It's Gone!

Remember that crush, or whatever you want to call it that I had less than 1 month ago. It was creating a problem for the new men I was dating because I was unconsciously comparing them to him. Well, that ship has sailed, he has finally become a distant memory. Those feelings that were becoming so annoying are no longer. He didn’t do anything horrific to bring this about, but he did just enough for me to say, “Girl, let it go!“

I had to remember my favorite saying after it was all said and done: "Don’t make someone a priority who considers you an option.”

Exhale…I’m over it.

[Somewhere out there my sister is jumping for joy as she reads this post...I should receive a text or BBM from her shortly]

Re: Over at IHTWYEC

After reading Grace's post I posed a question on twitter about titles in relationships.

Silent Question: Do people still use the title Boyfriend/Girlfriend or has the formality died? I was going to oppose Grace's post and this question myself but I felt that the opinion of the married woman @SeasonSays held more weight. Plus she said all the things I wanted to say in several 140 character or less messages:

The formality of BF/GF has definitely NOT passed. People just like to redefine things to mask real issues such as commitment problems. The chances of going from friends, boo's, dates, etc to fiance then spouse is slim if you can't even call each other BF/GF. I know the BF/GF title seems so outdated but shit so does WIFE and HUSBAND. At the end of the day though, people complicate things that really shouldn't be.

If a guy likes you he calls you, when he likes you even more he makes you his girlfriend, when he loves you and can't live without you he makes you his wife. If a man can barely pick up the phone or spend time with your ass, he don't like you period. If a man takes up all your time and doesn't want you dating anyone else but won't make you his girlfriend, he don't like you THAT much. If you can't get past that point? Shiiiit, need I say more??? But hey, I'm a hopeless hopeless.....penny WITH a hole in it hopeless romantic. So that is and will forever be my opinion.

I always wanted a title. You can't give it to me but still wanna be with me??? Cockblockin... Relationships are definitely simple, hard work but simple. People just don't wanna put in the work, period.

I know I talk a lot of shit about relationships and I'm very opinionated but I do truly understand that not everyone is like me. When I met a guy and was looking for a boyfriend, I told him cuz I had nothing to lose. When I had been with my BF long enough and was tired of 'playin house' I told him I was ready to get married cuz I had nothing to lose. Fuck the dumb shit, go for what you want because the worst case scenario isn't THAT bad. If you like that non-title shit that's great too. You like it I love it....

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If you're not following @SeasonSays on twitter, now you know what you have been missing.

Over at IHTWYEC

I've hit a wall and haven't had much to blog about. Mostly its because I've been doing a lot of self reflection and no dating so there's no material for me to share. Contrary to popular belief I do keep some things to myself. I have borrowed a post from my group blog to keep you entertained. I have SO much to say on the subject of titles but I will save them for later. Enjoy!

I know I wrote a post last week about a Relationship Undefined and went on about how ridiculous it was and even shared my personal encounter with such a relationship. BUT after I had a mini debate with Silent I realized I am one of those people who wants a relationship similar to that. *Pause* Let me pled my case.


I do not like titles anymore-No I'm not one of those women who have been so hurt by men that I have vowed to never marry. I just don't believe in the "girlfriend/boyfriend" title. I mean it’s not official we don't sign a girlfriend/boyfriend license. It’s merely a social norm that everyone thinks believes is a prerequisite for marriage.

People get in your business-I’m a very private person and with a relationship I'm no different. Once you make it "official" that's when the drama begins, you have people who want to gossip about who, what, where, and why your relationship won't work. And then you have the men and mostly women who want to test how strong your relationship is, i.e. heffas trying to mess with your man.

I like Freedom-I am an Aquarius and we do not like to feel tied down. And if we start to feel like the girlfriend/boyfriend title has us hogged tied we will rebel in one way or another.

Any Questions? Yes, I'm sure you have them. This is what I want from my future, “Non-Boyfriend.”

Dear future Non-Boyfriend,

We've been seeing each other for a few months now and things are starting to get serious. And before you ask me to be your girlfriend, don't. If we are to make this work, this is all I ask; don't sleep with anyone else (including any other sexual contact) , and don't lie to me. That's it. I really like you and if you can meet both of those requirements then you have made a commitment to me. However, if you break either of those commitments we are done.

Yours Truly,

Grace

Guest Blogger: The Ugliness Threshold

Ladies, what if a guy was to come up to you and, with all seriousness, say to you "Excuse me miss, I like your booty." How would you react? Would you be instantly offended? Would you want to slap him? Walk away as quickly as possible? Or would you...give him your number?

I know there are a lot of people out there that sincerely think there is no possible way the last option could EVER happen. "How could I let someone disrespect me like that and me still entertain it?"

And the answer is simple. Its only disrespectful if he's ugly. Now I know nobody wants to think of themselves as shallow or the like, but at the end of the day, before you know anything about a person who approaches you for the first time is whether or not he could GTD (Get Tha Drawls, for those who don't watch Martin.) Further, at the end of the day, attractive people can get away with WAYYYYY more than unattractive people, scientific fact (well, maybe, I don't think scientists do this kinda thing.) At the end of the day, if he's fine, almost anything he says initially, will not be held against him. Later on, after you get past the exterior, you might be kinda mad that you got roped in with such underhanded tactics.

Now if he was blatantly disrespectful, "Ay b!tch, that's a nice ass." There is probably little to no chance it could ever work for anyone. But the theory behind "Excuse me miss, I like your booty," could be that there is no real difference between that and saying he liked your smile, given that he couldn't see you smile from behind. Conversely, there are many people who could be more insulting with a typically complimented feature "Ay, yo eyes green than a muh f^cka," shows an overall lack of intellegence that I would think MOST upstanding women would tolerate.

In the end, I think the standing theory is, and will continue to be........... "But he fine though." Just my thoughts.

~Submitted by Mr. Fantastic alias Mr. Not-to-shabby-my-damn-self

formspring.me

Blame it on the boredom and curiosity but I signed up for formspring. So go ahead, ask me anything http://formspring.me/SilentScorpion

You're NOT Getting a V-DAY present

The trouble with Valentine's Day is, some undeserving women put pressure on men they are dating just fucking. They confuse dating with casual sex. Some of these females feel the need to start defining relationships that were working fine for the past few casual months. Men are expected to spend waste money on teddy bears, chocolate and jewelry.

I know Valentines day is this weekend and for those of you in the early stage of dating your new partner, you may be wondering what you are getting (probably don't deserve.) I want to clarify some parameters for you jumpoffs/booty calls/side chicks who unfortunately don't understand they are NOT getting a present. Here are my Top 5 Jump off identifiers:

1. If he only texts you and then comes over. You don't know his schedule but he knows yours. So he knows when you're going to be home and hits you up only on those occasions. Stop telling your girls about this great man you are seeing because his friends don't know you by name, instead they all know you live on Queen Street because that is how he lets his boys know he is getting some.

2. If he leaves before you wake. If you're not sure what his morning breathe smells like, its because you aren't important enough to wake up next to. He'd rather be at home in his bed than to wake up in yours. The reason he is always coming to your place is because he has away game advantage. He can come and go as he pleases.

3. He gets pissed when you show up unannounced. Now I know when I showed up without calling my ex to treat him to a night of fun at his place, he was more than happy to see me BUT this is a technical foul in the realm of jumpoffs. Stay in your lane. You cannot come to his house unannounced and you will not be getting a present.

4. If he takes you out in public, it's only to these great places outside the city. Sorry boo, you're a jump off. First off, we're in a recession, why is it so important to see this movie 30 miles away from where ya'll both live. Because he "loves" that theater? No hun, its because he doesn't want his main girl's friends to see him out with you.

5. He wants to keep your relationship "secret," because he's a private person. How do you expect a Valentine's gift when none of your friends are supposed to know you're dating. Since he has held this over your head for so long, he doesn't have to worry about your girls dogging him out, because technically he isn't dating you. Yall are just "special friends."

Honorable Mention: He won't kiss you before, during or after sex and he disappears when you are on you period.

Remember what Joe Budden said: "My Jump Off never has me going out of my way, and she don't want nothing on Valentines Day." Valentine's Day is not your time to shine. Its your time to be available in case the main chick is too tired to give him what he wants. This is not your day to be expecting gifts or any special treatment. Your "relationship" has been working just fine, keep it that way. Know now that Valentine's Day is not going to be reserved for you. If he does see you on February 14, the only thing he will be carrying is a wrapped condom.

P.s. These same rules apply for birthdays and Christmas.

Friday Rant

Meeting men is just like getting a new toy on Christmas. When I first get it, I’m so excited. I want to learn everything about it and finding out new functions and accessories it has excites me. I’ll pick it up everyday because it keeps me entertained and interested. As long as its fun, I'll pick it up out the toy bin and play with it. But by the time February comes around, I’m done playing with that toy; maybe I found a new toy, broke the old one or it wasn’t as fun anymore. If that toy has done nothing over the past couple months to make it stand out from the rest, I’ll toss it in my bin. I won't pick it up again until I’m bored and want to play with it or I’ll throw it out because it’s taking up valuable space.

At this point, I am not looking for any new toys. My bin is completely empty. I’m okay with just playing by myself.

Never Truly Single

Do you hear that?

Listen closely.

Isn't it lovely.

"But Silent I don't hear anything."

Exactly! Its a sound I haven't heard in a very long time. Its called silence. Tonight I haven't received one phone call, text message, BBM (Blackberry Message,) Email, AIM or DM (on my twitter account) from a guy I'm stringing along dating.

I just had an epiphany. I am single. I mean truly single. I know you're thinking duh bitch of course you're single. Isn't that the premise of this men hating blog. Let me tell you that this is the first time I'm truly single.

Usually when I say I'm single, I'm lying it means I'm still dating several people. That if I'm bored, lonely, hungry horny I have someone to call with whom I have some interest and who probably wants more than the occasional and infrequent returned call. I've always had someone around. Someone I could call when I'm feeling lonely. Someone I could call if I need a laugh or a hug. There's the guy I ran to when everything was going wrong. Then there's the one I went to when things were right.

I noticed this vicious cycle of recycling men. The reason they stay around for so long is because I never let them get too close. It must be the mystery of wondering why they can't get close that allows me to disappear from their lives for months on end, and reappear without much of an explanation as to what happened to me. Being wanted and feeling desired is something I've never struggled with. [Insert "damn you cocky" thought here.] But its the truth, finding and pimpin keeping a capable male suitor is easy.

Take New Years for instance, which was less than 30 days ago. I was trying to figure out which of the 3 fine black men I was gonna take to my friends New Years Eve party. Luckily for me everything turned out like roses. What could have been a very difficult conversation with an unlucky two, turned into a happy ending for all parties involved. I could have kept things going with all of them, but I lost interest once I realized I wasn't seriously interested in any. I decided to do something I've never done. I let them go without having a new guy to replace them.

I told them: "We should just be friends," "I'm not ready for a relationship," and "Please leave a message after the tone."

This feels great. Not worrying about whose favorite artist is coming to town, which guy had which horrific day at work, etc has me floating on cloud 16. I'm truly single. In every sense of the word. I feel like I'm on vacation in the Caribbean far away from the craziness that was recently my dating life. Just pass me my Virgin Pina Colada, sun block and tinted shades, I need some Silent time.