I copied the following from a friends, friends' facebook page. Enjoy.
The following is a text from the girlfriend of a nigga that doesn't know the rules and how to handle his business to one of my oldest and dearest friends, Nay:
Yo____ I was tryin to be nice before and woulda figured that you have stopped cause right now ur disrespectin and i really don't appreciate that
Guys, if you insist on stepping out on your girl, please know that there are rules to this shit. If you follow the rules, everyone remains happy and no one (particularly you or your girl) gets hurt, because the chick on the side really doesn't give a fuck.
So here we go!
If you're going out/spending the night with your sidepiece, call your girlfriend first. Spend atleast half an hour on the phone with her, and before you're about to get off the phone, kick some bullshit to her like,
"So you might not hear from me later because me, Craig an them are going to get drunk, and you know how I get with all that Hennessy/E&J (insert the Cognac of your choice) in my system. I might even sleep over at Craig's house if I'm too drunk, so don't be mad if I'm not able to talk to you later. "
Top that off with two sincere "I love you's" and you're good to go. Do not stray from this script.
If you say "Ok?" at the end, it leaves you open for questioning. You don't want that, right?
Vibrate, Vibrate, Vibrate ! This is key. When in the company of your girl (and sometimes your sidepiece because a lot of them don't know their places) keep your phone on vibrate always. Don't turn it off, that only raises suspicion. The ringer for your text messages should also vibrate. I highly doubt either chick will ask you why your phone isn't ringing. If she does, tell her something nice like,
"I don't want to be bothered when I'm chillin with you".
If the sidepiece asks you, tell that bitch to know her place.
Text Messages , Picture Mail, and VoicemailC'lawdhammercy, majority of you men don't know the first thing about this one. View/listen then DELETE . Or, if you have time, beat, then DELETE (bwahahaha), but always, what? Delete!!
Sex and Your Living Quaters:
Sidepiece spends time in only two areas, the bedroom and the bathroom. There's no need to be in the kitchen or anywhere else, right? (Please reserve kitchen sex for wifey. Some things should be left sacred, yknow?)So!
Have one set of sheets that you only use with your sidepiece. Assuming that you have sense and are calculating the times spent with sidepiece your bed should be made up for that ahead of time. As soon as you bring sidepiece home (or when she takes her damnself home) take off those sheets and put them in the washing machine. If you don't have access to wash clothes when you want to, get a special laundry bag and put them in there, and stuff that waaaaay in the back of your closet until you're able to wash.
Whatever you wore while you were kicking it with Sidepiece, wash it. Makeup and perfume are a dead give away. Wash clothes immediately, or wrap it inside of your Sidepiece Sheets. Don't throw it on top .If your girl stumbles upon it, you're fucked, and it looks like you're hiding something.
Clean your bathroom throughly, even if sidepiece didn't shower or spend significant amount of time. If you're unable to give it a good cleaning, sweep and empty the trash. Here's why. I'm about 99% sure that Sidepeice was in there combing her hair. Hair sheds. Especially if you're dealing with a chick with a weave. All women know their own hair, even if it's not their own, per se. Do not let Sidepiece use your comb or brush either. Hair is a dead giveaway.
Other Things You Should Never Do
Never start an arguement with your main to go kick it w/ your sidedish. It's 2009, and all of us ladies know that when you start arguements it's because you're trying to get away from us.
If you get caught, always ask, "What led you to believe this?"
-If she's going off of her intuition, chances are you can lie (even though ya'll suck at lying) your way out of it.
-If she's going off of proof, just fess up, apologize, and do all that you can to make it up to her.
-If you've fucked up royally, tuck your tail between your legs, accept that you fucked up, and move on.
If you're lucky enough to be reading this before you've gotten in too deep with your girlfriend, but you know you plan on cheating on that ass anyway, don't always answer the phone. Let her know from the door you ain't really into phone convos like that, this way if you're one of those niggas that trick on hos and take them out, you don't have to run and answer her call all the time.
I think that's it.
And to my girls-- don't be mad at me. I didn't make any of this up, I learned it simply from watching and observing the niggas that I've dealt with. Always watch for the ones who are smart, handsome, and charming. They are the ones that know the rules and play them to a T!
Now that I've blessed you with all this information, everyone, step your game up!