Did he apologize?

Last week my girls and I were watching 'Waiting To Exhale.' What I never realized when watching this movie as an adolescent was that each character had bad sex in the first 3 sex scenes. While encountering scene after scene of just awful sex we got on the topic of our own unfortunate sexual encounters.

I had admitted that I had only once dealt with a man who performed horribly and was never given the chance to redeem himself because he didn't apologize. It was a guy had been seeing off and on for a couple of years. By the time we had sex, it wasn't at all how I had imagined it. The guy was such a smooth talker I thought for sure we were going to connect sexually. To my surprise he was done much too early and I was left completely unsatisfied. When he made no comment about the poor performance, I mean the least he could have done was say sorry, I knew he wasn't worried about how I came out in the equation. He got his and was done. And for that so was I. His selfish behavior was not going to be rewarded with any more of my attention. That was our first and last time.

Then my girl started telling me her own story.

She had been seriously dating this guy for several months. There relationship started off as a friendship but the attraction and chemistry between them was undeniable. After months and months of dancing around home base, the 3rd place coach was waving him in to home plate. Unfortunately he was so excited he didn't even knock it pass the pitcher. She said he had a few pumps, said it felt too good and he was out. I mean he struck waaay out. Less than 2 minutes passed before the game was over.

"Whoa! Say what?!?! 2 minutes?!?!"

"Did he apologize," I asked.

An apology could mean the difference between a future inning and the end of a season. If he had said sorry for his premature completion, she would have been willing to give him another chance (as I would have for Mr. Selfish above.) Lucky for him he did, he immediately and emphatically apologized for his short performance. The acknowledgement of what he called uncharacteristic behavior is what garnered him a second opportunity with her. The only thing worse than bad sex, is having a partner who doesn't realize he's bad at it. Moral of the story is, a simple sorry goes a long way.

Not today patna

Just got off the phone with him and I am so proud of myself. I stood my ground and said all that I wanted. He was saying one thing, and I totally brushed his feelings to the side. There was many times where I would have said yes to whatever he asked. Before he could even finish his sentence, I would have blurted out an emphatic yes!

Not today and it feels oh so good. Thought I would share. Practicing self control rocks.

I'll never understand

I'll never understand how two people can be inseparable one day and not stand to be in each others presence the next. We spent the last 10 years getting to know each other. Each others likes and dislikes, what makes us laugh and what makes us cry. If you asked me anything about her, I could give you an answer up until a couple of years ago. We started growing apart. I was going off and to college and discovering myself. She stayed behind in our neighborhood looking down on the new friends I was making.

One day, she was sitting in my room (yes we were roommates, I'd never do that again) gossiping about one of her friends. All I had to say was hello and she would tell me all their business. Then, I had an epiphany! If this bitch (excuse my American expletive) was talking this much shit (excuse me again) about girls who had now become her close friends, what had she said about me? From that moment on, I didn't share any personal information with her. More months passed and I didn't even want to hear her talk mess about her so called friends. She noticed and she would stop disturbing me when I was studying to talk about their deepest darkest secrets.

More months passed and although we were still living together, we were no longer friends. Associates would have been more fitting but at one point we weren't even that anymore. We had become enemies. Just looking at her made my stomach turn.

Fast-forward to 5 minutes ago. I haven't heard a peep from the girl since she left my roommate and I high and dry without much notice. All of those feelings of anger came rushing back when I saw her on my twitter feed. I looked at her page for a second, she looked the same but I don't want to think about her and what happened anymore. So instead of spending any more time being angry about it, I decided to blog about. This is my first and last blog about her. And I put her and our relationship to rest.

As a matter of fact, I totally understand why things like this happen. People grow apart. Friendships end and people move on. Because of our abrupt departure from each others lives (I'm only speaking physically, we had stopped being friends long before I moved,) I am a better person. With this last sentence, I put her and her existence back to rest.

Because I'm natural

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_5jIt0f5Z4]

Last week I was reminded that simply because I wear my hair in its natural state I have the weight of all black people on my shoulders. I’m supposed to be a Black Panther supporting, Angela Davis following, leading the trail back to Africa revolutionary type of woman. I’m only supposed to be attracted to skinny, dark-skinned dread rocking West Indian Rastafarian men with a free spirit to match my own. At night my house is suppose to be filled with burnt incense, Cali ganja and One Love by Bob Marley.

My girl asked me to go on what was not a date with her and this guy she has been seeing for a couple of months. His friend was in town for the weekend and they needed a fourth person for an impromptu night out. Enter the go to single girl friend Silent. I had no expectations for the evening, other than conversation and great food. (I only ask if you use my services that you at least feed me.) We ended up at this chic sushi restaurant downtown. The four of us found a table in a corner and continued the conversation that began in the car ride there. Apparently he had a birthday party the previous week but my girl brought another friend along instead of me.

Throughout our conversation, I took mental notes of several comments he made about my hair:

“You would have enjoyed yourself; there were a lot of neo-soul brothas there.” [I wish someone could have captured the look on my face. I didn’t hide my reaction. I was so disgusted but I just changed the subject for my girls sake.]

“Do you get a lot of comments on your hair?” [Yes I get a lot of IGNORANT comments on my hair and you’ve been adding to the list.]

At one point he said something about me being “urban,” which he said was combination of my hometown and my natural hair. [I wanted so badly to show him my real “urban” side but the restaurant was too quiet for such an outburst.]



By the end of the evening I walked away feeling utterly annoyed. I didn’t realize how much it bugged me until I was telling a friend about it the next day. Now I realize I have to laugh at the situation because I’m sure it won’t be my last aggravating stereotyping interaction. His narrow minded assumptions did nothing more than perpetuate the stereotype I have of people like him. He has such a small mind I’m sure he has the member to match.

Because I'm natural the only thing you can assume is that I am comfortable in my own skin, beautiful, confident and stand out. But hey this is all true when I straighten my hair as well.

No Dating Zone

Keeping up with this dating blog is becoming harder and harder seeing as I don’t date and have no desire to. I am tired of putting myself through the emotional rollercoaster that is dating in L.A. I noticed sometime last week that flirting and meeting new people is not on my agenda at all, I actually do the opposite and avoid meeting men at all costs.

The next several weeks will be interesting to track on this site and I hope you will follow me on this journey of….I have no clue but as of now, it doesn’t include dating.

RePost: Uncensored: Ocean. Motion. Smotion

I was talking to a guy I had been on a few dates with recently and was feeling a bit uninhibited with my line of questioning. We were talking about about sex, which is important when you are getting to know someone. I feel that if you are afraid of talking openly about sex with a potential partner, then you probably shouldn’t be engaging in those unmentioned acts.


This guy and I were going back and forth discussing our likes, dislikes, our craziest experiences and what not. There were no boundaries in our conversation which led me to my most outrageous question in my history of dating. It’s a question a lot of women would love to ask a man before they get too physical, but I am sure they are too embarrassed. Since our conversation was flowing and sex was on my mind, I found the nerve to ask him. It’s not like I hadn’t been thinking about it (especially after an experience I had a couple of years ago.)

"Do you have a small penis?"

(Insert long pause. I didn't even crack a smile on the other end of the phone, I was on the edge of my seat waiting for his response. He didn’t say a word for at least 7 seconds. Which is eons when waiting for that answer. I think it was the initial surprise at my directness that kept him quiet. At least I had hoped so.)

"No, I don’t have a small penis. "

I later admitted that was the first time I had ever asked a guy that question. If it weren’t so taboo, I would ask this question so much earlier in a “ship:” courtship/relationship. It would help to know if I'm gonna spend hours searching for your "manhood" like I did when the Asian jumped out of that trunk in 'The Hangover." (I seriously paused and replayed that scene over and over because I was in such shock.) Before I start spending countless hours fantasizing about what I assume he's working with, I thought it would just be easier to ask. (Ya'll aren't the only one's imagining what sex might be like beforehand.) I wouldn’t have to waste his time or mine once I figure out that I'm emotionally and sexually attracted him trying to use creative aways to assess his "member." [I'll have to do a follow up post on how to "check his package" before you go too far.] I don't need a mandigo, but I can't deal with having to search for my microscope every time we're about to get physical either.

"It’s the motion in the ocean that matters." Motion in the ocean my ass! I've never heard one of my girls say this, it's always from a man who is aware of his shortcomings and is looking for a way to compensate. If a man ever says this to you before you have had sex, RUN, its almost certain he's got a Little Willy.

Note: This is an edited repost from last year. I will have a follow up to this post Thursday.