If It Doesn't Get All Over the Place

"If it doesn't get all over the place, it doesn't belong on my plate." Silent

There is one thing I have never been self-conscious about and it still surprises me when men say it’s an attractive trait. If you put a plate of food in front of me, I’m going to eat it. Don’t get it twisted, I have manners and am not a stranger to knife, dinner fork and a nice napkin. But I don’t change my eating habits in front of the men I date. I don’t change my eating patterns in front of anyone. I have the ability to eat whatever I want, whenever I want without worrying about what the person sitting across from me is thinking.

I remember the first time a guy said something about it a few years back. I was on a first date with a guy at a nice restaurant overlooking the beach. After looking over the menu, I decided I wanted a gourmet Portabello mushroom hamburger. *wipes drool* After the waitress left our table with our orders, my date made a comment. “I’m so glad you didn’t order a puny salad.” I didn’t know rather to take it as a compliment or an insult so I brushed off the comment and we continued our conversation interrogation.

Can I have your Facebook?

I’m sorry when did we as generation X become so lazy? Why are young adults (not just men) becoming so freaking lazy. I cannot even begin to express the disdain and disgust I felt when a guy asked me to add him to my Facebook account last week. Really? Has it come to this?

A few months ago I was already having a hard time understanding why a guy I had known for about 20 minutes asked to be added to my Blackberry Messenger. I was sitting in a bar, bored out of my ever loving mind, when a cute guy approached me. We exchanged a few sentences and established interest in each other. He asked to take me to dinner at another time and I happily agreed. Then he pulled out his Blackberry and asked me to display my Blackberry Barcode. He must have seen the look on my face because he immediately followed with a request for my phone number to go along with it.

Rewind a few months before that and I was writing bitching about meeting men who would get my phone number and proceed to text only, including when setting up an outing.

Men have gone from texting, to AIMing, to Email, to BBM and now they're lazy asses are adding me on Facebook? If he would have asked for MySpace I would have spontaneously combusted.

What's next? Twitter?

Am I too old fashioned? Is wanting a guy to ask for my phone number and then proceed to calling me and leaving a voicemail (if I’m busy) asking for too much? If I’m wrong, I don’t want to be right. I’d rather be a part of the quickly vanishing pool that still uses my cell phone to call and talk to people.



I know asking for a number is harder than texting, I know having a verbal conversation before going out takes effort and requires working through nerves versus pulling up a BBM screen. I expect the men who pursue me to call. Notice I didn't say boys. This lazy generation of boys will continue to get no play from me as long as they insist on stepping to me this way. I refuse to partake in such lazy, half ass gestures of interest. If you would like to get to know me better ask for my phone number.

*drops keyboard and exits stage right*

Where are your wallet photos?

There was a time when, "Do you have any kids?" was the third question I asked a new guy. Right after, "Are you single" and "How tall are you?" If he says yes to being single, is anything over 6 '6" and he's cute, I sometimes forget to even ask for a name.

*wipes drool*

Back to the point at hand. Kids. Yes kids. No kids. I don't do kids. I make a conscious effort not to date a man with children. If at any point in our initial conversation, any reference to beautiful cooing annoying crying child is made: I mentally check out. At this age kids are not something I want to/have to/need to deal with. Yes I know, just because I'm dating someone with kids doesn't mean I have to become an instant step-mom. But I'm spoiled, and I need as much attention as possible. Besides his job, my mans focus needs to be me. You can call me selfish if you want. I won't be offended. At 25**, with no kids or attachments of my own, I am. Proudly so as a matter of fact.

That brings me to this weekend and why this subject came up in the first place. I had the pleasure of spending the weekend with a group of friends, some old and some brand new. We spent the next two days chilling, enjoying the city that was not our own, and talking about what normal mixed crowds do. The ups and downs of relationships. What we liked. What we didn't like. You know the usual. The weekend ended and we all went back to our regular lives.

These next few days we all added each other on Facebook to continue building our new-found friendships. I must say I was caught off guard when I was perusing through one of my new friends' Facebook pictures and saw two beautiful children.

Pause.

Kids.

Not one, but two!

This man never mentioned he had any kids. All the other people I was with at some point during the two-day weekend mentioned their little one's at home. But not him. We won't even get into the fact that he never mentioned he's possibly engaged to the mother of these children. That's a whole other post.

Does this happen a lot? Do people not mention their kids unless directly asked anymore. I feel at some point during our relationship conversation, he could have said, "Its difficult to date because I have two children and a fiancée at home." I guess these days, that is the usual.

At what point should you tell someone you have kids?

**I reserve the right to change my mind after the age of 31

Ask Silent: Should I Stay?

Dear Silent,

Mr. Empty Pockets disappeared for 4 days after telling me that he was too broke to take me out. I was wondering what was going on and why I hadn't heard from him. We used to speak several times a day mind you. So I decided to just call him with a little encouragement from my sister. Initially I was going to wait a week just to see if this fool would really go a week without calling me. I called him yesterday and to found out that he's "going through something..."

The selfish side of me was thinking, "Not again, shit. Do I really want to continue talking to this man?"

The concerned side of me thought, "Damn, I know exactly what it's like to run into bad news with a limited time to try and fix the situation".

I know other than his mother, he doesn't really have anyone to confide in and support him at this time. He also explained to me that he does not like to throw "pity parties." I have told him that that he can confide in me and tell me about anything that is bothering him. Now I am beginning to wonder is this worth it? Will he ever open up? How can I help him?

A.B.C. Analyst

Silent: I personally think you are putting too much time into this one man you've only known a couple of weeks. I also highly doubt that the only person he confides in is his mother. That may be the only person he tells you about but I don't think thats the case. You haven't been dating long enough for your world to come to a halt. Be there for him when he lets you but keep your options open.

Grace: First, you have to ask yourself is he worth it. Do you see a future with him? And if so will you be able to deal with these issues? I'm sure he will open up once he knows you aren't going anywhere and you show him support. Which is going to be tough to do if you are unsure if you want to continue to talk to him. Figure out if this is something you really want first. If so, you can show your support by just being there for him and listening to him. If you find this is something to don't want to deal with, then good luck on breaking the news to him. I suggest you let some time pass so he isn't bombarded with his personal issues and you letting him go.

Guest Blogger: Empty Pockets

I’ve been dating this guy for the past several weeks and things have been going great. I hadn’t noticed until recently that our dating consisted solely of me going to his house and kicking it with him and his friends. One night I brought this situation to his attention and we agreed that we should go out.

So we did.

Once.

Then everything reverted back to house kick its.

The weekend was approaching and I asked him what we were going to do. His response, “I can’t take you out this week but I’m kind of short. Maybe next paycheck.” My ear cringed. How lazy could you possibly get? I’d rather a man take me for a nice picnic in the park or go for a long walk on the beach, then to tell me about what was not in his account. Both require little to no planning but just a little bit of effort. Is that asking for too much?

Since when is it okay for a man to fix their mouth to expose their financial situation in such a blunt and embarrassing manner. It’s clear to me that he thinks its okay to tell me our dates will be based on the amount of bills in his wallet. Ladies, if a man ever feels the need to utter such words, hang up the phone. It’s obvious that he is too lazy to even put his mind to trying to figure out something that you and he would both enjoy that is not expensive. How about this, use the brain that GOD gave you and figure it out.

Submitted by A.B.C. Analyst aka My Lil Sis

Don't forget the candles

In case you didn't know a girls birthday is the most important day of the year. I'll let you marinate on that for a second. I know what you're thinking, what about Valentine's Day and Christmas I can assure you that although those days are important they don't even come close to comparing to the day we were born. A problem I've noticed as I have gotten older is that because most men don't celebrate their birthdays the same way women do, they don't understand its importance.

It never fails, when I'm dating a guy, my birthday will make or break our relationship. I will make a note of what time he called, what he did for me and how he made me feel. Take my birthday last year, I had 2 separate celebrations in recognition of day of my birth. I wanted everyone to know it was my birthday and soaked up as much special treatment as humanly possible. From strangers to close friends, I wanted to be treated like the queen that I am. Of course I pretended to be more bashful then I really am in order to gain more attention. At the time I was seeing someone and he was the first person to call me when the clock struck 12:00. Although it was early in our courtship. I took note.

I remember a few years ago a guy I was seeing didn't call me on my birthday. By the time 11:30pm came I was livid!! Between dancing on chairs and taking shots (that was the 2nd time I've ever been drunk) I was checking my phone for his missed call. It never came. Asshole. He did call early the next morning vehemently apologizing. Instead of admitting he forgot he made up some elaborate lie explaining why he couldn't call. All I heard when he spoke was blah blah blah... I'm so sorry...blah blah blah...I couldn't get to a phone...blah blah blah...I hope you can forgive me.

This man had 24 hours to make a simple phone call. Since he lived a couple thousand miles away for college, a simple phone call was all I needed. Shortly after this incident we parted ways. For a while soon after I tried to get over it but I couldn't. I mean it was my birthday for goodness sake. It was unforgivable that he didn't call and it showed me that he wasn't as interested as he made himself seem. His loss.

Even this past weekend I was talking to a girlfriend about the gift her boyfriend of 3+ years gave her: a birthday card and $50 cash. Please understand that you are not my Nana. I don't need cash unless I asked which I would never wrapped up in a card and signed I love you. Its the thought that counts remember. There was no thought in that gift. Although he remembered her birthday, step 1, he didn't actually put any effort into making her feel special, step 2. A part of me believes he thought that was a great gift. I can tell you now cash and gift cards are not special gifts. Think harder.

Trust me, if you make sure you're the first person to call her when 12 o'clock hits and she feels like you put in some effort to make her day special, you'll most likely be the last person she says goodnight to when her day is over.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z__FHAG1Jk8]