No Dating Zone

Keeping up with this dating blog is becoming harder and harder seeing as I don’t date and have no desire to. I am tired of putting myself through the emotional rollercoaster that is dating in L.A. I noticed sometime last week that flirting and meeting new people is not on my agenda at all, I actually do the opposite and avoid meeting men at all costs.

The next several weeks will be interesting to track on this site and I hope you will follow me on this journey of….I have no clue but as of now, it doesn’t include dating.

Make it go away!!

Tell me I’m not alone. Tell me you have the same problem. Then I wouldn’t feel the need to continue to hide in shame, to keep this fact a secret. I have a crush. I’m not even sure it can still be called a crush. At one point we did date. We spent several months getting to know each other and everything I knew I liked. Then just like that, it ended. We parted on good terms and that’s the main problem. I honestly wish we would have had a big falling out, and then I could get over this.I suddenly had to find something to do with my feelings.

Soon after the parting, I found myself doing things I know I shouldn’t. Cardinal rules were constantly broken. I was the Facebook stalking, twitter feed reading, invisibly logging into Gchat just to see his name. Don't judge me. I mean I had it bad, real bad Joe Jackson. Finally after a few weeks (I’m lying it was more like 4 months) I started to get over him. My heart wouldn’t skip a beat when his name appeared on my caller ID or he would comment on my Facebook page. The butterflies wings stopped flapping and he was just another guy. Or at least that’s what I told myself. I continued to tell myself I was over him. Even after all of my friends continued to tell me the truth, I was and still am crushing on him.

I’m not trying to fight it anymore. I know what it is. It’s a crush. Because nothing can come from it. Don’t ask me why, just trust me it can’t. So I’m here to ask for the people who have secret unspoken crushes to please stand up.

Looks around for support…Will the real Silent Scorpion please stand up...

One Night Only

I had no intention of dating while on a 4 day trip to New York this past weekend, but things kind of happened that way. I met Mr. One Night at a club and did something I never ever do. I was having such a great time, I was that girl boo'd up in the club. Mr. One Night had me at hello. It was the accent! I'm a sucker for most (not all) accents. Maybe it's because I can be sure they aren't from Cali.

I was walking by the bar and he whispered something is his sexy voice. I turned to him and said excuse me and he and me hooked immediately after. We got so deep into conversation that I didn't notice how much time had passed.

When I noticed Kerry & Grace were looking for me [seeing as I was hidden in a corner talking with Mr. One Night behind the bar] I quickly told him that I had to take them home immediately. Grace and Kerry were noticeably drunk but I had my eye on them most of the night. Mr. One Night asked me when I was leaving NY and said he wanted to take me out the following night. Seeing as I had already done the club and he was super cute, I gladly obliged.

Date Report Card: We always rate others but I thought it would be more interesting to add how I think I did. Especially considering this is something I always think about.



Punctuality

Him: A+ Me: F

When I called him the next day (I took his number) he was so excited to hear from me. We set up a time for him to pick me up (I was so glad he had a car because the subway system in NY is not my friend.) Unfortunately, a 30 minute train ride turned into a 2 hour excursion. He called me 20 minutes in advance when he was leaving Uptown to let me know he'd be on his way to Brooklyn and since I had no service I couldn't tell him to sit tight. So he waited over an hour at a friend's house. Ooops, my bad. I apologized vehemently throughout the night for my unusual tardiness.

Dress

Him: A+

Me: C-

Seeing as he had already been waiting an hour for me, I didn't want to make him wait any longer. So out I came in my tights, thermal and tall flat boots looking like I hadn't thought enough about him to dress up. I could tell that style was important to him because he constantly referenced my sheik look the night before.

Creativity

Him: Incomplete

Me: Incomplete

We didn't set up an actual plan and sometimes I like dates to be a by the whim adventure. I couldn't offer any advice since I don't live there. All I had to do was say I was hungry and he took care of the rest. He took me to a boutique café with a beautiful store front view but he also mentioned there weren't many other places open at midnight in the city. So, I don't really consider that to be creative.

Chivalry

Him: A

Me: A++

After scarfing down my delicious omelette, I offered to pick up the check. And by offer I mean, while we were talking I opened up my purse, pulled out my wallet, and placed my credit card on the table. You should have seen his face he was so shocked. I guess at 33 not a lot of women paid for their own meal. But, he didn't eat so I didn't really see the point in him paying for my meal. Mr. One Night said it was a 'very cute gesture' and insisted that I put my credit card away.

Chemistry

Him: A?

Me: B

You ever get the feeling someone is feeling you a lot more than you are feeling them. Well that's the vibe he was giving me. (It could also be that I'm not used to a guy being so expressive so soon.)

Mr. One Night is a really nice guy with a cute sense of humor. He got a lot of my jokes which is so important to me. I have a sort of dry wit and if you don't get it, you'll immediately bore me and I'll confuse you. He was a little more laid back than I'm used to and normally like, but that could also have to do with the fact that it was our first date.

Overall A-

He was so sweet and seemed so genuine but he lives in Toronto/New York and I'm a Cali girl. I've learned from my past, long distance just isn't for me. I knew going into it, that it was going to be a one night only. This may have hindered me really opening up but hey, it happens.

It's funny, because as soon as I got back to L.A. and told my sister about my date, she asked me when I was going to talk to him again. My response: "uhhh, when ever I'm on the East Coast."

Teaching lessons one pig at a time

This post is a follow-up to a Friday Rant post about a guy who likes to send late night grazing text messages. I finally decided that if this dude was going to continue with this nonsense I might as well kill two birds with one stone- I could have a little fun with him while simultaneously sending him a message.

10:19 p.m. "Hey Guy": Come over tonight
10:20 Me: What’s your address?
10:22 Hey Guy: My address is [dumb ass really sent me his home address] and [here are directions I didn’t ask for because he really thinks I'm on my way.]

My girl and I laugh as we get his hopes as I high as possible.

10:25pm Me: Alright I’ll be there in 10. What are we going to do?
10:27pm Hey Guy: I have lots of brand new screeners from online. So we can watch movies.

Right, you’re sending me your address at 10 p.m. so we can watch movies all night. My homegirl and I decided to make this a little more interesting.

10: 28pm: Me: Nice and after that?
10:28pm Hey Guy: Whatever you want…it doesn’t matter
10:30pm Me: Cool. I’ll wear something comfortable
10:30pm Hey Guy: k

He calls and my girl and I push the phone back and forth between one another until it stops ringing. When he calls back this time, my girl answers. Of course he doesn’t know it's not me, we haven’t spoken since we met two months ago. She tells him she is almost there but is losing service and will call back.

10:45 Me: You sure? Cuz we need to be safe. You’re gonna need to wrap it up. (I’m sure he almost choked when he read this but we were just getting started.)
10:46 Hey Guy: You don’t need to bring anything
10:49 Me: Alright. Just checkin. Cuz I like to have fun. You have toys we can use?
10:50 Hey Guy: Just come
10:52 Me: I hope I can, over and over and over

He calls my cell again, I don’t answer this time.

10:53 Me: Let me in

Meanwhile, I’m actually at a fight party laughing at this entire exchange with my homegirl and grubbin on cold enchiladas.

10:53 Hey Guy: The code is xxxx

The "Hey Guy" calls again, I pass my phone to Detroit and tell him to answer. (We can discuss why I was hangin out with him another time.) He’s so drunk at this point he doesn’t even question me. After letting the guy know that “Silent is busy and can’t come to the phone,” the Hey guy hangs up.

You can believe I don’t get those random text messages in the middle of the night anymore.

Back to our Regularly Scheduled Program

Earlier this week I said I was going to stop writing until I had some good news. Well my life isn’t ever that black and white and I can’t still long enough for a clear definition of good news to happen. Also, since I can’t talk to the majority of my national friends over the phone, I started this blog for. I blast myself on the internet to give them access into my world.

Something positive did happen but I don’t want to go into too much detail just yet. Have you ever not wanted to speak about something good because you were too afraid you were going to jinx it, well that’s what’s going on now. One of the guys I have ranted about numerous times has done the unthinkable. It’s a good unthinkable though; something totally out of his character. When I finally tell you what it is next week you probably won’t think it’s that big of a deal. But when this guy decided to change the major complaint I have about him for over a year, for me, I take note. I have made note and it is greatly appreciated. We won’t be testing out this new change until next week, which is why I’m so apprehensive about writing what it is he did.

Stay tuned because either way, I will have a post about it next week. Until then, I do have a few things to get off my chest this week. I know its already mid week but I’m in the mood for writing. So you’ll see at least 3 new posts from me following this. I hope you’re still reading.

Untitled

To all my readers, aka the few people who have found this blog, thank you for following my sometimes interesting dating life. I don't know if I've been especially picky lately or if nice men are avoiding me, but all of my posts lately have been male bashing. I don't want you to think that I hate all men. I don't. I just don't have time or the patience for bullshit or incompatability. So until I have something nice to say, I wont say anything.

Hopefully that means you will hear from me sooner than later with some kind of hopeful story. Until then, I need a break from the madness that is my dating life.

P.S.

I am bipolar sometimes, so you may see a rant from me before the week is over. I get so much material from the men I surround myself with.

::sigh::

Temporary Truths & Lying by omission

A lie is a lie is a lie. Temporary truths are those little white lies that males use to buffer what they know will lead to an awkward situation and an uncomfortably judgemental conversation with their female companion. They know that if they divulge the entire truth, it may compromise their chances of getting some. Especially if they are on the right path.

This one guy I dated a while back was the King of temporary truths. What he didn’t realize was that ultimately the complete truth would come to light. I feel like guys think it’s okay to tell these types of truths because they’re technically true… well, depending on what day of the week you ask.

I have my own place.

Temporary independence is not gonna work. I had a guy tell me once that since he was having problems with his roommate, and was gonna have to move in and sleep on his homeboys couch.

I just lost my job.

Liar, you lost your job 2 years ago. Way before the recession hit.

I don’t have any kids.

Now this is technically true since your ex girlfriend is 6 months pregnant and has yet to give birth to your little girl.

I haven’t had sex in a while.

His excuse after arriving way before you were even close. You realize after the fourth disappointing performance, that the reason he hasn’t had sex in a while, is because he’s a selfish one minute man.

Understand this, little white lies or temporary truths are still lies. Keep it 100 and we should be fine.

Am I too picky??

At first I was really excited to write about my date Sunday. I was more excited about blogging about it, then actually going on it. Which was problem number one. Problem number two, the guy and I had nothing in common. I mean absolutely nothing. I walked away from it feeling, well nothing. The details of the date aren’t that important but I’ll give you a brief summary.

Originally our date was supposed to be just the two of us. You know a normal date with just two people. A date which happened to be on his birthday. It wasn’t until later he asked if he could change it into a group dinner. I couldn’t fathom saying no, so I agreed. I brought Grace along so I wouldn’t be alone on this escapade.

It wasn’t like he wasn’t a nice guy because he did his best to make myself and Grace feel comfortable. He told us we could order whatever we wanted and that it was on him. But between his lack of working car, a career (or at least path) at almost 30, a home of his own and his addiction, yes I said addiction, to smoking weed, I just couldn’t conceive going on a date two. Grace tried to convince me to give him another chance, but going on a second date with me, isn’t going to change those things. His laid back personality had trickled into other parts of his life and I can’t stick around for that ride.

Since I learned all this on the first “date” I was through. This to me was another failed hookup. Am I being too harsh? Should I go on a second date? It’s not like he didn’t have good qualities. He was cute, very genuine and welcoming and I caught him blessing his food. All brownie point worthy, right?

Friday Rant: Confession

CONFESSION: I am playing with fire and hoping not to get burned. I met a man. From what I've learned so far he's just my type. A little dorky but with style, smart but not pretentious, and cute but not a pretty boy.

Sounds like I should be excited right, wrong. This guy has obliterated my #1 deal breaker. Nothing has happened between us but I am not helping the situation by flirting. Without heels, I am at least a few inches taller than him. I think. I won't let myself see him in person again because it is so much easier to pretend the height difference doesn't exist versus attacking it head on.

We send each other friendly texts throughout the day. I know I should stop now before it goes any further. But a part of me wants to see what's gonna happen. The other part of me doesn't want to use him in my self inflicted experiment. I would feel horrible if I hurt anyone in the process of finding out about myself. What kind of person dates someone to test their own values?

I keep changing the subject when he asks to see me again. What should I do?

Hi Stranger

In my inbox: Hi Stranger

A guy I’ve been seeing off and on for the past year (more off than on) sent me the ‘Hi Stranger’ message. Against my better judgment I replied. Immediately changing the subject to more current subject like “How was your day?” After a few short exchanges, he replied with, “You know you owe me a visit.”

Do you want to guess how I replied?

If you’ve been paying attention to my posts, you know I didn’t.

If you ever get the urge to send this to an ex female companion, DON’T. An out of the blue message, or phone call (I don’t think I’ve stressed the importance of a voice conversation enough) should be original. Those two words should not be put together in an openining message; especially when you know why you two no longer speak. The reason it’s such a bad idea is because it has a slight hint of finger pointing. The person sending the message has obviously been thinking about the receiver and instead of just stating that, they question why they have been M.I.A.

Since you obviously plan on rekindling an old flame, know that isn’t going to happen if your opening line is about as original as a Diddy LP.

Introducing the remix. The following are messages that I have received, that made me think, “Whatever happened between us, maybe I should call him back.”

“If you’re not too busy, I’d love to take you out and catch up.” –You’ve already shown that you are not just trying to get in my pants, but that you genuinely want to talk and hear what I have to say. Even if you plan on trying to hit the next time, it’s tolerable since you have fed me. It's a win win.

“How are you doing these days? How is your sister?” –Any reference to my family is both heart warming and shows you didn't confuse me with another girl you used to hang out with that was an only child. It also shows that this is not a mass text message. You know how I have a detective eye for those.

“Are you free tonight? I have a ticket to a Lakers game.” –I’m dropping everything now to pick YOU up. Not only do you remember that I love sports (or whatever activity she may like) but you took the initiative to set up an outing I’d most definitely enjoy.

The Thrill is in the Chase

Recently I was lucky enough to attend the Goapele concert at LA Live. I must say that this woman is a beautiful performer who let her kind spirit shine through her performance. Even with the constant adoration of the nights MC, Goapele seemed unfazed about the well deserved compliments she received before she hit the stage. During her set I stood as far to the front of the pack as I could. Although I felt like I was standing in a sauna in the dully lit and unventilated pit, I didn’t miss a word when singing her songs.

Earlier in the night I noticed a fair skinned, slim, gentleman in a striped sweater who must have been at least 6 ‘4” standing near the bar having a drink with his friends. When I walked pass his group, all heads turned my way. The attention was well appreciated but I wasn’t checking for any of them. I smiled as I walked by and mouthed the words ‘Hi,” in their direction. I made no distinction in regards to who my gesture was intended for. At that point it wasn’t intended for anyone. I mean Mr. Stripes was cute but he didn’t seem like my type.

After Goapele’s set was over, I positioned myself back at the bar near the balcony with my girl Carerra for the remainder of the evening. While we chatted about the lack for potential flirting and our plans for following day, I noticed that mister stripes was looking my way. I smiled his way and continued my conversation with Carerra. I figured if he wanted to say something, he would come over. A few moments later I noticed a girl standing next to him. I’m not sure when she arrived, but she didn’t leave his side for the remainder of the night. I couldn’t tell if he already knew her or if they had just met. As the night continued, we continued to lock eyes across the bar.

At one point he left his companions side and came my way. He walked from one side of the bar towards me, I looked away and before I knew it he was outside. The weird thing is he came right back inside through the opposite doors.

Was he waiting for me to look at him again?

I wasn’t sure what was going on so I didn’t move. Plus I have a habit of freezing up and turning away when I notice a cute guy coming my way.

Mr. Stripes made his way back inside and to his pack. I didn’t know what was going on. There was no apparent reason for him to have gone outside, since he didn’t even stop to speak to anyone. I concluded that he was waiting on me to say something, which I didn’t.

For the next hour I waited for his female companion to leave his side so I could make my move. I mean, if he had just met her that night, then he is fair game. She never left his side and my eyes never left his direction. It was kind of thrilling to occasionally catch his eye when she wasn’t looking. Hell, he was looking my way even when she was.

After the concert was over, I caught one more glimpse of the fine specimen that was Mr. Stripes and left the theater.

The evening made me think about the old saying, you don’t want something til you can’t have it. I’m sure I could have made a move earlier in the evening, but I didn’t want him til I knew I he couldn’t be mine.

Should I tell him?

Should I tell him that I’m seeing him to pass the time?

I have absolutely no interest in a relationship with him and I don’t think he does either. Gone are the days where I stress over why he doesn’t make an effort to see me. No longer do I dwell on his claim that he doesn’t like to go out. I have made it clear that I am not tripping off the fact that he is a homebody because we aren’t dating. We hang out when I have no other plans for the evening. Those occasions are far in between.

We don’t talk on the phone the way we used to because I have nothing I want to tell him. I think he knows what this is; it’s a friendship with no more benefits. So should I have to explicitly tell him that he has been moved from the dating zone to the friend zone?

This weekend he made the “long” journey from his home in Simi Valley to see me. I wasn’t interested in inviting him over and I’m usually never home on Sunday’s anyway. I always find it funny that his interpretation of coming to see me is going to see his friends and then checking on whether or not I’m home. If he had really come this way just to visit me, we would have arranged a time to meet.

I am not a pit stop, I am a destination.

Now that I think about our relationship and the path it has followed, I don’t think I need to tell him. He has known all along.

I just wish he would have told me.

He Wears Dickies and a Uniform Shirt

After a short drought in the dating department, I tried to figure out what, if anything I was doing wrong. For a long time, I convinced myself that I had too many unnecessary standards. That I should give all men a chance no matter what kind of background they had or what they did for a living. I had gotten such conflicting advice about my dating criteria. Some friends commended me, while others told me I would end up alone if I didn't change my ways fast. Against my own better judgment I decided to stop with all the rules. I was gonna date whoever I wanted, whenever I wanted. If they were cute and fun, then that's all I needed to make me happy.

I was dating this guy for a few months and I knew he worked in a store, behind the counter, doing customer service retail. We had fun when we hung out and I didn't concern myself with thinking too much deeper than that. I told myself that what he did for a living didn't matter. And I think I actually believed it for a while. Until I saw him in his uniform one day: Dickies and a printed uniform shirt. Reality set in. I had to confront how I really felt about what he did for a living.

I could no longer think short term. This guy and I could not have a future. Yes he was a lot of the things I want in a man. Tall, cute, attentive, kind-hearted, committed to his family and able to deal with my sarcasm (which I give all men brownie points for cuz I'm rough.) But, he had no goals he was working towards. He was supportive in my quest to go back and attain a second degree but he had no plans for himself.

Then I went back and analyzed our relationship. Yes he was a gentleman but we literally had nothing in common. We didn't really talk about anything of substance because he didn't pay attention to politics, hadn't read anything without a half naked woman on the cover since high school, didn't watch the news so he wasn't up to date with current events and his idea of fun was very predictable: Movie, dinner, and [insert any other boring and played out date activity here.]

I went back to my list and re-evaluated it once again. I added goals back to it. Its something that is important to me and I'm not ashamed of it. Goals don’t always mean a college degree either, but it does mean you are willing to work hard towards a successful future. Truthfully, the field doesn't matter, as long as you are passionate about something.

I also added common interests and some kind of hobby outside of work for reasons solely based on the obvious: if I can predict the events of your day we have a problem. Please add something besides, waking up, going to work, and talking to me.

Seriously, anything.

Silent Scorpion

Social Experiment (Part 2): The male species and his limits

Part II

Note: Again, if you plan on judging please do not continue reading.

At this point I was planning on moving as far away from NC for the rest of the night so as not to lead him on. But I wanted to see just how far he would go. So I made my way back to NC’s area with my experiment in mind. His voluntary participation was needed for conclusive results.

Hypothesis: A guy with a girlfriend will act an ass if said girl and none of her friends are around.

Dependent Variables: The dependent variables are the variables that are being measured throughout the experiment. The DV here are the different of boundaries he could cross during our interaction in the club including but not limited to inappropriate comments and/or touching and any plans for future contact.

He had already tricked my into giving him my number earlier in the night. If you have a girlfriend, what exactly did you need my number for, oh yeah, to help out a girl you just met in the club with a T.V.

Independent Variables: The independent variables are the variables that are manipulated in the experiment. The IV for this experiment include things related to me such as age, sex, body type, level of education and flirt-ability.

Possible results: Two possible results, a) he could not be interested in anything but being having a platonic conversation with an intelligent woman in a club. B) He is a dog and at some point will overstep his boundaries. This includes any actions that would not be made if his girlfriend or any of her friends were standing next to him.

Design: Flirt a little but still play hard to get.

Data Collection continued….
-------
Me: I really like what I do right now and it’s the experience more than anything that keeps me there for now.

(My favorite song comes on…I stop after I complete my sentence about my carrer and start dancing.)

NC: You better stop before you get me in trouble.

Me: Don’t worry there is no trouble to get into. (Thought to self: Did he even hear a word I was saying or was he just waiting for me to dance in front of him?)
--------
Next, I moved on to the, "your friend is more interesting than you," part of my experiment.

His friend had been eying me the entire night as well. So I lent him my ear for 15 minutes when NC was busy talking to someone else. It didn’t take long for NC to notice. I just stood there not giving NC any attention and focused on his friend. I pretended to be completely intrigued by the conversation I was having with his friend until NC interrupted us.

NC: Will you be my girlfriend for the night? He said assertively as he rubbed my back and looked me dead in my eyes. (What was he trying to do, mark his territory?)

Me: (Angry glare of disapproval. Question didn’t even deserve an answer. I instead moved away and continued my conversation with his friend.)
-------
At the end of the night NC made sure to find me in the crowd so we could talk a bit more before the night ended.

NC: Damn you're sexy!

Me: (innoncent smile) Thanks.
-----
Since this was a one night experiment, I'm not sure how far he is willing to go outside of the club. His text messages have been much the same as our time in the club. Full of compliments but nothing too alarming. He hasn't asked when he can see me and we haven't made any plans for the future.

At the same time, I believe NC thought he would get some kind of credit with me because he mentioned early on that he had a girlfriend. As if admitting how much of a dog he is early on, makes his actions any better. You don’t get credit for telling me you have a girlfriend. Maybe it eased his conscious, I know he had one because every so often, he would be sure to mention his girlfriend. Our continued contact and his constant references to my attributes, both physical and mental adds to the internal validity of my experiment. (Internal Validity: The ability to draw the conclusion that the independent variable caused the dependent variable.)

Conclusion/Result: Some men maybe dogs but some men just don't recognize boundaries.

Limitations: I was unable to fully explore NC's boundaries because of the time constraint and because I have a conscious. I don't get down like that.

Future Research: This type of experiment can easily be applied to many different types of men using my design. It is not limited to black males in the club. I’m not saying all men are dogs, but when presented with a pretty girl in a tight outfit, some men are. Heck, presented with an average looking girl in baggy sweats and an overbite, some men will stray. Also, in the future, a woman with less morals should be used to fully exhaust all scenarios with said man.

Unresolved questions: Where should the lines of disrespect be drawn?

1. Was rubbing my back when we know he has a girlfriend going to far?

2. Was getting my phone number for future contact too far?

3. Could the blame if we pursued anything in the future totally be placed on me since he told me upfront he had a girl?

4. Do you consider flirting while out with friends okay when you're in a relationship?

5. If not, what is? Kissing..SEX?

This concludes my experiment.

Discuss…

Social Experiment (Part 1): The male species and his limits

This weekend I conducted an experiment on the male and his limits. Please note, that my actions were necessary for my research and for my entertainment at this hot ass club. If you plan on judging me harshly, please skip both parts of this post.

Saturday night, I found myself at yet another club. There were no seats in the small venue and ventilation was also non existent. I knew that I’d be seeing one of the guys I haven’t given a name here yet, so I put a little more effort in getting dressed. I dressed myself in a low cut black razor back tank, a tight fitting knee length gray skirt, a purple belt that cinched the smallest part of my stomach and matching 3 ½ inch snake skin purple sandals. I almost didn’t want to go because my hair was fresh from the shop, but along with seeing the guy, I also needed to cheer up my little sister who was in a rut over some guy. (Who by the way isn’t even deserving of her time.)

I was standing near a VIP area when I was approached by a gentleman in the area. He didn't have to travel too far considering I was standing 2 feet away from him. He tapped me on my shoulder to get my attention. As soon as I turned around I knew right off top that he was not my type. He was wearing a white Kangol hat and all white outfit which was totally unattractive seeing as I don't condone outfits from the 90s. He was fair skinned, had a nice body and dark goatee. He was entirely too short to take seriously at 5 foot 11 but I thought he’d be able to entertain me for the night. Plus compliments never get old and now I had found a source of them early.

He was no where near original in his approach.

NC: Excuse me miss, how tall are you?

Me: I’m 6 foot without heels on.

So began our conversation. NC understood the humor in my sarcasm and seemed to appreciate the outfit I was wearing. He couldn’t keep his eyes off of me and even when we weren’t talking to each other, he made sure to make eye contact.
-----
In the middle of our conversation about going out in LA he blurted out, “If I were back in my hay day, we’d be leaving here together.” (He had to be at least 29 or 30)

Confusion overcame my face. “Excuse me hun, it doesn’t matter when we met, I wouldn’t be going anywhere with you. He quickly replied, “I meant to go get something to eat, so we could sit quietly and get to know each other.”

Me: Yeah..uh huh (I’m not boo boo the fool. I know what you meant.)

(I have included excerpts of our conversation to add validity to hypothesis and will be further discussed at the end.)
-------
Me: I just moved into a new apartment that I’m slowly decorating.

NC: Do you need a flat screen? I can have my friend give you a good deal. Take down my number and we can discuss it later.

Me: (I pull out my cell phone.) Okay. What’s your number? (He was nice and cute plus I always take advantage of any good opportunity.)

NC: Call me right now so I can store your number.
-------
NC: My girlfriend didn’t want me coming out tonight

Me: ….. (girlfriend????? Really. You sure not acting like you have one right now.) (Slowly made my exit to another side of the room for 20 minutes.)
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...I knew this wasn't going anywhere but I wasn't done with NC just yet.

Fragile: Be careful

My name is Si Si and I’m a serial dater.

I’ve been single for the last…uh hemmm…lets not discuss specifics, lets just say it has been a while. During this time I have been dating and have met plenty of nice guys. Every once in a while I find a guy that truly like. When this happens, I can’t help but cut off the rest. I know they say don’t put all your eggs in one basket, but how can I help myself if most of them fit in this one cute basket.

I can’t help myself. When I’m interested in a guy, I mean really interested in getting to know them, all the rest of the one’s I may have been seeing at that time become causalities.

Yes, I am a serial dater but it’s only because I haven’t found one person to keep all of my attention. So instead of focusing on one guy, I spread it out over several. But when I find a guy that catches my attention and can keep me thinking about him when he is not around, all the rest seem unimportant.

I haven’t felt like this in a while so I am taking my time with it and I hope is not fleeting. I am quite fascinated by Chicago. What does that mean for the rest of the men I was dating?

If I felt the feeling was completely mutual and that Chicago was willing to put in a strong effort and fight to make the distance work, it would mean: lose my number.

Something is telling me not to do that just yet. I can tell that Chicago is keeping his distance from me (pun intended!) and because I’m not trying to rush anything with him I will keep my options open.

My promise to my (single) self:
I will go out with other guys when I am asked.
I will put forth an effort when I find a guy I am interested in.
Overall, I will keep my eyes open to all possibilities surrounding me.

I won’t put all my eggs in one basket, even though it looks so nice, instead I’ll spread them out, sparingly of course. At least until I can confidently put them in one basket and not worry about the guy I choose smashing them all at once.

As the Tables Turn

The bright red sign read:

Do not pass go.
Do not collect a single bachelor.

As recent as three months ago, this man had been around for the last two years patiently waiting for his second turn with me. I wasn't at a point in my life where I appreciated what I had in front of me. Just when I recognized it, he moved on with someone else, Ms. Red.

Fast forward to this past weekend, I had finally come to grips with this red status. His calls had become less and less frequent and Detroit was no longer a part of my life in that way. Plus, Chicago had finally made his way to L.A. and I was more concerned with exploring those opportunities.

After this week, I just don’t understand Detroit and what went through his head when he decided to reverse our relation. He hadn’t crossed my mind in the last couple of weeks because I was so enamored with Chicago and my weekend roundezvous with him. I haven’t thought about him, Ms. Red or our whole triangle for a while now. He had moved on and now I was beginning to do the same. Just when things in my life are beginning to make sense, Detroit decides he wants to confuse me all over again. The thing is I’m not confused anymore.

When he came over a couple of nights ago, the only thing on my mind was Chicago (and what color to paint the walls in my new apartment. I think I’ve picked out a pretty color palate.) The only benefit I got from his visit was the stroking of my ego. It doesn't hurt to know that a guy you were once interested in, is now interested in you. This doesn't mean that I don't still have feelings for him, because by no means were they turned off, it's just I look at him differently now since his visit.

At several points throughout the night I made sure to mention Ms. Red. At no point did he refute their relationship so I couldn't figure out the purpose of his visit since he has her. I refuse to believe that all men are the same, but yesterdays events were a bit disheartening. Knowing all that I know about him and Ms. Red, I just don't understand it.

He never confirmed whether or not he was still with Ms. Red, but he never denied it either. Plus his screen saver was a dead give away of some type of current relationship.

That's a serious turn off when guys are down to cheat with you because that means they're willing to cheat on you. - Jaded Radiance

Why has Detroit decided to make an appearance now? What does he want from me? (I'm sure these were probably some of the questions going through his head in April.)

Does this mean he is back at orange/yellow status?

The answer to those questions don't matter...

Letting it flow...(Part II)

I spent the entire week after going to see Chicago in San Diego stressing about what everything meant. Thinking that I needed to have a concrete answer to last weekend’s events and that I needed every question that came to mind answered. Thinking, as I normally do, that if you don’t request my time weeks in advance, that maybe you aren’t that interested in spending time with me. Thinking that maybe, that weekend of fun was just that, one weekend.

Chicago was going to be in LA this past weekend and hadn’t made any requests to see me while here. I thought for sure that maybe he wasn’t as interested in me as I was in him since he didn’t. I could tell when my friends asked me whether or not I would be seeing him while he was LA that they were just as disappointed with my answer as I was, “I don’t know.”

I did my best at every conversation with Chicago during that week not to let this concern show. I had plans for Friday night anyway, so it’s not like I was going to be stuck at home alone. It seems that someone I know was always celebrating something so my calendar stays packed. If Chicago wanted to see me he should have told me sooner.

It turned out that I spent everyday this pass weekend with him. From Friday, where I introduced him to some friends until late Sunday, any free time I had was spent with him. This weekend was just like last weekend, being in his company was stimulating and exhilarating. Our conversations kept my mind working and his sense of humor kept me laughing.

There was another by product of this weekend besides not having planned out our time together; I noticed that I became less of a phone hog. What is a phone you may ask? You know, those people who walk around with their cell phones in their hands, waiting for someone to call, email, text, Facebook or Blackberry them so that they can quickly reply. Yeah that is usually me.

Going along with my organizer instinct is this bad habit of always having my cell phone in my hand to make sure that I was available for other people. Something I had never thought twice about but could not understand why they couldn’t or wouldn’t do the same for me at times. This weekend, answering my phone promptly was out of the question. I was in my own world with Chicago no matter where we were and it felt great to relinquish some of the responsibilities of being the organizer.

My phone stayed out of my hand and in my pocket. I feel that it is rude to be in someone’s company and to constantly be checking your phone. So this weekend, like last weekend, I turned my phone on silent and enjoyed Chicago’s company. Doing this made me realize that not having everything planned out and not checking my phone 24/7 isn’t a bad thing. Sometimes it feels great to just go with the flow.

Disclaimer: don’t go with the flow right before your sister’s graduation if you are the designated driver. People may get very worried.

I think I may try this more often. As long as I am not inconsiderate of other people’s time, I won’t be so readily available. That’s what they make voicemails for anyway right. If I don’t have any scheduled plans, I’ll probably have my phone tucked somewhere out of sight.

Dear Friends,

I know that you are not used to me saying this but please leave a message after the tone. I know it may be hard, seeing as though you rarely ever hear it but I will get back to you as soon as possible.


Signed,

Ms. Relieved aka Si Si

Ignorance is Not Bliss

You ever get a feeling that something just isn’t right but you can’t put your finger on it. On all accounts, everything fell into place this weekend, but something is off and I’m not sure what it is. One part of me wants to stay on cloud 16 and to hope that everything will work out, but the other part is a realist. It’s telling me that not everything is roses and that I need to dig deeper for my own benefit.

Since I identified this issue, I have concluded that the best way to deal with it was head on. At first I thought it would benefit me not to know all the things that he was actually willing to tell me, but now I’m feeling the exact opposite. In the past when I got this type of feeling, I put my guards up and slowly pulled away. I don’t want that to happen this time. I want my actions from this point on to be justified and in order to do that I need to ask some hard hitting questions.

I know there is a very high possibility I won’t like all the feedback I receive, but I’d rather hear it now than continue to falsely live in bliss. Ignorance is not bliss; it’s actually kind of annoying as a matter of fact. So I’m done with being this way.

I want the hard truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me God.

Making it Count: Beginning of the road

Part IV

Chicago did some research before he came and had a few places he wanted to visit while tin San Diego. One of the places we went to was a lounge on the 40th floor of Hyatt hotel for drinks and more dialogue. Yes I said drinks. I had a strawberry lemon drop martini. I still don’t understand why people drink but I decided to partake in it nonetheless. My feelings about alcohol still haven’t changed. I will most likely be going back to being a plain Jane sober queen once. I did enjoy the beautiful view of downtown but I could not easily disguise my fear of heights. (Didn’t I mention I was terrified of heights?)

The rest of the weekend played out this way. We spent our time sight seeing, talking and really getting a feel for each other and our personalities. Chicago and I have a lot in common and our sarcasm tops the list. It’s hard for me to find someone who appreciates my remarks that are usually misconstrued as bitter bitchiness. I never had to explain a joke, or felt responsible for directing the conversation. (This is something I seem to always struggle with when dating, cant people take a joke?) I was completely uncensored and it felt great!

Although we do have some things we need to discuss in further detail, one thing I know for sure is that I had a lot of fun and I don’t regret a thing. The timing was right, the weekend was right and the hotel was beautiful. I enjoy his company and being in his presence felt safe, easy and effortless. Our chemistry is undeniable.

But what does that mean now?

It means I am still taking it one day at a time.