This post is a follow-up to a Friday Rant post about a guy who likes to send late night grazing text messages. I finally decided that if this dude was going to continue with this nonsense I might as well kill two birds with one stone- I could have a little fun with him while simultaneously sending him a message.
10:19 p.m. "Hey Guy": Come over tonight
10:20 Me: What’s your address?
10:22 Hey Guy: My address is [dumb ass really sent me his home address] and [here are directions I didn’t ask for because he really thinks I'm on my way.]
My girl and I laugh as we get his hopes as I high as possible.
10:25pm Me: Alright I’ll be there in 10. What are we going to do?
10:27pm Hey Guy: I have lots of brand new screeners from online. So we can watch movies.
Right, you’re sending me your address at 10 p.m. so we can watch movies all night. My homegirl and I decided to make this a little more interesting.
10: 28pm: Me: Nice and after that?
10:28pm Hey Guy: Whatever you want…it doesn’t matter
10:30pm Me: Cool. I’ll wear something comfortable
10:30pm Hey Guy: k
He calls and my girl and I push the phone back and forth between one another until it stops ringing. When he calls back this time, my girl answers. Of course he doesn’t know it's not me, we haven’t spoken since we met two months ago. She tells him she is almost there but is losing service and will call back.
10:45 Me: You sure? Cuz we need to be safe. You’re gonna need to wrap it up. (I’m sure he almost choked when he read this but we were just getting started.)
10:46 Hey Guy: You don’t need to bring anything
10:49 Me: Alright. Just checkin. Cuz I like to have fun. You have toys we can use?
10:50 Hey Guy: Just come
10:52 Me: I hope I can, over and over and over
He calls my cell again, I don’t answer this time.
10:53 Me: Let me in
Meanwhile, I’m actually at a fight party laughing at this entire exchange with my homegirl and grubbin on cold enchiladas.
10:53 Hey Guy: The code is xxxx
The "Hey Guy" calls again, I pass my phone to Detroit and tell him to answer. (We can discuss why I was hangin out with him another time.) He’s so drunk at this point he doesn’t even question me. After letting the guy know that “Silent is busy and can’t come to the phone,” the Hey guy hangs up.
You can believe I don’t get those random text messages in the middle of the night anymore.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Guest Blogger: How to Keep Your Man from Cheating
The Artist Formerly Known as Crabby Cancer was so moved by Younbuck's post that she sent in some tips on how to keep your man in check.
It's true. A woman would be naive to think that once they are in a relationship, their man would stop thinking about other woman. I know it's possible that my man may think about other women; the key is to let your man know that you will CUT him if he goes beyond thinking. Remind him of that every once in a while in subtle ways:
*Play Kelis' "Caught Out There"
"So sick of your games,
I'll set your truck to flames,
And watch it blow up, blow up, (ha ha)
Tell me: How you go'n see her now"
*Watch "A Thin Line Between Love And Hate"
Just think Brandi (Lynn Whitfield) and flash forward to Darnell (Martin Lawrence) in the hospital. You get my drift.
*Watch an episode of Cheaters and remark how the girl "underreacted"
*Cut a banana in front of him
Do this every two months, and you should be fine.
It's true. A woman would be naive to think that once they are in a relationship, their man would stop thinking about other woman. I know it's possible that my man may think about other women; the key is to let your man know that you will CUT him if he goes beyond thinking. Remind him of that every once in a while in subtle ways:
*Play Kelis' "Caught Out There"
"So sick of your games,
I'll set your truck to flames,
And watch it blow up, blow up, (ha ha)
Tell me: How you go'n see her now"
*Watch "A Thin Line Between Love And Hate"
Just think Brandi (Lynn Whitfield) and flash forward to Darnell (Martin Lawrence) in the hospital. You get my drift.
*Watch an episode of Cheaters and remark how the girl "underreacted"
*Cut a banana in front of him
Do this every two months, and you should be fine.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Guest Blogger: YoungBuck
I have a few guy friends and I personally thing they give the best advice on their complicated and weird species. Here is snippet from a conversation I had with my friend YoungBuck the other day:
Is this true for all men? Ladies, how do you feel? Do you feel this way too?
I’ll do a separate post with my response next week.
Guys never stop thinking about other women. That’s just a fact of life. We all can choose whether we will cheat though. That’s about self control. I have come to that realization
It took me till 28-29 to figure that out. Before I realized that I would just cheat and not think about it. I thought that because I thought about other girls that I wanted to do them. So I would. Yes so being faithful is a choice. It doesn't just naturally happen. I always thought it was suppose to naturally happen like I was all of a sudden gonna stop thinking about other girls.
Is this true for all men? Ladies, how do you feel? Do you feel this way too?
I’ll do a separate post with my response next week.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Text Message: I want to see you
So what the heck are you waiting for? An open invitation? Don’t you know the old cliché ‘Closed mouths don’t get fed.’
No I don’t think it’s cute that you are telling me what you want. I think it’s sexy if you told me when it’s going to happen.
How bout the next time you feel yourself about to send a message like this, you ‘clear field’ and replace it with the following:
1. I want to take you out again this Saturday.
2. When do I get the pleasure of your company? Are you free at 8?
3. Does this afternoon work for you, I want to make you dinner. *Pause* Only send this message if you are absolutely sure the girl is feeling you.
4. Let’s go [insert a common activity of interest] this Friday.
Do you notice what all of these statements have in common? They are full of confidence. They tell me that you’re sure I’d want to go out with you again. They show me you’re man enough to set up the date instead of filling my inbox with fluff.
A guy sent me this message yesterday. I kindly told him to CALL me when he wanted to make it happen. He must not realize a) I don’t text date and b) I’m not stroking his ego this early in the game.
Geesh!
No I don’t think it’s cute that you are telling me what you want. I think it’s sexy if you told me when it’s going to happen.
How bout the next time you feel yourself about to send a message like this, you ‘clear field’ and replace it with the following:
1. I want to take you out again this Saturday.
2. When do I get the pleasure of your company? Are you free at 8?
3. Does this afternoon work for you, I want to make you dinner. *Pause* Only send this message if you are absolutely sure the girl is feeling you.
4. Let’s go [insert a common activity of interest] this Friday.
Do you notice what all of these statements have in common? They are full of confidence. They tell me that you’re sure I’d want to go out with you again. They show me you’re man enough to set up the date instead of filling my inbox with fluff.
A guy sent me this message yesterday. I kindly told him to CALL me when he wanted to make it happen. He must not realize a) I don’t text date and b) I’m not stroking his ego this early in the game.
Geesh!
How to score a second date
Just ask. Shocking I know. Sometimes the simplest advice is the best advice. If you are feeling a girl and the date was cool, ask her out again at the end of the date. If you like her, what are you waiting for?
Here are some clues to look for throughout the date to let you know if she is going to respond in your favor.
1. Making references to future plans -Next time we go out, we should go Hal’s, it’s a really nice jazz restaurant. It really is too.
2. Character statements-You’ll find out, I’m a really nice girl.
3. Do you want to come inside? Hit it and store the number, you can at least add her to the rotation.
If you are feeling a girl, save both of you the trouble and stress of wondering if you like each other. Ask her out towards the end of the date. If she says no, at least you know now not to spend another minute thinking about her.
Here are some clues to look for throughout the date to let you know if she is going to respond in your favor.
1. Making references to future plans -Next time we go out, we should go Hal’s, it’s a really nice jazz restaurant. It really is too.
2. Character statements-You’ll find out, I’m a really nice girl.
3. Do you want to come inside? Hit it and store the number, you can at least add her to the rotation.
If you are feeling a girl, save both of you the trouble and stress of wondering if you like each other. Ask her out towards the end of the date. If she says no, at least you know now not to spend another minute thinking about her.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Friday Rant: Darkside followup
After reading Grace’s post yesterday, it really got me thinking. The comments on her post by men, was not of disgust at her outright disdain for lighter tone men. Instead, she was flooded with requests for a response by the men she left out. It just made me wonder, what if her post was written by a dark skin black man. Instead of it being a lighter toned woman praising dark skin men, what if it was a dark skin man, praising lighter toned women. Would the post have been so readily accepted without backlash from dark skin black women? The answer is undoubtedly no! Black woman would have ripped him to shreds. They would immediately be dismissed as sellouts who don’t love themselves, a man who needs validation, etc, etc, etc. Why can’t a black man write the same post, without getting side eyes from his Nubian queens?
As a mid-tone, brown skin, caramel woman (I’ve been called all of the above so you pick.) I feel a sense of pride when someone voices their love for my tone. Yesterday on twitter I posed a Silent Question of the Day: Do you have a preference when it comes to skin tone?
“Brown skin girls walk with this rhythm I still can’t explain to this day. Kryptonite. :(“
I secretly shouted ‘that’s right!’ when I read this reply. I mean I should take pride in it right? Shouldn’t it be as tolerable for a light skin woman or man to do the same when someone claims their tone is more likeable?
As a mid-tone, brown skin, caramel woman (I’ve been called all of the above so you pick.) I feel a sense of pride when someone voices their love for my tone. Yesterday on twitter I posed a Silent Question of the Day: Do you have a preference when it comes to skin tone?
“Brown skin girls walk with this rhythm I still can’t explain to this day. Kryptonite. :(“
I secretly shouted ‘that’s right!’ when I read this reply. I mean I should take pride in it right? Shouldn’t it be as tolerable for a light skin woman or man to do the same when someone claims their tone is more likeable?
Darkside...pt2
Dark chocolate, milk chocolate, white chocolate, caramel, mocha, pecan, black licorice. It doesn't matter what flavor or shade of chocolate you are, I enjoy the entire rainbow. Speaking as a woman who has dated all shades of men, including men of other races, I have concluded that men are men. I for one don't care what shade you are as long as you're not ugly. Yeah, I said ugly. I have no quorums in admitting I don't date ugly. Ugly has no color. Assholes have no color. Vain men have no color. Cockiness has no color. Masculinity has no color.
I don't believe in the stereotypes that one shade is more shady, more masculine, more [insert skin tone stereotype] than the other. I think each man has his own issues and skin complexion doesn't make you more or less appealing for me. I have other measurements for that. If for some reason I did hold those stereotypes about men, near and dear, I couldn't be upset if a man said he only dated or didn't date women with my skin complexion because I help validate their blackness (truestory), lighter toned women are not as mean as dark skin women (truestory) or that dark skin women are not as beautiful (truestory times 10.) I don't blame anyone for seeking out the aesthetic qualities that get them going. I have mine too, complexion just happens not to be one of them.
I think our complexion is the beauty of being black, there is just no one thing. We come in a variety of shapes, sizes, and shades, and each one is amazing and unique! Well, we may have to do a different post on shapes and sizes, because I definitely have preferences on those...but no matter what the shade, I'll take a GOOD man any day.
Check out my other blog ihatethewayyoueatcereal for part 1 and 3
I don't believe in the stereotypes that one shade is more shady, more masculine, more [insert skin tone stereotype] than the other. I think each man has his own issues and skin complexion doesn't make you more or less appealing for me. I have other measurements for that. If for some reason I did hold those stereotypes about men, near and dear, I couldn't be upset if a man said he only dated or didn't date women with my skin complexion because I help validate their blackness (truestory), lighter toned women are not as mean as dark skin women (truestory) or that dark skin women are not as beautiful (truestory times 10.) I don't blame anyone for seeking out the aesthetic qualities that get them going. I have mine too, complexion just happens not to be one of them.
I think our complexion is the beauty of being black, there is just no one thing. We come in a variety of shapes, sizes, and shades, and each one is amazing and unique! Well, we may have to do a different post on shapes and sizes, because I definitely have preferences on those...but no matter what the shade, I'll take a GOOD man any day.
Check out my other blog ihatethewayyoueatcereal for part 1 and 3
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