Friday, May 7, 2010

Woman to Woman

Dear woman who is dating my future husband,

I hope this letter finds you well during the temporary relationship you have with my future. Unfortunately you are not the woman he will call his wife, as I am the only person who will hold that title til death does us part. I am not writing you to start any drama, the two of you will part on good terms because well, he is a good man BUT I need you to make sure he stays that way by the time he meets me. I am not a home wrecker so this will come long after the two of you part ways.

You see I've noticed a pattern with some of the men I have come in contact with and I am hoping to resolve this issue before I meet him. Women, especially in LA LA land, do not hold their mates to any standards.

Please hold him accountable when he does something wrong. Whether its forgetting to call or picking up the phone instead of texting, please make sure he does all the things he is supposed to do. Because when he gets to me, I don't want him acting brand new when I hold him accountable.

Please don't poke holes in the condoms. Before you turn your face upside down, relax and listen. I am going to love him either way, but I'd appreciate if he didn't accidently get you pregnant. You see I know him, even if we haven't met, and he will do everything in his power not to have kids before he meets me, his wife. So don't try to trap him with a child he will surely take care of.

Please don't hurt him or betray his trust. I am not in the sport of cleaning up someone else's mess so I would appreciate if you left his heart in tact for me. When he breaks up with you don't key his car, don't burn his clothes, just walk away. Although I can drive him to the repair shop and go with him when he needs to purchase new clothes, I'd like him to leave you with what he came with. You guys aren't meant to be anyway so when its time to let it go, LET HIM GO! He will eventually find his way to me and the thought of you will be but a memory.

I appreciate you taking the time to read my letter. I will not be looking for a response seeing as this is the last time we will ever have contact.

Sisterly,

Silent

P.s. This letter will self destruct in 20 seconds.

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