Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Never Truly Single

Do you hear that?

Listen closely.

Isn't it lovely.

"But Silent I don't hear anything."

Exactly! Its a sound I haven't heard in a very long time. Its called silence. Tonight I haven't received one phone call, text message, BBM (Blackberry Message,) Email, AIM or DM (on my twitter account) from a guy I'm stringing along dating.

I just had an epiphany. I am single. I mean truly single. I know you're thinking duh bitch of course you're single. Isn't that the premise of this men hating blog. Let me tell you that this is the first time I'm truly single.

Usually when I say I'm single, I'm lying it means I'm still dating several people. That if I'm bored, lonely, hungry horny I have someone to call with whom I have some interest and who probably wants more than the occasional and infrequent returned call. I've always had someone around. Someone I could call when I'm feeling lonely. Someone I could call if I need a laugh or a hug. There's the guy I ran to when everything was going wrong. Then there's the one I went to when things were right.

I noticed this vicious cycle of recycling men. The reason they stay around for so long is because I never let them get too close. It must be the mystery of wondering why they can't get close that allows me to disappear from their lives for months on end, and reappear without much of an explanation as to what happened to me. Being wanted and feeling desired is something I've never struggled with. [Insert "damn you cocky" thought here.] But its the truth, finding and pimpin keeping a capable male suitor is easy.

Take New Years for instance, which was less than 30 days ago. I was trying to figure out which of the 3 fine black men I was gonna take to my friends New Years Eve party. Luckily for me everything turned out like roses. What could have been a very difficult conversation with an unlucky two, turned into a happy ending for all parties involved. I could have kept things going with all of them, but I lost interest once I realized I wasn't seriously interested in any. I decided to do something I've never done. I let them go without having a new guy to replace them.

I told them: "We should just be friends," "I'm not ready for a relationship," and "Please leave a message after the tone."

This feels great. Not worrying about whose favorite artist is coming to town, which guy had which horrific day at work, etc has me floating on cloud 16. I'm truly single. In every sense of the word. I feel like I'm on vacation in the Caribbean far away from the craziness that was recently my dating life. Just pass me my Virgin Pina Colada, sun block and tinted shades, I need some Silent time.



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