I started this blog years ago to speak about my random but fun experiences with dating. Over the years, I had so many good times getting to know dashing gentlemen but I always kept my distance from letting myself become attached to them. I kept my emotions bottled up. I spent so much time detached from emotions that I was unable to process them and let them guide my decision making. Now while you may be going awww, it surely made for some interesting blog posts over the years, am I right?
After reading through some of my posts though, I've realized that not everything I have written in the past, well almost nothing, has been from the heart. I'm good at painting fairytales, but life doesn't work that way. My life sure is no walk in the park or fairytale. I make bad decisions, terrible decisions and pay the price for them later.
But those stories, they never make this blog. They sit in my draft folder.
Those stories of when I should have spoken up but didn't. Those stories about my dysfunctional relationship with one of my sisters. Those stories about my crying myself to sleep over a guy I really liked but who I didn't think liked me back. Those stories about how I thought he was the one that got away. Those stories about how sometimes I feel angry towards my older sister for having a child she is not prepared to raise.
Those stories you never see. And those stories are a big part of me. So maybe, just maybe I'll stop being insane. I'll stop doing the same thing and expecting a different result. I'll share more of those stories because they show you just how flawed and imperfect I am.
Give me some time though, because those stories are hard to share.
Those stories make me vulnerable to judgement and ridicule.
Even though I am not fully ready, you're going to get those stories.