Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Never Settling For Anything Less Than Butterflies

You ever want something so bad, you accept good enough because you're tired of waiting. I almost made the mistake of doing just that. I got so comfortable in what we had that I ignored all of the things we didn't. The biggest blow to my ego was when you weren't willing to do the same. We both knew we weren't "perfect" for each other, but the companionship was there. It was cool to have someone with whom I could call when I got out of class or could vent to after a terrible day at work. So for the time being, I was more than content.

Did you give me butterflies? No. A tingle maybe but I've had overwhelming butterflies before and it just wasn't there. I've had butterflies where nothing else in the world doesn't mattered because that one person makes me feel like it shouldn't. Even though I didn't get to see Mr. Butterflies often, when his phone number would flash across my phone, an matching smile would overcome my face. But me and you, we didn't have anything remotely close to this feeling. I want to thank you for being man enough to recognize it AND end us before good enough got in the way of butterflies.

At first the hardest part about our ending was the fact that you let me go first. Today, I can clearly say eventually our relationship would have ran it's course long before the year ended. My ego was bruised when you beat me to it ending it. I hate losing! We had the perfect cuddle buddle situation going on and that ended before winter did. We both used each other and that's okay because once my ego recovered, I realized that we weren't right for anything more than what we had.

People come into your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime. The season was short, the reason was companionship and I'll have a lifetime to thank you for leaving when you did. Especially once I find my lifetime who gives me butterflies.

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Update: I've looked over this blog post before and when I wrote it, I knew it wasn't true. Did you give me butterflies? Hell yes you did. You made me feel so happy and cared for. So when things ended, I couldn't accept that it was something that I did wrong, it had to be something else, someone else. It had to be your fault. I came up with the idea that you just weren't good for me and ran with it. Was it true? Doesn't matter because I  believed it. So much so that I wrote this post. Even when I realized that it was a lie, I left it because it covered my tracks. It helped me say, self you guys just didn't mesh, you don't miss him, you don't want him. Move on.


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