Recently, a man from my past has decided he wants to revisit our “relationship” but is half stepping in his approach. Since I don’t believe in going above and beyond when the other party is slacking, I had to make it clear what was and wasn’t going to happen between us at this point.
After hanging out a couple of times, I could tell he wasn’t getting the hint that I wasn’t going “there” with him this early even though we had been “there” several times before. So when he invited himself over to come over and watch a movie with me, I made no effort to be attractive. He came in to find me in my most comfortable (and unflattering) pajamas, un-matching socks and my hair wrapped in my purple bonnet.
Sidenote: Even when I am comfortable with a guy, I don’t pull out the bonnet until its time to sleep. The Aunt Jemima look is not exactly my idea of setting the mood. If I plan on engaging in physical activities, I’ll make sure to have my silk pillow ready to protect my uncovered coif. If the guy really puts in work and makes me forget all about my hair, it won't matter that I sweated out my fresh do and have to wear a pony tail for 2 weeks. As long as the defilement of my fresh hair was worth it, this black girl can rest easy knowing hat her locks were a casualty of satisfying pleasure.
The PJs and bonnet didn’t slow down his advances, so I bluntly told him that nothing was popping off between us so he should slow down and watch the movie. It’s funny to me because I thought he would have picked up on the, ‘you aint getting any’ clues. Guys, if you want to know if a girl is ready or wants to go there when you visit her at her home for a movie night, pay close attention to her verbal and her non verbal cues. If she does at least 2 out of the following 5, she is probably waiting for you to make your move. (The rules only apply if you have already moved passed 2nd and/or 3rd base and aren't sure if you're being waved into homeplate.)
1. She invites YOU over for movie and snacks. Aint no woman willingly going to introduce the idea of missing a free meal unless she has other intentions. Obviously she wants to do things with you, you can’t do in a restaurant.
2. If she’s wearing spandex or tights when you come over, skip the movie and head straight to third base. She’s showing off her silhouette so you can imagine what she looks like undressed.
3. She makes sure you know that her roommate isn’t coming home tonight. Since this may be the first time, she needs to test how loud she can get, without worrying if her roommate is being noisy and listening in.
4. If she’s wearing any hint of make-up it means she wants to look refreshed and polished for you to even though ya’ll aint leaving the house.
5. She’s playing music, candles are lit, and the lights are off. Do I really need to tell you, you aren’t watching the whole movie tonight? If any of the three mood setters are already in motion when you arrive, I hope you brought protection cuz its goin’ down. Even Stevie Wonder would be checking his pockets for Magnums.
So when the opportunity to "hang out" with your lady friend arises, look out for these clues and you can save you both the anxiety: Her from wondering when you’re gonna make a move and you from stressing about whether or not she wants you to. You can thank me later.
FYI: The PJs and bonnet rule doesn't apply for serious relationships.
Showing posts with label Top Ten. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Top Ten. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
Top 10 Dating Guidelines
Dating Guidelines
Over the past several months, I’ve noticed that my friends who have healthy relationships, no matter how different they are from one another, have a few things in common. I’ve come up with my list of do’s and don’ts of dating based on these observations.
10. Do try and keep what made your relationship great in the beginning alive. A relationship is work. Sometimes we get so lost in our lives that we forget about our partners and what we did to make them happy.
9. Don’t build a relationship solely on superficial things, i.e. looks, sex, partying, etc. You should have things in common with your partner other than just fun. I highly value great conversation but you may value reading, traveling, adventure, etc. At some point, looks are going to fade and you don’t want to be left with someone you don’t really like at 70.
8. Do what makes you happy. At the end of the day, your happiness is all that anyone who loves you wants to see; if they truly love you that is. If you are happy dating the plumber and think you can see a future with them, don’t let your friends tell you that your partner is beneath you and that you should be dating a lawyer.
7. Don’t stay on a sinking ship. If you don’t see a future with your mate, know when to move on. If you are the only one trying to make things work, then recognize that you deserve better. Two great people aren’t always meant to be with each other. There may be someone else out there for you.
6. Do mention all the good things your mate has done when you’re talking to your friends about your partner. If you're going to talk to your friends about your man, make sure to include all the good things he does too! If there is no good to tell, maybe your friends are right.
5. Don't share all the bad things in your relationship with your friends, family, etc. The person you should be talking to about your relationship is the other person that’s in it...your partner.
4. Do say what’s on your mind when it happens. How can you expect your man to remember what he did last week?
3. Don't listen to everything your girlfriends, sisters, cousins, etc say...sometimes its okay to go with your heart.
2. Do know what you want. Know those things that can make or break your a future with a potential mate. Also, learn from relationships that may not have worked out. I don’t really believe that I have wasted my time when a relationship ends, instead I recognize all the things I’ve learned about myself in the process. And with each relationship, I learn what I do and don’t want in a partner.
1. Don’t go looking for love. It will happen when it’s supposed to. Understand that if you blind yourself by having a list of criteria, you’re going to miss out on one great partner. A partner who may not be everything you thought you wanted, but everything you didn’t know you need.
Over the past several months, I’ve noticed that my friends who have healthy relationships, no matter how different they are from one another, have a few things in common. I’ve come up with my list of do’s and don’ts of dating based on these observations.
10. Do try and keep what made your relationship great in the beginning alive. A relationship is work. Sometimes we get so lost in our lives that we forget about our partners and what we did to make them happy.
9. Don’t build a relationship solely on superficial things, i.e. looks, sex, partying, etc. You should have things in common with your partner other than just fun. I highly value great conversation but you may value reading, traveling, adventure, etc. At some point, looks are going to fade and you don’t want to be left with someone you don’t really like at 70.
8. Do what makes you happy. At the end of the day, your happiness is all that anyone who loves you wants to see; if they truly love you that is. If you are happy dating the plumber and think you can see a future with them, don’t let your friends tell you that your partner is beneath you and that you should be dating a lawyer.
7. Don’t stay on a sinking ship. If you don’t see a future with your mate, know when to move on. If you are the only one trying to make things work, then recognize that you deserve better. Two great people aren’t always meant to be with each other. There may be someone else out there for you.
6. Do mention all the good things your mate has done when you’re talking to your friends about your partner. If you're going to talk to your friends about your man, make sure to include all the good things he does too! If there is no good to tell, maybe your friends are right.
5. Don't share all the bad things in your relationship with your friends, family, etc. The person you should be talking to about your relationship is the other person that’s in it...your partner.
4. Do say what’s on your mind when it happens. How can you expect your man to remember what he did last week?
3. Don't listen to everything your girlfriends, sisters, cousins, etc say...sometimes its okay to go with your heart.
2. Do know what you want. Know those things that can make or break your a future with a potential mate. Also, learn from relationships that may not have worked out. I don’t really believe that I have wasted my time when a relationship ends, instead I recognize all the things I’ve learned about myself in the process. And with each relationship, I learn what I do and don’t want in a partner.
1. Don’t go looking for love. It will happen when it’s supposed to. Understand that if you blind yourself by having a list of criteria, you’re going to miss out on one great partner. A partner who may not be everything you thought you wanted, but everything you didn’t know you need.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Top 5 Topics to Avoid on a First Date
After yesterday's...experience, I feel the need to point out a few topics that definitely should not be discussed on a first date. I thought all men already knew these but alas they don't.
1. Sex – Do I really need to explain this one. This is a number one no no on a first and second date. I don’t want to know the last time you had it, when you plan on getting it or how you see me being involved in it. If you are looking for a one night stand, you are barking up the wrong 6 foot tree.
2. Money – If I know how much you make and it’s not because we work in the same company and I once had your exact same position than that’s a problem. If you don’t have money, I understand that. Dating is expensive, especially in LA but try and be creative. Do me a favor and think outside of the box. Can you spend time thinking of cheap ways of having fun instead of blatantly telling me you don’t have any money so we can’t go out. I don’t kick it on a first or second date, so don’t try and invite yourself over so you can go through my fridge.
If you have a lot of money, I don’t want to know that either. You will look desperate to buy my attention if you offer trips on a first or second date. I say these things because they have really happened to me, really they have. Your money is your money, not my money. We aren’t in a relationship; there is no need to fly me around the world and back. (Unless you really really want to)
3. Ex or past relationships – If you call your ex crazy during our first couple of conversations and she wasn’t recently checked into a mental institute, than I may actually think you are the crazy one. I have had bad relationships, so I understand not everyone is a match, but when all I know is your name, I don’t need details on your last breakup. If you get all animated and keyed up when relieving the break up, I will think you are not over your ex and that it not a good look.
4. Future Relationship – Please stay away from words like we, us and our. I don’t know you from sliced bread; I don’t need you planning our future before I have had a chance to get to know you. If you say something about ‘our kids,’ I will mentally end the date, until I can physically and safely remove myself from your presence. If somehow it comes up that you plan on having a child before you are 30 and it doesn't necessarily have to be in a marraige AND you are currently 28 and 4 months, I will excuse myself to the restroom and never return.
5. Complaining of any kind - If you tell me you hate your job, your family and everything else in between, I will recommend that you get your life together before contacting me again. I am all about helping a man get where he wants to be and being a support system to make sure he gets there, but if you aren't already on the path to your personal success I can't be the leaping pad you need to get there. Overall I will think that you are an unhappy, grumpy person and that isn't the kind of person I want to be around. Instead focus on the things that are going right in your life, so I can see that you are happy about the accomplishments you have made. You have made some right? Remember, I'm talking about the first date.
...I have to add Pet Names – My name is SiSi. Not honey, not sweetie, and I’m definitely not your baby. If you call me a pet name, I will immediately correct you. I don’t get a warm fuzzy feeling when you call me by another name. I just met you so work on saying my real name before you think of a new name for me. I like my name a lot as a matter of fact. Don’t get me wrong, if we do continue dating, you have every right to switch it up a bit. And at some point baby may be appropriate. But if we have just sat down for our first meal, stick to SiSi. Please.
There are plenty more that come to mind, these are just my top 5. If there is any reference to any of the aformentioned, I immediately mentally check out of a date.
Do you have any to add? What is your top 5
1. Sex – Do I really need to explain this one. This is a number one no no on a first and second date. I don’t want to know the last time you had it, when you plan on getting it or how you see me being involved in it. If you are looking for a one night stand, you are barking up the wrong 6 foot tree.
2. Money – If I know how much you make and it’s not because we work in the same company and I once had your exact same position than that’s a problem. If you don’t have money, I understand that. Dating is expensive, especially in LA but try and be creative. Do me a favor and think outside of the box. Can you spend time thinking of cheap ways of having fun instead of blatantly telling me you don’t have any money so we can’t go out. I don’t kick it on a first or second date, so don’t try and invite yourself over so you can go through my fridge.
If you have a lot of money, I don’t want to know that either. You will look desperate to buy my attention if you offer trips on a first or second date. I say these things because they have really happened to me, really they have. Your money is your money, not my money. We aren’t in a relationship; there is no need to fly me around the world and back. (Unless you really really want to)
3. Ex or past relationships – If you call your ex crazy during our first couple of conversations and she wasn’t recently checked into a mental institute, than I may actually think you are the crazy one. I have had bad relationships, so I understand not everyone is a match, but when all I know is your name, I don’t need details on your last breakup. If you get all animated and keyed up when relieving the break up, I will think you are not over your ex and that it not a good look.
4. Future Relationship – Please stay away from words like we, us and our. I don’t know you from sliced bread; I don’t need you planning our future before I have had a chance to get to know you. If you say something about ‘our kids,’ I will mentally end the date, until I can physically and safely remove myself from your presence. If somehow it comes up that you plan on having a child before you are 30 and it doesn't necessarily have to be in a marraige AND you are currently 28 and 4 months, I will excuse myself to the restroom and never return.
5. Complaining of any kind - If you tell me you hate your job, your family and everything else in between, I will recommend that you get your life together before contacting me again. I am all about helping a man get where he wants to be and being a support system to make sure he gets there, but if you aren't already on the path to your personal success I can't be the leaping pad you need to get there. Overall I will think that you are an unhappy, grumpy person and that isn't the kind of person I want to be around. Instead focus on the things that are going right in your life, so I can see that you are happy about the accomplishments you have made. You have made some right? Remember, I'm talking about the first date.
...I have to add Pet Names – My name is SiSi. Not honey, not sweetie, and I’m definitely not your baby. If you call me a pet name, I will immediately correct you. I don’t get a warm fuzzy feeling when you call me by another name. I just met you so work on saying my real name before you think of a new name for me. I like my name a lot as a matter of fact. Don’t get me wrong, if we do continue dating, you have every right to switch it up a bit. And at some point baby may be appropriate. But if we have just sat down for our first meal, stick to SiSi. Please.
There are plenty more that come to mind, these are just my top 5. If there is any reference to any of the aformentioned, I immediately mentally check out of a date.
Do you have any to add? What is your top 5
Monday, March 30, 2009
Looking for Love In All the "Wrong" Places
Majority rules that a night club is not a place to meet someone nice--however, going out to dance and dressing fashionably are part of my interests. So, wouldn't make sense I would meet someone with similar interests at such a place? I have been told repeatedly that a nightclub is not a good place for meeting a potential life partner, it can happen yes, but the odds are against it right. I know that most men (and some women) are there for a one night deal. But that’s not why I go, so why can’t I keep my options open.
Over the last several of years, the list of places where I have been told I should not meet a mate or give my number to, has grown tremendously. It used to be “don’t give your number out in a night club,” which I get but sometimes don’t follow. Either way I’d prefer to meet a guy when I’m looking the way I do everyday. In jeans and cute shirt (I don’t do t-shirts) and heels. I love heels, what can I say.
I have compiled a list of places friends and some family has repeatedly told me not to meet a guy. Some of them are a bit ridiculous. I have also listed places I have been told is a good place to meet a guy.
DONT MEET A GUY...
Nightclub/Lounge - Too many reasons given to type
While driving down the street – I must admit I have done this once, can’t say I wouldn’t do it again.
At the gym – I work out hard, shouldn’t he?
Online – This one I agree with hands down, did you read my stalker post.
At the gas station – Random I know but doesn’t everyone need gas?
At work – After experimenting with this one, I do agree its not a good place in case things don’t work out, things can get fishy. Especially if you find out you were dating the office slut. (I use slut to refer to males as well.)
DO MEET A GUY
Church – hmmm some of those same people were at the club the night before, I know because sometimes I am sometimes one of them.
At the grocery store – If he cooks, this may be great!
Through a mutual friend – Do you trust your friends’ opinion? This one has actually worked out the best for me by far. That's how I met Mr. AOS, who isn't horrible, just not the one for me. And that's how I met Detroit, I was the "bring a cute friend."
Bookstore or library – I guess. Common interests…
School or work convention – Just like with a bookstore, you can find someone with common interests it seems.
Bar – funny how a bar is okay but a club is not. I think it’s because you can talk to a person at a bar without yelling. This does not include LA bar/club/lounges that are called bars and lounges but have a tiny dance floor and play loud music. Dance floor = Club!
I noticed that the places to meet a nice guy all have one thing in common. They have a setting conducive to conversation, which aids in getting to know someone. So I do understand why so many people have told me to shy away from certain places, but with each year I spend dating, someone is always giving me a new one. With all these rules, it’s hard to keep up with when and where I should give my number out and/or take a guy seriously.
Ultimately I always keep my options open and make my decision on a case by case basis. It’s so much easier that way. I still know the stigma behind a few on the ‘places not to meet a man list,’ but I’ll make the final decision.
Do you have any additional places to add to this list? I feel like I am leaving off some key places.
Where would you not want to tell your girls you met a nice guy? (Or would you be too embarrassed to shout on the rooftop where you met your dream man.)
If he is so nice, why should you care anyway...
Over the last several of years, the list of places where I have been told I should not meet a mate or give my number to, has grown tremendously. It used to be “don’t give your number out in a night club,” which I get but sometimes don’t follow. Either way I’d prefer to meet a guy when I’m looking the way I do everyday. In jeans and cute shirt (I don’t do t-shirts) and heels. I love heels, what can I say.
I have compiled a list of places friends and some family has repeatedly told me not to meet a guy. Some of them are a bit ridiculous. I have also listed places I have been told is a good place to meet a guy.
DONT MEET A GUY...
Nightclub/Lounge - Too many reasons given to type
While driving down the street – I must admit I have done this once, can’t say I wouldn’t do it again.
At the gym – I work out hard, shouldn’t he?
Online – This one I agree with hands down, did you read my stalker post.
At the gas station – Random I know but doesn’t everyone need gas?
At work – After experimenting with this one, I do agree its not a good place in case things don’t work out, things can get fishy. Especially if you find out you were dating the office slut. (I use slut to refer to males as well.)
DO MEET A GUY
Church – hmmm some of those same people were at the club the night before, I know because sometimes I am sometimes one of them.
At the grocery store – If he cooks, this may be great!
Through a mutual friend – Do you trust your friends’ opinion? This one has actually worked out the best for me by far. That's how I met Mr. AOS, who isn't horrible, just not the one for me. And that's how I met Detroit, I was the "bring a cute friend."
Bookstore or library – I guess. Common interests…
School or work convention – Just like with a bookstore, you can find someone with common interests it seems.
Bar – funny how a bar is okay but a club is not. I think it’s because you can talk to a person at a bar without yelling. This does not include LA bar/club/lounges that are called bars and lounges but have a tiny dance floor and play loud music. Dance floor = Club!
I noticed that the places to meet a nice guy all have one thing in common. They have a setting conducive to conversation, which aids in getting to know someone. So I do understand why so many people have told me to shy away from certain places, but with each year I spend dating, someone is always giving me a new one. With all these rules, it’s hard to keep up with when and where I should give my number out and/or take a guy seriously.
Ultimately I always keep my options open and make my decision on a case by case basis. It’s so much easier that way. I still know the stigma behind a few on the ‘places not to meet a man list,’ but I’ll make the final decision.
Do you have any additional places to add to this list? I feel like I am leaving off some key places.
Where would you not want to tell your girls you met a nice guy? (Or would you be too embarrassed to shout on the rooftop where you met your dream man.)
If he is so nice, why should you care anyway...
Thursday, February 26, 2009
All the Mister's in between
When I begin dating a guy, everything is new and of course I am eager to find out as much as I can about him. After some time has passed, and I have learned more about him he moves out of the “Mr. I wonder where this will go” category and into one of the following. Normally, it only takes me a month or so for me to figure out which category.
Note: None of the categories are so rigid that a man can’t be moved at anytime from one to another or fit into more than one.
Mr. Take me out – This guy is not looking for anything serious but you do like going out with him. You never have to worry about picking up the check or him getting too physical. He knows his job and he does it well. Mr. I.E. has been slacking on this job. I haven’t seen him all year but we did address his issues recently. Realistically, I’m not sure he can or wants to do anything to move out of this category.
Mr. Let’s Talk – Since my time is limited, I hardly have time to talk on the phone for hours on end. (I know I need to work on even talking to my friends on the phone as well) For me, it makes more sense to see someone in person, rather than talk to them on the phone for extended periods of time. Unfortunately, things don’t always work out perfectly, schedules conflict and the only time two people can find time for each other is on the phone. Or in my case with Chicago, there are a couple thousand miles in between us so we talk on the phone like teenagers and that’s all we have so far.
Mr. Maintenance Man – This one is self explanatory. I don’t currently have anyone in this category, although Mr. AOS is pushing for this spot. I know I don’t want that though, I want more.
Mr. Comfort Zone – This guy has been around for a while. You know him and he knows you very well. When your day is going bad, you can call him and he will make you feel better. No matter how many times you flake, cancel, or reschedule with him, he still stays around. You feel great when you are around him and kind of miss him when he is gone. I’m not exactly sure what future if any I have with Detroit, but he definitely fits this category. If Mr. Maintenance Man is busy, you may call Mr. Comfort Zone.
Mr. Right Now - He is not exactly what you are looking for. But he is great enough to hold the top position until someone who better fits your personality comes along. You spend most of your time with him, even though your gut is telling you, the relationship will never move forward. Even if you gave him the title, the relationship could last at best, 2 years. I try not to give guys false hope, so I consciously stay away from this category. I'd rather be alone than to purposely hurt someone else or myself in the future.
Mr. Right – This guy is not exactly perfect, but he is perfect for you. When you’re with him, you don’t want to be with anyone else. When he is away, you miss him like crazy. All those other guys seem rather mediocre in comparison to Mr. Right. In the beginning of dating he may or may not have ever been in one of those other categories. Now obviously, no one is currently in this category for me. We shall see, I’m still optimistic about finding Mr. Right, but I am having some fun in the meantime, most of the time.
At some point, your guy may have started in one category and moved onto another. Do you have any other dating categories you can think of?
Note: None of the categories are so rigid that a man can’t be moved at anytime from one to another or fit into more than one.
Mr. Take me out – This guy is not looking for anything serious but you do like going out with him. You never have to worry about picking up the check or him getting too physical. He knows his job and he does it well. Mr. I.E. has been slacking on this job. I haven’t seen him all year but we did address his issues recently. Realistically, I’m not sure he can or wants to do anything to move out of this category.
Mr. Let’s Talk – Since my time is limited, I hardly have time to talk on the phone for hours on end. (I know I need to work on even talking to my friends on the phone as well) For me, it makes more sense to see someone in person, rather than talk to them on the phone for extended periods of time. Unfortunately, things don’t always work out perfectly, schedules conflict and the only time two people can find time for each other is on the phone. Or in my case with Chicago, there are a couple thousand miles in between us so we talk on the phone like teenagers and that’s all we have so far.
Mr. Maintenance Man – This one is self explanatory. I don’t currently have anyone in this category, although Mr. AOS is pushing for this spot. I know I don’t want that though, I want more.
Mr. Comfort Zone – This guy has been around for a while. You know him and he knows you very well. When your day is going bad, you can call him and he will make you feel better. No matter how many times you flake, cancel, or reschedule with him, he still stays around. You feel great when you are around him and kind of miss him when he is gone. I’m not exactly sure what future if any I have with Detroit, but he definitely fits this category. If Mr. Maintenance Man is busy, you may call Mr. Comfort Zone.
Mr. Right Now - He is not exactly what you are looking for. But he is great enough to hold the top position until someone who better fits your personality comes along. You spend most of your time with him, even though your gut is telling you, the relationship will never move forward. Even if you gave him the title, the relationship could last at best, 2 years. I try not to give guys false hope, so I consciously stay away from this category. I'd rather be alone than to purposely hurt someone else or myself in the future.
Mr. Right – This guy is not exactly perfect, but he is perfect for you. When you’re with him, you don’t want to be with anyone else. When he is away, you miss him like crazy. All those other guys seem rather mediocre in comparison to Mr. Right. In the beginning of dating he may or may not have ever been in one of those other categories. Now obviously, no one is currently in this category for me. We shall see, I’m still optimistic about finding Mr. Right, but I am having some fun in the meantime, most of the time.
At some point, your guy may have started in one category and moved onto another. Do you have any other dating categories you can think of?
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
10 Signs You're NOT into Him
If men could pick up on these signs, dating would be so much better for them. It would surely curtail some of those phone calls I talked about previously. Pass this list on to a guy and see what they say. Do they pick up on these signs? Some of them can only be observed in body language or verbal conversation, but whether it's conscious or not, you probably exhibit them.
In the beginning of your courtship with him, he could do no wrong and you were 16 all over again. But after the smoke has cleared and reality has set in, you are left with the real him. Which you may not necessarily like.
If you are not sure that you should continue seeing him, recall this past couple of weeks. If you have exhibited more than 5 of these signs, you’re not that into him and you should explore more options. I mean, you aren’t married, so why waste his time and yours. Move on. Or keep him around until you find someone better.
1. You regularly cancel plans with him. Lately, you spend more time with Jim (Gym) than with him. You were never really a gym rat. Now, when he wants to go out, you’re sweating to the oldies. Summer is coming up remember, so you have to be in tip top shape if you’re going to find a new male friend.
2. You take your take your time returning his calls, voicemails and text messages. No longer do you smile and quickly answer. Now before you answer, you pause and think, “How long is he going to keep me on the phone?” Or, you see a text message for him and don’t remember to return it until hours later. The excuse you tell yourself is, you want to give him your undivided attention.
3. Talking about him to your friends isn’t as much fun as it used to be. Even when you have the opportunity to bring him up during a conversation with friends, you don’t. What’s the point? You don’t want to remind your friends he is around since he won’t be for much longer.
4. You don’t make concrete plans with him anymore. You don’t want to commit in case something better comes up. If he calls when you are at home and bored, then you’ll hang out with him, otherwise you could care less. (If it happens, it happens right.)
5. You question your chemistry. At the end of the date, instead of lingering around for a kiss, you abruptly say goodnight. If you do kiss, it’s very short and you over analyze the kiss afterwards. For some reason, it’s just not as natural as it once was.
6. You feel more obligated to attend your acquaintances events than you would normally. Now I didn’t say friends, since I hope you don’t brush off your friends when you get a man, I said acquaintances. You have to skip going out with him, because your acquaintance is having a birthday party. (Why is that when you hardly talk anyway?)
7. Those things that used to be so cute about him are starting to urk you. That laugh and snort combination just isn’t doing it for you anymore. (Would someone please put a muzzle on that god awful laugh?)
8. You are not as attracted to him as you used to be. The love bubble is starting to wane. He is no longer as fine as wine. (Since when did he have a mole on his nose? Gross, right?) You have now realized that the perfect man you thought of for yourself is not sitting right in front of you, but you notice in the corner of your eye, he may be sitting alone at the bar. Hmmm.
9. You stop thinking about a future with him. Now you spend more time contemplating how life would be if you were single in this Dating Recession. If you find yourself weighing the pros and cons of staying with him, it’s time to let him go. You know this is the end. Now say goodbye.
10. You avoid eye contact or physical proximity when you’re together. If you don’t sit too close to him, he can’t kiss you right. You walk into a room and think, “Perfect, you sit here and I’ll sit waaaaay over there.”
I knew it was over, before it started, with Red when he dropped me off the last time I saw him. I was feeling most, if not all of the above about him. I tried to make it clear to him our last date.
Remember, I very clearly leaned toward the door away from him, told him he didnt have to walk me to my door and hopped out of the car as soon as possible to avoid the terrible ‘good night kiss.' After that, he finally started to figure it out.
Oh well.
In the beginning of your courtship with him, he could do no wrong and you were 16 all over again. But after the smoke has cleared and reality has set in, you are left with the real him. Which you may not necessarily like.
If you are not sure that you should continue seeing him, recall this past couple of weeks. If you have exhibited more than 5 of these signs, you’re not that into him and you should explore more options. I mean, you aren’t married, so why waste his time and yours. Move on. Or keep him around until you find someone better.
1. You regularly cancel plans with him. Lately, you spend more time with Jim (Gym) than with him. You were never really a gym rat. Now, when he wants to go out, you’re sweating to the oldies. Summer is coming up remember, so you have to be in tip top shape if you’re going to find a new male friend.
2. You take your take your time returning his calls, voicemails and text messages. No longer do you smile and quickly answer. Now before you answer, you pause and think, “How long is he going to keep me on the phone?” Or, you see a text message for him and don’t remember to return it until hours later. The excuse you tell yourself is, you want to give him your undivided attention.
3. Talking about him to your friends isn’t as much fun as it used to be. Even when you have the opportunity to bring him up during a conversation with friends, you don’t. What’s the point? You don’t want to remind your friends he is around since he won’t be for much longer.
4. You don’t make concrete plans with him anymore. You don’t want to commit in case something better comes up. If he calls when you are at home and bored, then you’ll hang out with him, otherwise you could care less. (If it happens, it happens right.)
5. You question your chemistry. At the end of the date, instead of lingering around for a kiss, you abruptly say goodnight. If you do kiss, it’s very short and you over analyze the kiss afterwards. For some reason, it’s just not as natural as it once was.
6. You feel more obligated to attend your acquaintances events than you would normally. Now I didn’t say friends, since I hope you don’t brush off your friends when you get a man, I said acquaintances. You have to skip going out with him, because your acquaintance is having a birthday party. (Why is that when you hardly talk anyway?)
7. Those things that used to be so cute about him are starting to urk you. That laugh and snort combination just isn’t doing it for you anymore. (Would someone please put a muzzle on that god awful laugh?)
8. You are not as attracted to him as you used to be. The love bubble is starting to wane. He is no longer as fine as wine. (Since when did he have a mole on his nose? Gross, right?) You have now realized that the perfect man you thought of for yourself is not sitting right in front of you, but you notice in the corner of your eye, he may be sitting alone at the bar. Hmmm.
9. You stop thinking about a future with him. Now you spend more time contemplating how life would be if you were single in this Dating Recession. If you find yourself weighing the pros and cons of staying with him, it’s time to let him go. You know this is the end. Now say goodbye.
10. You avoid eye contact or physical proximity when you’re together. If you don’t sit too close to him, he can’t kiss you right. You walk into a room and think, “Perfect, you sit here and I’ll sit waaaaay over there.”
I knew it was over, before it started, with Red when he dropped me off the last time I saw him. I was feeling most, if not all of the above about him. I tried to make it clear to him our last date.
Remember, I very clearly leaned toward the door away from him, told him he didnt have to walk me to my door and hopped out of the car as soon as possible to avoid the terrible ‘good night kiss.' After that, he finally started to figure it out.
Oh well.
Monday, January 12, 2009
10 Signs You're Into Him: 16 All Over Again
If a guy makes you feel like a school girl all over again, it’s probably because of some of the following:
1. You save his voicemails and listen to them when he is too busy to talk.
2. When you see his name on your caller ID you get excited, smile and answer promptly.
3. You talk to him on the phone for more than 20 minutes at a time. Your conversation with him feels so effortless so why not.
4. When talking to your friends, you make numerous references to something he said or did even when it really has nothing to do with the topic at hand. Just the mention of his name by a friend makes you blush.
5. Like some girls, you've planned your wedding already so now you're imagining placing him in the empty groom position.
6. You run out in the middle of social gatherings to take his phone call. Its been less than 24 hours since you last talked but it feels like forever.
7. If you don't hear from him you become a slightly emotional wreck. When you do hear from him, you quickly forget you were mad and go back to being happy.
8. You smile or laugh when you think about him. There is no obvious reason why, you just do it out of nowhere.
9. You occasionally replay previous conversations or events you've had with him in your head.
10. You think about him constantly throughout the day. He is the first thing on your mind when you wake up and the last thought you have before you go to sleep.
If you identify with most of these, it’s time to admit that you like him. You may not want to acknowledge you are 16 all over again but once you do, you can enjoy the ride. I’m not sure how long you will have with this feeling so why fight it. Now put on your checkered skirt, white collared shirt, white knee highs and go back to work.
He might be calling so you can’t be focused on too much else for too long.
Is there anything I missed? Please feel free to share.
1. You save his voicemails and listen to them when he is too busy to talk.
2. When you see his name on your caller ID you get excited, smile and answer promptly.
3. You talk to him on the phone for more than 20 minutes at a time. Your conversation with him feels so effortless so why not.
4. When talking to your friends, you make numerous references to something he said or did even when it really has nothing to do with the topic at hand. Just the mention of his name by a friend makes you blush.
5. Like some girls, you've planned your wedding already so now you're imagining placing him in the empty groom position.
6. You run out in the middle of social gatherings to take his phone call. Its been less than 24 hours since you last talked but it feels like forever.
7. If you don't hear from him you become a slightly emotional wreck. When you do hear from him, you quickly forget you were mad and go back to being happy.
8. You smile or laugh when you think about him. There is no obvious reason why, you just do it out of nowhere.
9. You occasionally replay previous conversations or events you've had with him in your head.
10. You think about him constantly throughout the day. He is the first thing on your mind when you wake up and the last thought you have before you go to sleep.
If you identify with most of these, it’s time to admit that you like him. You may not want to acknowledge you are 16 all over again but once you do, you can enjoy the ride. I’m not sure how long you will have with this feeling so why fight it. Now put on your checkered skirt, white collared shirt, white knee highs and go back to work.
He might be calling so you can’t be focused on too much else for too long.
Is there anything I missed? Please feel free to share.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Give A Little: The Art of Flirting
I don’t know how it is I meet people. Most of the time I think that I am the worst flirt. I meet guys all the time and I never understood why, besides the fact that I'm cute, I just don't send any signals.
I don’t make eye contact.
I don’t smile, in the direction of someone I’m interested in.
I don’t look available because if I get nervous, I quickly pick up my phone and text, call or try to make contact with someone so I seem busy. (Definitely an inefficient use of an opportunity I know)
I don’t even breathe in the same direction of someone I am attracted to.
I don’t give a little.
Mr. IE, I will give his introduction later, thinks I was flirting with him when we met a couple of weeks ago. But I wasn’t. The way I met him was by chance (thanks to all the thirsty females out there). I did spot him out in the crowd because he had swag, but I wasn’t planning on flirting. After we revisited our meeting and realized it was by chance Mr. IE gave me some advice and I’m passing it on.
Give a little.
Men work hard to get your attention. And if they don’t know you’re interested, how can they approach you. So here is the tip of the day: If you see something you want, go for it. Flirt a little; it will go a long way. Guys really do appreciate it.
Here are some flirting tips I found at http:///www.femaleforum.com. I already do most of the below naturally, but never really thought of myself as a flirt.
Dress classy, not trashy – Your appearance speaks volumes to any man, interested or not. While most men like to ogle the girls who leave little to the imagination, most of them have little interest in and even less respect for them. You can still be sexy, without going overboard. Neat and stylish clothes and carefully applied make-up is all it really takes to draw attention to yourself.
Make eye contact – Eye contact is a perfect way to assert your interest, but don’t stare too long. Save the hours of gazing longingly into a man’s eyes for after the relationship has been established. Instead, catch his eye for a moment, and then look away. With eye contact, a little goes a long way.
Flash a smile – A friendly, warm smile makes you seem approachable. Nobody wants to have a conversation with someone who looks as if they have been sucking on a lemon. Look relaxed, confident, and smile with both your eyes and your lips to make a great impression on anyone.
Start with small talk – No matter if he approaches you or you approach him, small talk is always in order. Bring up a song that is playing, compliment their clothes, or anything else that might break the ice. Once the conversation has started, if there is a possible connection, things will begin to flow.
Show off your sense of humour – Crack jokes, be sarcastic, do whatever comes naturally to you when enjoying the company of another person. Laugh at their jokes as well, and be sincere about it. Joking around a little will help you both to relax and feel at ease with each other and will help to spark their interest in you.
Start an intelligent conversation – Don’t be afraid of initiating an intelligent conversation. Guys like a girl who can talk about topics of substance. This doesn’t mean you should start a political debate or a dissertation about religion, just try to keep the topics interesting and stimulating. Make sure that you are not the one doing all the talking; no one wants to spend their evening with someone who dominates every conversation.
Watch your body language – Body language can say more than words, even if you are not aware of the message you are sending. Uncross your arms to avoid appearing defensive and uninterested. A small amount of physical contact can communicate interest, so lightly touch their arm during conversation or lean toward them while they are speaking to you.
Let him take the lead, if he wants to – Most guys are still traditional enough to ask for your phone number if they are interested. Give them this chance, as the chase can be important to them. If he seems genuinely interested, but has yet to ask for a way to contact you, go ahead and take the bull by the horns and ask him for his number. Some men are just a little shy and lack the confidence to ask for your information, even if you have sent all the right signals.
Pick up on his signals – Unless you are totally blind, it should be easy to tell if someone is just plain not interested. Though it can be disheartening to be rejected by a total stranger that you find attractive, don’t take it personally. Never be pushy about getting a man’s attention, just politely walk away, letting them know how happy you are to have made their acquaintance.
Always be yourself – Be honest about who you are and what you are about. Coming across as too eager to please or being wishy-washy for fear being rejected can be a real turn-off. The real you will have to come out eventually, so what is the point of winning someone over with a false persona? As long as you are confident in who you are, most men will take notice of that and be very receptive to your advances, as well as to you as a person.
I don’t make eye contact.
I don’t smile, in the direction of someone I’m interested in.
I don’t look available because if I get nervous, I quickly pick up my phone and text, call or try to make contact with someone so I seem busy. (Definitely an inefficient use of an opportunity I know)
I don’t even breathe in the same direction of someone I am attracted to.
I don’t give a little.
Mr. IE, I will give his introduction later, thinks I was flirting with him when we met a couple of weeks ago. But I wasn’t. The way I met him was by chance (thanks to all the thirsty females out there). I did spot him out in the crowd because he had swag, but I wasn’t planning on flirting. After we revisited our meeting and realized it was by chance Mr. IE gave me some advice and I’m passing it on.
Give a little.
Men work hard to get your attention. And if they don’t know you’re interested, how can they approach you. So here is the tip of the day: If you see something you want, go for it. Flirt a little; it will go a long way. Guys really do appreciate it.
Here are some flirting tips I found at http:///www.femaleforum.com. I already do most of the below naturally, but never really thought of myself as a flirt.
Dress classy, not trashy – Your appearance speaks volumes to any man, interested or not. While most men like to ogle the girls who leave little to the imagination, most of them have little interest in and even less respect for them. You can still be sexy, without going overboard. Neat and stylish clothes and carefully applied make-up is all it really takes to draw attention to yourself.
Make eye contact – Eye contact is a perfect way to assert your interest, but don’t stare too long. Save the hours of gazing longingly into a man’s eyes for after the relationship has been established. Instead, catch his eye for a moment, and then look away. With eye contact, a little goes a long way.
Flash a smile – A friendly, warm smile makes you seem approachable. Nobody wants to have a conversation with someone who looks as if they have been sucking on a lemon. Look relaxed, confident, and smile with both your eyes and your lips to make a great impression on anyone.
Start with small talk – No matter if he approaches you or you approach him, small talk is always in order. Bring up a song that is playing, compliment their clothes, or anything else that might break the ice. Once the conversation has started, if there is a possible connection, things will begin to flow.
Show off your sense of humour – Crack jokes, be sarcastic, do whatever comes naturally to you when enjoying the company of another person. Laugh at their jokes as well, and be sincere about it. Joking around a little will help you both to relax and feel at ease with each other and will help to spark their interest in you.
Start an intelligent conversation – Don’t be afraid of initiating an intelligent conversation. Guys like a girl who can talk about topics of substance. This doesn’t mean you should start a political debate or a dissertation about religion, just try to keep the topics interesting and stimulating. Make sure that you are not the one doing all the talking; no one wants to spend their evening with someone who dominates every conversation.
Watch your body language – Body language can say more than words, even if you are not aware of the message you are sending. Uncross your arms to avoid appearing defensive and uninterested. A small amount of physical contact can communicate interest, so lightly touch their arm during conversation or lean toward them while they are speaking to you.
Let him take the lead, if he wants to – Most guys are still traditional enough to ask for your phone number if they are interested. Give them this chance, as the chase can be important to them. If he seems genuinely interested, but has yet to ask for a way to contact you, go ahead and take the bull by the horns and ask him for his number. Some men are just a little shy and lack the confidence to ask for your information, even if you have sent all the right signals.
Pick up on his signals – Unless you are totally blind, it should be easy to tell if someone is just plain not interested. Though it can be disheartening to be rejected by a total stranger that you find attractive, don’t take it personally. Never be pushy about getting a man’s attention, just politely walk away, letting them know how happy you are to have made their acquaintance.
Always be yourself – Be honest about who you are and what you are about. Coming across as too eager to please or being wishy-washy for fear being rejected can be a real turn-off. The real you will have to come out eventually, so what is the point of winning someone over with a false persona? As long as you are confident in who you are, most men will take notice of that and be very receptive to your advances, as well as to you as a person.
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