Thursday, October 17, 2013

Guest Post: Lowered Expectations (Part 1) by NotYourAlleyKat

I've always said that writing about my life experiences is one of the most therapeutic exercises. I look back on my dating blogs and marvel at my stupidity, while laughing at my genius. A friend of mine has thus been inspired to try her hands at writing about her life experiences. The three part series that follows is written by my friend NotYourAlleyKat.

Men and women are remotely different creatures, but yet there are those times when something magical happens and they are able to collide. A mystical energy is possessed between the two and they are able to live in perfect harmonic bliss. Unfortunately this bliss these days is often short lasted. We live in a world that’s all about me and rarely about us. Even if deep inside our hearts we believe in an us, our pride has grown too big to allow ourselves to be so vulnerable. In this three part guest series, I will explain how men ain't shit, why I won’t settle, and the serpentine incredible nature of forbidden love.

I used to care a lot about every guy I dated. I would treat him as if he was King of the World. But do you know what happened, I got burnt every single time. I actually remember when I stopped caring: it was July of 2011. I was raised to be an extremely independent girl. I’ll hang curtains, move furniture, paint walls alone before I ask someone to help. Whenever I’m sick, I’ll be the last one to admit it. This particular July, I came down with I think what was the worst sickness of my adult life. I had a fever of 104, hot and cold at the same time, and I couldn't swallow my own spit without feeling the pain of what seemed like 1000 knives. 

During this time I was also working two 16-hour days back to back, which included making desserts for over 100 people. I didn't have a choice about resting because  I was the only one who could do the job. Needless to say the after the second day of work I was on the edge of death. I came home, sat down and tried to drink some broth to sooth my throat. I had a complete and utter breakdown. I called upon the help of my boo* of two plus years. I told him I was dying and asked him to bring me some Gatorade. Boo said he was at his friend’s house but would come in a little bit. I looked at the clock and it was 10:00pm. 

So I waited..waited…waited and restlessly tried to sleep.  I was finally able to fall sound asleep several hours later when all of a sudden I received a text. I looked at the clock, 5:00am illuminated my room. Boo had texted me. "How are you?"  

It was at that very moment, while sitting up on my couch, with the early light peaking into the room that I realized, men are not worth all the effort we put into them. I’m pretty sure I cried really hard. I never felt so abandoned in my life. I was alone and betrayed, like an alley cat in the rain. It was pretty sad. I had spent two years cultivating a relationship with this man. We  had done everything a normal couple having fun would do. We went sky diving, had long lazy days together, and even crazier nights. I thought he knew me. Up until this point I had I never asked him for anything. He had the nerve to just left me sick and alone.

These days I take size up each man I come across. Men are much like used cars. It’s a shame most men are lemons. The engine under the hood never matches the beautiful outward appearance they present upon meeting. Once their shiny paint starts to peel and/or once you reach 3,000 miles, their engine breaks down and leaves you stranded. Over the course of about two months you go from thinking you hit the jackpot, to realizing you'll never get your money's worth.

I wouldn't say I’m bitter, just disappointed. I was recently dating a guy who had potential. He did me a favor by not presenting himself as a shiny steal. He was just okay; cool even. After meeting, he quickly  passed the talking on the phone test. Surprisingly he properly replied back to text messages. Soon we were spending ample time together.  Eventually I started to think hey, I might actually like this one. 

Then one day I got a text. “So I’m not in the best financial situation right now, so I need space, nothing to do with you. You’re perfect.” 

Now we are both adults so if you need space, I completely understand. I’m not trying to smother anyone. But something was fishy about this text. I’m not going to lie; I was a bit thrown off and slightly upset. If only from my pride alone, I was in shock.

I replied back, “Aw that sucks, I liked hanging with you, but I understand. If you need anything let me know.” A perfect response, I respected and empathized. A part of me wanted to reply:  “YOU DON’T EVEN SPEND MONEY!!!!!!” Literally he probably spent 100 dollars the entire two months we dated; there were no extravagant dates, flowers, diamonds or jewels! 

A few days passed and he decided to text me: “hey, how are you?” At this point, I was already over the situation. Out of boredom, I entertained his messages and invited him to my house. Things  between us were different. The things I used to find cute were now lame. It was if I could see right through him. The next day a friend told me she had recently seen him walking holding hands with a girl who wasn't me. He and the girl were out and about the day after he informed me of his strained financial situation. 

I laughed. 

I was not at all shocked. 

I didn't even care. 

Repeated experiences like this bring me back to that July morning of 2011. All of those sad and disgusted feelings return. However, I refuse to be that alley cat; I will never again make a man the center of my world until he gives me a reason to place him there. That first situation with Boo was tough, but it has made it a lot easier to deal with all the other stinky piles of shit that have come along. So much easier to let go and easier to see, men ain't shit.

Submitted by: NotYourAlleyKat

*term for someone who gets all the benefits of being your boyfriend but has none of the responsibilities

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