baby momma crazy and insinuated that she was a slut for having 4 baby daddies. Partna, don’t you know you are one of them. What does that make you?
I could go on and on, but I’m still too shocked. All of that happened on just one date. I spent the entire night waiting for the little black man in a red devil's suit to jump out and scream "HELL DATE!" It never happened. I wasn't on a reality show, this was actually my date.
Obviously I won't be going out with him again but the question is: Will I let a friend hook me up again?
Well the verdict is in….maybe. Surprising right? I’m an optimistic person so I’m trying to stay positive and believe that this didn’t work out because, well it didn’t. But that it doesn’t mean that a hook up couldn’t.
Should I try this again?
It was his 2nd day on the job and she had already given him my stats and asked if he was interested. After we swapped pictures and my friend gave me his rundown, we exchanged information.
TStar was nothing I would have picked for myself because everything I said I didn’t want he possessed: a child from a previous relationship (baby momma drama he hid from my friend,) he was height challenged (1-inch shorter than me) and was losing his apartment within the next month. (no place of his own.) I will give my friend credit because he hid those things (except the height) during her interrogation.
There was nothing spectacular to report about our first date so I didn’t feel the need to blog. Yes, there was a mutual physical attraction, but I wasn’t impressed by our conversation. We spoke the night before for a few hours, but seeing him in person brought up some unappealing habits. Even with that, I went on date two. I wanted to make sure I wasn’t jumping the gun on cutting him off.
I met him at his house and we decided to take one car. First thing I noticed is that he wasn’t prepared. Before we even got to his car, TStar asked me if I had cash to pay for parking because he didn’t have any. Parking in LA is an easy dub. I couldn’t believe that before we had left his house he was already asking me to my spend money. Now don’t get me wrong, I have no problem paying for things, but it has to be my choice, I refuse to be told.
I agreed to pay for parking before I realized I didn’t have any cash. I usually carry cash but I had gone out the night before and spent it on shots of cranberry. At this point I figured TStar would go to his bank and withdraw the proper funds but instead he told me he didn’t know if he could and asked what bank I used.
Really?!?! (Someone please tell me where the BET Hell Date cameras are right now!)
Without going into too much more detail, because I an still in disbelief about the date, here are a few other red flags I noticed.
Foul mouth – TStar repeatedly raised his voice and cursed when he saw the price of parking. I cannot stand a man with a foul mouth. I can deal with an occasional curse word but I felt TStar thought he was trying out for the cursing Olympics with the language he used.
Cheap ass – He attempted to park 4 blocks away from the place we were going. Uh hem, excuse me. You want me to walk my cute butt 4 blocks in the middle of the freezing night, I think not. The only reason we parked closer was because we found discount parking.
Proud to be a cheap ass – He asked the parking attendant for his money back. I’m not kidding, this really happened. After we parked in the 10 dollar lot, we went to the bowling alley and there was a 2 hour wait. I knew I didn’t want to be around him for that long so I said I didn’t want to wait. We went back to the parking lot to get his car and leave and he began to bargain with the parking attendant. TStar let the attendant know that he was only here for 10 minutes and that he should get his money back. Although he didn’t get a full refund, he did walk away with 5 dollars that he was very pleased with and proud of.
Lacked chivalry – When we met at his house he didn’t open my door or any door for that matter. He would run in first and hold the door long enough for it not to bump me in my ass. At the movie theater, he didn’t ask me to pay for things he told me I had two options. Pay for the ticket or the refreshments and popcorn. I told him he could pay for the tickets and that I didn’t need any popcorn or soft drinks. Not sure how it happened, but he got a drink out of me.
Too forward – I won’t even get into what he said, but sexual comments on a second date are not cool with me. Relax and take a minute to get to know me. Can you even tell me my last name while you’re making comments like that? This is why I drive my own car.
In Denial – He called his baby momma crazy and insinuated that she was a slut for having 4 baby daddies. Partna, don’t you know you are one of them. What does that make you?
I could go on and on, but I’m still too shocked. All of that happened on just one date. I spent the entire night waiting for the little black man in a red devil's suit to jump out and scream "HELL DATE!" It never happened. I wasn't on a reality show, this was actually my date.
Obviously I won't be going out with him again but the question is: Will I let a friend hook me up again?
Well the verdict is in….maybe. Surprising right? I’m an optimistic person so I’m trying to stay positive and believe that this didn’t work out because, well it didn’t. But that it doesn’t mean that a hook up couldn’t.
Should I try this again?
Friday, April 3, 2009
April Recap: Try and Keep Up
I knew that the long list I had last month wouldn't last. And boy am I more at ease now that I don't have to keep up with who said or did what and where they came from and etc.
Here they are, in no particular order:
1. Chicago – We have a date. He will be out here next month on business and is coming 2 days early to see me.
2. Mr. IE – Same as before. He is a friend. We still flirt and play catch up a couple of times a week.
3. K2 – Its just not gonna happen. I don't think he understands that I am not interested because he continues to hit me up. Sad to say, but if I'm bored and hungry on a weekend, I know just who to call.
4. Mr. AOS – Too inconsistent for my tastes. I tried to make it work but he wasn't willing to put in the effort I think I deserve. He is good at taking a hint because I haven't heard from him since I gave him one.
5. Detroit – We are just friends. Sorry about the April fools joke. I couldn't help myself.
6. TStar- I will talk about him when I am good and ready. Not too much to tell yet.
0. Si Si (That's me) – Not as exhausted as before trying to keep up.
Here they are, in no particular order:
1. Chicago – We have a date. He will be out here next month on business and is coming 2 days early to see me.
2. Mr. IE – Same as before. He is a friend. We still flirt and play catch up a couple of times a week.
3. K2 – Its just not gonna happen. I don't think he understands that I am not interested because he continues to hit me up. Sad to say, but if I'm bored and hungry on a weekend, I know just who to call.
4. Mr. AOS – Too inconsistent for my tastes. I tried to make it work but he wasn't willing to put in the effort I think I deserve. He is good at taking a hint because I haven't heard from him since I gave him one.
5. Detroit – We are just friends. Sorry about the April fools joke. I couldn't help myself.
6. TStar- I will talk about him when I am good and ready. Not too much to tell yet.
0. Si Si (That's me) – Not as exhausted as before trying to keep up.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
The Truth: 6pm came and left
I have something to confess...
I thought yesterday was a great day for an April fools joke but unfortunately I ended up being the biggest victim in my own game. The first part about Detroit moving on (by declaring he was orange) is true. The second part about me telling him how I feel, is not true. I tried to make myself okay with his color status, but I'm not completely sure and writing about my feelings made me realize it more. He seems so happy to have finally moved on and I’m happy for him, kind of. Honestly, I don’t want to start something with him that I am not going to be 100% committed to.
So, Happy April fools! I guess...
I thought yesterday was a great day for an April fools joke but unfortunately I ended up being the biggest victim in my own game. The first part about Detroit moving on (by declaring he was orange) is true. The second part about me telling him how I feel, is not true. I tried to make myself okay with his color status, but I'm not completely sure and writing about my feelings made me realize it more. He seems so happy to have finally moved on and I’m happy for him, kind of. Honestly, I don’t want to start something with him that I am not going to be 100% committed to.
So, Happy April fools! I guess...
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Is it 6pm yet?
This morning I got the nerve to do something all my friends have been encouraging me to do for a while. Something that I thought would take another 5 years for me to have the courage and sense to do. It’s kind of ridiculous now that I realize how much time I have wasted by not saying something to him sooner.
For the last few weeks I have been thinking a lot about Detroit and our situation. I never had a concrete reason to not be with him. I think SiSi Fierce decided she wanted to run a muck as long as possible and who was I to stand in her way. But lately, SiSi hasn’t been feeling so fierce. Dating all these guys have left me completely unfulfilled and I have continued to compare all of them to Detroit. I had been contemplating when I should tell him how I was feeling for several days, but I wasn’t sure of the timing.
Yesterday I got the sign I needed. I couldn’t handle what Detroit told me in a text conversation. Apparently Detroit has been seeing someone. I didn’t think it was that serious, we have both been dating other people for a while now and nothing has ever come from it for the both of us. So, even when he told me about this girl a couple of months ago I didn’t think twice about it. How could he have the same chemistry we have, with some other chick so soon?
Detroit told me he was planning a stop light party. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the theme party I’ll give you a briefing. At a stoplight party you are only allowed to wear 3 colors: red, green or yellow. I think some of you get where I am going with this.
Red- Completely unavailable
Yellow-Proceed with caution (almost off the market)
Green- Available (I’m usually green at these shindigs.)
Detroit asked me what color I’d be wearing and I flirted around the question before answering, green. I nonchalantly asked him the same question and he replied with orange.
ORANGE, wtf?!?!
How could he reply orange? Orange. That’s worse than yellow. That to me means he is red by her standards and almost by his own. I started thinking, when the heck did this happen. It probably happened between the 19 months it’s been since we last dated. I always thought he’d be around so I wasn’t in a hurry to profess my undying love. I always used the excuse that I am young and dumb as a reason not to say something. After he dropped that bomb, I ended our conversation and didn't speak a word to him for the rest of the day.
That is until this morning.
I thought about it all night and decided to stop playing games. I liked Detroit and I want to be with him now, not 5 years from now when I finally decided to put SiSi Fierce to bed.
As soon as I arrived at work, I called Detroit and laid my heart on the line. Our conversation started off with his concern at my frantic phone call that came in the whee hours of the morning. I cut him off and told him that I am tired of playing games and depriving myself of time we could be spending together. I let him know that my feelings for him were strong and that I didn’t want to be with anyone. He was speechless. It wasn’t exactly what I had expected. As he started to reply I cut him off again.
I told him that I don’t want to ruin things with the girl he was dating and that I had been thinking about him long before I knew there was another girl. I told him that I didn’t need a response right away and for him to call me later tonight when he gets off work. I told him to have a good day and that I was looking forward to speaking to him soon.
Now I'm at work constantly looking at the clock to see what time it is. It's only 11 am so I know this is gonna be a long day.
Is it me or is time moving really slow right now?
For the last few weeks I have been thinking a lot about Detroit and our situation. I never had a concrete reason to not be with him. I think SiSi Fierce decided she wanted to run a muck as long as possible and who was I to stand in her way. But lately, SiSi hasn’t been feeling so fierce. Dating all these guys have left me completely unfulfilled and I have continued to compare all of them to Detroit. I had been contemplating when I should tell him how I was feeling for several days, but I wasn’t sure of the timing.
Yesterday I got the sign I needed. I couldn’t handle what Detroit told me in a text conversation. Apparently Detroit has been seeing someone. I didn’t think it was that serious, we have both been dating other people for a while now and nothing has ever come from it for the both of us. So, even when he told me about this girl a couple of months ago I didn’t think twice about it. How could he have the same chemistry we have, with some other chick so soon?
Detroit told me he was planning a stop light party. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the theme party I’ll give you a briefing. At a stoplight party you are only allowed to wear 3 colors: red, green or yellow. I think some of you get where I am going with this.
Red- Completely unavailable
Yellow-Proceed with caution (almost off the market)
Green- Available (I’m usually green at these shindigs.)
Detroit asked me what color I’d be wearing and I flirted around the question before answering, green. I nonchalantly asked him the same question and he replied with orange.
ORANGE, wtf?!?!
How could he reply orange? Orange. That’s worse than yellow. That to me means he is red by her standards and almost by his own. I started thinking, when the heck did this happen. It probably happened between the 19 months it’s been since we last dated. I always thought he’d be around so I wasn’t in a hurry to profess my undying love. I always used the excuse that I am young and dumb as a reason not to say something. After he dropped that bomb, I ended our conversation and didn't speak a word to him for the rest of the day.
That is until this morning.
I thought about it all night and decided to stop playing games. I liked Detroit and I want to be with him now, not 5 years from now when I finally decided to put SiSi Fierce to bed.
As soon as I arrived at work, I called Detroit and laid my heart on the line. Our conversation started off with his concern at my frantic phone call that came in the whee hours of the morning. I cut him off and told him that I am tired of playing games and depriving myself of time we could be spending together. I let him know that my feelings for him were strong and that I didn’t want to be with anyone. He was speechless. It wasn’t exactly what I had expected. As he started to reply I cut him off again.
I told him that I don’t want to ruin things with the girl he was dating and that I had been thinking about him long before I knew there was another girl. I told him that I didn’t need a response right away and for him to call me later tonight when he gets off work. I told him to have a good day and that I was looking forward to speaking to him soon.
Now I'm at work constantly looking at the clock to see what time it is. It's only 11 am so I know this is gonna be a long day.
Is it me or is time moving really slow right now?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)