Another year wiser

It's that time of the year folks and unlike last year, I'm not wishing for Vitamin D this birthday. Now while it would be great, its not in the forefront of my thoughts.

Do you really want to know what I want for my birthday? Of course you do well get your check books ready. This year I don't want a damn thing for my 27th birthday.

Now if you already got me something, I don't want to hurt your feelings by rejecting your gesture, so I'll take the gift if you insist. However, I already got the biggest present I could possibly think of and that was my acceptance letter to NYU. Everything else this year seems so small in comparison. The admission to grad school had a Domino affect on the every avenue of my life.

1. I got rid of every last straggler I was dating/not dating/semi dating. The truth is that if I would have stayed in LA, I would have continued to allow myself to participate in the same song and dance with so many exes. It was a broken record I continued to play like some crazy person. No MAS! Now that I'm in New York, I'm more honest with myself about the men I surround myself. This time my eyes AND ears are open. There will be no repetition of my LA bad habits. I keep my 'deuces' tucked tightly in my wallet and I aint afraid to flash them.

2. I'm working towards a career not just a job. In LA I was making damn good money with my former company. I had everything a 20 something year old could think of. When I graduated from UCLA, there was a list of material things I said I should have by 25. I got them. A car, apartment, a nice amount of disposable income, clothes, a stamped passport and the ability to travel several times a year. Hold up wait, why did I move here again? Oh yeah I was unfufilled. Those things were great to have BUT I was still missing something. Fast forward to this year and I'm a poor graduate student. I'm 100% sure I made the right decision, I feel like this is where I'm suppose to be.

3. My opinion is numero uno. While I respect my friends and their opinions, I DO NOT let them heavily influence my decision making anymore. This all started with my first change of keeping a lot to myself. Now its catapulted itself into more alone time. I'm happiest when I'm in my studio lost in my own thoughts. I am my own psychologist from this point on. This way I get to save my daytime minutes and remove any possibility of a scapegoat. If I make the wrong decision, I quickly apprehend my damn self.

4. I spend less time on social media, gossip sites and anything related. This might be the most shocking of them all, including myself. This Wednesday I experienced something in threes and while I don't normally believe in signs, I took this as one. I was watching True Life and the topic was textaholics. Mind you I was in the middle of a major textersation while watching the episode. I had just finished talking to someone else that week about how much they use their phone. Hi, my name is POT and I just called the kettle black. Then I was reading a post about how a group of friends decided to take a break from social media, gossip sites and instant messaging for a week. I thought hey, maybe I should try that. So ever since this past Wednesday I have not opened my Facebook, checked my twitter feed, instant messaged on my computer (BBM is my only exception), read a gossip site or opened my Google Reader. You know what its not that bad. I'm going to keep this up til my birthday and hopefully I'll have taught myself to put my phone and laptop down a bit more and enjoy my surroundings.

I'm sure there are more but these are just some of the key points. Its time for me to run and enjoy some more of NY. Talib Kweli concert here I come!

Happy Birthday to me!

"I don't want you to marry me!"

This video is hilarious.

click the link because I'm too lazy to embed the code

Youtube Link

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Boy: I don't want to marry you!

Girl: I'm gonna marry you.

Boy: NO!

Girl: Yes

Boy: NOOOO!!!

Girl: You're gonna marry me!

Boy: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's so funny how calm the girl is no matter how irate the little boy becomes. She is resolute in her decision to marry him. (Even though he does not feel the same way). She even threatens to revoke his visitation privileges if he does not oblige.

Ladies and little girls, you can't force a man to do what he has already decided he doesn't want to do.

Relax.

Ladies, Don't Offer To Pay

Scenario:

Guy meets girl.

Girl thinks guy is cute.

Guy asks for number. Texts and BBM's (I still have a blackberry so don't hate) are exchanged.
Girl waits for guy to pick up the phone and call.

Guy continues texting and BBM'ing (this is the girls fault, demand what you want or just call yourself, duh).

Girl and Guy go on two dates that Guy doesn't hesitate to pay for.

Girl appreciates guy, and plans to pay for next date.

On the third** date, Girl and Guy have finished eating at Red Rooster (Big ups to Harlem!) when the check comes.

Girl offers to pay.

Guy declines offer.

Girl offers again.
Guy let's her pay.

FLAG ON THE PLAY!!!

I know why women offer, I do understand the logic. Women like to play many games when dating, so they test his interest level. A lot of women will use this as an opportunity to gauge his interest. Fellas if you didn't do well on the preSAT's, don't go out with her again, this is only the beginning.

If you accept the first offer of letting your lady friend pay, she will immediately call all her friends and black ball you. Never to return your call.

If you accept the second offer, she will always remember the moment you let her pay for third date. She may continue to date you, but she will never forget. Women never forget. In 6 months you'll be fighting about why she didn't tell you she was going out with a male friend, she will yell back, "What about the time you let me pay for our third date at Red Rooster."

If you decline both offers and insist on paying, she will take off her underwear at the restaurant and give you the biz in the car. (Note: Only a proper lady could covertly maneuver this trick without skipping a bit, so only date proper ladies.)

If there is one thing I don't do on dates anymore is offer to pay. If I decide I'm paying for a date I'm swift. I know the bill is coming at the end of dinner (or at the movies, bowling, fishing, whatever) so my credit card is in my hand. When the bill comes, I quickly pick it up, place my card in it and hand it back to the waitress. This seems to catch most men off guard. Why?

Because I didn't offer. If we made it to the third date, I'm genuinely interested in getting to know you. I'm enjoying your company. So I see nothing wrong with picking up the check.

Fellas, would you be turned off by a woman who paid for a date without asking. (This is a serious question because sometimes I feel like I'm a bit pushy.) Ladies, do you offer or do you just pay? Am I the only one strong arming checks?

**Three is my lucky number. Three times is a charm right. This is perfectly logically reasoning if I do say so myself.**

I Miss Her

I never really talk about her but I think about her all the time. My mother was such a strong woman, she had to be having me as a daughter. I was a handful. As were my sisters.

I find myself unable to sleep or study sometimes because I can't help but think about her. (i.e. right now...my book is in my lap)

What if she was still alive, would she be proud? (I already know the answer to this but I'd love to hear those words come from her mouth.)

How did she meet my father and end up marrying him?

What advice would she give me regarding my own dating life?

Would I still be afraid of getting a whooping at 26? (knowing her YESS!)

I can speculate on the answers to these questions but these are questions I'll never get the answer to. No matter how much time passes, I don't miss her any less. Time does not heal all wounds. I can handle my emotions regarding the woman that gave me birth better than I could almost 9 years ago, but I'll never forget my sister coming into our room, waking me from my non-blissful sleep and telling me our mother had passed.

I'm tearing up as I write this post so I'm going to stop here and leave you with these words. If you are blessed enough to have living parents you love, tell them you love them everyday. I'm so happy I was able to tell my mother I loved her days before she passed.

I miss her. I love her. I am her.

Who's To Blame?

I was catching up with my girl about this Non M*Factor aka The Situation who I stopped dating shortly before moving to NY. She told me something about him that made me die in laughter. Apparently, The Situation has been telling her that he misses me (bullshit!). Apart of me would like to know the motive behind his interactions with her, and the other part of me doesn't care. Since this "conversation" between the two of them occurred on twitter, my girl advised me to check it out. With a simple click of a bubble, I was able to see everything he was saying about me.

Allow me to highlight some points:

The Situation: [Silent] doesn't love me anymore. (Correct!)

The Situation: [Silent] is too hard to read. (The feeling is mutual)

Then my girl went on to tell him that she doesn't really like him as a person because of some of the stories I told her about him.

The Situation: Funny how the friend automatically not like someone because of something they heard.

So who's fault is it that she doesn't like him?

As my best friend, she heard all the biased stories. All she heard was my side so I can admit, yes they were biased BUT I do not control her feelings. If there is one more (its more like 10 after that incident he pulled at my homegirls party) that don't like him because of the way he treated me, that's not my problem. I don't tell my friends how to process my life.

Granted, I could have handled some things differently. When I was into him, I kept some stories to myself. I did. At the very moment I decided I didn't see myself with him, that's when I told my girls everything. And I mean everything. The bad and the worse. After some much needed growing, I realize that wasn't the most mature thing to do and I've vowed never to share that much detail with anyone. You've probably noticed that I keep more of my personal business to myself than I did before, hence why I am on hiatus from writing about my dating life in NY. From Twitter to this blog, its my business and I'm going to keep it that way.

But this, this I wanted to share because I really want to know, who's to blame when a friend doesn't like the ex after a relationship comes to an end? Hypothetically, if they had become friends during our courtship, should they then break off their friendship once ours had ended?

LA Girl In The City: Month 1

Time flies whether or not you are or are not having fun. Luckily for me, the last few weeks in the city have been amazing. Before I can talk about the good, let me rewind to some of the hardships.

1. New York Rental is one of the toughest jungles I've had to conquer thus far. After swallowing my pride and draining my winter shopping money, I decided to pay someone else (a broker) to do the work for me. I'm glad to report I now have a cute studio in apartment in Harlem.

2. New York and my hair do not mix. Not one bit. During my second week here, I walked to the closest beauty salon and asked if there was anyone who could straighten my hair. When I found out the beautician used a press and comb, I jumped for joy. (Inside only of course.) At the beginning to the appointment all was well and I was so optimistic, but by the end, I wanted to take the hot comb and burn her hands. Never again. Next up was my Dominican blowout. Everything was fine in the shop, I thought I had found my alternative to doing my hair myself. The humidity had different plans. As soon as I made it to my destination, the middle of my hair had turned into this puff ball of a mess. I was not pleased. I will most likely be doing my own hair from now on.

3. New Yorkers are some of the rudest people I have ever met. I've been told by a smart friend (sarcasm) that you can find rude people anywhere. Well it doesn't take Einstein to state that simple fact. I was mainly referring to nuainces I've noticed on a daily basis. For example the poor customer service, lack of personal space given (that damn subway) and the amount of selfishness observed is rampant. It took almost 3 weeks before someone told me "God Bless you" after I sneezed. I was so shocked when they did. Almost as shocked as people are when I say hello. I'm either met with silence or a shocked face and a hesitant reply. I've already been told by several strangers (mostly men) that they could immediately tell I wasn't from here because I'm too pleasant in my "I don't want to talk to you," replies. Their recognition of my jubilance is something I take as a compliment and hope to maintain for the remainder of my time here.

4. East Coasters are some of the most generous people I have ever met. I know. Take a moment. Sounds a bit contradictory doesn't it? Its not. I'm learning that a lot of extremes exist here. Either people are nice or there not. Luckily for me, I've had the pleasure of meeting a lot of the positive extremes as well. This fact has turned my entire view of the city around. For one, I've had several friends visit me before school starts so I feel pretty adjusted to my surroundings. I'd like to thank Twitter for providing me with a forum to turn my online friendships into real life ones. I never thought folks I didn't previously know, would turn out to be so helpful. From @SlimJackson's convenience tips to @BrazenlyVirile's overall dopeness. Between his inherent chivalry and desire to just be a good friend, I have finally started enjoying the city. He's been my wingman for everything and for that I say thank you. Again. I told you I only use premium gas.

Welp that about sums up the first month in city. I am so happy that I dropped everything and moved. I had been contemplating this change for a long time. There was just something in me that knew LA wasn't the place I should be. I've been blessed with the opportunity to meet some great people, attend fabulous event and make some lasting memories. Although the experience alone is priceless, school is not. On that note I must get some shut eye.

Tomorrow is my first day of class, so once I'm done ironing my first day of school outfit, I'm turning off the lights. WISH ME LUCK!

The New Me: Look At Me Now

After nearly four weeks of no contact, EBM decides tonight is the night to make the call. There had been a few conversations since he'd met her a couple of months ago but an actual date never transpired. The duo had an undeniable chemistry at the first meeting but life (The Situation) just kind of got in the way.

The phone rings a few times before EBM hangs up, defeated. He leaves no voicemail. But to his surprise, my name appears in his caller ID seconds later. I was deciding whether or not I should answer EBM's call considering so much time had passed, but I decided a few weeks ago to not over think anything these next few months, so I called him back.

We fall right back into our sarcastic exchange regarding out respective M.I.A.ness before we began with formalities. First I found out about his latest developments and then it was my turn.

EBM: So, what's new with you?

Me: I'm moving to New York and I'm gonna be an aunt in a few months. I'm so excited to be an aunt!

EBM: [long pause] Wait what?! You're moving to NY?

*I really played my previous statement down. I'm not one into a big production with strangers. It was already an awkward conversation to begin with. Plus I really am excited to be an Aunt!*

Me: Yeah. I'm going to NYU in the fall for my masters so I want to get settled in by August.

*After he gets over the initial shock, he goes in on me.*

EBM: So how do the guys you're dating feel about your move?

Me: [now I'm caught off guard] Well I'm only dating one and I'm not really concerned with how he feels. We're not that serious and I didn't make this decision with him in mind.

We spend the next 10 minutes dissecting my relationship with The Situation [which is another blog for another time.] I lay it all out there. Nothing but honestly followed. The truth is, me and The Situation have come to an unspoken agreement, although people around us expect us to take the next step and become a couple, we don't see each other like that. We're comfortable spending lot's of time together but know we could never commit to each other. And now that I'll be moving cross country in a few months, we're just hanging out.

Knowing this, EBM and I still feel like we should get to know each other before I leave BUT we agreed that once I left, that would be it. Neither of us are interested in long distance anything.

The old me would have talked myself out of spending time with both The Situation and EBM. But the old me also wouldn't quit my job (in 2 months), sell my car and move to NY to pursue my dream. We can all agree that the old me stood in the way for too long. The new me is enjoying life and not taking anything not related to my career too seriously. I promise to blog more these next several weeks before I leave. Should be exciting to document my last few weeks in the sunny LA.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqlJl1LfDP4]

How have you guys been lately? Any exciting developments you would like to share? Meet me in the comment section.