Thursday, June 6, 2013

Passive Aggressiveness is Not Sexy

I'm not in the business of sugar coating my thoughts but I said I would try and be less insensitive in my delivery of random thoughts. Today's random post is a subject I've written, tweeted and talked about over a dozen times over the past few years. I'm not sure when this happened, but it seems as if men are becoming a lot more passive aggressive in courting women. I'm sure this goes hand in hand with the lazy ass trend of constantly texting instead of calling to express interest. (This post is not about picking up the phone to call but I'll be damned if I miss another opportunity to encourage both men and women to do so. Pick up the phone and call, sign on to the computer and Skype, use your iPhone and Facetime people...geesh!.)

Recently, I was having a conversation with a friend of mine and she expressed her disdain for a male suitor who sent her the following message, "Are we still going out tonight?"

I know exactly what he was trying to do here and he failed terribly. One, she's not that into him anyway so his passive aggressive message just about lost any interest she did have. Two, even if she was interested, why didn't he just ask her a direct question?

He made the right move by attempting to confirm their plans, however, he came off very unsure of himself. What we both read from that message was, "I've been cancelled on a lot and I'm sure you're going to do to me what several women have done before so instead of asking you straight up if you are interested in seeing me, I'm going to buffer my landing because you were probably planning to shoot me down anyway."

Here is a more direct approach: "What time are you free tonight, I have a few ideas about where to take you."

This is such a sexy message! It shows you've thought about her and planned the activity.

It's pretty simple: Confidence is sexy. Aggressiveness is sexy. Be sexy!

As a woman, even if I wasn't 100% into places a guy chose for us to be out together, I always went happily. Maybe I'm in the minority when saying this but if I am interested in a guy, like a guy and/or enjoy his company, where we go isn't all that important. Him being sexy to me is and there is one easy way for this to happen.

Be confident and aggressive, ie. direct.

Please note: If a man had picked up the phone to have a few conversations before asking her out, he'd probably know the kinds of places she likes to frequent and whether or not she'd be interesting in trying something new. I'm just sayin.

If all else fails and you still can't find your courage, at least bring flowers because although they aren't sexy, they're at least thoughtful.


biggerthomas said...

flowers aren't sexy? :-(

Silent Scorpion said...

Thoughtful, yes. Sexy....not unless they're...

Anonymous said...

Stumbled on this by chance. Nice premise for an article but women do the same thing too, and are actually a LOT better at passive-aggression than their XY cohort. Saying things like "What happened to you calling me when you got home?" "Who exactly is that girl? Friend? Sure" "Your just a guy" etc etc. That said its only human to try to cushion the blow of rejection. Give the guy a break.

Silent Scorpion said...

Hi Anonymous!

I appreciate the time you took to read and comment on my blog. I hope you make your way back to my site and comment section again in the future. Please keep in mind, I am a heterosexual woman and I'm only interested in penis. The moment I care about someone with a vagina, I will write about my concerns with the same sex and dating, until then, this is a penis only zone.

Thanks again,


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