I Miss Her

I never really talk about her but I think about her all the time. My mother was such a strong woman, she had to be having me as a daughter. I was a handful. As were my sisters.

I find myself unable to sleep or study sometimes because I can't help but think about her. (i.e. right now...my book is in my lap)

What if she was still alive, would she be proud? (I already know the answer to this but I'd love to hear those words come from her mouth.)

How did she meet my father and end up marrying him?

What advice would she give me regarding my own dating life?

Would I still be afraid of getting a whooping at 26? (knowing her YESS!)

I can speculate on the answers to these questions but these are questions I'll never get the answer to. No matter how much time passes, I don't miss her any less. Time does not heal all wounds. I can handle my emotions regarding the woman that gave me birth better than I could almost 9 years ago, but I'll never forget my sister coming into our room, waking me from my non-blissful sleep and telling me our mother had passed.

I'm tearing up as I write this post so I'm going to stop here and leave you with these words. If you are blessed enough to have living parents you love, tell them you love them everyday. I'm so happy I was able to tell my mother I loved her days before she passed.

I miss her. I love her. I am her.

Who's To Blame?

I was catching up with my girl about this Non M*Factor aka The Situation who I stopped dating shortly before moving to NY. She told me something about him that made me die in laughter. Apparently, The Situation has been telling her that he misses me (bullshit!). Apart of me would like to know the motive behind his interactions with her, and the other part of me doesn't care. Since this "conversation" between the two of them occurred on twitter, my girl advised me to check it out. With a simple click of a bubble, I was able to see everything he was saying about me.

Allow me to highlight some points:

The Situation: [Silent] doesn't love me anymore. (Correct!)

The Situation: [Silent] is too hard to read. (The feeling is mutual)

Then my girl went on to tell him that she doesn't really like him as a person because of some of the stories I told her about him.

The Situation: Funny how the friend automatically not like someone because of something they heard.

So who's fault is it that she doesn't like him?

As my best friend, she heard all the biased stories. All she heard was my side so I can admit, yes they were biased BUT I do not control her feelings. If there is one more (its more like 10 after that incident he pulled at my homegirls party) that don't like him because of the way he treated me, that's not my problem. I don't tell my friends how to process my life.

Granted, I could have handled some things differently. When I was into him, I kept some stories to myself. I did. At the very moment I decided I didn't see myself with him, that's when I told my girls everything. And I mean everything. The bad and the worse. After some much needed growing, I realize that wasn't the most mature thing to do and I've vowed never to share that much detail with anyone. You've probably noticed that I keep more of my personal business to myself than I did before, hence why I am on hiatus from writing about my dating life in NY. From Twitter to this blog, its my business and I'm going to keep it that way.

But this, this I wanted to share because I really want to know, who's to blame when a friend doesn't like the ex after a relationship comes to an end? Hypothetically, if they had become friends during our courtship, should they then break off their friendship once ours had ended?

LA Girl In The City: Month 1

Time flies whether or not you are or are not having fun. Luckily for me, the last few weeks in the city have been amazing. Before I can talk about the good, let me rewind to some of the hardships.

1. New York Rental is one of the toughest jungles I've had to conquer thus far. After swallowing my pride and draining my winter shopping money, I decided to pay someone else (a broker) to do the work for me. I'm glad to report I now have a cute studio in apartment in Harlem.

2. New York and my hair do not mix. Not one bit. During my second week here, I walked to the closest beauty salon and asked if there was anyone who could straighten my hair. When I found out the beautician used a press and comb, I jumped for joy. (Inside only of course.) At the beginning to the appointment all was well and I was so optimistic, but by the end, I wanted to take the hot comb and burn her hands. Never again. Next up was my Dominican blowout. Everything was fine in the shop, I thought I had found my alternative to doing my hair myself. The humidity had different plans. As soon as I made it to my destination, the middle of my hair had turned into this puff ball of a mess. I was not pleased. I will most likely be doing my own hair from now on.

3. New Yorkers are some of the rudest people I have ever met. I've been told by a smart friend (sarcasm) that you can find rude people anywhere. Well it doesn't take Einstein to state that simple fact. I was mainly referring to nuainces I've noticed on a daily basis. For example the poor customer service, lack of personal space given (that damn subway) and the amount of selfishness observed is rampant. It took almost 3 weeks before someone told me "God Bless you" after I sneezed. I was so shocked when they did. Almost as shocked as people are when I say hello. I'm either met with silence or a shocked face and a hesitant reply. I've already been told by several strangers (mostly men) that they could immediately tell I wasn't from here because I'm too pleasant in my "I don't want to talk to you," replies. Their recognition of my jubilance is something I take as a compliment and hope to maintain for the remainder of my time here.

4. East Coasters are some of the most generous people I have ever met. I know. Take a moment. Sounds a bit contradictory doesn't it? Its not. I'm learning that a lot of extremes exist here. Either people are nice or there not. Luckily for me, I've had the pleasure of meeting a lot of the positive extremes as well. This fact has turned my entire view of the city around. For one, I've had several friends visit me before school starts so I feel pretty adjusted to my surroundings. I'd like to thank Twitter for providing me with a forum to turn my online friendships into real life ones. I never thought folks I didn't previously know, would turn out to be so helpful. From @SlimJackson's convenience tips to @BrazenlyVirile's overall dopeness. Between his inherent chivalry and desire to just be a good friend, I have finally started enjoying the city. He's been my wingman for everything and for that I say thank you. Again. I told you I only use premium gas.

Welp that about sums up the first month in city. I am so happy that I dropped everything and moved. I had been contemplating this change for a long time. There was just something in me that knew LA wasn't the place I should be. I've been blessed with the opportunity to meet some great people, attend fabulous event and make some lasting memories. Although the experience alone is priceless, school is not. On that note I must get some shut eye.

Tomorrow is my first day of class, so once I'm done ironing my first day of school outfit, I'm turning off the lights. WISH ME LUCK!