There was a time when, "Do you have any kids?" was the third question I asked a new guy. Right after, "Are you single" and "How tall are you?" If he says yes to being single, is anything over 6 '6" and he's cute, I sometimes forget to even ask for a name.*wipes drool*
Back to the point at hand. Kids. Yes kids. No kids. I don't do kids. I make a conscious effort not to date a man with children. If at any point in our initial conversation, any reference to beautiful cooing annoying crying child is made: I mentally check out. At this age kids are not something I want to/have to/need to deal with. Yes I know, just because I'm dating someone with kids doesn't mean I have to become an instant step-mom. But I'm spoiled, and I need as much attention as possible. Besides his job, my mans focus needs to be me. You can call me selfish if you want. I won't be offended. At 25**, with no kids or attachments of my own, I am. Proudly so as a matter of fact.
That brings me to this weekend and why this subject came up in the first place. I had the pleasure of spending the weekend with a group of friends, some old and some brand new. We spent the next two days chilling, enjoying the city that was not our own, and talking about what normal mixed crowds do. The ups and downs of relationships. What we liked. What we didn't like. You know the usual. The weekend ended and we all went back to our regular lives.
These next few days we all added each other on Facebook to continue building our new-found friendships. I must say I was caught off guard when I was perusing through one of my new friends' Facebook pictures and saw two beautiful children.
Pause.
Kids.
Not one, but two!
This man never mentioned he had any kids. All the other people I was with at some point during the two-day weekend mentioned their little one's at home. But not him. We won't even get into the fact that he never mentioned he's possibly engaged to the mother of these children. That's a whole other post.
Does this happen a lot? Do people not mention their kids unless directly asked anymore. I feel at some point during our relationship conversation, he could have said, "Its difficult to date because I have two children and a fiancée at home." I guess these days, that is the usual.
At what point should you tell someone you have kids?
**I reserve the right to change my mind after the age of 31
2 comments:
I think people should mention their kids up front, because let's face it, it's a big deal. But you talked about meeting "friends" - was it implied there was a possible romantic relationship burgeoning with this man or was it truly just a friend thing?
In agree I am not interesting in someone with kids at the moment. Sometimes if there is a real connection and some potential between you and the other person with kids you cant help that. But I want my kids to be his first kids as well after marriage. Until then it's about just me and you (my boo, whoever that may be).
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