Tuesday, May 14, 2013

I Still Don't Want No Short Man

Earlier today I received a notification for a post I did on my old blog I Hate The Way You Eat Cereal. It's been almost 3 years since I wrote this post about not wanting to date men shorter than me through the use of a night out on the town.

For those of you who don't remember, here's what I wrote:

It must suck to be a short man (under 5 ’9″**) in this world. Seriously after Sunday night, I feel for you. After seeing how this man was treated, I just wanted to take off my heels and pass them to all the Napoleons out there. Let me start from the beginning…
According to Grace and several other friends, I have a tendency to talk to anyone with a pulse, especially when I’m in the club. In my defense, even though I am hardly ever interested in pursuing anything outside the confines of the flashing lights and blasting music, I don’t see any harm in friendly conversation. In my opinion, it would be rude if I ignored men just because I couldn’t see myself doing the horizontal with them. Hell, I wouldn’t talk to many people if I were restricted to those strict standards. So, if you catch me out and you have something interesting to say, I’ll lend an open ear.
Being that it was Labor Day weekend and I wouldn’t have to pull myself out of bed at the crack of dawn, I decided to go out Sunday night. A couple of my girls knew of a Labor Day celebration (without the all-white requirement thank goodness). I invited my sister along for the ride and off we went.
As is typical for a club in L.A., we noticed immediately that the male patrons were vertically challenged.  Being that myself and one of my girls are 6 ‘4” with heels on, my sister is close behind reaching 6 ‘2” with her stilettos, and Grace is, well she prefers tall men, it was looking that it was going to be one of those nights. After a “fat” man, Nadia’s words not mine, invited us over to his bottle service, the night was looking up. Her actual words were and I quote, “Hey that fat guy invited us over drinks.”  Free alcohol and a comfortable place to sit made the chubby man’s offer promising.
As we were sitting down sipping and talking to each other, our conversation was interrupted by a Gary Coleman look-a-like. (Gary, I’m going to call him that for the purpose of this story if you don’t mind, told me he was the average height- 5’10″… and since most guys lie about their height he was probably actually 5 ‘7” 5 ‘8” but with my heels on he didn’t even reach my shoulders) Apparently he was the cousin of the chubster and wanted to introduce himself. After greetings, he took a seat next to me of course. It didn’t even dawn on me that he was interested in anything more than conversation until he told me he was attracted to me. Pause. What did he want me to do with that information? I brushed off his slight advances and continued to listen to him go on and on about himself, his career and all of the celebrities he had dated (I hate L.A. men for this reason by the way). You think I care you dated Tyra Banks because…[fill in stupid response that makes no sense because I don’t actually give a rat's ass].
After my sister noticed that I was stuck with a shadow, she invited me to the dance floor. Being that he was now physically attached to my hip, Gary decided to tag along. As we made our way through the crowds of people, I kept losing sight of Gary. I saw him on his tippy toes a couple of times as he tried to keep up with our long strides. This man got absolutely no respect. Since he was nothing but nice to us the entire time, I didn’t see any harm in dancing with him. It wasn’t like I was really doing anything else and its nice to have a partner on the dance floor sometimes. Unfortunately for him, other men weren’t letting that happen. A guy spotted me and started talking to me in my ear as I danced with Gary. The entire time Gary looked confused so I told the guy I wasn’t interested. Either he didn’t hear me over the loud music, or he just didn’t care, but he decided he was going to dance with me too. Now I was standing in the middle of the dance floor dancing with both a startled Gary and a cocky ass. I just laughed to myself. I looked over at my sister and her friend and they were shaking their heads and laughing too. Finally, Gary tapped me on my shoulder to find out what was going on, I bent down and let him know that I didn’t know the guy and turned away. So he immediately got the guys attention and let him know I was with him. Really Gary, you’ve got some balls. Although I had no interest in any romantic interest in him, Gary seemed like a genuinely sweet man.  Hopefully he’ll find some average height woman out there.
How do you feel about a height difference? As a woman, would you date a man shorter than you? As a man, do you feel emasculated by a woman who is taller than you after she puts on heels? What about if she’s taller than you without heels?
**In relation to me, any man under 6 ’0″ is short.
I still stand by this post but I can admit it is a bit harsh. It's my truth and I don't apologize for it. Today I just wanted to give a special shoutout to the best comment to date on this post. Cheers to Mike:

5’7 isn’t even that short. I’m 6’1but You sound like a real bitch that judges everyone. 6’4 is a litttttle ridiculous for a woman so maybe if you weren’t a sasquatch lookin bitch, you wouldn’t pass judgement so much on shorter men. You need to put your focus on more important things in life rather than sitting on your computer writing articles about your clubbing adventures as a sasquatch and seeing an ‘overweight’ and ‘short’ man.
He said 5 '7 isn't even that short. I bet this little man is 5 '7. Listen I didn't make the rules but everyone would agree 5 '7 is short for a man.

That is all. I had a good laugh, I hope you did as well. 

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