I was talking to a male friend last night on the phone and I was feeling a bit uninhibited with my line of questioning. We were having an open conversation about sex, which I feel is important when you are getting to know someone. I feel that if you are afraid of talking openly about sex with a potential partner, then you probably shouldn’t be engaging in those unmentioned acts.
We were going back and forth discussing our likes, dislikes, our craziest experiences and what not. There were no boundaries in our conversation which led me to my most outrageous question by far. It’s a question a lot of women would love to ask a man before they get too physical, but I am sure they are too embarrassed to ask. Since our conversation was flowing and sex was on my mind, I found the nerve to ask him. It’s not like I hadn’t been thinking about it (especially after an experience I had last year.) I deserved to know as a potential mate.
Do you have a small penis?
(Long pause)
He didn’t say a word for a while. I think it was the initial shock that kept him quiet.
No I don’t have a small penis.
I admitted that was the first time I had ever asked a guy that question without laughing. I was so serious. I really wanted to know. If it weren’t so taboo, I would ask this question so much earlier in a “ship.” Courtship, friendship, relationship. Whatever. I wouldn’t have to waste my time if I knew what I was dealing with. I won't sugar coat my likes and dislikes. I don't need a mandigo, but I can't deal with mini-me either.
"It’s the motion in the ocean that matters."
Motion in the ocean my ass! I've heard this phrase before, but never by a guy. It's always from a woman who is recalling her encounter with a tiny friend.
I told my unnamed male friend that I walked out on a guy who I’m sure had used this line on women before. He was a part of the itty bitty baby committee and I was completely turned off once I discovered it. I did like the guy, but I couldn’t get over the shock of knowing that this strong, masculine, sexy man, had such a undersized member. I never called him back afterwards. I told him I wasn’t ready when I walked out and left it at that.
Have you ever asked a guy if he had a small penis? If not, why not?
KD: Because they always lie anyway.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
10 Signs You're NOT into Him
If men could pick up on these signs, dating would be so much better for them. It would surely curtail some of those phone calls I talked about previously. Pass this list on to a guy and see what they say. Do they pick up on these signs? Some of them can only be observed in body language or verbal conversation, but whether it's conscious or not, you probably exhibit them.
In the beginning of your courtship with him, he could do no wrong and you were 16 all over again. But after the smoke has cleared and reality has set in, you are left with the real him. Which you may not necessarily like.
If you are not sure that you should continue seeing him, recall this past couple of weeks. If you have exhibited more than 5 of these signs, you’re not that into him and you should explore more options. I mean, you aren’t married, so why waste his time and yours. Move on. Or keep him around until you find someone better.
1. You regularly cancel plans with him. Lately, you spend more time with Jim (Gym) than with him. You were never really a gym rat. Now, when he wants to go out, you’re sweating to the oldies. Summer is coming up remember, so you have to be in tip top shape if you’re going to find a new male friend.
2. You take your take your time returning his calls, voicemails and text messages. No longer do you smile and quickly answer. Now before you answer, you pause and think, “How long is he going to keep me on the phone?” Or, you see a text message for him and don’t remember to return it until hours later. The excuse you tell yourself is, you want to give him your undivided attention.
3. Talking about him to your friends isn’t as much fun as it used to be. Even when you have the opportunity to bring him up during a conversation with friends, you don’t. What’s the point? You don’t want to remind your friends he is around since he won’t be for much longer.
4. You don’t make concrete plans with him anymore. You don’t want to commit in case something better comes up. If he calls when you are at home and bored, then you’ll hang out with him, otherwise you could care less. (If it happens, it happens right.)
5. You question your chemistry. At the end of the date, instead of lingering around for a kiss, you abruptly say goodnight. If you do kiss, it’s very short and you over analyze the kiss afterwards. For some reason, it’s just not as natural as it once was.
6. You feel more obligated to attend your acquaintances events than you would normally. Now I didn’t say friends, since I hope you don’t brush off your friends when you get a man, I said acquaintances. You have to skip going out with him, because your acquaintance is having a birthday party. (Why is that when you hardly talk anyway?)
7. Those things that used to be so cute about him are starting to urk you. That laugh and snort combination just isn’t doing it for you anymore. (Would someone please put a muzzle on that god awful laugh?)
8. You are not as attracted to him as you used to be. The love bubble is starting to wane. He is no longer as fine as wine. (Since when did he have a mole on his nose? Gross, right?) You have now realized that the perfect man you thought of for yourself is not sitting right in front of you, but you notice in the corner of your eye, he may be sitting alone at the bar. Hmmm.
9. You stop thinking about a future with him. Now you spend more time contemplating how life would be if you were single in this Dating Recession. If you find yourself weighing the pros and cons of staying with him, it’s time to let him go. You know this is the end. Now say goodbye.
10. You avoid eye contact or physical proximity when you’re together. If you don’t sit too close to him, he can’t kiss you right. You walk into a room and think, “Perfect, you sit here and I’ll sit waaaaay over there.”
I knew it was over, before it started, with Red when he dropped me off the last time I saw him. I was feeling most, if not all of the above about him. I tried to make it clear to him our last date.
Remember, I very clearly leaned toward the door away from him, told him he didnt have to walk me to my door and hopped out of the car as soon as possible to avoid the terrible ‘good night kiss.' After that, he finally started to figure it out.
Oh well.
In the beginning of your courtship with him, he could do no wrong and you were 16 all over again. But after the smoke has cleared and reality has set in, you are left with the real him. Which you may not necessarily like.
If you are not sure that you should continue seeing him, recall this past couple of weeks. If you have exhibited more than 5 of these signs, you’re not that into him and you should explore more options. I mean, you aren’t married, so why waste his time and yours. Move on. Or keep him around until you find someone better.
1. You regularly cancel plans with him. Lately, you spend more time with Jim (Gym) than with him. You were never really a gym rat. Now, when he wants to go out, you’re sweating to the oldies. Summer is coming up remember, so you have to be in tip top shape if you’re going to find a new male friend.
2. You take your take your time returning his calls, voicemails and text messages. No longer do you smile and quickly answer. Now before you answer, you pause and think, “How long is he going to keep me on the phone?” Or, you see a text message for him and don’t remember to return it until hours later. The excuse you tell yourself is, you want to give him your undivided attention.
3. Talking about him to your friends isn’t as much fun as it used to be. Even when you have the opportunity to bring him up during a conversation with friends, you don’t. What’s the point? You don’t want to remind your friends he is around since he won’t be for much longer.
4. You don’t make concrete plans with him anymore. You don’t want to commit in case something better comes up. If he calls when you are at home and bored, then you’ll hang out with him, otherwise you could care less. (If it happens, it happens right.)
5. You question your chemistry. At the end of the date, instead of lingering around for a kiss, you abruptly say goodnight. If you do kiss, it’s very short and you over analyze the kiss afterwards. For some reason, it’s just not as natural as it once was.
6. You feel more obligated to attend your acquaintances events than you would normally. Now I didn’t say friends, since I hope you don’t brush off your friends when you get a man, I said acquaintances. You have to skip going out with him, because your acquaintance is having a birthday party. (Why is that when you hardly talk anyway?)
7. Those things that used to be so cute about him are starting to urk you. That laugh and snort combination just isn’t doing it for you anymore. (Would someone please put a muzzle on that god awful laugh?)
8. You are not as attracted to him as you used to be. The love bubble is starting to wane. He is no longer as fine as wine. (Since when did he have a mole on his nose? Gross, right?) You have now realized that the perfect man you thought of for yourself is not sitting right in front of you, but you notice in the corner of your eye, he may be sitting alone at the bar. Hmmm.
9. You stop thinking about a future with him. Now you spend more time contemplating how life would be if you were single in this Dating Recession. If you find yourself weighing the pros and cons of staying with him, it’s time to let him go. You know this is the end. Now say goodbye.
10. You avoid eye contact or physical proximity when you’re together. If you don’t sit too close to him, he can’t kiss you right. You walk into a room and think, “Perfect, you sit here and I’ll sit waaaaay over there.”
I knew it was over, before it started, with Red when he dropped me off the last time I saw him. I was feeling most, if not all of the above about him. I tried to make it clear to him our last date.
Remember, I very clearly leaned toward the door away from him, told him he didnt have to walk me to my door and hopped out of the car as soon as possible to avoid the terrible ‘good night kiss.' After that, he finally started to figure it out.
Oh well.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Is it possible?
Have you ever been so annoyed by someone that even the sound of their voice makes you cringe?
You see a missed call, a text or a message on your Aim and you immediately shake your head. Sometimes you wonder why they decided to contact you in the first place; you never return any of their calls anyway. On one hand, you want to be a nice person so you don’t say anything and hope they get the hint. On the other hand, you want to answer the phone and say, “look here buddy, stop calling my phone. I am not the least bit interested.”
Now this person may have never done anything wrong to you, technically, but just the thought of them makes you want to pull out all your hair and run the other direction.
I was on the phone with one of my girlfriends when I got a call from a guy I had been on one date with once last November. Although I never return any of his calls, he can’t help but continue to contact me. I recall another time, I went on one date with a guy and he called/texted me for 7 months afterwards trying to set up date 2. The first time I answered told him that I was not interested. He continued calling hoping I might change my mind and insisting that he only wanted to be my friend. I then answered 2 months later and told him I had a boyfriend. He gave me the same lame line, “we can just be friends.” For another 5 months he called, only to listen to my voicemail or sent me messages telling me to have a great day.
Yeah right! The only time a guy wants to be your friend is when they are hoping you will change your mind.
“I don’t think that would be appropriate,” I said and rushed him off the phone.
He continued contacting me for 5 more months. I guess when 2009 came around, he finally got the hint.
I came to the realization that I may (I don’t know how it would be possible since I’m such a loveable person) have this affect on a guy. He may see my phone number on his caller ID and say, “Damn, she won’t take the hint,” and answer out of pity.
Although I value myself on being attentive to someone's disinterest, I acknowledge the possibility of such an occurrence.
Do you ever think that someone could be annoyed by you?
No one is perfect, remember that...
You see a missed call, a text or a message on your Aim and you immediately shake your head. Sometimes you wonder why they decided to contact you in the first place; you never return any of their calls anyway. On one hand, you want to be a nice person so you don’t say anything and hope they get the hint. On the other hand, you want to answer the phone and say, “look here buddy, stop calling my phone. I am not the least bit interested.”
Now this person may have never done anything wrong to you, technically, but just the thought of them makes you want to pull out all your hair and run the other direction.
I was on the phone with one of my girlfriends when I got a call from a guy I had been on one date with once last November. Although I never return any of his calls, he can’t help but continue to contact me. I recall another time, I went on one date with a guy and he called/texted me for 7 months afterwards trying to set up date 2. The first time I answered told him that I was not interested. He continued calling hoping I might change my mind and insisting that he only wanted to be my friend. I then answered 2 months later and told him I had a boyfriend. He gave me the same lame line, “we can just be friends.” For another 5 months he called, only to listen to my voicemail or sent me messages telling me to have a great day.
Yeah right! The only time a guy wants to be your friend is when they are hoping you will change your mind.
“I don’t think that would be appropriate,” I said and rushed him off the phone.
He continued contacting me for 5 more months. I guess when 2009 came around, he finally got the hint.
I came to the realization that I may (I don’t know how it would be possible since I’m such a loveable person) have this affect on a guy. He may see my phone number on his caller ID and say, “Damn, she won’t take the hint,” and answer out of pity.
Although I value myself on being attentive to someone's disinterest, I acknowledge the possibility of such an occurrence.
Do you ever think that someone could be annoyed by you?
No one is perfect, remember that...
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Only Time Will Tell
Since Chicago and I have been talking to each other over the phone for a little over 2 months with no plans of seeing each other, I’m starting to try and put him out of my mind as anything more than a phone buddy. I understand his current financial constraints and I am in no way pressuring him to make it happen. On the other hand, there is no way I can or will fund the trip myself. Been there, done that. As time passes, I start to wonder why he hasn’t initiated a discussion about a trip. We had one serious conversation about it late one night, but by our next exchange the topic was not revisited and plans were never finalized.
I’ve consciously made a comment at least one time out of every conversation we’ve had this past week. Since we talk several times a week, for long periods of time, I thought that was plenty of hints. When I do bring it up, it is in a joking matter so I don’t truly believe he understands how annoyed I am with his lack of urgency. After everything that we have discussed, I would have thought he would want to make this trip happen sooner than later, but alas he has not. We don’t seriously discuss it, and I try and let myself be okay with it, but I am not.
This week I’ve found myself purposely distancing myself from him. How can I consciously form an attachment to a man who has no intent on seeing me? I cannot with good conscious do that. We talk less because I call less, I respond slower to texts and I try and put him out of my mind altogether throughout the day; which is nearly impossible. Our chemistry and my attraction to him are undeniable, but I won’t continue this charade.
Chicago can stay around for as long as he likes, but I will continue to protect myself and distance myself from him. Some may consider this distance me playing games, but I don’t. (Well at least not completely.)
We’ll figure it out, right. That’s what he says every time we talk. So, I guess we shall.
I’ve consciously made a comment at least one time out of every conversation we’ve had this past week. Since we talk several times a week, for long periods of time, I thought that was plenty of hints. When I do bring it up, it is in a joking matter so I don’t truly believe he understands how annoyed I am with his lack of urgency. After everything that we have discussed, I would have thought he would want to make this trip happen sooner than later, but alas he has not. We don’t seriously discuss it, and I try and let myself be okay with it, but I am not.
This week I’ve found myself purposely distancing myself from him. How can I consciously form an attachment to a man who has no intent on seeing me? I cannot with good conscious do that. We talk less because I call less, I respond slower to texts and I try and put him out of my mind altogether throughout the day; which is nearly impossible. Our chemistry and my attraction to him are undeniable, but I won’t continue this charade.
Chicago can stay around for as long as he likes, but I will continue to protect myself and distance myself from him. Some may consider this distance me playing games, but I don’t. (Well at least not completely.)
We’ll figure it out, right. That’s what he says every time we talk. So, I guess we shall.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
History
Although I did have a quite eventful weekend, I chose not to use January 20, 2009 to reflect on it. I will do more self reflection on my own and let you into my life a little later this week. Instead I will use today to rejoice. “My President is a [strong] capable, intelligent [man]… who happens to be African American. –Clarence Thomas. I am so very proud to see 3 black women in the White House. As one of the most overlooked demographics, I hope we regain our strength and realize our worth finally.
Enjoy the festivities whether you are in DC or home, like I am. Yes, Barack Obama has made history but let us not be fooled into thinking we don’t each have to do our parts to continue our fight for justice
Stay Conscious,
-Si Si
Enjoy the festivities whether you are in DC or home, like I am. Yes, Barack Obama has made history but let us not be fooled into thinking we don’t each have to do our parts to continue our fight for justice
Stay Conscious,
-Si Si
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Here For: Dating, Serious Relationships, Friends and Networking
“But technology did take over our personal findings like I know a whole lot about him and he was like let me slow down or else we will have nothing to talk about.”
Whether you were aware of it or not, you currently use an Online Dating and Social Network. Although you may not be apart of one of the primarily online dating dedicated sites like Match.com or eHarmony, social networking sites like Facebook and MySpace, are putting an exponentially larger number of available dates at your click and call. You may not initially meet your potential partner through this medium, but I am sure you are guilty of doing your research through about a person through it, I know I am.
The first questions we ask or have answered when we first meet are always. “What’s your name?” and “What’s your phone number?” (I mean how else are you going to continue contact? Well, my latest trick is what your bbm is after asking what your name is.)
After we exchange cell phone numbers with a potential suitor (does anyone actually still use house phones for any purpose other than for our front gate system), we send each other friendly texts. Sometimes, instead of talking on the phone, we have entire conversations through text, aim, or some other form of communication before we even speak two words to each other over the phone. (A subject I will address at another time.) Then our communication moves onto Facebook and MySpace. Just think about it, 5 years ago, most people were not using this medium to “keep in touch.” These days, we post entire bios about ourselves on the World Wide Web for the entire human race to read.
What’s your last name again? Ok I found you, now add me as a friend.
I don’t think MySpace is the best place to try and begin a serious relationship but I can see how helpful it can be when getting to know someone. A lot of useful information that would otherwise be found through meaningful conversation is just one click away. You can tell a lot about someone by glancing through their top friends (more, if those friends pages aren’t private), checking out the song they choose on their page, looking at recent pics and reading every comment on their wall.
Facebook and MySpace have become an important part of courtship and dating these days. This can be good because you can get a deeper sense of a person on a social networking profile than you can on a dating profile. These social networking sites are usually used pretty frequently by their users, so you get a truer picture of who the people on the site are, but there is a negative side too. People tend to use the basic profile to their advantage. They learn everything they can about a person and then bring it up on their date in order to be more likable. That can lead to a distorted reality of who the person behind the profile really is.
Also, browsing through a potential mate’s friend takes time. Time you could otherwise spend speaking to the person in pictures and having your questions answered. “Like why are you naked in the middle of Santa Monica?” You probably tell yourself that you will spend only a minute on the page, but it turns into hours of checking out pictures of their last outing, getting into their mind by reading what they have in their “About Me” section, and looking at his wall to see if any girl has called him babe, or said “last night was fun.”
Do you instantly start leaving comments on a guy’s page? Or begin commenting on their pictures?
It’s not my style to do either. Even after dating for a short while, I won’t comment on a picture, nor will I leave a note on someone’s wall for a while.
Do you think this shift to online social networks is a good part of our move towards technology in this new century?
What is left to talk about after a thorough reading of someone’s page; hopefully a whole lot. If it is something worth pursuing, just because you learn a lot about a person through the internet, doesn’t mean that should be the end all of all conversations. If there is truly chemistry, technology has gotten you past the first stage and you can move on to the next.
How has it affected your last relationship?
Whether you were aware of it or not, you currently use an Online Dating and Social Network. Although you may not be apart of one of the primarily online dating dedicated sites like Match.com or eHarmony, social networking sites like Facebook and MySpace, are putting an exponentially larger number of available dates at your click and call. You may not initially meet your potential partner through this medium, but I am sure you are guilty of doing your research through about a person through it, I know I am.
The first questions we ask or have answered when we first meet are always. “What’s your name?” and “What’s your phone number?” (I mean how else are you going to continue contact? Well, my latest trick is what your bbm is after asking what your name is.)
After we exchange cell phone numbers with a potential suitor (does anyone actually still use house phones for any purpose other than for our front gate system), we send each other friendly texts. Sometimes, instead of talking on the phone, we have entire conversations through text, aim, or some other form of communication before we even speak two words to each other over the phone. (A subject I will address at another time.) Then our communication moves onto Facebook and MySpace. Just think about it, 5 years ago, most people were not using this medium to “keep in touch.” These days, we post entire bios about ourselves on the World Wide Web for the entire human race to read.
What’s your last name again? Ok I found you, now add me as a friend.
I don’t think MySpace is the best place to try and begin a serious relationship but I can see how helpful it can be when getting to know someone. A lot of useful information that would otherwise be found through meaningful conversation is just one click away. You can tell a lot about someone by glancing through their top friends (more, if those friends pages aren’t private), checking out the song they choose on their page, looking at recent pics and reading every comment on their wall.
Facebook and MySpace have become an important part of courtship and dating these days. This can be good because you can get a deeper sense of a person on a social networking profile than you can on a dating profile. These social networking sites are usually used pretty frequently by their users, so you get a truer picture of who the people on the site are, but there is a negative side too. People tend to use the basic profile to their advantage. They learn everything they can about a person and then bring it up on their date in order to be more likable. That can lead to a distorted reality of who the person behind the profile really is.
Also, browsing through a potential mate’s friend takes time. Time you could otherwise spend speaking to the person in pictures and having your questions answered. “Like why are you naked in the middle of Santa Monica?” You probably tell yourself that you will spend only a minute on the page, but it turns into hours of checking out pictures of their last outing, getting into their mind by reading what they have in their “About Me” section, and looking at his wall to see if any girl has called him babe, or said “last night was fun.”
Do you instantly start leaving comments on a guy’s page? Or begin commenting on their pictures?
It’s not my style to do either. Even after dating for a short while, I won’t comment on a picture, nor will I leave a note on someone’s wall for a while.
Do you think this shift to online social networks is a good part of our move towards technology in this new century?
What is left to talk about after a thorough reading of someone’s page; hopefully a whole lot. If it is something worth pursuing, just because you learn a lot about a person through the internet, doesn’t mean that should be the end all of all conversations. If there is truly chemistry, technology has gotten you past the first stage and you can move on to the next.
How has it affected your last relationship?
Monday, January 12, 2009
10 Signs You're Into Him: 16 All Over Again
If a guy makes you feel like a school girl all over again, it’s probably because of some of the following:
1. You save his voicemails and listen to them when he is too busy to talk.
2. When you see his name on your caller ID you get excited, smile and answer promptly.
3. You talk to him on the phone for more than 20 minutes at a time. Your conversation with him feels so effortless so why not.
4. When talking to your friends, you make numerous references to something he said or did even when it really has nothing to do with the topic at hand. Just the mention of his name by a friend makes you blush.
5. Like some girls, you've planned your wedding already so now you're imagining placing him in the empty groom position.
6. You run out in the middle of social gatherings to take his phone call. Its been less than 24 hours since you last talked but it feels like forever.
7. If you don't hear from him you become a slightly emotional wreck. When you do hear from him, you quickly forget you were mad and go back to being happy.
8. You smile or laugh when you think about him. There is no obvious reason why, you just do it out of nowhere.
9. You occasionally replay previous conversations or events you've had with him in your head.
10. You think about him constantly throughout the day. He is the first thing on your mind when you wake up and the last thought you have before you go to sleep.
If you identify with most of these, it’s time to admit that you like him. You may not want to acknowledge you are 16 all over again but once you do, you can enjoy the ride. I’m not sure how long you will have with this feeling so why fight it. Now put on your checkered skirt, white collared shirt, white knee highs and go back to work.
He might be calling so you can’t be focused on too much else for too long.
Is there anything I missed? Please feel free to share.
1. You save his voicemails and listen to them when he is too busy to talk.
2. When you see his name on your caller ID you get excited, smile and answer promptly.
3. You talk to him on the phone for more than 20 minutes at a time. Your conversation with him feels so effortless so why not.
4. When talking to your friends, you make numerous references to something he said or did even when it really has nothing to do with the topic at hand. Just the mention of his name by a friend makes you blush.
5. Like some girls, you've planned your wedding already so now you're imagining placing him in the empty groom position.
6. You run out in the middle of social gatherings to take his phone call. Its been less than 24 hours since you last talked but it feels like forever.
7. If you don't hear from him you become a slightly emotional wreck. When you do hear from him, you quickly forget you were mad and go back to being happy.
8. You smile or laugh when you think about him. There is no obvious reason why, you just do it out of nowhere.
9. You occasionally replay previous conversations or events you've had with him in your head.
10. You think about him constantly throughout the day. He is the first thing on your mind when you wake up and the last thought you have before you go to sleep.
If you identify with most of these, it’s time to admit that you like him. You may not want to acknowledge you are 16 all over again but once you do, you can enjoy the ride. I’m not sure how long you will have with this feeling so why fight it. Now put on your checkered skirt, white collared shirt, white knee highs and go back to work.
He might be calling so you can’t be focused on too much else for too long.
Is there anything I missed? Please feel free to share.
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