Never Settling For Anything Less Than Butterflies

You ever want something so bad, you accept good enough because you're tired of waiting. I almost made the mistake of doing just that. I got so comfortable in what we had that I ignored all of the things we didn't. The biggest blow to my ego was when you weren't willing to do the same. We both knew we weren't "perfect" for each other, but the companionship was there. It was cool to have someone with whom I could call when I got out of class or could vent to after a terrible day at work. So for the time being, I was more than content.

Did you give me butterflies? No. A tingle maybe but I've had overwhelming butterflies before and it just wasn't there. I've had butterflies where nothing else in the world doesn't mattered because that one person makes me feel like it shouldn't. Even though I didn't get to see Mr. Butterflies often, when his phone number would flash across my phone, an matching smile would overcome my face. But me and you, we didn't have anything remotely close to this feeling. I want to thank you for being man enough to recognize it AND end us before good enough got in the way of butterflies.

At first the hardest part about our ending was the fact that you let me go first. Today, I can clearly say eventually our relationship would have ran it's course long before the year ended. My ego was bruised when you beat me to it ending it. I hate losing! We had the perfect cuddle buddle situation going on and that ended before winter did. We both used each other and that's okay because once my ego recovered, I realized that we weren't right for anything more than what we had.

People come into your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime. The season was short, the reason was companionship and I'll have a lifetime to thank you for leaving when you did. Especially once I find my lifetime who gives me butterflies.

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Update: I've looked over this blog post before and when I wrote it, I knew it wasn't true. Did you give me butterflies? Hell yes you did. You made me feel so happy and cared for. So when things ended, I couldn't accept that it was something that I did wrong, it had to be something else, someone else. It had to be your fault. I came up with the idea that you just weren't good for me and ran with it. Was it true? Doesn't matter because I  believed it. So much so that I wrote this post. Even when I realized that it was a lie, I left it because it covered my tracks. It helped me say, self you guys just didn't mesh, you don't miss him, you don't want him. Move on.

Textersation Pet Peeve - How are you?

*random text*

Him: How are you?
Me: I'm well, how are you?
Him: I'm good

*The end*

I HATE THIS WASTE OF TIME!

Guys, please stop this. How are you? How was your day? How are you doing? Only to be followed by  nothing else is so annoying.

If you call, text, email me and you have nothing more to say than the aforementioned, don't say anything at all.

Seriously.

I feel like women don't speak up enough but I am here to tell you that we notice when you do this and we don't like it. Here's antsome alternative approa ches in case you don't know what to follow up with.

"What was the most interesting part of your day?"

A little corny right? Yeah it is but it also show's a bit of interest and could lead to another conversation.

"I just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you."

Awww. Really? Send this as a follow up and you can probably guarantee she will be thinking about you in the morning.

"I want to see you on [set a specific date and time]"

As long as you have a plan when you text me what can I really say but yes. I don't really like long text conversations but if you have a purpose, I'm with it.

"Tell me something about your childhood I don't already know."

This will only work if the woman likes texting. In my inbox I'd ignore it but I know plenty of women who will eat it up.

"What's your favorite [insert something you don't already know] and why?"

I remember dating a guy who asked me what my favorite items were throughout our courtship. After a couple of months I noticed he would randomly bring me a piece fo my favorite chocolate or send me my favorite flowers.

Remove this exchange from your approach all together!

I once dated a guy who would only text me up if he wanted to see me.  In the interim he would sporadically call and we would discuss random topics for short periods at a time. In some way, shape or form, he kept me intellectually stimulated and my interest peaked. So I didn't mind the textersations or occasional late night calls because I was the last person he spoke to before he went to bed. I can't remember him asking me how my day was through text unless he was requesting to spend time with me.

So I am asking you all nicely, please stop!

Life is just complex simplicity

My all time favorite song for more reasons than one is Teedra Moses' Complex Simplicity:


Life is just complex simplicity
Thug it out..
Everybody's worried bout tomorrow
Will they see tomorrowI'm just tryna get mine off today
Mama said tomorrow ain't promised
So I'm tryna live like it's my very last day

You can't spend your life
Being in fear of all that may be
You gotta press on, you gotta be free
You gotta breatheInhale, exhale, come on
Bounce with me tonight
Get low with me tonight
Put the choke up in the sky
Wave your glasses high cause
We ain't got no choice but to party
Party it all away
We're gonna party for brighter days
Party cause everyday's
Gonna be alright

Everybody's worried bout the negative
Lookin at the worst of things
I'm just tryna celebrate my life
Mama said be young while you can be young
Life only gets rougher
I'm just tryna keep my youth alive
I won't be held down
With all the things that happened in the past
Daddy, he wasn't there
Mama, she's gone nowI gotta be grown
I need you to hold me down

Bounce with me tonight
Get low with me tonight
Put the choke up in the sky
Wave your glasses high cause
We ain't got no choice but to party
Party it all away
We're gonna party for brighter days
Party cause everyday's
Gonna be alright

Party all night
Don't let it get you down
It's just life

Bounce with me tonight
Get low with me tonight
Put the choke up in the sky
Wave your glasses high cause
We ain't got no choice but to party
Party it all away
We're gonna party for brighter days
Party cause everyday'sGonna be alright

Why it's okay not to ask for my number

After several conversations with some of my male and female friends, I stumbled across this here fable. I've found that guys think they are required to ask for a young ladies phone number at the end of a lengthy conversations.  Well, I am here to debunk this myth and let you know the reason's why it's better to end with "it was nice meeting you" and a handshake instead of requesting a number you're not going to use.

1. "It was nice meeting you" vs "I look forward to hearing from you".

The two may both seem like nice endings to a conversation but if I end with the former instead of the latter, I'm not all that interested. It was nice meeting you for the moment but if I never heard from you for the rest of my life, I'd be just fine. The last time a guy told me "it was nice meeting you" was at the end of a very blah date. Both of us should have ended the date much sooner than we did, but we were cordial and saw it to the end. The end of our last drink. He beat me to the punch but we were on the same page so I was cool.

If I tell you "I look forward to hearing from you" after I've given you my number it means just that. I expect a phone call. I know sometimes women who aren't interested will give a guy their number because they believe it is the nice but not all women do this. I do onto others as I want done on to me (more on that at another time).

2. If you take my number and I'm remotely interested, I expect a phone call or text message. within the next 3 days. 

Unless you're leaving the country within that time frame, there is no need to babysit my number. It does not make you seem more appealing. A man who is slow to call me is likely not that interested. Which is fine but I noticed and until we go out that's all I know about you.

It's crazy to think that a woman wants to hear from a man she gives her number to (read: sarcasm), but yes I am expecting it. It may seem uncomfortable to you to end a conversation with an attractive young lady with a handshake but trust me when I say she'd prefer that handshake over you taking her number and not calling.

3. You don't have to ask for my number.
I know it seems awkward but trust me you don't. I don't know you and you don't know me. I have absolutely zero expectations during this initial interaction except that you will be pleasant. As long as you've done that, then you can keep it pushing.

I have a feeling some men needed to read this. They feel like they have to request the number because they have just spent 20 minutes occupying our space, but I am here to let you know, you don't.

Take my hand, shake it and walk away.

You're welcome.

Note: This does not apply to the men who initially were interest but lost interest somewhere along the way or simply forgot. Shit happens.

Followup post for why women shouldn't give out their numbers when they aren't interested is coming fellas. I know the game.

Telling It Like It Is: Why Are We Single?

Just a few minutes ago I was having a conversation on Google Chat with one of my girlfriends (hey boo!) and she asked the question we've been asking back and forth for some months now.

Usually I reply with "idk" but today was different. I can be pretty blunt with other people so it's time I was real with myself and her:

me

i want to say idk

but I wont

we're single because we don't put ourselves out there

because we're waiting for prince charming instead of taking him

we ignore what's infront of us and wait for something "better"

we give our precious time to ninjas who don't deserve a second glance

even when we know they aint 

shit [ninjas]

we make excuses for harboring feelings for our exes who should have been forgotten a long time ago

we aren't victims of anything but ourselves

drops mic

 The question is now that I've put it all out there, what am I going to do differently.

It's time for a CHANGE...stay tuned

After the Storm

Earlier this summer I was thinking about moving to some of the neighborhoods in Brooklyn that were flooded and without power after the storm. Ultimately I decided to give Harlem at least one more year and I am so happy that I did.I am blessed to say that I have survived hurricane Sandy without missing a beat. Part of me feels a bit guilty for celebrating my birthday this past weekend while others who aren't too far from me were without power, hot water and heat. The images I've seen on my news screen and stories I've been hearing about those killed during the storm strongly resonate with me. I keep thinking, "it could have been me."

Besides being a little stir crazy, I was resourceful and spent a lot of time with friends and family. I did my best to show my sister the good parts of New York but made sure to include those parts affected by the storm. We witnessed police doing their best to keep peace at a gas station in Queens. We saw tape at some train stations in Manhattan. She was even robbed in Brooklyn while we were at a cafe. Don't be alarmed. She forgot her purse in the restroom and luckily the assailant only took the little bit of cash she had.

As I attempt to resume a normal life, I could easily go on without thinking about those still suffering. The social worker in me will not let this happen. I've been looking for volunteer opportunities and funds I can donate to now that I am able to devote more time. I won't forget what Sandy has done to my city, event hough the storm has passed.

_________________________

Information about Volunteer Opportunities

http://www.nyu.edu/life/student-life/nyu-service/hurricane-sandy-relief.html

http://www.nyredcross.org/?nd=news_room_detail&news_id=606&jid=63321

http://www.nycservice.org/index.html

http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/hurricane-recovery-and-volunteer-resources/

http://www.timeout.com/newyork/own-this-city-blog/how-to-help-in-new-york-city-after-hurricane-sandy?promoAllowOnce=1

FEDERAL EMERGENCY MANAGEMENT ASSISTANCE (“FEMA”):

Individuals may have suffered losses that make them eligible for FEMA assistance. 

Individuals can:

Apply online anytime at www.disasterassistance.gov

Call 800-621-FEMA (3362) or TTY at 800-462-7585. These are toll-free numbers operating from 7:00 a.m. to 10:00 p.m. seven days a week until further notice. Multilingual operators are available.

Through smartphone or tablet, use m.fema.gov/. If an Android system is being used, a FEMA App can be downloaded at market.android.com/details?id=gov.fema.mobile.android

Once you apply, a nine-digit registration number will be utilized for future communications with FEMA.

Applicants should have the following info when applying:

• current telephone number
• address at time of disaster and current address
• social security number
• general list of damages and losses
• If insured -- company name, agent and policy number
• Bank routing number for any direct deposit

Individuals can also go to www.governor.ny.gov and find out more about the Hurricane Sandy application procedures and information.